The Best Bradley Joseph Quotes

Weevil: Sister, the only time I care what a woman has to say is when she's riding my big old hog. But even then, it's not so much words - just a bunch of 'oohs' and 'aahs,' you know?
Veronica: So it's big, huh?
Weevil: Legendary.
Veronica: Well, let's see it. I mean, if it's as big as you say, I'll be your girlfriend.
[gasps]
Veronica: We could go to prom together! What? What seems to be the problem? I'm on a schedule here, vato.
Felix: Dude, Weevil, don't let blondie talk to you like that.
Veronica: Sounds like your buddy here wants to see it, too.
Felix: Oh hell, I'll show you mine!

Austin: Sam! Okay, I know you think that I'm just some...
Sam: Coward? Phony?
Austin: Okay, just listen.
Sam: No, you listen. You turned out to be exactly who I thought you were. I never pretended to be somebody else. It's been me all along. And it was me who was hurt in front of everybody. Look, I didn't come here to yell at you, okay? I came to tell you that I know what it feels like to be afraid to show who you are. I was, but I'm not anymore. And the thing is, I really don't care what people think about me... because I believe in myself. And I know that things are gonna be okay. But even though I have no family, and no job, and no money for college... it's you that I feel sorry for.
David: Heads up! Yo, five minutes.
Austin: I'm coming!
Sam: I know that guy that sent those emails is somewhere inside of you, but I can't wait for him... because waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing.
[walks away]
Austin: SAM!
[punches locker]

Felix: Hey, yo, is this O-Town any good? I mean my little sister likes it, but you know she likes ponies and juice boxes too.

Shelby: [Shelby and her friends are looking at the menu, looking what they want to eat] Why do I have the feeling that I won't be able to get a Zone Meal here?
Madison: I already ate.
David: Madison, laxatives don't qualify as a food group. Surprised you didn't know that.
Shelby: [to David] Stop it!
[sees Sam coming toward them]
Shelby: Well! If it isn't Diner Girl!
Sam: [reluctantly taking Shelby's order] What can I get you guys?
Shelby: What can I get here that has no sugar, no carbs, and is fat free?
Sam: Water.
Ryan: [Shelby smirks at Sam nastily, as the boys laugh] Water? Feisty!
Madison: [Madison looks at Sam, confused] Was that supposed to be a joke?
Austin: [chuckling] It was funny!
Shelby: [smirks at Sam and orders her drink] I'll have a Voss.
Sam: [looking at Shelby, confused] Excuse me?
Caitlyn: [scoffing at Sam] It's water. From Norway?
Shelby: [to her friends and Austin's friends laughing] She's the worst!
[scoffs]
Shelby: [to Shelby] Sorry, we only have water from the Valley.
Shelby: Oh. Well, then I'll have an iced tea.
David: [Sam jots it down on the notepad] Make that two!
[to Sam, as a joke]
David: And you know, I'm still waiting on that breakfast burrito, Diner Girl!
Madison: [Shelby's friends and Austin's friends laugh at Sam as she gets the drinks. Madison shoos her away] See ya!
Shelby: [about Sam] She is *so* not getting a tip!
Austin: [turning to Shelby] Shelby, we really need to talk... privately.
Shelby: Anything you say to me, you can say in front of my peeps.
[Madison and Caitlyn, as well as Ryan and David lean forward to hear what Austin has to say]
Austin: Okay.
[Shelby looks at Austin]
Austin: I want to break up.
Shelby: [shocked at the fact Austin is dumping her] What?
David: [about the breakup] Ouch!
Caitlyn: [Madison is shocked] That was harsh!
Shelby: [to Austin, asking why he dumped her] Are you in love with somebody else?
Austin: [smiling] I think so!
Caitlyn: [to Austin] No way!
Ryan: [to Austin] What? Who, bro?
Austin: [to Ryan] I don't know.
[to Shelby, with the "Just friends" speech]
Austin: But we can still be...
Shelby: [points her finger at Austin, warning him not to say it] *Don't* say the word "friends"! Now, fortunate for you, I'm gonna... overlook this mental breakdown of yours. Look, just chill out, we're gonna get ready for the dance, and; I'll see you there. Hmm?
[Shelby and her friends leave the table]
Ryan: [to Shelby and her friends] Later. Late!
David: [amazed he did that to Shelby] That went well, bro!
Ryan: No, she took it well!
Austin: Good looking out.
David: [Austin and his friends leave the table. David says to Sam] Later, Diner Girl!
Ryan: [to Sam] Too late!
Sam: [Austin is about to give Sam a tip, but she dismisses it as she comes back with the drinks] Oh, don't worry about it.
Rhonda: [Sam comes back to Rhonda and puts the iced teas on the bench]
[Rhonda refers to Shelby and her friends]
Rhonda: You know, those kids remind me of why I used to fight in school.

Austin: What up, guys?
David: What up.
Ryan: Sorry about your costume you lost, Austin.
Austin: It's all good, my friends.
David: No, it's not all good, bro. Now we don't get to be the Three Musketeers. You get to be Prince Charming, and we're the two wimps in wigs.
Austin: [laughs]

David: [Austin is sticking ads everywhere to find his Cinderella] Dude, why are you going through all this trouble for one chick?
Austin: Look, she's not just some chick, all right? She was real.
Ryan: Real. Like, she still had her old nose?
Austin: No, real. The kind of girl who has more on her mind than what she wears, or how much weight she wants to lose. She listens to me, you know?
David: Listens yo you? Hey, brother, I listen to you, okay? I feel your pa...
[gets distracted by a girl passing by, then talks to the girl]
David: ...Hello, kitty!
Austin: Yeah, you're a great listener.
David: Well...
Ryan: Look, man, you found her cellphone. You just gotta get some clue from that.
Austin: The phone's locked. All I keep getting's these text messages like, "I need you", and "Come see me now."
David: Oh dude, it's so hot.
Austin: See, that's what I thought. Until I got one that said, "Come fix fryer".
David: Oh, dude, that's hot AND kinky, baby! You know what I'm saying? Can I get one? Let me get a pound, baby.
Austin: [looks at David disapprovingly]