300 Best Dr. Robert Chase Quotes

Dr. Robert Chase: Just because he has guns doesn't mean he's a murderer.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Tell that to the bear.

Eva: Do you think we could consult with him?
Dr. Robert Chase: I didn't know you knew Dr. Taub.
Eva: I don't.
Dr. Robert Chase: You saw the ads.
Eva: Look, no offense, but you were wrong yesterday. And they wouldn't have made him the face of the hospital if he weren't really good, right?
Dr. Robert Chase: Dr. Taub. The patient would like to see you.
Dr. Chris Taub: How can I help?

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Cuddy about a patient] It was his thumb. I couldn't just let him toss it in the trash to save a few bucks.

Dr. Robert Chase: See tomorrow.
Dr. Jessica Adams: Do you... going get a drink?
Dr. Robert Chase: To annoy Park or to prove House is wrong?

Dr. Eric Foreman: [about Thirteen] Point is, she's not even in the trial. Never heard of her. She's been lying to us all day.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, have you tried -?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Both her phone lines have been disconnected. She's just gone.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Allergic reaction is 100% times more likely with or without a history. Fever and anemia could've been symptoms of pancreatitis.
[talks on cell phone]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Hello? Thank your for your help.
[hangs up phone]
Dr. Allison Cameron: They froze my accounts.
Dr. Robert Chase: Thank you for your help?
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's not her fault.

Dr. Gregory House: [trying to talk Chase into a depraved bachelor party] You are going to commit to that one special woman forever which is beautiful, but if your commitment the day after the wedding is the same as your commitment the day before, then the wedding meant nothing. So - and I see no logical way around this - if you want your marriage to matter, you have to be a wanton, trolling, muck-covered pig the day before.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're evil. See ya.

Dr. Gregory House: What would we do if this patient were not just a tadpole. Say it was an actual person.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: He... is a person.
Dr. Gregory House: Thanks for playing along. Pretend it's a one-pound adult. Forget the mom, forget the womb, the placenta. How would we get a better look at what's in the lungs?
Dr. Cameron: Transesophageal echo.
Dr. Robert Chase: Can't access his esophagus.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Higher resolution CT could give us a clearer...
Dr. Robert Chase: Too much radiation for a one-pound person.
Dr. Gregory House: You can't just shoot everything down, Chase. You're not me.

Dr. Robert Chase: [while giving Nate mushrooms] Nate, how's the pain?
Nate: Hey, it's Skippy, the bush kangaroo!
Dr. Robert Chase: Your head, Nate. We need to know how the pain is.
Nate: What I got here is the opposite of pain.
Dr. Allison Cameron: That means you're suffering from cluster headaches which means hopefully...
[Nate looks at Cameron]
Nate: [laughs] Man, you're hot!
[turns to Chase]
Nate: She's making me horny.
Dr. Robert Chase: Deal with it.
Nate: Hey, hey, hey, hey. You can't get me stoned then not close the deal.
Dr. Robert Chase: [under his breath] God, shut up.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Chase] Take it easy, he's not well.
Nate: [laughs] You'll regret saying no. Check it out.
[Nate opens his gown exposing himself to Chase and Cameron]
Dr. Robert Chase: [disgusted tone] Oh, for God's sake!

Dr. Allison Cameron: [during a team meeting in room to discuss the patient] Labs show valium and heroin in her urine.
Dr. Robert Chase: A supermodel on smack. Shocker.
[gets up]
Dr. Gregory House: [looks away] Oh, Alex. I expected so much more from you. Heroin chic is so five years ago.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Okay. Let's start crossing out withdrawal symptoms.
Dr. Allison Cameron: A positive test means she tried it once. Doesn't mean she's an addict. She's only 15.
Dr. Eric Foreman: There's no age limit on addiction.
Dr. Gregory House: He's right.
[dramatically swallows some Vicodin pills]
Dr. Robert Chase: She's never menstruated. Sounds like a symptom of drug addiction to me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Or bulimia or her age. Some girls don't start 'til their mid to late teens.
Dr. Gregory House: Evidence to the contrary: The rounded hips. The perfectly sculpted, bountiful breasts...
Dr. Robert Chase: Implants. I've seen some of her photos. They've grown dramatically since last summer.
Dr. Gregory House: Symptomatic of turning 14. Two clinic hours says that those love apples are handcrafted by God.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [looks incredulous, walks over to House] Whoa! I thought that you didn't believe in God.
Dr. Gregory House: I do now.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're on.
[comes over to House and the two of them bump fists]
Dr. Allison Cameron: [looks disgusted] Could we talk about her health instead of her breasts?
Dr. Gregory House: It could be relevant. Come on, Cameron. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Many women develop breasts...
[House slips due to pain and catches himself on a table, disrupting the table's contents while the team looks on. He regains his composure; looks back to team]
Dr. Gregory House: No, I'm fine.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Even if she is an addict, a lot of her symptoms - the cataplexy, the violence - they could be neurological. We chalk this up to drugs, we could be releasing her with Juvenile M.S. or Parkinson's or...
Dr. Gregory House: [interrupts] So detox her.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Fine. We'll set her up on a program that'll wean her onto the methadone.
Dr. Gregory House: And in four weeks, we'll know you're right. Or, we'll know that Cameron's right and the pretty girl will do Milan next fall in a wheelchair. Put her in a coma, pump her full of naltrexone. Cut the four weeks in one night.
[House exits; Cameron and Chase look to Foreman]

Dr. Robert Chase: You were right.
Dr. Gregory House: Now there were three wasted words.

Dr. Robert Chase: You don't have doubts. You just don't want to kill the only thing left of someone you loved.
[Cameron starts crying and they hug]
Dr. Robert Chase: Don't do it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I do have trouble giving things up. For example -
[Cameron starts laughing]
Dr. Allison Cameron: I never cancelled any of our wedding plans.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Hannah, you're having a paranoid delusion.
Hannah: I don't believe you.
Dr. Robert Chase: [to Cameron] Did you think she would?

Dr. Eric Foreman: Come on. It takes decades to eat your way into a heart attack.
Dr. Robert Chase: Doesn't take decades to kill yourself. If I was that fat, I'd be pretty tempted to knock back a bottle of pills.

Dr. Eric Foreman: That falls under natural causes. If you kill him, we're looking at...
Dr. Robert Chase: Dead is dead.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Not as far as our lawyers are concerned. I'm not being a dick. This is a real issue. And I have to worry about the big picture.
Dr. Robert Chase: I don't. I'll be doing what you would've done a year ago. I'll be in surgery.

Dr. Robert Chase: You seen House?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [half-chuckles] Look for a shallow grave with Vogler standing over it.

Dr. Jessica Adams: [to Chase about Moira] You're not gonna operate on her.
Dr. Robert Chase: Kapur and Carlyle are unavailable. Reilly's done far fewer dissections than I have.
Dr. Chris Taub: He's also slept with her far fewer times than you have.
Dr. Jessica Adams: Your judgment's compromised.
Dr. Robert Chase: I spent the night with her. Doesn't change how I make an incision.
Dr. Jessica Adams: [to House] Tell him!
Dr. Gregory House: Do the surgery.
Dr. Jessica Adams: You're trying to score points with him at the risk of a patient's life.
Dr. Gregory House: He's the better surgeon.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to House] Whether you want to be in charge or not, you *are*. And you always will be.

Dr. Robert Chase: I wasn't kissing his ass.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It just looked that way from our angle. You on your knees, House bending over.
Dr. Robert Chase: He predicted the pancreatitis.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's his dad's fault.
Dr. Robert Chase: My dad was an ass.
Dr. Allison Cameron: But you did everything he wanted you to and in return, you got everything you wanted.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, it's that simple.
Dr. Allison Cameron: His strategy worked. Dad got him a cushy job, paid for his cushy life.
Dr. Robert Chase: Cut me out of his cushy will.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I told you, just his nature. Poor guy's hardwired to kiss ass.

Dr. Robert Chase: How's the new us's final case going?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It's a moving target. House keeps moving it, so I can't find it.

Martha: We need to ask you a few questions. Alone, if you don't mind... Uh, they tend to be personal in nature...
Diane: I'm his wife. I can probably answer them better than he can.
Martha: They're about his job.
Diane: Well, what does that matter? He sits in an office all day.
Bert: Honey, take a break. It's okay.
Diane: No! Seriously, if there's something really wrong with him, I want to know about it.
Martha: It's not...
Dr. Robert Chase: Our questions are about what he eats for lunch at work and what comes out at the end. Bowel movements mostly. Color, texture, smell.
Diane: Okay.
Bert: Pretty sure you can't help with that.
Diane: Maybe I could use a break.
[to Chase]
Diane: Thank you for your honesty.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're welcome.

Dr. Robert Chase: Happy Valentine's Day.
Dr. Allison Cameron: A holiday that only applies to people who are already paired up. For everyone else, it's Wednesday.
Dr. Robert Chase: Wow. Thank you for that dash of cold water.

Thirteen: [to Valerie] You called the medical board?
Valerie: What is she talking about?
Thirteen: Accusations of sexual harassment. You don't think I know it's you?
Dr. Robert Chase: Thirteen, come on.
Thirteen: You already got me fired from the case. What else do you want?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [stands in the doorway] Dr. Hadley. Get out here now.

Dr. Robert Chase: When two people have had sex, unless it sucks, if they can do it again, they're gonna do it again.

Dr. Robert Chase: You want to give Foreman a brain biopsy?
Dr. Gregory House: C'mon, really, who doesn't?

[about Cuddy]
Dr. Robert Chase: You two are just too nasty to each other not to have been... nasty.
Dr. Gregory House: Hey, I can be a jerk to people I haven't slept with. I am that good.

Dr. Robert Chase: I don't really care if Foreman stays or goes, but...
Dr. Gregory House: You're fired.
Dr. Robert Chase: [stammers] What, because I yelled at you?
Dr. Gregory House: Because you've been here the longest, learned all you can or you haven't learned anything at all. Either way, it's time for a change.
Dr. Robert Chase: Fine.

Martha: He already jumped off a hotel balcony. Who knows what he'll do next.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Noticing House pass by the office] Ride some kind of... prostitute chariot to work.

Dr. Chris Taub: The kid scratched out the faces of half of his class. You don't think that's a problem?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It's not *our* problem.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why is it anyone's problem? I violently executed my 10th grade Geometry teacher about 5 different ways in my mind.
Martha: I didn't want to kill anybody. I just wanted to torture them slowly in my basement - preferably with acid. Guys... ever think what you might do to House?
Dr. Chris Taub: [the elevator opens. The team gets in the elevator. Slight pause] Maybe it's no big deal.
Dr. Robert Chase: Unless it is. Somebody shot House.

Dr. Gregory House: I assume "minimal at best" is your stiff-upper-lip British way of saying "no chance in hell."
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm Australian.
Dr. Gregory House: You put the Queen on your money. You're British.

Dr. Eric Foreman: House says he's going to be out for the next 3 days.
Dr. Robert Chase: Sweet! If I make it straight to the airport, I can make Cabo before the last call.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Chase] I... I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you. That's how I feel right now. But... I don't... know...
Dr. Robert Chase: I'll wait until you do.
[starts to leave]
Dr. Allison Cameron: I ca... I can't know. No... no one knows!
Dr. Robert Chase: I do.

Dr. Robert Chase: We can't babysit House all day.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'll tell Cuddy to put a nurse by his room.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to House] I don't know when I'm coming back. I don't know if I'm coming back. Got a problem with that, fire me.

Dr. James Wilson: I'm looking to get something on House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Couldn't you just... ask the love nmyphs for the secret?
Dr. James Wilson: Don't! My mission - is to find something that House would not like to see made public and make it public.
Dr. Robert Chase: Him? But you know him better than anyone. Why wouldn you need my help?
Dr. James Wilson: House would never leave anything secret around the condo. But you've worked in the same office with him on and off for years.

Dr. Gregory House: Well done, Chase. Now turn off your phone.
Dr. Robert Chase: You heard that? It's on vibrate.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm assuming it's been ringing almost non-stop since you changed your status update to, "Nothing lights my fire like a lady-of-size. Less than three bills, don't bother calling." Followed by your cell number.

Dr. Robert Chase: You guys don't think it's weird House knew the patient needed a heart transplant before we did any heart tests?
Dr. Allison Cameron: That's House. He knows things.
Dr. Robert Chase: But usually he's putting it in our face, telling us how cleverly he figured it out. This time, nothing. Just "I had a hunch."

Dr. Robert Chase: What's with the sudden interest in her future?
Dr. Gregory House: You know, a blacksmith who spends this much time hammering out a new blade from raw Jell-O, he gets curious about who ends up wielding it.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No reason to be curious unless you're interested in wielding it yourself. You want her to intern here.

Dr. Robert Chase: If history is written by the victor, how do we find out what really happened?
Dr. Gregory House: Talk to the loser.

Dr. Robert Chase: House was on this page when he got that annoying "I'm such a genius" look.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Since when does House hang out at OTB?
Dr. Eric Foreman: The man's an addict.
Dr. Robert Chase: Right, but addicted to pills, not gambling.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It's the same thing! Drug abuse, drinking, gambling. They all fire up the same pleasure centers in the brain. An addict is an addict is...
Dr. Robert Chase: Gambling doesn't take away his pain.
Dr. Gregory House: [as he enters his office] It does when I win.

Dr. Robert Chase: You want me to do a second major surgery on a patient we almost lost during a first major surgery to see if she needs a third major surgery?

Dr. Robert Chase: You live with your parents?
Kenzie: Oh, just until graduation?
Dr. Robert Chase: College?... How old are you?
Kenzie: 18... Next month. Relax. It's not illegal or anything.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase] I get it. You're jealous of my new cane, so you hired a new doctor that you could lean on.
Dr. Robert Chase: Exactly. Nothing to do with the fact that you instructed me to hire one. Dr. House, this is Dr. Kelly Benedict, your new fellow.
Dr. Kelly Benedict: [stands and offers House her hand, but he ignores it] Nice to meet you. Um, I just finished my psychiatry residency at St. Jude's and I loved studying the mind, but I thought I could make more of a difference, or at least...
Dr. Gregory House: Man, you're hot. I mean, seriously.

Dr. Eric Foreman: As the new Dean of Medicine, I'd like to personally welcome our new employees, and ask why the Hell did you want to come back?
Dr. Robert Chase: Tired of surfing.
Dr. Eric Foreman: He hasn't changed.
Dr. Robert Chase: And neither has the job, right? We still get to do crazy crap.
Dr. Chris Taub: Save people's lives instead of just their noses.

Dr. Robert Chase: When I was in med school, I had this old professor...
Dr. Gregory House: Who touched you in the naughty place?

Dr. Gregory House: [about the patient] Re-do every blood test he's ever had. Re-scan his head.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No.
[House turns around and looks at her]
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's been sick and suffering for 8 years. I'm not going to help you make it worse. I'm not going to help you make it interesting.
Dr. Gregory House: That's okay. Foreman's better at that stuff than you are. We need 5mm cuts through the occipital and hypothalamic regions.
Dr. Eric Foreman: No.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Everyone looks over at Chase] How many millimeters?

Dr. Eric Foreman: Where were you two when the guy woke up?
Dr. Robert Chase: Ahm... we just... stepped out for a second.
Dr. Eric Foreman: To do what?
Dr. Robert Chase: To get a coffee, we've been up most of the night.
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's just pushing to make sure we have a complete history. Obviously, we're missing something or we'd have the answer.
[Foreman looks suspiciously at Cameron]
Dr. Eric Foreman: You didn't have any coffee when you came back.
Dr. Allison Cameron: All right already, we confess. You caught us, we snuck into one of the sleep lab rooms to have sex, we shouldn't have done it while we were supposed to be working and we're sorry, now can me move on?
[Chase looks shocked, Foreman starts laughing]
Dr. Eric Foreman: House would do Wilson before you'd do Chase.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No you would do House AND Wilson before I do Chase. Now can we get back to work?
Dr. Robert Chase: [defensive] She did me once!
Dr. Eric Foreman: She was stoned!
[continues laughing]

Dr. Robert Chase: [as they're following a car] In the lab, there is significantly less chance of getting killed. You're too close. Slow down.
Thirteen: We're in a car in broad daylight. What's going to happen?
Dr. Robert Chase: You honestly think he doesn't have a gun in that car?
Thirteen: You think he's going to shoot doctors?
Dr. Robert Chase: Just... back off.

Dr. Eric Foreman: That room will be filled not because of a coin flip, not because of the patient, but because House's Department screwed up. They're gonna be like sharks in a chum-filled swimming pool. And there's no way I'm jumping in unless I'm in a steel cage.
Dr. Robert Chase: So what do you want?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I want to know you have everything covered.

Dr. Gregory House: She's bleeding to death, out of her lung. I want to fill a quarter of it with foam. That'd stop the bleeding, all right. Thought it made more sense than diet and exercise. And if she doesn't have enough lung function left, you'll have killed her. The only alternative is slowly suturing the lung, hoping the bleeding stops in time and she doesn't die on her own. But we would walk away with clean hands. Except for all the blood.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You're right. Faster and riskier is better. Foam the lung.
Dr. Robert Chase: You got a green light?
Dr. Gregory House: No. Suture the lung.

Martha: We treat with chemotherapy or steroids.
Dr. Gregory House: We treat with chemotherapy.
Martha: I said chemo.
Dr. Gregory House: And then you said "or."
Dr. Robert Chase: Once again, the bunny meets the blade.
Dr. Gregory House: The road to dead patients is paved with "or's." Chemo is the more effective treatment, which means it will confirm our diagnosis more quickly...
Martha: I agree, but there is another option.
Dr. Gregory House: There are lots of other options. There's bloodletting, crystals, prayer...
Martha: Another medically accepted option.
Dr. Gregory House: Which is both less effective and less scary. So the patient might just choose it. Unless, of course, we don't mention it to him.
Martha: We can't withhold information. If we explain both the benefits and the risks of each treatment, I'm sure Dugan will choose chemo.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, as long as you're sure.
Martha: [to Dugan] The better option is chemotherapy. It's faster and more likely to completely cure you.
Joe: I'll take the steroids.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, my goodness. If only someone could have predicted that you'd make that incredibly stupid decision.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Chase] You don't have to work for House, but you do owe me twenty clinic hours.
Dr. Robert Chase: [astonished] What? Getting knife doesn't buy me an extension?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Buys you whatever you need, but I know you. If all you do is physical therapy and your nighttime version of it, you'll loose your mind faster than your regain of your fine motor skills.

Dr. Robert Chase: [a patient who believes he's abducted by aliens goes missing] House! Clancy's gone missing.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, no! Well, you take Alpha Centauri, Foreman can look on Tatooine and Cameron can set up an intergalactic checkpoint. Let's pray he hasn't gone into hyperdrive! We'll never catch him.

Dr. Cameron: [about Cuddy] Anybody going to stop her?
Dr. Robert Chase: Stopping the madness is her job.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Somebody's gotta be Cuddy's Cuddy.

Dr. Robert Chase: We talked at the reception. That's why you hate me?
Bree: It was fun.
Dr. Robert Chase: It was great.
Bree: Until I mentioned that I don't sleep with guys on the first date, and then you said you had to go to the bathroom and you never came back. Actions have consequences.
Dr. Robert Chase: Do you take vengeance on every guy who acts like an ass? Could be a full-time job.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Sure could use a little more help around here.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Slightly sarcastic] She's doing what she believes in.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, if she was acting on principle, she'd be in here trying to stop us. All she's doing is running away from the principle so she won't have to feel uncomfortable facing it.
Dr. Robert Chase: And if YOU were acting on principle, you would've called the cops when you thought House was killing the guy.

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Just been served with papers. Actually paper; one page.
[while reading the paper]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Defendants: Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital and Dr. Robert Chase. Blah, blah, blah. Medical malpractice, negligence. Blah, blah.
Dr. Gregory House: You're surprised they're suing? You think people love Chase so much they're gonna just forego...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Punitive damages in the amount of 10 million dollars.
[passes the paper to Stacy]
Stacy: Punitives? That means they're alleging gross negligence.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, he's obviously out of his mind.
Stacy: Larry Wusekus. He's not crazy.

Dr. Allison Cameron: I'll check into it.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'll make the call.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'll keep the kid alive - for a while, at least.
Dr. Gregory House: I'll have lunch.

Dr. Robert Chase: Lithium could cause all three of the mother's symptoms.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No record she's on lithium.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And tox screen was negative.
Dr. Gregory House: Lithium doesn't show on a basic tox screen, scarecrow.

Dr. Robert Chase: You can't fake bacterial vaginosis in your mouth.
Dr. Gregory House: Where's his mouth been?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He says he hasn't performed oral sex on anyone in over a year.
Dr. Gregory House: Selfish bastard!

Dr. Robert Chase: Cake? Taub though we should have a little party to see you off properly. He gets sentimental about these things.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I never should have flashed him.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Got any money for lunch?
Dr. Robert Chase: If you like parsley and croutons. Tritter finally froze my accounts.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Really?
Dr. Robert Chase: You surprised? Why wouldn't he?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I figured if he was singling you out, you must have done something different.
Dr. Robert Chase: What? Like talking?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, and now that he's frozen your accounts, you probably will. You need the cash, right?
Dr. Robert Chase: He doesn't freeze my accounts, I'm guilty. He does freeze my accounts, I'm guilty.

Dr. Chi Park: [to Chase] I'm scared of everything.
Dr. Robert Chase: It sucks that there was a stabbing, but you'll get over it.
Dr. Chi Park: Like you have?
Dr. Robert Chase: You weren't even there.
Dr. Chi Park: I know, I... I left the room. It was pure luck.
Dr. Robert Chase: I was in the room. That was pure luck too. I get that you're scared and guilty. You're still a doctor. I don't have time to teach you to act like one.

Dr. Gregory House: Why are you doing surgery when I need you find me a new case?
Dr. Robert Chase: You don't want a new case.
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, right.

Dr. Chris Taub: Chickens aren't roosting. She's just got a friend. A guy she met in an online support group for cheating spouses.
Dr. Robert Chase: I've heard of that group. It's called "irony."
Dr. Chris Taub: You think she's cheating on her spouse with someone from a cheating spouse support group?
Dr. Robert Chase: Sounds like the perfect place to hit on vulnerable women.

Dr. Eric Foreman: No tumors in her arm. Synovial membrane's working fine.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No hot spots. No bone cancer. Maybe we should be looking for something else.
[Chase walks in wearing his coat, carrying a bag, some books and an umbrella]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Is it raining out?
Dr. Robert Chase: House fired me.
Dr. Eric Foreman: What?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because you yelled at him?
Dr. Robert Chase: "Time for a change" was the official explanation.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It makes no sense.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Since when does House make sense?
Dr. Allison Cameron: He always makes sense.
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's angry.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yes, it's all about you, Foreman. He's upset you're leaving so he fires Chase.

Dr. Robert Chase: [after House breaks the MRI machine] They have to, uh... shut down the magnet to fix it. MRI's gonna be out of commission for at least two weeks.
[Foreman giggles and Chase sighs]
Dr. Gregory House: Well, it doesn't matter. We obviously can't use it on this patient.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No, but there are other doctors in this hospital and other patients.
Dr. Gregory House: That helps explain how they can afford all the fancy equipment. I'm sure not pulling my weight.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Foreman's interview in New York got screwed up.
Dr. Robert Chase: I heard.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Foreman thought it was House, House thought it was Cuddy, Cuddy thought it was Wilson, Wilson thought it was me.
[stares accusingly at Chase]
Dr. Robert Chase: And you think it was me?
[chuckles]
Dr. Robert Chase: God, you think I sabotaged Foreman? I don't even want him here.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I know.
Dr. Robert Chase: Then why would I do...?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I think you sabotaged Foreman just to sabotage Foreman.
Dr. Robert Chase: So everyone's a suspect because everyone wants to help House, except for me. I'm a suspect because I'm a petty, vindictive jerk?
[Cameron stares at him]
Dr. Robert Chase: You actually think I would do something like that?
Dr. Allison Cameron: It was someone.
Dr. Robert Chase: [firm tone] It wasn't me.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Dan] We're going to need a semen sample. You can use the bathroom over there.
Dan: Right, uh... how do I...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Aim and shoot.
Dr. Robert Chase: No thinking about Dr. Cameron. We'll know.

Martha: Wait. I understand the booze and hookers, but why vicodin?
Dr. Robert Chase: [Everyone stares at Masters] Wow. You *really* don't have any friends in here, do you?

Dr. Robert Chase: Are- are you proposing to me?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm
[Cameron exhales]
Dr. Allison Cameron: proposing that you propose to me.
Dr. Robert Chase: After I broke up with you? After you ruined my planned proposal? You expect me to...
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not expecting... hoping.
[Long pause. Chase walks to Cameron, slight pause. Then he gets down on one knee, and holds her hand]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yes!

Dr. Allison Cameron: I still don't know why I said that. It's not even true. I did love you. Just... not in a way that would have ever worked.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why not?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because everything you said is true. I'm a mess. I married a man I knew was dying. So... God knows how screwed up I already was. Him dying messed me up even more. I pushed you out of my life. And I'm-I'm un-unfixable. Not you.

Dr. Robert Chase: It's Tuesday.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I know.
Dr. Robert Chase: I like you.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [smiles] I know. See you next Tuesday.

Dr. Robert Chase: You gonna keep working on this?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah. I brought in the case.
Dr. Robert Chase: There is no case. He's gone. You've been tossed. This is totally nuts.
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's incredibly sick. We don't know...
Dr. Robert Chase: Forget about the patient. What is going on with you? This is why we left House's team to avoid this constant flood of pure craziness.
Dr. Allison Cameron: That's why I left House. You got fired.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [after House yells at them] He's yelled at us before.
Dr. Allison Cameron: 'Cause he thought our theories were dumb, not because our theories were sending him to jail.
[Chase is playing with House's laser pointer]
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's going through withdrawal, could be causing mild paranoia. It'll pass, we just have to suffer through it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: We never ruled out allergy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: We gave her drugs, she had no negative reaction.
Dr. Allison Cameron: We cut open her belly, she got a rash on her belly. We did a scratch test on her back, she got a rash on her back. I know House ruled out mojo, but it can't be a coincidence.
[Chase points the laser pointer at Foreman]
Dr. Robert Chase: Little late to be playing differental games, isn't it?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [shields his eyes] Get that thing away from me! I don't wanna get burned.
Dr. Robert Chase: Laser pointers don't burn you, genius.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Skin, no. Retina, yes.
Dr. Robert Chase: You don't trust my aim? Maybe you should cover any sensitive...
[thinks for a minute, then has an epiphany. He puts down the laser pointer]
Dr. Robert Chase: He was wrong about the puppies!
[jumps from his seat and races out of the room]

Dr. Robert Chase: We take drugs to help us fall asleep, to stay awake...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah but we don't make careers out of who can stay awake the longest.
Dr. Robert Chase: Really? Ever been to uh, I dunno... Med School?

Dr. Allison Cameron: [when Alice is in the operating room] Are you saying she never had Reye's? We just put that girl through excruciating pain.
Dr. Robert Chase: Pain wasn't House's fault. Even if the clot was a reaction to what we gave her, we still have to...
Dr. Gregory House: [angry tone] I don't need you to cover my ass! What I need is my Vicodin! Two pills every six hours like I'm on an allowance. She's given the cop leverage over medical decisions. What the hell, why don't we get a plumber in here, ask his opinion?

Dr. Robert Chase: What do you think you're going to figure out, you think... her lack of pain is somehow the answer to your pain?
Dr. Gregory House: I think... if you'd stop talking to Cameron, then right now we could be ranking nurses in order of do-ability.

Dr. Gregory House: Stool sample to check for parasites, blood culture to rule out infection, and ANA for lupus.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because he screamed?
Dr. Robert Chase: Could also be an environmental reaction. An allergy, dust, weed, pollen, toxin, or something he ate...
Dr. Gregory House: Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan. The lungs are in the chest too, right?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I had a date last night. She screamed. Should we spend $100,000 testing her?
Dr. Gregory House: Course not. This isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!

Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase] Look, you got a choice. You can either tell the truth, hospital settles, family gets some money, they get to keep their house. Or you can keep up this lie, family gets punitive damages, they buy a jet, they move to Park Avenue and you have to find another career.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're not going to say anything?
Dr. Gregory House: I'm going to keep my mouth shut. Legally, it's better for me if you go down in flames.

Dr. Robert Chase: The hematoma caused the coma.
Dr. Gregory House: That's a catchy diagnosis. You could dance to that.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I made a promise.
Dr. Robert Chase: You made a promise?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I will not take her to the hospital.
Dr. Robert Chase: Great. Then I will.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: No.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm gonna move you, then I'm gonna pick your friend up, carry her down to my car, take her to the hospital, and try to save her life.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: She's staying here.
Dr. Robert Chase: Move.
[pause]
Dr. Robert Chase: Move!
[moves Thirteen away]
Dr. Robert Chase: She's going to the hospital.

Dr. Robert Chase: People who are sick are not the only ones who need to be taken care of

Dr. Robert Chase: He's in too good a shape. We need to get him to the point he was at last night.
Dr. Jessica Adams: Don't look at me. But if you want to...
Dr. Robert Chase: Cute. But I didn't mean physical stress.

Dr. Robert Chase: How's an inmate on death row get his hands on heroin?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Are you serious?
Dr. Gregory House: Man knows prisons. When we got a yachting question, we'll come to you.

Dr. Robert Chase: Why do you need me?
Dr. Gregory House: Saying "nice work, Chase" when you're not here is pointless.

Dr. Robert Chase: Foreman's not going anywhere.
Dr. Gregory House: He said that to you?
Dr. Robert Chase: He doesn't really want to leave and you don't really want to let him. You'll cave. Just like you did with Cameron.
Dr. Gregory House: Foreman's not as easy as Cameron, but of course, who is?
Dr. Allison Cameron: [sternly] I'm in the room.

Dr. Gregory House: You know how you can tell there's nothing to be done? Chase showed up.
Dr. Robert Chase: I was here at 9:00.

Dr. Eric Foreman: How's Cameron?
Dr. Robert Chase: She's not giddy.

Dr. Eric Foreman: You're arguing Dugan's politics are a sign that he's mentally compromised?
Dr. Robert Chase: No. His tactics. He's most likely the one who leaked it. And all the commentators are saying Anderson will catch a major backlash.

[the team has discovered a piece of metal lodged in the back of the patient's neck]
Dr. Gregory House: The results came back. The lab cannot identify the metal. Said it might not even be terrestrial.
Dr. Robert Chase: Really?
Dr. Gregory House: No, you idiot. It's titanium.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Chase] Making me look bad is not going to save your job.
Dr. Robert Chase: You think you're incapable of making a mistake?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You think that I am that weak that I am just going to roll over and take this?
Dr. Robert Chase: House isn't just going to protect you because you kiss his ass!

Dr. Robert Chase: Not that I could ever do it. But I was jealous of House and Cameron, and she never touched him.
Thirteen: Not counting the emotional fondling.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Where's Foreman?
Dr. Gregory House: He's mad at me.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Why?
Dr. Gregory House: No reason.
Dr. Robert Chase: [scoffs] Yeah, that makes sense.

Dr. Gregory House: I'm going to say it was the ex-girlfriend you cheated on - not the ex-wife you cheated with. Because if the latter was prone to violence, you would've been scattered across various dumpsters years ago.
Dr. Chris Taub: [Looking around to the rest of the team] Seriously? No one wants to talk about the patient? New office furniture, we need a new topic.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Pulling out his wallet] What's the action on the ex-wife?

Dr. Eric Foreman: [referring to House] You make enough calls, one of 'em is bound to be right.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, he's just a lucky, lucky guy.

Dr. Gregory House: Say the first thing that comes to your head.
Dr. Robert Chase: [about Jessica] She's fat.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Enough already, okay? We've got it. You hate fat people.

Dr. Robert Chase: In other words, you're committed except when you're not committed. Doesn't work so well if you have a conscience.
Hank: Conscience? You mean that thing that kicks in when there's no logical reason to behave the way people want you to?

Dr. Lawrence Kutner: We gave van Gogh chelation therapy. Turned him into a house painter.
Dr. Chris Taub: Maybe not. Maybe we just put Hitler on Ritalin.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Are you comparing House to Hitler?
Dr. Robert Chase: Oh god.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Just because I don't think he's Hitler doesn't mean I slept with him. I don't sleep with everyone who's better than Hitler.

Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, maybe Chase screwed up.
[House looks at him]
Dr. Robert Chase: You always end there, just getting a jump on it.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [at House's hospital bed] Test was negative.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No trash against the fence.
[looks at his papers]
Dr. Allison Cameron: Is your leg really better?
Dr. Gregory House: [distracted] Don't worry. I'm sure something else is wrong.
Dr. Robert Chase: We did find blood.
[House looks up and eyes Chase]
Dr. Gregory House: On which side?
Dr. Robert Chase: [walking around] The wrong side.
Dr. Gregory House: First thing that makes sense.
Dr. Robert Chase: The wrong side's the wrong side. It can't make sense.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It'd mess with his brain. Wouldn't cause fever.
[eyes Moriarty]
Dr. Allison Cameron: He's been sleeping a lot lately.
Dr. Gregory House: [looks up at her] You worried? I marked a change of meds on his chart.
[sighs]
Dr. Gregory House: Foreign object. Body wants to get rid of it. It causes the fever.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [in monotone disbelief] Blood's a foreign object?
Dr. Eric Foreman: In the brain lining, it is. Blood dyscrasia means cancer.
Dr. Gregory House: Find it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: All the tests...
Dr. Gregory House: Have been negative! What do you do if your trash cans are full? You use your neighbor's trash cans. Except it's still light outside. Your neighbor will see you. So you go out the back way, into an alley and drop off your trash by their garage.
Dr. Robert Chase: We'll check the lymphatic system in the chest.
[turns and starts walking]
Dr. Gregory House: [looks at him astonished] You got that from trash cans in the alley?
Dr. Robert Chase: [stops to speak] The saliva glands from the tongue are connected to the lymphatic system in the lungs. It's the next lymphatic system over.
Dr. Gregory House: [scans the team] Yeah. Go get lung lymph.
[Everyone leaves]
Jack: [woken up] How did he know that?
Dr. Gregory House: I wouldn't have hired him if he wasn't smart.
Jack: Right. Because you have nothing but respect for him. Maybe he knew the answer because the question wasn't nearly as tricky as you thought.
[House considers this]
Jack: Maybe he's not getting smarter. You're getting dumber.
[cut to a surgery; back to Moriarty and a fake sleeping House]
Jack: You pretend to buck the system. Pretend to be a rebel. You claim to hate rules. But all you do is substitute your own rules for society's and it's a nice, simple rule. Tell the blunt, honest truth in the starkest, darkest way and what will be will be. What will be should be. And everyone else is a coward, but you're wrong. It's not cowardly to not call someone an idiot. People aren't tactful or polite just because it's nice. They do it because they've got an ounce of humility. Because they know that they will make mistakes and they know that their actions have consequences and they know that those consequences are their fault. Why do you want so bad not to be human, House?
[Cameron and Foreman come back in]
Jack: Oh, he's awake.
Dr. Allison Cameron: House, we need to talk to you.
Dr. Gregory House: [eyes still closed] How the hell did you know I was awake?
Jack: Your nostrils flare when you sleep.

Dr. Robert Chase: I think when you *do* change, it's not so simple to go back.

Dr. Jessica Adams: I know when House went to prison you quit medicine. You don't do that unless...
Dr. Robert Chase: I didn't quit. I took a vacation. I knew when he got out, I'd get my job back.
Dr. Jessica Adams: House didn't even know he'd be coming back.
Dr. Robert Chase: I had faith.
Dr. Jessica Adams: Now that has baggage stamped all over it.

Dr. Gregory House: Any of you guys ever been to the Galapagos?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Was our patient there? Dengue fever, avian pox. Even West Nile.
Dr. Gregory House: No. I'm looking for a vacation spot.
Dr. Robert Chase: That mean we get vacation?
Dr. Gregory House: How would that differ from your current status?
Dr. Cameron: You're going to do what? Relax?
Dr. Gregory House: Visiting family. My uncle's a giant turtle.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Chase] I didn't realize you were going to get hurt. I'm sorry I misled you.
Dr. Robert Chase: You didn't. You have feelings for me. You come back to me again and again.
Dr. Allison Cameron: For sex. It's a simple, physical...
Dr. Robert Chase: Come on. You have feelings for puppies and patients that you barely know, but when it comes to a guy that you've worked with for three years?
[takes Cameron's hand]
Dr. Robert Chase: Had sex with, spent the night with. You're telling me you feel nothing? Absolutely nothing?

Dr. Gregory House: Whatever this woman has, it's not showing up on our tests which means she's sick. Just not sick enough for us to see it.
Dr. Robert Chase: You want us to make her sicker?
Dr. Gregory House: Yes. I want to stress her body. Specifically her brain. Keep her awake.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Depriving her of even the few minutes of sleep she does have, it's torture.
Dr. Gregory House: So is cutting people with knives, but you can totally get away with that if you have a doctor coat on.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Cameron, sarcastically] Wow! Yeah, I get it. House is adorable. I just want to hold him and never let go.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Maybe this is House's way of telling you to talk to her.
Dr. Robert Chase: Sure. How was your day, honey? By the way, I killed someone.

Dibala: [Speaking of Cameron] I did her a favor. I showed her her true character.
Dr. Robert Chase: She's a better person than you are.
Dibala: She's too weak to act on her beliefs. That is not her fault. Most everyone is. Even my own advisors. My own Colonel. All they do is negotiate, and debate and sign treaties. They are appeasers. All the while we are beset by assassins and traitors, the scum.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Kayla] We need to talk.
Sam: No, no time.
Dr. Robert Chase: Two minutes. Kayla, I made a mistake. I wasn't as blunt as I should have been about your odds. I... probably didn't want to face it myself.
Sam: Dr. Chase, please don't do this.
Dr. Robert Chase: Stress of the travel, the operation. Even then, the cancer.
Sam: Kayla, we are going!
Dr. Robert Chase: My dad died. Lung cancer. I saw him a couple of months before it happened. We never talked about it.
Sam: I'm sorry your father died, but it has nothing...
Dr. Robert Chase: [ignores Sam] He never even told me he was sick. I wish he had. It wou... You're gonna die. Alone. Thousand of miles from your children. You don't want to do that to them.

Martha: [When House and his team are sitting in the morgue; House is watching a cartoon on a portable TV] Is no one gonna tell me...
[House shushes her]
Martha: [whispers] Why we're in the morgue?
Dr. Robert Chase: House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors...

Dr. Robert Chase: You really don't think you're a knight, do you?
William: Being a knight isn't a game. It's a lifestyle. And we do it everyday. Not just when we play dress up. We live by a code and uphold ideals like: loyalty, courage, humility.
Dr. Chris Taub: And the part where you beat the crap out of each other in armor?
William: That we do for fun. At least it was, until yesterday.

[last lines]
Dr. Allison Cameron: If you don't want to tell... okay. But I could help. Whatever this is, it's eating away at you. We could get past it together. I love you no matter what.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Long pause] We lose patients sometimes. One of those patients... Dibala... we didn't ac- we didn't actually lose him... I killed him.

Dr. Robert Chase: So I shouldn't be at all concerned that you're treating another doctor's patient for hiccups instead of going on a vacation I spent a week planning.
Dr. Allison Cameron: There... is a reason I need to stay with this case a while longer. But I can't tell you... what it is.
Dr. Robert Chase: So you admit you lied to me. Now you're asking me to trust you?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Yes.
Dr. Robert Chase: ...Okay.

Dr. Robert Chase: Blood thinners and TMS had no effect; it's not cluster headaches.
Dr. Gregory House: You accusing the symptoms of lying?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Could be hemachromatosis.
Dr. Gregory House: Wouldn't account for the personality disorder.
Dr. Robert Chase: Hypothyroidism.
Dr. Gregory House: He's not getting aggressive and lethargic, he's getting aggressive and aggressiver.
Dr. Allison Cameron: What about ruptured dermoid cyst?
Dr. Gregory House: [House stumbles backward] Sorry. I just got dizzy there. I was expecting to turn right. It's Foreman's turn to be shot down.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [listlessly] The thing that Cameron said.
Dr. Gregory House: Way to think outside the box. But no fat in the ventricles. It's cluster headaches.
Dr. Robert Chase: Normal treatment didn't work. Abnormal treatment didn't work.
Dr. Gregory House: Good point, Foreman. The normal treatments don't always work. Symptoms never lie.
Dr. Allison Cameron: The only approved treatment left for cluster headaches is brain surgery and that's not even a guarantee.
Dr. Gregory House: Back off, Foreman!

Dr. Robert Chase: [to House] This kid is not Esther. You screwed up, she died. I'm sorry, but that does not mean this kid is dying as well.
Dr. Gregory House: Geez. You get testy when you don't get any fuzz.

Dr. Chris Taub: [Reading some of James's notebooks] This isn't some homework assignment his parents forced on him. This is passion. Why would he want to stop doing this?
Dr. Robert Chase: Marriage destroyed his soul.

Lucas: In my experience, if you're staring at a pit bull in some guy's backyard, you're better off staying right where you are. Face the problem. That way it can't bite you in the ass.
Dr. Robert Chase: Thanks for the folksy wisdom.

Dr. Robert Chase: How would you feel if I interfered in your personal life?
Dr. Gregory House: I'd hate it. That's why I cleverly have no personal life.

Dr. Jessica Adams: [about House] I'm not saying he is definitely sick. I'm just saying we should look into it.
Dr. Robert Chase: No, we shouldn't. If you believes House is sick, it's only because that's wants you to believe.

Dr. Jessica Adams: Do you think people can change?
Dr. Robert Chase: No. But I don't think that's gonna change your opinion, because... people don't change.

Dr. Chris Taub: [When the patient refuses to have her hands and feet amputated due to gangrene] We know what House would do.
Dr. Robert Chase: House would have never woken her up to ask for consent. If you can't live with the answer, don't ask the question.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: You're saying we should accept her decision.
Dr. Robert Chase: Bold idea, I know.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Maybe we can get the boyfriend to convince her to do it.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, boyfriends get everything they want.

Dr. Robert Chase: At some point, "do no harm" has to mean allowing nature to take its course, not stubbornly standing in the way of it.

Dr. Gregory House: Plaques can be mistaken for nodules which means...
Dr. Robert Chase: Syphilis.
Dr. Gregory House: Explains the shoulder and foot involvement. Hope you practiced immaculate contraception.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Thirteen] Office romances are a bad idea.
[Cameron glares at him. Chase looks at Cameron]
Dr. Robert Chase: We beat some very long odds.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Wow. I mean, save the gushy stuff for the wedding.

Dr. Robert Chase: Extremely obese patients can get a fat embolus.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Right, after they get liposuction which she's clearly never had.
Dr. Robert Chase: How do you know?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Because we have her medical records and because no plastic surgeon in his right mind is going to give a 10-year-old liposuction!
Dr. Robert Chase: Have you ever met a plastic surgeon who was in their right mind?

Immigration: [to Cameron] I'm sorry, ma'am. Illegals only.
Dr. Robert Chase: [as the officers are taking him away] I'm... I'm sure it's a mistake. I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [quietly to Foreman] Don't let House get him into too much trouble.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [after Chase learns that Kayla is planning on getting a black market transplant] This is not what she wants!
Dr. Eric Foreman: She's being manipulated by a morally guilty brother and a legally guiltier doctor.
Dr. Robert Chase: You think she wants to die?
Dr. Allison Cameron: She's dying either way.

Dr. Gregory House: Can't let Jack Cannon end this way.
Dr. Robert Chase: We're treating a patient, not a book.

Dr. Gregory House: How much morphine is the husband on?
Dr. Robert Chase: We can't increase it anymore. His respirations are depressed.
Dr. Gregory House: Decrease it! Drugs cloud people's judgment. Cold turkey the sucker.

Dr. Robert Chase: What I did may be the worst thing I ever did. It may be the best. I'm either a murderer or a guy who stopped a mass murderer. But I did it. Me. And even if it destroys me, I'd do it again today.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You don't mean that. This isn't you.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm not running away from what I did because you want to pretend I never did it.
Dr. Allison Cameron: If that's how you feel - okay.

Dr. Robert Chase: Just like most straight marriages. He's got the right to life liberty and unhappiness - like the rest of us.

Dr. Gregory House: I like this kid.
Dr. Robert Chase: You haven't met him.
Dr. Gregory House: I know you hate him. What more do I need to know?

Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House about Anica] You just don't wanna admit that she skunked you.
Dr. Gregory House: At the end of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf," the wolf really does come and he eats the sheep, and the boy, and his parents.
Dr. Robert Chase: The wolf doesn't eat the parents!
Dr. Gregory House: It does when I tell it.

Dr. Robert Chase: Melinda's dying.
Dr. Gregory House: We're all dying. How fast?

Dr. Gregory House: We've got a patient who for no obvious reason is hallucinating. Since it's not obvious, I thought we'd go with subtle.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It doesn't matter. If her sat percentage is off, that means her blood isn't getting enough oxygen; that's a problem with her lungs, not her heart.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And a lung problem isn't causing hallucinations.
Dr. Robert Chase: But the lungs could lead us somewhere that is.
Dr. Gregory House: Welcome to the end of the thought process.

Tom: You married?
Dr. Robert Chase: I - I was.
Tom: Did you ever agree to go see a chick flick with your wife, or pretend to enjoy classical music?
Dr. Robert Chase: Stravinskey never groped my wife in a midtown hotel room.
Tom: She needs this, I don't. I don't want her to feel bad about that.

Dr. Gregory House: Maternal Mirror Syndrome has one surefire cure. Deliver the fetus.
Dr. Robert Chase: It's not viable at 21 weeks. You'll kill the baby.
Dr. Gregory House: Fetus.
Dr. Cameron: Do semantics make you feel better? Pretend it's not a person?
Dr. Gregory House: Can it play catch? Can it eat? Can it take pretty pictures?

Dr. Robert Chase: What if the tumor is somewhere else? There could be an ACTH-secreting tumor on her lung or pancreas.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's awfully rare.
Dr. Robert Chase: Not as rare as an invisible tumor.
Dr. Gregory House: Why didn't they put you in charge instead of Foreman? Oh yeah, you're the guy that killed that woman.

Dr. Robert Chase: [Speaking of Taub and Thirteen] What happened to them?
Dr. Eric Foreman: He quit, and I had to let her go.
Dr. Robert Chase: You actually fired your girlfriend?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yes. You two are both competent, and I know I can work with you.

[last lines]
Dr. Allison Cameron: So I'm thinking we should have sex.
Dr. Robert Chase: That makes sense.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Despite the wisdom of pop songs there's no point in putting our lives on hold till love comes along. We're both healthy and busy people, and we work together so it's convenient.
Dr. Robert Chase: Like microwave pizza?
Dr. Allison Cameron: And of all the people I work with you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with.
Dr. Robert Chase: Like microwave pizza.
Dr. Allison Cameron: The point here is to make things simpler, not more complicated. Some day there'll be time to get serious about someone. Meanwhile, we already had sex once and didn't get weird about it, so...
Dr. Robert Chase: I get it, I get it. So, what if I'm offended by your judgment?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Then you're not the man I'm looking for.

Dr. Robert Chase: You're not my boss.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm House's boss. House is your boss. The math is pretty simple.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about the patient] We trached him, endoscopically removed the probe and he's breathing again. So, all in all, great idea.
Dr. Gregory House: Get a look at the pancreas before the world ended?
Dr. Eric Foreman: It was clean.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Which means barring anything else, meaning you, he can go home tomorrow.
Dr. Gregory House: This man nearly died. How can you discharge him?
Dr. Allison Cameron: His throat collapsed because of what we predicted.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You stick something down someone's throat, they gag, spasm which he did. It took us a half an hour to get that thing out.
Dr. Gregory House: Except that our patient's throat was sedated which means the brain should have sent a signal not to do anything. This could be cancer, or some bizarre neuro-degeneration, even a new type of vasculitis...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Stop it.
[stands in House's way]
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're enjoying this.
Dr. Gregory House: I find it interesting.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's interesting only if you're right. If you're wrong, we're torturing this guy to amuse you.

Dr. Chris Taub: Is that guy seriously using the toilet? Oh, my God, he's sitting down.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Don't try to change the subject. Did you sleep with her?
Dr. Chris Taub: No wonder he's in jail. Anyone who would do that has no shame.
Dr. Robert Chase: Or maybe he tried to sleep with her, and she shot him down.
Dr. Chris Taub: I don't know her. Is he grunting? I think I hear grunting.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You realize we're not gonna drop this.
Dr. Chris Taub: I didn't sleep with her. I interviewed her for Hopkins Med School.
Dr. Eric Foreman: So you're holding a grudge because she chose a different school?
Dr. Chris Taub: We talked for an hour. She didn't remember me. She remembers the 20th digit of some math constant, but she doesn't remember a guy she had a one-on-one meeting with.
Dr. Robert Chase: I barely remember you.
Dr. Chris Taub: Mystery solved. Now we can all go back to our lives.
[Toilet flash sounds]

Dr. Robert Chase: [looking through a microscope as House comes] It's not Kawasaki's either. What's next?
Dr. Gregory House: Congo red.
Dr. Robert Chase: Amyloidosis?
Dr. Gregory House: What the hell else would I mean by "congo red"?

Dr. Robert Chase: [about the patient] Kid is a product of an in-vitro fertilization pregnancy. Had all his vaccinations, fractured his right ulna at age 3, chicken pox at age 5...
Dr. Gregory House: He ever get his feelings hurt? I'll need to know that, too.

Dr. Robert Chase: What about boogers? Should we include boogers?

Dr. Chris Taub: [to Foreman] Where are you going?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Home. The case is over.
Dr. Chris Taub: No, it's not. Not until we come up with something that might work. It's a shame that she might die because House has some personal crap to work through.
Dr. Robert Chase: Technically, if she dies, it's because House has some personal crap to work through and we weren't smart enough to get the answer without him.

Dr. Robert Chase: You know how I got interested in medicine? When my mother drank, she couldn't handle me, so she locked me in my father's study. Only so many hours you can cry and bang the door before you give up and try and find something to read. We all have family disfunction. That's why we're so successful- to fill the hole.

Dr. Cameron: [to Chase] You know, parents are never as bad as kids think they are.
Dr. Robert Chase: You like my dad so much, ask him out.
Dr. Cameron: I'd make an excellent step-mom. I'm very lenient.
[pauses]
Dr. Cameron: He's your father. You never see him and he's here. Unless he's done some unspeakable thing, you should lighten up.
Dr. Robert Chase: Right, thanks for the tip.
Dr. Cameron: Okay.
[pauses]
Dr. Cameron: He beat your mom.
[pauses again]
Dr. Cameron: He beat you.
[pauses then again. No answer]
Dr. Cameron: What did he do?
Dr. Robert Chase: Really. Don't push it.
Dr. Cameron: All this hate. It's toxic.
Dr. Robert Chase: Then stay away.

Dr. Gregory House: [about Alex] She's got post traumatic stress disorder.
Dr. Robert Chase: We got models fighting in Iraq now?

Dr. Eric Foreman: [about House] He's really talking to a patient?
Dr. Robert Chase: I don't know who I am anymore.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Nick's starting to deteriorate fast. He's got bruising all over his arms.
Dr. Robert Chase: Capillaries are leaking blood. If it happens in his brain, he's dead.
Dr. Allison Cameron: We've got to go with the 4 out of 6 donor.
Dr. Gregory House: Hmm. Did I mention my concerns about 4 being less than 6? Wilson's first wife ignored a similar issue. Of course, that time, it was only fatal to their marriage.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to a patient who won't give up her Blackberry in the radiology room] I'm pretty sure my X-Ray machine can take your phone in a fight. It'll fry it.

Dr. Gregory House: Foreman, take Frodo and break bread with the Hobbits.
Dr. Chris Taub: [Rising up] I still think Hemotoma's more likely.
Dr. Gregory House: That's why you and Chase are going to get an MRI.
Dr. Chris Taub: But you just...
Dr. Gregory House: I said "Frodo", not "Gollum."
[House leaves]
Thirteen: Is he saying I have short legs, or hairy feet?
Dr. Robert Chase: I don't even know who Frodo is.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Jack] It can't be genetic. He would have been getting infections since he was an infant.
Dr. Gregory House: Not if he grew up in a bubble.
Dr. Robert Chase: Or if he grew up on Mars. No germs there either.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase] I ordered black coffee this morning and got cream. Everybody screws up.
Dr. Robert Chase: They didn't put poison in your coffee.
Dr. Gregory House: I've seen you hungover. You weren't the day you blew his sister's diagnosis.
Dr. Robert Chase: What does it matter why? Is she less dead if I have a good excuse?
Dr. Gregory House: If I thought you'd screwed up because you were drunk, I would have fired you.

Dr. Gregory House: Whatever your name is, patient, are you bipolar?
Dr. Gregory House: What? I can't see. Is he nodding?
Fletcher: Yes!
Dr. Gregory House: Topamax isn't just off-label for weight loss. It's off-label for mood disorders. Plenty of bipolars are manic in the daytime, depressive at night. He's been medicating for years with alcohol. Sleeping through the bad hours. It explains the danger journalism. It explains everything, including the kitchen sink. Okay, technically it's kitchen cabinets. He starts a project, then he stops.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Except bipolar disorder does not cause seizures.
Dr. Gregory House: And it doesn't shut down your kidneys. But what it does do...
Guard: Excuse me, sir. May I see your ID?
Dr. Gregory House: I'm on the phone.
Guard: Now, please.
Dr. Robert Chase: House? What is it?
Dr. Gregory House: I'm a doctor! This is an emergency call!
Guard: You have to come with me, Sir.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm not going anywhere! Do you think you're gonna take me on? I kick, and I bite!
Guard: You're either on that plane, or you're going into custody.
Dr. Eric Foreman: House? You still there?
Dr. Gregory House: Being bipolar makes you take risks. You seek excitement. You make up stories.
Fletcher: I dime valutate a lever!
Dr. Gregory House: Fine, maybe your stories are legit. But people would start to wonder. Annoyed politicians. Entire governments would be on your ass. So you couldn't tell anybody you were bipolar. Which was fine... until you fell in love. And you wanted that life. And you hear that there's a surgical cure. You can give the woman you love the life she wants. All you have to do is change. Bilateral cingulotomy. An experimental surgery that some people claim helps mood disorders.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And if it's done by gamma knife, there's no trace of cutting. That's the neural scarring we saw on the MRI.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Which explained nothing because it wasn't even in the right area.
Dr. Gregory House: It's not the surgery, it's the secrecy! What causes recurring fever? Neurological problems, lethargy that you fight with caffeine pills and amphetamines? It wasn't your secret psych disorder. It wasn't your secret daily drug use. It was the secret trip for your secret surgery in Caracas or Buenos Aires. Which, by the way, didn't work, given the state of your kitchen cabinets.
Dr. Allison Cameron: House! Shut up!
Dr. Gregory House: What's going on?
Elizabeth: Is he right? Your doctors know you better than I do. That man on the speaker phone, he never even met you, and he knows you better than I do. You love me?
Fletcher: Yes! Yes!
Elizabeth: You just don't trust me.
Dr. Gregory House: Get some blood on a slide. Do not put it through a computer this time.

Wynn: When we were talking you seemed like a nice guy. So either you're a great actor or you're a nice guy who lost his way. For whatever reason, a little negative re-enforcement seemed warranted... Oh currently your password is "Great big ho." Change it back to anything but "password."
Dr. Robert Chase: Hey, I'm - I'm sorry. Let me prove it to you by taking you out for dinner followed by not sleeping.
[Chuckles]
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm serious.
Wynn: Not on your life.

Dr. Robert Chase: I needed to get wasted - I did, and now I'm better.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase on the phone while making a bath for Cuddy] So how come we don't have like, five neurosurgeons?
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, we had three, but Kapur retired and then Nichols just took off for his daughter's wedding.
Dr. Gregory House: I've got good news. For the next 16 hours, you are the new neurosurgeon.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm not a neurosurgeon.
Dr. Gregory House: Which would matter if you actually had to do some neurosurgery.
Dr. Robert Chase: House, it's a hospital. The odds of having to do neurosurgery are higher than in most places.
Dr. Gregory House: If an EMT calls in with a brain or spinal trauma, just divert them to the nearest hospital. All you gotta do is stand around and keep the E.R. open. It's an administrative problem, not a medical one.
Dr. Robert Chase: House, where the hell are you?
Dr. Gregory House: Great. Glad you're on it.
[hangs up the phone]

Dr. Gregory House: Somebody better be dying.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Lucy's big brother's got a crush on me, so he bit the crap out of Chase.
Dr. Gregory House: And I care because...?
Dr. Robert Chase: Just thought you might want to know when one of your employees gets attacked by a sociopath.
Dr. Gregory House: Bees or monkeys, yes. Sociopaths, no.

Dr. Allison Cameron: This... has nothing to do with House.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, well it has nothing to do with me either, not anymore... let me know when I can come pick up my things.

Dr. Gregory House: Do the things, the, you know, blah blah blah blah blah, all that stuff the other docs did. If that's negative, ultrasound his belly. If that's negative, CT his abdomen and pelvis, with and without contrast. Did I miss anything?
Dr. Robert Chase: Kitchen Sink?

Dr. Robert Chase: Just tell me the truth.
Dr. Allison Cameron: About what?
Dr. Robert Chase: Did you ever love me?
Dr. Allison Cameron: I don't know!
Dr. Robert Chase: Thank you for finally telling me.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Park about Popo] She seems awfully quiet.
Dr. Chi Park: You haven't seen her drunk.

Dr. Eric Foreman: This is definitely different.
Dr. Robert Chase: [looking at a photograph of House] It looks almost like...
Dr. Cameron: He's caring.

Dr. Gregory House: [to House on the phone] Cuddy's assistant decided to use his own brain. Who put that idiot idea into his head?
Dr. Gregory House: Perhaps you could follow the same advice.
Dr. Robert Chase: He notified DPH that there's no neurosurgeon on the premises. Said he legally had to, which he legally had to.
Dr. Gregory House: Sounds like you got the situation under control.
Dr. Robert Chase: No. I don't. You know I don't. When DPH shows up, they're gonna shut down our ER. This can't be fixed. It is what it is, House.
Dr. Gregory House: Great. I've got every faith in your ability to solve the problem.

Dr. Robert Chase: How generous is "extraordinarily generous?"
Martha: Call the charity, explain the donation is a fraud.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And take back Wells's wedding gift? *You* are extraordinarily screwed.

Dr. Chi Park: But it could end up causing another cardiac arrest.
Dr. Gregory House: Hopefully, and we'll know what set it off.
Dr. Robert Chase: What he means is, it's better to do it here where we can revive him than have it happen somewhere else.
Dr. Gregory House: The prodigal son has returned.
[House hugs Chase]

Clancy: So I am kind of weird?
Dr. Robert Chase: We're all kind of weird.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [searching House's place] I'll take in here. Bedroom's down the hall.
Dr. Robert Chase: You've been here?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Where else would the bedroom be?
Dr. Robert Chase: Come with?
Dr. Allison Cameron: You're scared of him catching us breaking into his home, but you're not scared of him catching us doing it in his bed?
Dr. Robert Chase: [to himself] If I'm gonna get fired anyway...

Dr. Eric Foreman: [about the patient, Alice] She's six. Six-year-olds don't get gallstones.
Dr. Gregory House: So, she didn't have pancreatitis?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Your theory is an invisible gallstone?
Dr. Robert Chase: His theory correctly predicted the pancreatitis.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Chase] You might wanna wait until he actually tell us his theory before you start kissing his theory's ass.

Dr. Robert Chase: This will numb you up.
[sprays a substance in Hannah's open mouth and shot cuts to Foreman watching and Max in the background, far from the doctors and patient]
Dr. Robert Chase: And this will keep your tongue out of the way. Don't worry; you shouldn't feel anything except for a slight pulling.
Dr. Eric Foreman: So, you think I was out of line?
Dr. Robert Chase: That article would've sat on House's desk for the next 6 years.
[continues with Hannah's mouth]
Dr. Eric Foreman: [softly] I could've told her.
Dr. Robert Chase: You could've written it for her, too. She knows House as well as any of us. She should've known she was waiting for him to do something he was never gonna do.
[puts instrument down; Hannah's eyes begin rapidly moving]
Dr. Eric Foreman: Chase?
[Chase turns and expression changes as he sees Hannah's rapidly moving eyes]
Dr. Robert Chase: Hannah? You still with us?
Max: What's wrong with her eyes?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [softly] Looks like R.E.M.
Max: What's that?
Dr. Robert Chase: [looks over at her] Rapid Eye Movements. It's what your eyes do when you're sleeping.
Max: [voice breaking] But, she's awake.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [loudly] Hannah. Hannah, can you hear me?
Hannah: [slowly looks more alert] Yeah, of course.
[Chase looks seriously at Foreman]

Dr. Gregory House: What's the largest organ?
Dr. Robert Chase: Skin.
Dr. Gregory House: We need to get a piece.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [sarcastically to Chase] Sure. We'll just... wait until he leaves his room without his skin, sneak in and take a piece!

[as Foreman rushes away from them]
Dr. Robert Chase: I think we gave him an idea.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Either that or he's off to kill House.

Dr. Gregory House: [after Chase's patient, Kayla shows up in the ER with a bleeding ulcer] This woman could die because you were too lazy to ask one simple question!
Dr. Robert Chase: No, she might die because I had the bad luck to spill your damn vicodin pills!

Dr. Gregory House: Chase, find out what the resort cooks with, if they re-painted recently, or did any plumbing repairs.
Dr. Robert Chase: I don't speak Spanish.
Dr. Gregory House: Then it'll be challenging.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about a photo of himself] That... is not me.
Dr. Chris Taub: That is you.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Pointing to part of picture] Th-that's me.
[Pointing to another part]
Dr. Robert Chase: But th-that is not. Whoever did this made it smaller. Much, much smaller.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Whoever did this has a bone to pick with you. Ironic, since your bone...
Dr. Robert Chase: It is not in that picture. My proof is right here.
[Starts to undo his belt]
Dr. Robert Chase: You really want to see it?

Dr. Robert Chase: This isn't Cuddy. Your Jedi mind tricks won't work here.
Dr. Gregory House: [waves his hand in front of Chase] These aren't the droids you're looking for.

Dr. Robert Chase: You want more time? Joshua got God to make the sun stand still. No reason God can't speed it up. And, by God, I of course mean you.
Dr. Gregory House: I told you we needed you.

Dr. Robert Chase: Fighting's the best part of hockey. Without it, you've got the Ice Capades.
Dr. Chris Taub: Fighting has nothing to do with hockey. It's like the cheerleaders at a basketball game.
Dr. Robert Chase: Cheerleading's the best part of basketball. Without it, you've got... basketball.

Dr. Elizabeth Lawson: [about Simon] I'm gonna get his keys and check for environmentals.
Dr. Robert Chase: Lupus is a better fit.
Dr. Elizabeth Lawson: I don't mean to pull rank here, but I *am* her mother.
Dr. Robert Chase: I thought you said you're here as a doctor.
Dr. Elizabeth Lawson: And as a doctor, I need parents to consent. See above. While I'm gone, please, start her on chelation therapy.
[leaves the room]
Dr. Robert Chase: She's the mother. So, let's treat her like any other mother.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: So, you gonna ask me about this Huntington's trial? And by ask, I mean give me your opinion.
Dr. Robert Chase: No. There is one thing though. Will you have sex with me?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: What?
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, this trial mean you're leaving right away. I was playing a long game. Deadlines have been moved up.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Drugs?
Dr. Robert Chase: He's a cop.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Good point. How about... drugs?

Dr. Gregory House: [Smugly] You did it, didn't you?
Dr. Robert Chase: It... it wasn't sick. It was one kiss - for a dying girl.
[Cameron puts her hands over her mouth and gets a disgusted look on her face. Foreman turns away in disgust]
Dr. Robert Chase: One small, one small kiss before she - dies. Thank you. Thanks.
Dr. Gregory House: This is exactly why you can't touch my markers.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Everything in society tells us we have to be thin to be successful.
Dr. Robert Chase: No, society tells you you have to be thin to be attractive. And guess what, that's what attractive means: that society likes looking at you.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I think we should be telling our kids it's fine as long as they're healthy.
Dr. Robert Chase: All right. You weigh 90 pounds because it makes you healthier?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Forget it. He's just cranky because he's the one who's going to get the axe.

Dr. Robert Chase: We don't want to do it either. But Wilson already paid us.
Dr. Gregory House: It's gonna suck.
Dr. Robert Chase: I know.
Dr. Gregory House: Where and when?

Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Lucy] Bacterial infection is more likely to turn constrictive. It could be TB.
Dr. Robert Chase: Right. Forgot about the part where she did time in Russian gulag.

Dr. Robert Chase: Why's Foreman quitting?
Dr. Gregory House: He wants to breed llamas.

Sister: I haven't seen television in over twenty years.
Dr. Robert Chase: Do you consider it the work of the devil or do you just not get cable where you live?

Dr. Robert Chase: [refuses to write House a script for Vicodin] We both know it's not gonna be just one. I'd rather lose my job than lose my license.

Dr. Allison Cameron: Hey! Are you trying to kill yourself? It's from the same batch the girls ate.
Dr. Robert Chase: They ate what he ate. And what a hundred other healthy people ate. Dig in. Lunch is on the Adams.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Here, pussy, pussy, pussy.
Dr. Robert Chase: I didn't do anything.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Exactly my point.

Dr. Gregory House: Your fourth diagnostic criterion for lupus is psychosis. This is just a kid missing his cat.
Dr. Robert Chase: He was being attacked by an animal that wasn't in the room! That's psychosis.
Dr. Gregory House: There is a difference between psychosis and hallucination.
Dr. Eric Foreman: So if he was imagining a fake cat it would be lupus, but since it was a real cat it's not?

Dr. Eric Foreman: When a dog dumps on the floor, do you pat its head and call it a genius? No, you smack it in the nose with a newspaper!
Dr. Robert Chase: Dogs can learn things, House can't.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Coward.
Dr. Robert Chase: Child.

Martha: We need to get a Chest CT.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Excuse me I'm the senior team member. Which means we don't need anything unless I say we need to.
Dr. Chris Taub: [to a nurse] Do you want to have an affair?
Dr. Robert Chase: [to the same nurse] Do you want to have a threesome?
Martha: You can't talk to her like that! I'm telling Cuddy.
[Masters leaves]
Dr. Eric Foreman: We need a Chest CT.
Dr. Chris Taub,15139: Get it yourself!

Dr. Robert Chase: But if we stop everything, he'll get worse.
Dr. Gregory House: True. Then we'll add our medications back one at a time. When he gets better, then we'll have our answer.
Dr. Allison Cameron: And if he doesn't get better?
Dr. Gregory House: Then we're in trouble--not as much as he is. I suppose that was your point.

Dr. Robert Chase: Okay, what disease can turn Cuddy's mother into a coma patient named Stewart?

Amber: [to Chase] Do you think House could be wrong?
Dr. Robert Chase: I thought he fired you.
Amber: No, he fired the men.
Dr. Robert Chase: I don't think he's wrong.
Amber: If he is, how would I prove it?
Dr. Robert Chase: Just said I don't think he is.
Amber: Well, thinking isn't good enough.
Dr. Robert Chase: You'd have to run a blood test for anti-centromere antibodies.
Amber: Would you mind running the labs?
Dr. Robert Chase: You can't.
Amber: Well, I can, but...
Dr. Robert Chase: No, I was making a statement. You've been fired, so you no longer have lab privileges. You weren't coming here for advice. You're coming here to con a favor to save your job. Sorry. I'm not working for him anymore, but he can still make my life miserable.
[begins to walk away]
Amber: You have a chance to make his life miserable.
[Chase stops and turns around]
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm insulted. You conned Cameron by appealing to her humanity.
Amber: I told her what she wanted to hear.
Dr. Robert Chase: And you told me what you thought I wanted to hear.
Amber: If it's any consolation, I think your motives are more interesting.
Dr. Robert Chase: I cannot believe he fired you. Go draw his blood. Meet you in the lab when I'm done here.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Lucy] She's being abused.
Dr. Eric Foreman: A bloody t-shirt doesn't equal abuse. Kids get hurt all the time.
Dr. Robert Chase: That amount of blood?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Oh, crap. You two are agreeing again.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about a couple's threesome] Another guy or girl?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Girl. His wife's college roommate.
Dr. Robert Chase: If he's not happily married, I don't know who could be.

Dr. Robert Chase: Can we talk?
Dr. Gregory House: Nope.
Dr. Robert Chase: I really think you need...
Dr. Gregory House: Either you screwed me and you want absolution or you didn't and you want applause. Either way, not interested.

Dr. Robert Chase: House never gives speeches!

Dr. Robert Chase: I know what you're trying to do, and I appreciate it. But I've got it under control.
Dr. Eric Foreman: That's what you said about the Dibala incident. Obviously you didn't.
Dr. Robert Chase: And talking about it made it so much better.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Chase] You slept with your patient? You're off the case.
Dr. Robert Chase: I saved her from brain damage. You think my judgment's the least bit compromised?
Dr. Eric Foreman: She's still sick. If she dies, we'll be in the middle of a brand-new investigation.
Dr. Robert Chase: This is about you covering your own ass.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I gave you time, leeway and you decided to do whatever the hell you wanted.
Dr. Robert Chase: House can dance all over the rules, gets me knifed and he gets a pass. I break a rule, no one gets hurt, but you kick me off my own case?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Unfortunately, yes.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [about the patient's mother] She knows more about her daughter's genetic condition than any of you. She'll be an asset.
Dr. Robert Chase: Or she won't, Eric.
Dr. Eric Foreman: This isn't a request. Use her.

Dr. Gregory House: What about you? Got any predictable drivel you'd like to add?
Dr. Robert Chase: I think they've given you enough already.
Dr. Gregory House: Well at least they're trying. They're not just sitting there like roadkill. Give me something! Give me something or I'll get your ex-smarter half on the phone and ask her!
Dr. Eric Foreman: House.
[Chase rises, and walks to House and punches him]

Dr. Robert Chase: Cameron is not going to be happy about this party.
Dr. Gregory House: But you on the other hand...
Dr. Robert Chase: Plan on spending the rest of my life with Cameron.
Dr. Gregory House: So... I need the cancel the Fart Band?
Dr. Robert Chase: So I need you to kidnap me.
Dr. Gregory House: Spoken like a true Aussie.

Dr. Gregory House: [while going through Dr. Cuddy's underwear drawer] Oh my God... She's got pictures of you in here. Just you. It's like some kind of weird shrine.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're kidding.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah.
[Closes drawer]

Dr. Gregory House: How is that unethical? It'll lead to a diagnosis.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's leading to the torture of a husband on the off-chance he'll allow a procedure on another person.
Dr. Gregory House: Which will lead to a diagnosis. Didn't I just say that?
Dr. Robert Chase: Give it up. Foreman and Cameron are too ethical and I'm too scared of getting sued.

Dr. Robert Chase: I'd give her two months.
Dr. Gregory House: On the bright side, it still means I was right.

Dr. Gregory House: What does the flailing look like?
Dr. Robert Chase: Her arms spasm uncontrollably and there's a mild facial twitch.
Dr. Gregory House: Demonstration?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [in a impatient tone] You wanna know what it looks like, go see the patient.
Dr. Gregory House: Ooh, snarky. Was he like this the whole time I was gone?

Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Anica] She didn't even read the consent form for the pancreatic biopsy.
Dr. Robert Chase: Who reads those things?
Dr. Allison Cameron: Maybe she didn't read it because she knew there was nothing wrong with her. There is another explanation for the Cushing's. Maybe she injected herself with the ACTH. Her behavior suggests Munchausen's. She's had four hospitalizations in the last four months.
Dr. Gregory House: Well, being hospitalized a lot certainly points to nothing being wrong with you.
Dr. Allison Cameron: She's had zero symptoms since she got here. The scarring on her pancreas could be caused from injecting herself with a benzene and setting off the seizures.
Dr. Gregory House: She's had brain surgery. You can fake a stomach ache. You can't fake a brain tumor.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You can fake an invisible one.

Dr. Robert Chase: Oh. I... I... . I thought that maybe it was because you're asking for a leave of absence and wouldn't have time to see a case through.
Dr. Chris Taub: [Thirteen looks at Taub] I didn't say anything.
Dr. Robert Chase: He didn't. I saw an envelope on House's desk with your name on it, so naturally I steamed it open.
Dr. Chris Taub: What's wrong with you? You steam an envelope to keep it secret.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Which is why I just ripped it. You gonna tell us where you're going?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: [Long pause; Thirteen scoffs] Sure sounds like a "No."

Dr. Robert Chase: You had a conversation with House, and came back, informed me I had been forever poisoned by him, and started packing.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Intesting how your story leaves out the part where you murdered another human being.

Dr. Robert Chase: He's not *in* prison; It's kinda hard to gas a guy unless you can seal him in a room first.
Dr. Gregory House: Which is why Arceus created the universe with three states of matter, and three hundred solid and liquid poisons that could cause these symptoms.
Dr. Chris Taub: Arceus?
Dr. Gregory House: [takes a sip of tea] Look it up.

Dr. Allison Cameron: What do you think House would send, the "Gentle Comfort" arrangement, or the "Warm Thoughts" bouquet? I mean, if he wasn't an ass.
Dr. Robert Chase: Send one of those giant cookies shaped like a coffin. His mom would believe it was from him.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase] I could have you fired!
Dr. Robert Chase: You've already had me fired.
Dr. Gregory House: Which proves that I can.
Dr. Robert Chase: Were the men wrong?
Dr. Gregory House: No. That doesn't change the fact...
Dr. Robert Chase: Why are you yelling at me?
Dr. Gregory House: Because performing tests for someone who is not a doctor in this hospital...
Dr. Robert Chase: You're frustrated. If you want help, I'm here. If you just need to vent, leave a message.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I like him better like this. You?
[House just glares]

Dr. Robert Chase: Titanium is used to build nuclear subs. Pieces don't just break off.
Dr. Gregory House: Tell that to the guys on the Kursk.

Dr. Robert Chase: How's it going with you? It worried me when you joked about letting that man shoot Dibala.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I wasn't joking.
Dr. Robert Chase: You can't want to kill anyone. Especially not your own patient.
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's only natural to feel he should...
Dr. Robert Chase: No! It's completely *un*natural. Only psychopaths can kill other people without having some sort of breakdown.

Dr. Robert Chase: What are you so excited about?
Dr. Gregory House: Why wouldn't I be? Got all my starters back, plus a couple of first-class free agents. I feel like Mike Tomlin.
[Tomlin look-alike Foreman glares at him]
Dr. Gregory House: Probably not as much as you do, but... you get the idea.

Dr. Chris Taub: Kutner wanted to die, Charlotte doesn't. So in a contest for my concern and interest, she wins.
Dr. Robert Chase: Okay. Either you're a cold-hearted bastard or you're too miserable to face it. Go home and cry.

Dr. Wilson: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Dr. Eric Foreman: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Dr. Allison Cameron: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Dr. Robert Chase: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Thirteen: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Dr. Chris Taub: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: Maybe it's Auto Immune...
Dr. Gregory House: If someone says Auto Immune, you're fired!

Dr. Robert Chase: Hey, Foreman, can you wear the beeper for a couple of hours this weekend? What?
Dr. Eric Foreman: We just destroyed two peoples' lives.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm not allowed to run errands anymore?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'd like to see some sign that it affects you or that you recognize that it affects other people.
Dr. Robert Chase: So are you going to wear the beeper or not?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Sorry, can't.

Nadia: [House moves her cup] Why are you doing that?
Dr. Gregory House: More important question is, why are you?
Nadia: [moves her cup back] It's just a habit.
Dr. Gregory House: It's a habit that compels you in an obsessive way that's so bad it's a disorder.
Nadia: I don't have OCD.
Dr. Robert Chase: Each brain with OCD has its own way of filtering it. Some people wash their hands and hoard TV Guides, you do puzzles and hoard memories.
Dr. Gregory House: So what we thought was a gift, was just you literally obsessing over your own life.
Nadia: That's why I can't stop the memories even when I try. But everything else? My kidneys...
Dr. Gregory House: Your memory was a symptom of a symptom of a larger disease. You have McLeod's syndrome. It's rare genetic disorder that affects the nervous system, blood and can cause OCD.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase] Now, some person seemed to think that I was not being fair to you in our last DDX, because I made you nervous. So this time I'm gonna put you at ease.
[puts two chairs facing each other]
Dr. Gregory House: It's just you and old Doc House. Couple of pals chittin' the chat.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why not just place her chair above a trapdoor with a shark tank underneath?
Dr. Gregory House: Because Wednesday's when I get my shark tank cleaned. And also because I'm giving her a chance.
Dr. Robert Chase: You're giving her a test.
Dr. Gregory House: This whole job is a test. I'm giving her the chance to fail sooner rather than later... or pass.

Thirteen: [to Chase] Then what do you suggest? Because the patient's got a high fever, a low heart rate and a dim chance of survival if we stand here like idiots.
Dr. Robert Chase: Then I suggest you don't stand there like idiots.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase] Got a dead baby for you to biopsy.
Dr. Robert Chase: Let Cameron do it.
Dr. Gregory House: Love working NICU? I can get you transferred.
Dr. Robert Chase: I told you. I just wanted to trust patients.
Dr. Gregory House: You don't give a crap about patients.
[Chase is about to walk out of the room]
Dr. Gregory House: Your paycheck.
[holds it up out of the pile on his desk]
Dr. Gregory House: You've been double-dipping. Taking your vacation time here while drawing a salary in NICU. Strange. Rich boy doing all that for some extra cash.
Dr. Robert Chase: [tries to grab the paycheck from House, but House pulls it out of his reach] I'm not rich.
Dr. Gregory House: But your dad was. Now he's dead. If you're not rich, that means that Daddy cut you out.
[gives Chase the envelope]
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm not rich.
Dr. Gregory House: Don't let it change you and do the test.

Dr. Robert Chase: This is pathetic. If I strap a bomb to my chest, do I get seven doctors attending to me?
Dr. Gregory House: Dr. Robert Chase. On the off-chance you have some brilliant escape plan and are the vengeful type.
Dr. Robert Chase: Do you think he's the only guy in New Jersey with an unsolved illness and a pistol? I'm not playing this game.
[leaves]

Dr. Robert Chase: [after entering basement] Think we just hit the environmental motherlode. Funny she didn't mention an *entire* basement full of... dangerous chemicals and drugs.
Dr. Jessica Adams: You think she did let Emily down here?
Dr. Robert Chase: [after seeing Emily's toys at a basement corner] Yeah. Apparently a lot.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about Kelly Benedict] What? You like her now?
Dr. Gregory House: Nope. But she got me to the right answer which none of the rest of you did. If you want to give her another shot, go for it.
Dr. Robert Chase: Okay. I will.
Dr. Gregory House: Great. It'll make it easier for you to sleep with her. Come on, why else would you have hired her?
Dr. Robert Chase: That's not why I hired her!

Dr. Allison Cameron: Why would you need $5,000?
Dr. Robert Chase: Bad night at poker or a great night with a hooker.
Dr. Gregory House: Thank you for saving me the trouble of deflecting that personal question with a joke.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I just said treatment for both is chelation.
Dr. Gregory House: I said force diuresis and try dialysis. You need a transcript?
Dr. Eric Foreman: You wanna put him on dialysis, risk infection and hemodynamic swings, when we can just chelate?
Dr. Robert Chase: Whoa! Whoa! Settle down.
Dr. Gregory House: If we chelate, we're not gonna know what disease he had, which means we're not gonna know if the problem was in his lousy, old job or his still lousy new life, which, for the purposes of a metaphorical argument, is very important.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Pointless to argue. He's the boss, he needs his puzzle solved. Why bang our heads against a wall?
Dr. Gregory House: When you're done with the patient, treat Foreman by banging his head against a wall.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [after the doctors learn that Jessica has taken weight loss pills] I can't believe she was that desperate.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, I'm sure that if everyone I knew hated me, I couldn't bear to look at me. I wouldn't go so far as to shoplift.
Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm not talking about the shoplifting.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm sure she didn't even know they were dangerous. She probably saw them advertised on TV or over the internet.
Dr. Robert Chase: Right, so I guess it's the media and pharmaceutical companies' fault now? Not the fact that she can't stop shoving food down her throat. No one forced her to get fat.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No one forced a cancer patient to get cancer.
Dr. Robert Chase: Give me a break. It's not a disease.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Have you seen the latest research?
Dr. Robert Chase: Yes, I have. What I haven't seen lately is a kid eating an apple or riding a bike. You Americans can't even compete with the rest of the world in basketball anymore unless, of course, it's the type you play with a remote control on a big screen TV.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Right.
[gets up and starts to walk off]
Dr. Gregory House: [to Foreman] Wait! Are you going to let him say that? He insulted our basketball teams!

Dr. Robert Chase: [about Cameron and House's upcoming date] House isn't going to hand you anything. You want him, you've gotta take him. Jump him.

Dr. James Wilson: The only question is whether she dies in two months or three.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Oh, God!
Dr. James Wilson: You were right. There's nothing we can do for her here. Might as well put her back on the street.
Dr. Gregory House: Unless it's not cancer.
Dr. Robert Chase: Oh, you're joking?
Dr. Gregory House: [Sarcastically] Well, hard not to. There's nothing funnier than cancer.

Dr. Gregory House: Your turn?
Dr. Robert Chase: Do you have to do that?
Dr. Gregory House: You mean, cheapen everyone's attempt at a human moment by identifying the real calculations that go into it?
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, I do.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm sorry you're dying. I'm gonna hug you. Anything to say?
Dr. Gregory House: Well, if you're considering grabbing my ass, don't start anything you can't finish.

Dr. Robert Chase: [while in the morgue, Chase says before doing a stomach biopsy on a dead infant] God of compassion, take Michael into your arms. Welcome him into paradise. There will be no sorrow, no weeping, and no pain. Peace and joy in Your forever love.
[to Michael]
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm sorry.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Have you seen the bride-to-be?
Dr. Robert Chase: Gorgeous woman half his age. He's a lucky guy.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, for a while.
Martha: My father's 19 years older than my mother and they've been happily married for 32 years.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm guessing your dad wasn't on the Forbes 400 and your mom didn't look like a swimsuit model.
[Masters stares hard at him]
Dr. Eric Foreman: Sorry, that didn't come out right.
Martha: My father was the classics chair at Columbia and my mother was his student... His gorgeous student.

Dr. Robert Chase: Do you think Cameron's in love with House?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: That is a ridiculous question. She is in love with you.
Dr. Robert Chase: Are you in love with House?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: That... is an even more ridiculous question.
Dr. Robert Chase: Two questions, zero answers. Think I can extrapolate from that.

Dr. Robert Chase: One of you two screwed up.

Dr. Robert Chase: Have you talked to anyone about it?
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: No, I may have an Aortic Arch Aneurism. Oh wait, that's her. Either help me or leave!

Dr. Robert Chase: This isn't gonna work! He's not a moron! You can't just agree with everything he says for two days and hope he forgets the last three years and how much he hates you.
Dr. Gregory House: Anything else?

Bert: Haven't you ever done something in a relationship that you wished you could take back?
Dr. Robert Chase: ...Maybe.
Bert: How'd you handle it?
Dr. Robert Chase: I told her the truth - eventually.
Bert: How'd that work out?
Dr. Robert Chase: Not well.

Dr. Robert Chase: We could do a full body scan.
Dr. Gregory House: We *hate* full body scan.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And by "we" you mean you. We also hate it when patients die before we figure out what's wrong with them.
Dr. Gregory House: ...Do the scan.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Adams] I took that scalpel for you.
Dr. Jessica Adams: That's why I did this. Three weeks ago, you never would have slept with a patient and you never would have operated on her after. You need help.
Dr. Robert Chase: I need to get away from House and everything that reminds me of him.
Dr. Jessica Adams: By breaking the rules, not caring what anyone else thinks. You're gonna get away from him by turning into him?

Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Why is House driving a limo?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Don't know.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Don't have to know.
Dr. Robert Chase: Don't... care?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Wrong! Until this inspection is over, you're back on House-watch!

Dr. Chi Park: I want to kill my mother. My Popo's on her own and my mother always needs me to take care of her.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, you could kill Popo instead.

Dr. Robert Chase: Hey, Foreman. Your momma's so fat, when her beeper goes off, people think she's backing up.

Dr. Eric Foreman: I've looked down one end and up the other. All the tests came back clean. I can't figure this out.
Dr. Allison Cameron: You can't? Don't you work with three other doctors and a grouchy gimp?
Dr. Eric Foreman: This isn't House's case.
Dr. Robert Chase: [takes the folder] Just so you know, whatever you're trying to prove, it won't be enough.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Taub while reading a chart] Really? George Washingbaum?
Dr. Chris Taub: He was a character in the Flintsteins.

Dr. Robert Chase: House, you should relax. You had surgery this morning.
Dr. Gregory House: Minor surgery, removing a drain.
Dr. Robert Chase: Put there during major surgery.
Dr. Gregory House: My doctor says it's okay as long as I don't leave my hospital bed.
Dr. Chris Taub: Which doctor was that, Seuss or J?
Dr. Gregory House: Nurse!
Nurse: Dr. Hourani wrote it in his chart.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I'm surprised he approved it.
[pause]
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I'm more surprised you actually asked.
Dr. Gregory House: I do things like that now. I'm making some changes.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about Jessica] She's not a baby. She's 10!
Dr. Eric Foreman: And you figure making her feel like crap would do her a world of good?
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah, if it gets her off the couch.

Becca: Who's that?
Dr. Robert Chase: Dr. Gregory House. He's the one you'll be suing when you develop sepsis.

Dr. Gregory House: So, while you're cooking up some ideas of your own, allow me to present theory 2.0 of why Chase hired you. Dr. Kelly, meet your doppelganger.
[shows the wrong slide]
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, no. Hold on a second.
[shows another slide]
Dr. Robert Chase: Come on, House.
Dr. Chris Taub: Is that... that's Baby Chase and his mom. That's adorable.
Dr. Gregory House: Never mind the baby. Peep the babe. Note the cheekbones and eye shape.
Dr. Chris Taub: They do actually look alike.
Dr. Gregory House: I know what you're thinking, "Chase wants to sleep with his mom." But who wouldn't hit that, if that looked like that? It's a classic case of what Freud called...

Jeffrey: You're treating him for both diseases?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Covering all the bases.
Jeffrey: What, throw everything against the wall and see what sticks?
Dr. Robert Chase: Works for spaghetti.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Taub] So she's not cheating on you, and you're getting all the action you can handle. I don't see the downside.

Lida: I don't know. Nothing you've done has helped.
Dr. Robert Chase: If we don't start and he has another seizure, the neurological damage could be permanent.
Lida: My father-in-law. He thinks the calling ceremony didn't work because Lue wasn't there.
Dr. Chris Taub: And you think he's right?
Lida: I don't know.
Dr. Chris Taub: I'm sorry, but there's no way we can allow him to perform an exorcism in your son's hospital room.
Lida: Then I will have to take him home.
Dr. Robert Chase: A day ago, you were insulted I'd even think you might believe that stuff and now you're willing to stop all treatment, so you can try it?
Lida: Maybe Xang was right about Kao. The man I loved wasn't evil and would never do what he did. He was possessed and my son needs his soul back.

Dr. Robert Chase: When my father died, I wound up killing a patient and I hated the man. Whatever House says or doesn't say, I'm sure the guy's a mess.

Dr. Gregory House: [after Chase explains the patient's decision to wait 8 hours despite being advised against it by a rabbi] Nice work, Chase!
Dr. Robert Chase: [sarcastically] Yeah, I should have had twin rabbis called.

Dr. Jessica Adams: We see people with disabilities all the time, but seeing and understanding are not the same.
Dr. Robert Chase: Are you talking to me, or writing a Facebook post?

Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm not here to be your wingman.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'll be your wingman this time.
Dr. Eric Foreman: I didn't come here to get laid.
Dr. Robert Chase: Then don't. Talking to beautiful women isn't nearly as much fun as watching Taub not talking to his wife.

Dr. Robert Chase: Sorry I took off on you.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Twice?
Dr. Robert Chase: First one was my bad. Second one I had no choice. It was a threesome.
Dr. Chris Taub: They're overrated.
Dr. Robert Chase,15137: He's bluffing.

Dr. Jessica Adams: Anyone studying A-T would be researching it.
Dr. Robert Chase: How? Do you see any lab rats down here? The only cage I saw is right there.
[points to basement corner]

Dr. Allison Cameron: [seeing an old photo of House] He's not smiling.
Dr. Robert Chase: I wonder if he has teeth.

Dr. Robert Chase: Why does everyone assume that everyone works in the *exact* same way?
Thirteen: We pretty much do. Our egos want us to think we're all snowflakes, no two alike. But really we all want the same things: love, forgiveness... chocolate.

Dr. Gregory House: You had nothing to add, 'cause you were distracted - little devil on your shoulder told you to kill a guy, and now little angel won't shut up, telling you you're going to burn in a lake of fire.
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm fine!
Dr. Gregory House: You shouldn't be! Talk to someone. Docs fixed me up in 7 weeks. You're... 10 minutes, tops.

Dr. Robert Chase: You can't just randomly stab the temporal lobe and hope you hit the right spot.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm only gonna take little tiny pieces.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Until what?
Dr. Gregory House: Until I find the problem.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Or you kill him.
Dr. Gregory House: No, I'll keep going even if I kill him.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Chase] So, the sleep lab. You and Cameron not sleeping. How serious is it?
Dr. Robert Chase: It's nothing. She's only doing it to make House jealous.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Then why are you doing it?
Dr. Robert Chase: You kidding?

Dr. Gregory House: Guess I deserved it.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, if I thought that, I wouldn't be apologizing.
Dr. Gregory House: Your fist slipped?
Dr. Robert Chase: Everyone kept bugging me. Asking if I was okay.
Dr. Gregory House: So you busted my nose to keep people off your back?
Dr. Robert Chase: Pretty much.
Dr. Gregory House: Making people even more worried about you.
Dr. Robert Chase: Maybe, but at least they're not talking to me about it.
Dr. Gregory House: ...Fair enough.
Dr. Robert Chase: Cheers.

Dr. Robert Chase: Once this case is over, you going back to surgery?
Martha: That's the plan.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think that's a mistake. I think you should go back to surgery.
Martha: I just said I was.
Dr. Robert Chase: No. You said it was your plan. Which means House might be right. You might be lying to yourself.
Martha: Would it be so terrible? You chose House over surgery.
Dr. Robert Chase: My time here has *changed* me. In ways not everyone in my life thought was for the better.

Dr. Robert Chase: House is screwing with you - by not screwing with you. He's watching TV, and drinking martinis all night. Meanwhile, he's keeping you here searching for a plan that doesn't exist.
Dr. Eric Foreman: How the Hell did I not see that?... I'm glad you're back.
Dr. Robert Chase: Me too.

Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: I have called every neurosurgeon within a 45-mile radius. Nothing.
Dr. Robert Chase: Maybe House is just testing us.
Dr. Chris Taub: He's always testing us.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Test or not, it's a problem.
Dr. Robert Chase: It's not our problem. Why the hell is it House's problem?
Dr. Eric Foreman: Where the hell is Cuddy? We either report this, and half the hospital gets shut down, or we cover it up and run the risk that the entire hospital gets shut down.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: Or we get Richardson.
Dr. Eric Foreman: He's sick.
Dr. Remy 'Thirteen' Hadley: And we're doctors. We get people better.

Dr. Eric Foreman: [when Tritter freezes Cameron and Foreman's accounts] Tritter froze my account. They're checking theirs. I'm on hold with a lawyer.
Dr. Gregory House: [takes Foreman's cell phone, turns it off, and tosses it on the table] Call Wilson's lawyer. He'll tell you exactly how and why you're screwed. This kid has no history of allergies.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [shouting] You gotta talk to Tritter. You gotta make this go away!
Dr. Robert Chase: [sarcastic tone] Yeah, great plan! The man's obviously open to reason.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Allergic reaction to the floroquinolone.
Dr. Robert Chase: We should switch her to a different antibiotic.
Dr. Gregory House: Why?
Dr. Robert Chase: We can't treat the salmonella unless...
Dr. Gregory House: Salmonella? That was a total stretch.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Man, why does that sound so familiar? You think it's 'cuz I said it an hour ago?
Dr. Gregory House: Then, it was a dumb thing to say. Now, it's smart.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Sarah] What?
Sarah: Am I going to get in trouble? Should we apologize or something?
Dr. Robert Chase: Yes. You should. Natalie's on the third floor.
Sarah: Who's down there?
Dr. Robert Chase: Mr. Raditz.

Dr. Eric Foreman: Do you think... I'm boring?
Dr. Robert Chase: Yes.
Dr. Eric Foreman: You're saying that just to screw with me.
Dr. Robert Chase: Yeah. Why would you expect anything else?
Dr. Eric Foreman: I expect House to pull my strings. I expect Cameron to make me feel better. I expect the new team to kiss my ass. And I expect you to be honest, because you don't give a crap.
Dr. Robert Chase: ...Yes. You're boring. That speech was boring.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [sarcastically] Thanks so much.
Dr. Robert Chase: You don't let other people's problems affect you. You don't let your *own* problems affect you. And it's the screw-ups that make us interesting. You're never out of control. Which is good... and... boring. Never losing control also means you're never putting yourself out there, never pushing your limits. On the other hand, you do have a tattoo, so... maybe I'm wrong.

Dr. Gregory House: [approaching Chase, who is chatting up a girl] Hey, how's that anal fissure? Did it heal yet or is it still draining?
[notices the girl Chase is with]
Dr. Gregory House: Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you'd come back for seconds. I figured that after that girl on the stairwell, you'd be done for the night.
Dr. Robert Chase: He's joking.
Dr. Gregory House: No Adam's apple, small hands. No surprises this time.
Nicole: I'll er... see you later.
[leaves]
Dr. Gregory House: Got a case.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, you could have just said that. You didn't have to screw with me.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, if I didn't screw with you, you'd spend the whole night thinking you might get laid which means you'd be useless. Better to extinguish all hope.

Dr. Allison Cameron: [about Fran] You wanna drill in her brain because of an invisible bleed the CT couldn't see? We should do an LP to confirm the presence of red blood cells.
Dr. Eric Foreman: And her brain herniates and then she dies.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Right. Better to kill her in the OR. Chase, what do you think?
Dr. Eric Foreman: [whispers to Wilson] Here's a cliffhanger.
Dr. Robert Chase: I think it'd help to know what she has before we start digging into her brain.
Dr. James Wilson: Might be better to play it safe to start. Do an LP.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [under his breath] Sex better be damn good.

Dr. Robert Chase: [about the patient, Fran] We should put her back on the Scopolamine patch.
Dr. Eric Foreman: She can't wear motion-sickness patches for the rest of her life.
Dr. Allison Cameron: No, but if it does relieve her symptoms, it'll narrow down our search.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Ugh! Anything else you two guys won't agree on?
Dr. Robert Chase: Have a problem with us agreeing?
Dr. Eric Foreman: No, I have a problem with the other thing you're doing which makes me question your motive for agreeing.

Dr. Gregory House: She thinks that you don't have anything to feel guilty about. Because you didn't kill anybody. I did. She blames me for Dibala's murder, not you.
Dr. Robert Chase: You were barely involved in that case. She knows that.
Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, but I created the big bad evil climate that allowed it to happen.

Dr. Chris Taub: So what was that shrug? A "Dr. Cheng could work" shrug or a "House is gonna crush you for even considering her" shrug?
[Chase shrugs]
Dr. Chris Taub: You suck.
Dr. Robert Chase: House is gonna hate anyone we hire, because he doesn't want to hire anyone.

Dr. Wilson: Tell her the truth.
Dr. Allison Cameron: [Cut to Cameron] Tell her your life has been good.
Dr. Gregory House: It hasn't been.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Tell her anyway. She wants hope. She wants to know that what happened to her wasn't the norm. Things can be okay, which means maybe they can be okay for her again.
Dr. Eric Foreman: [Cut to Foreman] Tell her your life sucked.
Dr. Gregory House: It didn't.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Tell her anyway. She wants to know she's not alone. She wants to know she's gonna survive this, that other people have been through this and worse and come out the other end. She wants to know she's going to heal. Act like... you healed.
Dr. Robert Chase: [Cut to Chase] Tell her... Keep her asleep.
Dr. Gregory House: Thanks. You've all been a huge help.

Dr. Robert Chase: I felt like I was going to have a panic attack.
[Chase sighs]
Dr. Robert Chase: I've crossed some line, and I'm having trouble getting back to the other side.

Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase] Roomies with benefits keeping you up?
Dr. Robert Chase: Cribbage. I played with Park's Popo.
Dr. Gregory House: Is that two separate events?

Dr. Robert Chase: [about Jack] You want us to starve him so we can drive him into another seizure and maybe a heart attack just so we can run another tox screen?
Dr. Gregory House: That'd be cruel. Just sweat it out of him.

Dr. Eric Foreman: House is back in charge. We get to treat a porn star.
Dr. Robert Chase: Congratulations.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Perfect timing for us.
Dr. Robert Chase: We're leaving the team. And the hospital, effective immediately.

Martha: This guy kept everything he ever came to into contact with. An interactive life history.
Dr. Robert Chase: It's an indiscriminate pile of rubbish.
Martha: Well,for the most part, so are our lives.

Dr. Robert Chase: How good looking am I? I'm not asking if you're attracted to me. I'm looking for an objective answer.
Thirteen: Oh, okay then it's an appropriate question.
Dr. Robert Chase: Last night, I acted like a complete tosser to prove to House that women don't go out with me for my looks. Cost me a hundred buck, and my definition of myself... and women.
Thirteen: So date men. They're not shallow at all.

Martha: I put making friends and having relationships on hold so I could concentrate on studying. I always thought, there'll be plenty of time for that in the future... but now - when I do want them - I can't even get a date to this charity event. If I can't establish a relationship in my personal life, how will I ever do it with a patient?
Dr. Robert Chase: ...Be honest with her. If it comes down to a choice between the brutal truth and hope: side with hope.

Dr. Eric Foreman: So you're holding a grudge, because she chose a different school?
Dr. Chris Taub: We talked for an hour. She didn't remember me. She remembers the 20th digit of some math constant, but she doesn't remember a guy she had a one-on-one meeting with.
Dr. Robert Chase: Well, I barely remember you.
Dr. Chris Taub: Mystery solved. Now we can all go back to our lives.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Esteban] Any pain?
Esteban: No. I'm just sunburned.
Dr. Robert Chase: Any blurred vision?
Esteban: No. So, my wife, she is with Dr. House?
Dr. Robert Chase: She's with another doctor who is part of Dr. House's team.
Esteban: No, she's supposed to see Dr. House. We have permission.
Dr. Robert Chase: That's the way it works with Dr. House.
Esteban: I came a thousand miles to see him!
Dr. Robert Chase: He doesn't care. I'm sorry, but that's who he is. That's who you risked your life to see and you made the right choice.

Dr. Robert Chase: If it were really a person and we had no other options, we'd do an exploratory surgery. Cut into his chest and have a look around.
Dr. Gregory House: Let's do that!
[stars to leave, but then stops in front of Cuddy]
Dr. Gregory House: You're the one who insists we treat it like a person. I'll put it back when I'm done.

Dr. Robert Chase: [to Foreman] The only thing you've been asked to do is supervise House in case he does something insane.
Dr. Allison Cameron: Which might, you know, save a life.

Carnell: House...
Dr. Gregory House: I like you, Carnell.
[phone rings]
Dr. Gregory House: Don't ruin it.
[picks up a phone]
Dr. Gregory House: Stinky feet, could point to diabetes, athlete's foot or gangrene. Pick one.
Carnell: No!
Dr. Chris Taub: Uh, none. None of those cause bloody sputum or disappearing masses.
Carnell: No, no, no! No! You are going to kill her.
Dr. Gregory House: Don't do that Carnell. They might get the idea that I'm shooting at a hooker. Fungal infection causes ulceration between the toes. Bleeding can be from recurring abscesses that appear to be recurring masses.
Martha: Symptoms in the head or feet mean the infection would have to be in the heart or the brain.
Dr. Chris Taub: I say we start by looking in the heart because looking at his brain with a metal plate is problematic.
Dr. Robert Chase: So is MRI-ing his heart. He's got a seven centimeter conductive metal rod holding his rib together.
Dr. Eric Foreman: It'll rip him in two.
Dr. Gregory House: No, it'll just feel like it's ripping him in two, which is much better.
Dr. Chris Taub: We could minimize the damage by injecting ice-water into his abdominal cavity.
Carnell: No! Please, no!
[House shoots an arrow and Carnell finds an arrow sticking Sarah's body, bleeding]
Carnell: Oh, God!
Dr. Gregory House: Opps. Got to go.
Carnell: Call an ambulance!
Dr. Gregory House: Why?
Carnell: What do you mean, why! She's hurt!
Dr. Gregory House: She doesn't look hurt.
[Sarah starts laughing]
Carnell: No, you didn't.
Dr. Gregory House: Yes, we did.
Carnell: [Sarah shows the trick] You're an ass.
Dr. Gregory House: Okay, go get me General Patton's Colt .45. The one with two notches.

Dr. Eric Foreman: It's some kind of game. House's own version of "Punk'd."
Dr. Allison Cameron: It's not House. It's Vogler. We can't let it get to us, we've got to stick together.
Dr. Robert Chase: Why?
Dr. Allison Cameron: What are you suggesting, that we start slashing each other's throats?
Dr. Robert Chase: I'm suggesting it's a zero-sum game. Your loss is my win. That's not conducive to team play.
Dr. Eric Foreman: Which is what House seems to want. I'm with Cameron. May be a bad strategy, but I don't want to give House the satisfaction.

Dr. Robert Chase: No lesions, no aneurysms. Ironically, the mind of a killer looks completely normal.

Martha: There has to be some kind of inciting psychological incident.
Dr. Robert Chase: This is perfect for you. You get all the human interaction you crave without any actual human interaction.
Martha: She was a cheerleader. Hah.
Dr. Robert Chase: You know, when you're interested in something and nobody else is, the polite thing is to keep it to yourself.
Martha: Popular, beautiful, gregarious.
Dr. Robert Chase: Hydrogen sulphide is about two parts per billion, the the size of healthy fart. I'll be back for you in July.