The Best Fred Sadoff Quotes

Dr. Esterhazy: [singing bewilderedly to himself] Something went wrong here.

Mr. Linarcos: I did not suggest full ahead, Captain. As the new owner's representative on this ship, I ordered it!
Captain: Damn it man, the Poseidon is too fine a lady to be rushed to the junkyard on her last voyage!
Mr. Linarcos: We're already three days behind schedule! And it's costing my consortium thousands of dollars every day to maintain a wrecking crew. I demand we dock Monday night!
Captain: And I can't afford to gamble with the lives of my passengers!
Mr. Linarcos: Your business is to deliver this ship, where we want it, WHEN we want it!
Captain: Running an unstable ship at full ahead is dangerous!
Mr. Linarcos: I'm sure...
Captain: Especially one as old as this!
Mr. Linarcos: I'm sure I don't have to remind you of my legal right to have you relieved of command. Three other officers aboard this ship have their Master's License. Now, order Full Ahead!

Robert: You know why I'm here?
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Yeah, I know why you're here.
Robert: Because I'm from Arkansas!
Det. Sgt. Arthur Dietrich: Naw, we haven't enforced that for years.

Capt. Barney Miller: To each his own. That's the name of that test.
Dr. Esterhazy: Captain Miller, may I see you a moment, please?
Det. Sgt. Nick Yemana: Watch it. He's tricky.
Dr. Esterhazy: Sit down, Captain Miller. I assume you're familiar with this test. It's really very simple.
Capt. Barney Miller: Uh, I don't mind taking, uh, part in your survey, doctor, but we do have a lot of work to do around here.
Dr. Esterhazy: It won't take very long and I appreciate your cooperation. Now, these cards will suggest certain images to you. Just feel free to loosely associate your impressions. Card Number 1, please.
Capt. Barney Miller: Have you come to any conclusions yet, doctor? I mean, about the men?
Dr. Esterhazy: Yes I have, to some degree.
Capt. Barney Miller: And they are?
Dr. Esterhazy: I don't think I can discuss them now.
Capt. Barney Miller: I'm gonna see that report sooner or later
Dr. Esterhazy: Card Number 1, please.
Capt. Barney Miller: Uh, it's my understanding that the conclusions from this test varies from doctor to doctor.
Dr. Esterhazy: Somewhat, yes. Uh, Card Number 1.
Capt. Barney Miller: Look, doctor, I have a very vivid imagination. I can see a hundred images in any one of these cards, ranging from the horrifying to the idyllic, from the ridiculous to the sublime because that's the way I look at life, particularly in the mood I'm in right now.