Top 30 Quotes From Doc

Chester: Well, at least Raffie's gonna have plenty to eat and someplace to sleep now. You know, he must've had a pretty terrible time in the war.
Doc: Yeah, I guess it addled him some, too.

Matt: [late night seeing Doc] Well, you're up late, Doc. Where you been, out on a call?
Doc: Well, now, what you think I've been doing - out romancing the ladies?
Matt: Nah, you're too old for that.
Doc: Oh, too old, huh? Let me tell you something, I could show all these young bucks around here a thing or two if I was foolish enough to take the time.

[the spokes on Doc's buggy are loose]
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: How much is it going to cost me to have 'em fixed?
Festus: Shouldn't 'mount t'much; fifty cents'll do... Soakin' in the crik a few hours'll swell them spokes back tight as pin feathers on a prairie chicken's rump.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Soakin' in the crik?
Festus: Sure.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: And while you're sitting there, letting the wheels soak, I suppose you'll do a little fishing?
Festus: Now that you mention it...
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: So I end up paying you fifty cents to fish.
Festus: Well, Doc, I'm gonna have t'dig me some worms, catch me some grasshoppers. That's tirin'. If it wasn't for them wheels needin' soakin', I wouldn't have to....

Doc: Strange thing...
Doc: When death's all around you, sometimes, Pitt...
Doc: A single life can be the most important thing in the world.

Doc: [Chester howls with pain after hitting his thumb with a hammer] Now that wouldn't have happened if you'd held the hammer with both hands.

Kitty: [Doc is buying drinks for a couple going to marry] Well, Doc, if this is what it takes to get you to spend some money I'm gonna start promoting some more marriages around this town.
Doc: Well, sure I'm in favor of that. Why... Why don't you start with Chester there? He's ready; he's over ripe.
Chester: That's better than being all pruned up like some people I know.
Kitty: [laughing]
Chester: Oh, don't laugh at him.

Argonaut: Are you kin to Alfie Hominy Haggen?
Festus: [trying to show how close they were] Kin? Why were second cousins on my Aunt Floter's side. Me and Alfie's always been as close...
Argonaut: If I ever set eyes on him again I'm going to put a bullet square through his sidewinding head.
Festus: Wait a minute, I ain't done yet. What I'd fixen to say is me and Alfie ain't never been close. Why they's something about him I'd just never could stand.
Argonaut: [asking Doc] Are you a Haggen?
Doc: Don't get insulting with me

Kitty: [with most busy Doc has no one to talk with] Look, why don't you go on down to the Long Branch and talk with Sam. He's there.
Doc: I don't want to talk with Sam.
Kitty: Why not?
Doc: Well, he's not a pretty as you are.

Betsy: I'd like to send him ahead just to announce me.
Doc: I wish someone would send him a head.

Doc: [getting a midnight visit from Dodie] You know it's in the middle of the dad-blame night?

Doc: It's all pride with you, isn't it? Just pride. Somebody came into town who's faster than you are and you just gotta try to prove he isn't.

Festus: I just thought...
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Don't think! That's when you get dangerous.

Doc: Were you born in a barn?
[to Festus]

Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: [Festus offers to buy Doc a beer with a silver dollar that he earned from shoeing horses in episode "Whelan's Men".] Why don't you take that money and invest it in something? Why don't you do that?
Festus: Invest it in what?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: There's wonderful land values outside of Dodge. Now why don't you go out there someplace, look around, and buy yourself a lot?
Festus: A lot of what?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: A lot! A lot of land!
Festus: Well fiddle, I can't afford to buy a lot of land. You probably could the way you've been a bilking and gouging...
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Oh, hush up! I'm trying to help you, for heaven sakes. It don't cost a whole lot to buy a little lot.
Festus: What do you mean it don't cost a whole lot to buy a little, or a whole lot to buy a lot, what do you mean?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Well, I mean,... a little lot of land!
Festus: But there ain't no such a thing. A little's a little, and a lot's a lot, there ain't no little lot, or lot of little, don't you see? Now you want that beer or don't you?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: No I'm... I'm all worn out.
Festus: [and as Doc walks away Festus Hollers] If you change your mind me and Newly will be over at the Longbranch having a whole lot of little beers.
[Chuckles and flips his silver dollar]
Festus: Now I'm buying.

[last lines]
Kitty: I'm sure the right girl will come along someday. Maybe in California.
Elwood: California.
Matt: Well sure. You got a lotta livin' to do yet.
Doc: You bet you have. And I never saw anybody that could have more fun at it than you, either.
Elwood: I never did before. I guess I never really started to live until I... I thought I was gonna die. Maybe that Professor Ramsey did me a favor.
Matt: You're a lucky man, Mr. Hardacre.
Elwood: I guess I am, Marshall. I guess I am.

Aggie: Uh, that nice-looking young man, is he your son?
Doc: [looking around confusedly] What nice-looking young man?
Aggie: The man yonder, who just went in there with Mr. Rudd.
Doc: Chester?
Aggie: Chester. That's a nice name.
Doc: It is? Well, he's not my son. I'm too young to have a boy that old! And I'm a little too particular.
Aggie: Uh, is he married? Chester, I mean.
Doc: No, no, he's not married.
Aggie: That's nice.
Doc: Nice? Well, I would say it's more of a blessing to all the young women he's not married to.
Aggie: Oh. I thought he was a friend of yours.
Doc: Oh, yes, one of my very best friends. If he wasn't, why, I don't think I could stand him!

Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: What's the matter with you this morning?
Chester: I got a pain, Doc, right in there...
[Chester pokes himself in the ribs]
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: Oh, well, why didn't you come upstairs?
Chester: Oh no. Oh no, I couldn't do that.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: No, you'd rather stand out here in pain all day, wouldn't you. You'd rather hang around hoping to catch me on the fly than come up and make a regular visit.
Chester: Doc, it ain't that. I just couldn't climb them stairs, the shape I'm in.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: And the pain... it's so bad you couldn't bear to put your hand in your pocket for the two dollars you'll owe me, could you?

Matt: I got word just now there may be a band of Comancheros operating down that way.
Chester: Oh, for heaven's sakes,
Doc: You mean Comanche, don't ya?
Chester: Comanches is Indians, Doc. Comancheros is worse. They're whites and Mexicans. They're renegades! They go around lootin' and stealin' and blaming it on the Comanches.
Doc: Well, I don't need a lecture from you about it!

Doc: [Inquires whether Chester will be coming to breakfast] Does Chester know about it?
Marshal: Yeah. Yeah, he just stopped off at Moss Grimmick's to pay him some money before he loses it.
Doc: Loses it? What is it - women or gambling this time?
Marshal: You know Chester, Doc. He can lose money just standing around in the shade.

Marshal: Well, why don't you make your patients pay in advance?
Doc: Gosh, the condition most of my patients arrive in, they'd bleed to death while I was making change.
Marshal: Well, a lot of 'em do, anyway, don't they?

'Doc': [Stands over body of gunshot victim] Crego, he's a brutal man, Matt. He... you know what he did here? He shot that man in the gun arm first, then he put a bullet through each one of his knees. Finally shot him in the belly. That's a terrible thing to do, that's a painful way to kill a man. It's evil! He was just a poor potato grubber. He didn't have a chance.

Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: For twelve years you've had law and order in Dodge City because one man enforced the law. Now that he's not here, you're willing to give the town away to the first incompetent that comes along with a shot gun and is anxious to use it.

Doc: Well, I wonder if they had time to enjoy it?
Matt: Enjoy what?
Doc: The hanging they wanted so all fired bad.

Chester: It kind of feels like somebody stuck a butcher knife in there and just turned the handle on me.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: I'll give you some free advice. Stop puttin' all that salt pork in your stomach and those dried beans, and get some fresh greens in there. That's what you need. And stay out of saloons.
Chester: It don't hurt that bad.

Doc: You're making a phenomenal recovery. You must have a good doctor.

Doc: By golly, I never saw a man so set on anything in all my life.
Tom: You never saw a man had a reason like I have, Doc.
Matt: What is the reason, Tom?
Tom: I'll tell you later... when you come to hang me.

Marshal: What's bothering you?
Doc: Oh, nothing, I was just thinking how natural you're beginning to look sitting here on Front Street every day, same chair, fiddling around, trying to make people think you're busy.
Marshal: Boy, you're sure starting early this morning.
Doc: What?
Marshal: The same old growl. What's the matter? Is business bad or something? What do you want me to do go out here and shoot someone's toe off so you can amputate their leg and make a big fee?
Doc: Heavens, no, I wouldn't want you to do anything like that. Matter of fact, I recommend you keep that gun in your holster at all times. With that thing in your hands and your eyes closed the way they are most the time anymore, you're the most dangerous man I ever saw.
Marshal: Dangerous? Let me tell you something. You kill more people by accident than I do on purpose.
Doc: Well, what do you mean by that?
Marshal: Yeah, you take their temperature, they're as good as gone.

Jake: [in an argument with Doc] I'll blow your ears off.
Matt: All right now, just a minute here. You two keep this up; you're going to have a stroke and if you do I'll throw you both in jail.
Doc: That's a great remedy for a stroke.
Matt: Yes, I might add another charge, too... disturbing MY peace.

Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: If I'd known you were coming, I'd have left something, Chester
Chester: I was only trying to figure out what you had to eat.
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: You could ask me.
Chester: Oh. Well, what was it?
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: I don't know.
Chester: What!
Dr. Galen 'Doc' Adams: I ordered beef stew, but what they brought me I couldn't say.

Matt: I always thought I was kinda humble.
Doc: You're about as humble as a turpentine cat.