The Best Frank Gallagher Quotes

Sheila: Frank! I want us to see the world!
Frank: I've seen it. It's a piece of shit.

Sammi: You dry-humped my thigh for half an hour yesterday.
Frank: Dry-humping is not incest.

Frank: [shouting while walking around the Chicago waterfront and drinking a beer] I'M *ALIVE,* MOTHERFUCKER!

Frank: You and I had a good thing once, didn't we?
Kate: We did not.
Frank: I always liked you. You were fun. What happened?
Kate: I stopped drinking.
Frank: Why?
Kate: I kept waking up next to you.

Danforth: [Danforth does not raise the amount of money he's willing to offer to Frank, even if Frank tries to sweet-talk him by saying that the crucifixion of Christ was not the fault of the Jews] My ancestors and I take full credit for crucifying that Christ putz.
Frank: [stops to yell as he exits the front door] Mel Gibson was right!

Peg: [about Sheila] Jesus, is that bitch ever gonna shut up?
Sheila: And Frank's mother. We're just so honored that you're here. Even though you weren't even invited. And not really "honored" because you're a convicted felon. But you're out now, aren't you? Why did they let you out? Because you're a loud, mean, vicious bitch.
Karen: Okay, mom, let's open presents.
Peg: Why don't you do yourself and everyone else a favor and shut up.
Sheila: I'm sorry. Have I offended you, in my home, where your an interloper?
Peg: No one wants to hear it, you fucking windbag.
Karen: Mom, let's go upstairs.
Sheila: She called me a Wacker Drive Whore.
Fiona: [whispers] Frank!
Frank: Oh, let 'em work it out.
Sheila: And I don't know how an angel like that man could've come out of your poisoned womb!
Peg: SHUT UP, YOU BATTY BITCH!
Sheila: You know what? You've got a demon mind and a devil's womb and heart. AND YOUR COOCHIE SMELLS OF BRIMSTONE AND SULFUR!
Peg: [Takes out her pistol and points it at Sheila] I WILL FUCK YOU UP!
Fiona: Shit!
Veronica: SHIT!
Sheila: DO IT, DO IT!

Frank: All that money. All that fucking money wasted on child amputees, for Christ's sake. There's a lesson here, son. Charity is accepting help from others, not the other way around.

[first lines]
Frank: Nobody's saying our neighborhood is the Garden of Eden. Hell, some people say God avoids this place altogether. But it's been a good home to us, to me and my kids, who I'm proud of, 'cause every single one of them reminds me a little bit of me. Fiona, my rock, huge help. Has all the best qualities of her mother, except she's not a raging psycho bitch.
Fiona: [handing her kids a Kleenex] Blow.
Frank: Lip, smart as a whip. Straight As and the honor roll - boy's definitely going somewhere.
Cop: [chasing Lip] You, come back! Stop!
Frank: Ian, industrious, conscientious, ambitious, incredible work ethic. Don't have a clue where he got that from. Wants to be a paratrooper. Knows how to disembowel an enemy with a roll of dimes and an old gym sock.
Frank: Carl. Uh, I don't really know that much about Carl. Oh! Loves animals. Always dragging home some poor stray he found, taking them up to his room.
Carl: [holding a cat and a blowtorch]
Frank: Ah, Debbie. Sent by God. Total angel. Raises money for UNICEF year-round, some of which she actually turns in.
Frank: Liam, going to be a star. I'm no biologist, but he looks a little bit like my first sponsor. He and the ex were close.
Frank: Kev and Veronica, fantastic neighbors. There's nothing they won't do for each other. Or *to* each other. That didn't hurt half as much as I thought it would. I never realized how little sex I was having till V and Kev moved next door.
Frank: And me, Frank Gallagher, father, teacher, mentor, captain of our little ship. We may not have much, but all of us, to a man, knows the most important thing in this life. We know how to fucking party!
[police cars rush onto the property]
Frank: No!

Debbie: Why are you all fressed up?
Fiona: I'm gonna go see the lawyer, try to get Carl home as soon as possible.
Frank: It's a tragedy when a young man ends up behind prison bars.
Fiona: Bad parenting.
Frank: Oh, don't blame yourself.

Frank: I'd be crying right now if I wasn't so high.

Sheila: They're having a party for kids across the street. No booze.
Frank: [smiles] What's the point?

Frank: You're a man now, Carl. The cancer makes you a man. And as a man, it's your job to keep secrets from the women who love you.

Veronica: Why would anybody want to be with you?
Frank: Well, why wouldn't they?
Kermit: Chlamydia and herpes for starts. Poor hygiene, alcoholism, lack of a moral compass.

Frank: I'd be crying, too, if I wasn't so high.

Frank: [about his alcohol addiction] I can't handle anything up my ass without alcohol!

Frank: [Jenny brings couple of drinks and a snack] Sorry, i forgot my wallet.
Dr. Jenny: It's ok. Bianca told me all about you.
Frank: Yea?
Dr. Jenny: No money. Was making her pay for everything.
Frank: [as he shakes his head] Good times.

Dr. Giles: Mr Gallagher, you are a 51 year old man with a new liver transplant. You should be able to take responsibility for your own medications, unless you're mentally incapacitated. Are you mentally incapacitated?
Frank: Mentally incapacitated?
Dr. Giles: Retarded. Are you retarded, Frank?
Frank: No.
Dr. Giles: Then get your shit together.