The Best Dr. Amber Volakis Quotes

Dr. Amber Volakis: You're going to ignore your own subconscious? Gonna be the limp leading the blind.

Dr. Amber Volakis: [to House] Aren't you curious about why I'm here?
Dr. Gregory House: Curious why no French maid's outfit. No spanky pants.
Dr. Amber Volakis: I'm a hallucination, not a fantasy.

Dr. Amber Volakis: So Thirteen, you grow up around here?
Thirteen: We're digging up a grave and you want to chit-chat?
Dr. Amber Volakis: I'm just making conversation. It's what people do. Why are you hiding everything? And I'm asking you that question because you're hiding everything. There's something seriously wrong with you. I'm worried.
Thirteen: [smiles] No, you're not.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Fine, but I am freaked because I don't think you're a freak. I think you're doing this on purpose because you know House will be intrigued.
[Thirteen is quiet for a second and then nods her head]
Thirteen: Yeah, I grew up around here.

Amber: [to Cameron] Why do you guys keep a D-cell battery in a urine specimen cup?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because we pulled it from a patient's intestine.
Amber: Why would somebody swallow a battery?
Dr. Allison Cameron: [smirking] Why do you assume it was swallowed?

Amber: Why do you have to believe that I have an ulterior motive?
Dr. Gregory House: For the same reason I believe that crack whores can have sex. For crack.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Are you okay?
Amber: [to House] So... this is the story you made up about who you are. It's a nice one.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Too bad it isn't true.
Dr. Gregory House: No. I'm not okay.

Dr. Amber Volakis: [When House is crawling on the bathroom floor to get a pill] You're pathetic. If you want the pill, just send her home, but you can't because that would be admitting defeat to her. Now this is interesting. If you take the pill, you don't deserve her. If you secretly take the pill, you don't deserve anyone.

Taub: What do we do?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I don't know yet.
Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: She needs treatment.
Dr. Amber Volakis: This is a test, right? You're reporting back to him everything we do.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, and I asked the patient to be uncooperative. Personally, I think she overplayed it.
Dr. Travis Brennan: [to Foreman] She's being uncooperative because you made us all look like idiots.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We're only gonna look like idiots if we can't figure out how to get her to agree to the treatment.
Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: What would House do right now?
Thirteen: Pop a pill, insult us and trick the patient.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: We can do that last part. She's never met House before, has she? Who's got a cane?
Dr. Eric Foreman: House isn't here. We're not gonna act like him.

Dr. Gregory House: I acknowledge my subconscious exists. Now go away!
Dr. Amber Volakis: Saying it is one thing. Living it is another. You're not rational, not completely.

Amber: [to Chase] Do you think House could be wrong?
Dr. Robert Chase: I thought he fired you.
Amber: No, he fired the men.
Dr. Robert Chase: I don't think he's wrong.
Amber: If he is, how would I prove it?
Dr. Robert Chase: Just said I don't think he is.
Amber: Well, thinking isn't good enough.
Dr. Robert Chase: You'd have to run a blood test for anti-centromere antibodies.
Amber: Would you mind running the labs?
Dr. Robert Chase: You can't.
Amber: Well, I can, but...
Dr. Robert Chase: No, I was making a statement. You've been fired, so you no longer have lab privileges. You weren't coming here for advice. You're coming here to con a favor to save your job. Sorry. I'm not working for him anymore, but he can still make my life miserable.
[begins to walk away]
Amber: You have a chance to make his life miserable.
[Chase stops and turns around]
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm insulted. You conned Cameron by appealing to her humanity.
Amber: I told her what she wanted to hear.
Dr. Robert Chase: And you told me what you thought I wanted to hear.
Amber: If it's any consolation, I think your motives are more interesting.
Dr. Robert Chase: I cannot believe he fired you. Go draw his blood. Meet you in the lab when I'm done here.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm sorry. I was stubborn and arrogant.
Dr. Travis Brennan: Self-recriminations won't help her.
Thirteen: Nothing's gonna help her. She's got polio.
Dr. Amber Volakis: There's no cure, but there are treatments.
Dr. Eric Foreman: She's dying.
Taub: Yeah. Every death's a tragedy. Funny how you weren't so depressed when she was just dying because me and Amber screwed up.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And I'm also self-centered. Thanks for clarifying.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Don't forget self-pitying.

Dr. Eric Foreman: That's basically waterboarding.
Dr. James Wilson: It is pretty radical.
Dr. Amber Volakis: It's a great idea.
Dr. Gregory House: Regular radical, me radical or me out-of-my-mind radical?
Dr. James Wilson: Somewhere between regular and you.
Dr. Gregory House: So what's the problem?

Amber: You're looking better. Stark's dead.
[House rolls his eyes and unclips himself]
Amber: What are you doing?
Dr. Gregory House: Going to see our patient.
Amber: He's dead.
Dr. Gregory House: Dead is not a diagnosis.

Dr. Amber Volakis: It could be a tumor to the temporal lobe.
Dr. Chris Taub: Not with a normal CT scan.
Dr. Amber Volakis: You mean it appeared normal to the doc in the ER.
Dr. Gregory House: Way to get right back on that horse, Thirteen.
Thirteen: No, that was Amber.
Dr. Gregory House: Nice try, Cutthroat Bitch. That was the worst Thirteen imitation I've ever heard.

[Dobson and Taub are fighting]
Dr. Gregory House: That is just great.
Henry: What is?
Dr. Chris Taub: Which one of us is?
Dr. Gregory House: Both of you. Together. Fighting. Passionate to prove the other one wrong. Couldn't care less about the patient, but it all works out the same.
Dr. Amber Volakis: I hate Thirteen!
Dr. Gregory House: Not as productively.

[last lines]
Dr. Amber Volakis: [to House] Solved another case. Busted Wilson. Looks like you're not losing it after all.

Dr. Amber Volakis: Twenty-month-old baby, persistent rash, fever...
Dr. Gregory House: [cuts her off] Too much crying.
Taub: Female college student with...
Dr. Gregory House: [cuts him off] Too much drama.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You don't care about the crying or the drama 'cause you won't see the patient. And you'd treat Methuselah if his snot had an interesting color. It means you've already decided which case you wanna take next.

Amber: I get it. You don't like me because maybe I'm a little bit... competitive.
Dr. Chris Taub: Manipulative.
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Cutthroat Bitch is your official title.

Dr. Gregory House: Amber, please stand.
Dr. Amber Volakis: You didn't call me 'Bitch'. Is that bad?

Dr. Amber Volakis: Dr. Cuddy, I'm Amber Volakis, one of Dr. House's new fellows.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Sexual harassment claims go through HR, stress-related leaves through worker's comp and any accusations of criminal activities go directly to the Princeton-Plainsboro police department.

Taub: So... which one of us sucks the most?
Dr. Gregory House: It's a tie.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Between?
Dr. Gregory House: All of you.
Dr. Amber Volakis: We're all fired?
Dr. Gregory House: None of you are fired.

Dr. James Wilson: Why aren't you angry?
Dr. Amber Volakis: That is not the last feeling I want to experience.

Dr. Amber Volakis: [refering to Dr. Terzi] Why did you hire her?
Dr. Gregory House: Because she has way more diagnostic experience than the other swimsuit models I was considering.

Dr. Gregory House: I knew about her body butter and about his strawberry allergy. I tried to kill Chase. Why would I do that? I don't want Cameron.
Dr. Amber Volakis: You're not a big fan of other people's happiness.

Dr. Amber Volakis: [to House] What did we do last night?
Dr. Gregory House: [House looks at Amber pouring sherry into a glass; she slides it towards House] Was I meeting you for a drink?
Dr. Amber Volakis: Is that all it was? A man thinks a woman is beautiful, admires her intelligence, admires the way she has to get whatever she wants, the things he likes about himself.
[goes around House's desk and comes near him; she slowly eases herself into House's lap]
Dr. Amber Volakis: Maybe she always had a little thing for him. His mind. His blue eyes. But someone gets between them. So, they decide to meet one night at an out-of-the-way little bar. Does that sound familiar?
[she and House's lips are inches apart from each other]
Dr. Amber Volakis: Do I feel familiar? What do you feel?
[breathes into House's ear]
Dr. Amber Volakis: Electricity.
[House wakes up from his hallucination and spills his mug of water on his desk]

Dr. James Wilson: [to House] You didn't do anything wrong. You prescribed antibiotics. Any other doctor would've done the exact same thing.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Any other doctor? Words can hurt, you know?

[Cole just punched House]
Dr. Amber Volakis: I know what she has!
Dr. Gregory House: You couldn't have spoken up 10 seconds ago? You could have saved me a hundred bucks.

[last lines]
Dr. James Wilson: [about House's last patient] But you don't care about her.
Dr. Amber Volakis: [just coming into] Of course not. House doesn't care about anyone.
Dr. James Wilson: [to Amber] Hi.
Dr. Amber Volakis: [after kissing Wilson] Sorry I'm late.
Dr. Gregory House: [deeply surprised] Cutthroat Bitch?
Dr. James Wilson: I call her Amber. Was she on your list?
[House looks astonished]

Dr. Amber Volakis: Take my deal, or get out of my apartment.
Dr. Gregory House: Take *my* deal, or I move in.

Dr. Gregory House: These people don't know me. You do.
Dr. Amber Volakis: She's not your keeper. She has no responsibility for you!
Dr. Gregory House: I need you.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [pause] Let me call my babysitter.

Dr. Chris Taub: Ahem.
[holds up a pair of black panties]
Dr. Chris Taub: Eau de Cuddy.
Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: No way. How did you get them?
Dr. Chris Taub: Only one way.
[throws the panties to Cole and House catches them with his cane]
Dr. Gregory House: These are not Cuddy's panties.
Dr. Chris Taub: You don't think that I...
Dr. Gregory House: No. Also, she's wearing a red bra today.
[Everyone looks at House]
Dr. Gregory House: Like I'm the only one who noticed. Means the downstairs will match.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Do your research, people. An intestinal infarct could be linked to the cardiac arrest.
Dr. Gregory House: [to Amber] Hike up your skirt.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Wow, that's rude even for you.
Dr. Gregory House: Hike it down then.

Taub: [after the patient ends up paralyzed when she was given medicine] Steroids don't cause paralysis.
Dr. Eric Foreman: She was also on interferon! Giving her both probably fried her immune system. Who knows what infection you could cause...?
Dr. Amber Volakis: We consulted an immunologist. She said we have...
Dr. Eric Foreman: She? You talking about Dr. Cameron?
Taub: She thought lupus was...
Dr. Eric Foreman: She tell you to start treating?
Thirteen: Yes, they've ignored you. They screwed up and it's fun watching you spank them, but can we get back to the medicine?
Dr. Eric Foreman: The last thing any of you give a damn about is the medicine! Look, I'm not saying you're bad doctors or bad people, but House is. He created a nasty little cutthroat world, planted you in it and is watching you play. And none of it works for anyone except him.
Dr. Amber Volakis: And whoever wins.

Amber: Why did you call me?
Dr. Gregory House: Because if I pooped myself in front of Wilson, I'd never hear the end of it.

Dr. James Wilson: Her?
Dr. Amber Volakis: Oops.
Dr. Gregory House: Kutner was secretly a woman. That's why he killed himself... it's Amber.
Dr. James Wilson: Your subconscious picked my dead girlfriend?
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. My irrational part of my brain works like the rational part of yours. How about that?

Dr. Amber Volakis: [to Cameron] All I've heard about you: you put the patient above everything else. That's why everyone finds you so annoying.

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [while going over the patient's test results] Okay, drum roll. LP is negative for meningitis. Sorry, Cole.
[Cole bites his lower lip and nods his head]
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [to Thirteen] Fat pad biopsy is... Oh, wait for it...
[slowly opens the results]
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: ... negative for amyloidosis! And Thirteen goes down.
Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: Could we hurry this up? My son has...
Dr. Amber Volakis: Can I have a kid too? I'm working too hard.
Taub: I could hook you up.
Dr. Amber Volakis: If I had two minutes and some anti-nausea meds, I'd take you up on that.

Dr. Gregory House: [Both are on dirty-linen duty for breaking the "custody" rules over Wilson] Where are you two going Friday night?
Dr. Amber Volakis: Dinner at L'Auberge.
Dr. Gregory House: You're lying.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Of course I am.
[Wilson is out of hearing-range around the corner giggling to himself]

Amber: I call you Greg because we're now social equals.
Dr. Gregory House: And I call you Cutthroat Bitch, well, quod erat demonstrandum. And I speak in Latin because I don't try to hide what an ass I am.

Dr. Amber Volakis: [referring to Dr. Terzi] Why did you bring her in so late? It's not fair. The rest of us...
Dr. Gregory House: Hey, hey! You want fair, you picked the wrong job. The wrong profession.
[pauses to think]
Dr. Gregory House: The wrong species.

Amber: Dr. House? I'd like to be on the men's team.
Dr. Gregory House: Do your sex organs dangle, Cutthroat Bitch?
Amber: Not yet.

Thirteen: If I get drunk enough, there's a chance I might make out with one of the strippers - or become one.
Dr. Gregory House,8369: Sold!

Dr. Gregory House: I could stay here with you.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Get off the bus.
Dr. Gregory House: I can't.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Why not?
Dr. Gregory House: Because... because it doesn't hurt here. Because I... I don't want to be in pain, I don't want to be miserable. And I don't want him to hate me.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Well... you can't always get what you want.

Thirteen: Why'd you go right for the drug theories?
Dr. Amber Volakis: If he had a history of shoving cancer into his veins, I'd have guessed cancer.
Thirteen: Okay. You're an idiot. Either that, or you've decided you can trust a smoking addict alone in a bathroom with an oxygen tank.
[an explosion can be heard inside immediately after]

Dr. Amber Volakis: It's lupus.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Weakly. Not lupus, it's MS.
Taub: We obviously don't know what it is. Treat for both.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No. I gave in on the test. We're not treating her for two completely separate diseases because you think lupus will win you a prize.