The Best Dr. Medlow Quotes

Dr. Medlow: Mr. Campbell, anything you say here is completely confidential.
Burt: Yeah? No matter how terrible it is?
Dr. Medlow: That's right. But Mr. Campbell--everyone who comes in here thinks they're going to tell me something I've never heard before... and it never happens. We all have the same problems.
Burt: Hey, hey, I know what you hear! You hear a guy fools around on his wife, you hear some guys like weird things in the bedroom, maybe one or two hate women. Maybe somebody's in love with a goat. That's nothing! What I got is big, I mean big! You'd be shocked.
Dr. Medlow: No, I won't.
Burt: Yes, you will.
Dr. Medlow: I guarantee I won't!
Burt: Oh, yeah?
Dr. Medlow: Try me.
Burt: I murdered my wife's first husband.
Dr. Medlow: [falling off his chair] My, that is a big one!

Dr. Medlow: I've never seen that before - invisible.
Mary: What can be done?
Dr. Medlow: Well, in the movie Claude Rains covered himself with a bandage from heat to foot and wore sunglasses.