The Best Guido Quotes

Joel: You listen to me, buster. You, you a-hole.
Guido: A-hole?
Joel: I want my stuff back right now.
Guido: Now you listen to me, you little fuck. Not only you take my two best girls, you call me names. If I didn't have any self-respect, it wouldn't just be the furniture, it'd be your arms, your legs, your head.

Joel: Where's Lana?
Guido: Maybe she's on the choo-choo. I hear she's got this thing about choo-choos.

Guido: Listen to me.
Joel: No, no. You listen to ME!
[Guido hangs up]
Joel: Shit!

Guido: Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Go have fun, now? You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.