The Best Charlie Fairhead Quotes

Barbara: I can't be bothered with any of the social rituals, I haven't got the energy.
Charlie: Social rituals?
Barbara: Yeah, like do sit down, would you like a cup of coffee, that sort of thing. The coffee is in the kitchen and you make it.
[pause]
Barbara: The bed's in the bedroom; you'll probably have to make that too.
Charlie: Anything else?

Amy: Charlie, you know that motel by the bypass?
Charlie: Yes
Amy: Well the managers a friend of mine...
Charlie: And?
Amy: Well, I thought it might be good for a room...
Chloe: [pulling a face] Ooooooh!
Amy: Not for us! For the Devern family!
Charlie: Shame, I thought my luck had changed there...

Charlie: Now leave me alone or I'll call Security.
Colin: I *am* Security.
Charlie: Then kindly throw yourself out.

Charlie: That - out!
Frank: That's my ferret
Charlie: I can see at a glance it's a ferret and ferrets are strictly not allowed so OUT
Frank: You don't understand, this ain't just any old ferret this is my ferret, Freddie the Ferret, we're inseparable
Charlie: Well you go with him!

[Fletch is putting up posters advertising a memorial service for Jac Naylor who had died a few days earlier]
Charlie: I heard. I was going to come and find you. I know you were close.
Adrian: Well, as close as she'd let anyone get. You know Jac, she never did emotion. Not even at the end. They broke the mould with that one.
Charlie: They certainly did. End of an era.
Adrian: Yeah. Does feel like that. But since it's happened, we've been inundated with cards and flowers, all from people that she helped.
Charlie: Yeah. What's that saying... He who saves one life... *She* who saves one life saves the world. Saved a lot of lives.
Adrian: Yeah, she did. There's a memorial.
Charlie: I'll be there.
Adrian: Great. Well, it's good to see you, Charlie.
Charlie: You too.

Charlie: It's all very well saying the goldfish stole your dentures Doris, but unless we got fingerprints the D.A. ain't got a case now do we? Sitting by the pond all night isn't going to help is it? What you want is to get yourself a garden gnome. That's the fella for your goldfish.