The Best Father Dyer Quotes

University: Joey... What did you say that offended Tom Lowery? He's our biggest benefactor.
Father: Oh, he is?
University: What did you say to him?
Father: "Jesus loves you. Everyone else thinks you're an asshole."

Kinderman: The whole world is a homicide victim, Father. Would a God who is good invent something like that? Plainly speaking, it's a lousy idea. It's not popular. It's not a winner.
Father: There you go, Blaming God.
Kinderman: Who should I blame? Phil Rizzuto?
Father: You wouldn't want to live forever.
Kinderman: Yes, I would.
Father: No, you wouldn't. You'd get bored.
Kinderman: I have hobbies. In the meantime, we have cancer and mongoloid babies and murderers, monsters prowling the planet, even prowling this neighborhood, Father... right now, while our children suffer... and our loved ones die, and your God goes waltzing blithely through the universe like some kind of cosmic Billie Burke.
Father: Bill, it all works out right.
Kinderman: When?
Father: At the end of time.
Kinderman: That soon?
Father: No. We're going to be there. We're going to live forever, Bill. We're spirits.
Kinderman: Oh, I would love to believe that.

Father: [On the film 'It's a Wonderful Life'] I've seen it 37 times.
University: Commendable.
Father: Do you have a favorite picture?
University: 'The Fly'.

Father: May the schwartz be with you.

Kinderman: You make a lot of people nervous.
Father: Only sinners.
Kinderman: EVERYBODY!
Nurse: Is everything all right in here, guys?
Kinderman: WE'RE FINE!

Father: [in a hospital complaining that he's read all of the newspapers already] Now look, these are all last weeks editions. I've read every one of them. No, can't ya pick me something up?
Kinderman: My God, the grammar.

Kinderman: You're reading Women's Wear Daily?
Father: So, what, I'm supposed to give spiritual advice in a vacuum?