50 Best Joe Pantoliano Quotes

Georgie: Hey Ralph!
Ralph: I have come to reclaim Rome... for my people.
Georgie: How ya doin'?
Ralph: [grabs Georgie by the neck, yelling] I have come to reclaim Rome... for my people!
Georgie: I don't get it. What do you mean?
Ralph: Fuckin' Gladiator, ya fuck!
Georgie: Oooh, the movie! I didn't see it.
Ralph: You're an asshole then.

Tony: [Eating while ignoring Ralphie when he approached the table as Christopher and Paulie stand guard nearby] you wanted to see me?
Ralph: [after he cleared his throat when he approached Tony's table so Tony will acknowledge his presence] yeah Tony
Tony: [Pretending not to know Ralphie's wrongdoings] about what?
Ralph: About what? You know, to apologize
Tony: Oh
Ralph: I was doing a lot of coke, I said some things, and I did some things that I'm sorry for. It's not going to happen again.
Tony: [Continuing to pretend not to know Ralphie's wrongdoings so Ralphie can specifically admit each one] what'd you do?
Ralph: [Eventually referring to killing the stripper Tracee in the back parking lot of Silvio's strip club] I was rude when you offered me the drink and I disrespected The Bing with the girl. Like I said I was doing a lot of coke and I gave up that up: end of story and I'm sorry Tony, ok?
Tony: [Before Ralphie shakes his head and walks away] anything else?

Ralph: Where's Tony?
Gigi: Gettin' his weasel greased.
Ralph: Oh, your kid brother's here?

Joel: Where's Lana?
Guido: Maybe she's on the choo-choo. I hear she's got this thing about choo-choos.

Francis: [grabs Chunk by the throat] Hey, kid. I want you to spill your guts, tell us everything.
Chunk: Everything?
Francis: Everything.
Chunk: [sobbing] Everything. OK, I'll talk! In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and I glued it on my face when I play Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog... and then, my mom sent me to the... to the summer camp for fat kids... and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out!
[much later]
Chunk: But, the worst thing I ever done: I mixed up all this fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this.
[imitating vomiting four times]
Chunk: And then, I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. And I never felt so bad in my entire life!
Jake: [amused] I'm beginning to like this kid, Ma!
Mama: [tired of Chunk's stalling] Hit puree!
[Francis turns on the puree blender]
Chunk: No! I'm too young!
[the Fratellis grabs his arms]
Chunk: No, I want to play the violin! No, not my hand! Please!
Mama: Now, do I get the truth? Do I get the truth, or do you get juiced?

Tony: [while visiting Bryan Spatafore in the hospital, after greeting everybody] how's he doing?
Gigi: I talked to him before. I think he squeezed my hand
Vito: His going to be a vegetable Tony, a fuckin retard
Tony: No, his going to be fine
Ralph: [after no one found his joke amusing] well look at the bright side, he wasn't that smart to begin with. Come on it's a tense situation a little levity huh?
Tony: [to Jackie Jr] What're you doing here?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I can't visit my cousin?
Vito: [Referring to Mustang Sally] I want this cocksucker to bleed from his ass skipper
Gigi: You got it
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Just say the word: my fuckin pleasure
Tony: [to Jackie Jr] Why don't you grab us some coffee?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Come on, are you kidding?
Paulie: [after pulling his chair away from the hospital bed] better yet: Go to the ears, nose, and throat department: get your hearing checked
Tony: All right, obviously you told the cops you don't know who did this?
Vito: I'm upset, but please... I know how to keep my mouth shut.
Ralph: Unless of course there's a salami sandwich around.
Gigi: [Turns round to confront Ralphie] what the fuck is wrong with you? We're trying to have a meeting here
Ralph: Oh, two minutes in charge, he thinks his Lee Iacocca
Tony: [while tapping his right shoulder, implying they shouldn't start a confrontation inside the hospital] come on, not here
Tony: [to Vito] there's no beef between your brother and Mustang Sally?
Paulie: Didn't owe him any money? Nothing like that?
Vito: No, nothing
Ralph: [Referring to Mustang Sally] this kid's a whack job: Meadowlands last year remember? Threw a hot dog vendor off the second mezzanine, too many fuckin onions or some shit
Tony: [to Gigi] you get him under control?
Gigi: With extreme fuckin prejudice
Tony: [to Paulie, after nodding to Gigi meaning his giving his approval to have Mustang Sally killed] we gotta to go

Ralph: [meeting privately in Tony's car] Economic downturn, that's all you hear about but not you boy. You got three hundred g's at the Esplanade
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: Yeah, good job
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [as Ralphie takes off his seatbelt] Jackie Jr. call you?
Ralph: no, why?
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: He called me
Ralph: oh, I'm sorry
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: No, don't apologize. Anyway, I told him to take it up with you
Ralph: what'd you want me to do? You're the boss of the family...
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] whoa, whoa, we talked about this: you were gonna give him a "pass"? But he should know, you don't want to create confusion, insubordination, but more importantly, your decision should happen in a "timely fashion"
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [after Ralph sighs and nods] But fuck it, why am I telling you? You know all this: you're a captain: chain of command is very important in our "thing"
Ralph: I'm sorry he called your house
Anthony Tony Soprano Sr.: [sternly] Don't apologize

Captain: The horse represents all of our fears and traumas and it's got us running around a hundred miles an hour to the point where we can't even answer a simple question: Where are you going? Where are you going Mike? Mike, you gotta take control of your life. You gotta grab the reins before your horse runs you off a cliff.

Captain: [last words] We'll order pizza.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was just down at the stables. I got some bad news: Pie-o-My, she was in a fire. She's dead
Ralph: Wow, oh Jesus. That's why Lois called me and left four messages on the machine
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Three other horses too
Ralph: Jesus, oh Tone I just made some coffee and eggs
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sorry about the timing
Ralph: [Referring to his son's accident] oh no, actually I got some good news on Justin. They think it'll just be speech. Poor kid will have to learn how to talk all over again, and years of rehab
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's good
Ralph: Walk and use his hands. Life goes on huh? One day at a time
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Lois said the horse was still alive. It was burnt so bad, they had to put it out of its misery
Ralph: I don't even want to think about it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: At this point, the fire Marshall said it looks "accidental."
Ralph: What sick fuck would do something like that on purpose huh?
Ralph: [while making breakfast eggs] you know I was telling Justin's mother sour cream is the secret ingredient
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Right, what sick fuck?
Ralph: What?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's funny about God, fate, and shit like that. The horse gets better and we take out two hundred grand insurance in the race coming up. Suddenly there's a fire
Ralph: What're you saying? You think I had something to do with it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I didn't
Ralph: Anthony, what're you a horse investigator now? Come on, they said it was an accident, right?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what? Maybe I will have some eggs
Ralph: Toast?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah. How's Corky Ianucci? You heard from him lately? You know Sil used him in the restaurant fire: excellent work
Ralph: You know, I don't understand you Anthony. We got lucky. That accidental fire was a bolt from beyond. The horse was no fuckin good with the colic all the time, and the fuckin bills
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What're you talking about? She bounced back
Ralph: This time, but each time it takes something out of him. It was all downhill from here. Now, I know it's tragic to think this way but you can't argue with the fuckin logic

Ralph: I represent a group of concerned citizens who are very upset about this protest your "spear heading", no pun intended
Professor: Who do you represent?
Ralph: Italians here in New Jersey, good people "family" people and they asked me to tell you that it's not in your best interest to go through with this fuckin thing
Professor: Well, if you've come here to intimidate me? You don't know much about Indian resolve
Maggie: Del, should I call security?
Professor: No
Ralph: [Showing him a poster of Iron Eyes Cody] you remember this guy?
Professor: Iron Eyes Cody, he was an actor in the movies
Ralph: [Listing some of movies he was in] Son of Paleface, Sitting Bull. Your fuckin poster boy. Part Cherokee, part Cree. Wasn't even a fuckin Indian. Second generation Sicilian from Louisiana named Espera DeCorti
Professor: Well, I think you better leave now
Ralph: The guy's a total fuckin phony, total fugazi but he kept it quiet. Well, we're not going to. You keep up with your bullshit, we're going to go wide with this thing
Professor: Knock yourself out
Professor: [after Ralphie leaves, to his assistant] Jesus Christ is this true? This is a fuckin disaster
Maggie: [Rubs his arm to conform him] chill out. You didn't know about this? It's been on Access Hollywood, E!
Professor: [Interrupts her] this is a major PR boner
Maggie: Del, it's been researched: Cody was definitely a Native American, a total environmentalist
Professor: Are you sure about this?
Maggie: Look Del, I'm one eighth Italian myself
Professor: You are? You never told me that

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jesus Christ, you did it. You cooked that fuckin' horse alive!
Ralph: No, I did NOT! But so what?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So what?
Ralph: It was a fucking animal! A hundred grand a piece! My kid's in a fuckin' hospital! I don't hear you complaining though, when I bring you a nice fat envelope, you don't give a shit where that comes from! Don't give me that look! It was a fucking horse! What are you, a vegetarian? You eat beef and sausage by the cartload!

Ralph: [Before handing him an envelope with money as a gift to his daughter] there he is. John I'm sorry I missed Allegra's nursing school graduation: unforgivable. But I made it up to her
Johnny: [Smiles, before slapping the envelop out of his hand as a way of not accepting his gift and walking away] stick it in your ass
Tony: [Jokingly, suggesting Johnny has a resemblance to the cartoon monster from the breakfast cereal] hey, Count Chocula
Ralph: What the fuck john?
Johnny: [to Tony, referring to Ralphie] keep him away from me
Tony: John, what's going on?
Johnny: [Before walking away] I don't want to talk about it
Tony: [Referring to John's demeanor] what's this?
Ralph: I have no fuckin idea. But I've got better shit to do
Silvio: You saw how it was with them the other night. Something's going on
Tony: Also how is Carmine up my ass about this Freeland Heisen Avenue bullshit? Somebody's talking too much and it's costing me money

Silvio: [after banging on Ralphie's door] Where's Tracee?
Ralphie: She's busy
Tracee: hey, Sil
Silvio: [to Tracee] Put your shoes on
Ralphie: Oh, what'd I say?
Silvio: I don't know. What'd you fuckin say? Three days she missed work
Tracee: I've been sick Sil
Silvio: Oh, yeah? I called your house: your mother says you haven't been there for two days either
Tracee: I was here, Ralph's taking care of me
Silvio: [after cursing at her in Italian] You got a little kid at home
Ralphie: Her mother's watching him
Silvio: Mind your fuckin business Ralph
Ralphie: [yells] Where do you get the balls to come here?
Silvio: [yells louder, referring to the debt Tracee owes Sil] Three grand this is costing me, and where do I get my fuckin balls?

Ralph: So is there any investment advice for an ambitious young man like myself
Brian: "Buy land I guess because God ain't making any more of it", that's what Will Rogers said
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's true, my house is worth nearly triple of what I paid
Ralph: Location's the key right? Otherwise you get stuck with shit
Brian: Sometimes there's money in shit
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How'd you mean?
Brian: Nothing, I don't know
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: We're just talking here come on
Brian: I don't know. Some guy I went to school with, this black guy. We worked for one summer for this not-for-profit housing group. He told me about some scam this minister was involved in up in Harlem
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I read about this: fake mortgage loans or something right?
Brian: Actually, you ever hear of HUD?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Housing Development yeah
Brian: HUD was set up to help minorities and low income families become home owners
Ralph: There are more programs for these dead beats I swear to Christ
Brian: As long as the Fed is guaranteeing the home mortgage the banks figure "what the hell?" They'll loan the money. You get a front man to buy houses in a crummy neighborhood. I'm talking real shit boxes that are worth like a hundred grand a piece. Next, you tie up with some not-for-profit organization who goes to HUD and say they intend to buy these houses from your stooge

Ralph: [over the phone, referring to the cost for fixing her car] how could it be thirty-two hundred dollars?
Rosalie: [referring to her mechanic] He said the transmission was completely "compromised"
Ralph: I've never even heard of that, I want my guy to take a look at it
Rosalie: I already told this guy to go ahead
Ralph: Well, then call him back, tell him not to, tell him we're picking up the car
Ralph: [after Vito gives Ralph a nod, implying he successfully killed Jackie Jr] Forget it, I don't care: let him do it
Rosalie: Are you sure honey?
Ralph: [before Roe hangs up] What the fuck did I say? Look, I'm coming home late, I got some shit I gotta do

Ben: Go get 'em, Matt.
Daredevil: [nods] Hell's Kitchen is my neighborhood. I prowl the rooftops and alleyways at night, watching from the darkness. Forever in darkness. A guardian devil.

Ralph: [referring to the amount of money Dino and Jackie gave him] not bad
Dino: since we're "kicking up", we were "hoping", you could, you know, "watch our back?"
Ralph: three fifty buys you "hello", "watching your back" is going to require a little more "initiative" on your part
Ralph: [after he sees Jackie rolls his eyes and shake his head] oh, look at the face, what's he got to be frowning about?
Ralph: [to Jackie] tell me Romeo, now that you've moved back home, are you gonna be humping Tony Soprano's little girl on our couch?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: fuck her and Tony, too, with his "staying in school" bullshit. He could have reached out to somebody at Rutgers
Ralph: he should break the dean's legs, because you're too lazy to read a fuckin book. Now go ahead, I gotta make some calls: you did good, keep coming by

Ralph: [while in a diner] you see that shit before? The look on Tony's face when I turned down that drink? Buy me a drink? Fuck you, he knew it was wrong, what he did
Vito: he is the boss: he can do whatever he wants
Eugene: boss or no, you don't raise your hands to another "made" guy. Joe Vul from Mulberry Street, exact same situation, he smacked that guy around
Ralph: rules are rules otherwise, what? Fuckin anarchy
Eugene: at the very least, Tony owes you an apology
Ralph: the money I put in his pocket from construction alone, it should hit his knees, this prick
Ralph: [to Eugene when he doesn't respond] what? You think I'm afraid of that fat fuck?
Ralph: [to Vito] no offense
Ralph: I could see if it was his daughter or a niece of his but all this over some dead whore, he had to been fuckin her
Vito: no, he knew you were fuckin her
Ralph: that's why, that's how he is, like a dog with two bones. I'm supposed to go over there for Thanksgiving, me and Roe
Eugene: really?
Ralph: fuck him and his turkey, I should shove a drumstick up his ass

Ralphie: Oh what, not even a hello?
Tracee: Fuck you, asshole.
Ralphie: Oh that's very nice. That's how you talk to a man in front of his friends?
Tracee: Yeah, right. What man?
Christopher: Oh, a double!
Bobby: You tell him, sweety!
Gigi: [clapping] I like this girl!
Ralphie: Women, women, women . Why wasn't I born handsome instead of rich?

Bob: [to Ritchie] Look, it could have been worse, you could have been Riki Zuela.

Francis: Get the rope here. Slothy, Slothy, jumprope Slothy.
Jake: What do you mean jump rope?
Francis: Jumprope! Jumprope.
[Sloths laughs]
Francis: [singing] Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posies...
[Jake and Francis swing around Sloth to tie him up until Sloth tosses both of them]
Sloth: [rips off his shirt revealing a T-Shirt with the Superman 'S' on the front] Sloth!
Jake: We're in deep shit now, Francis.
Francis: Oh, shit!

Ralph: [refusing to loan Artie money after he asked for it] I hate to do it, Artie. But I think I'm going to pass.
Artie: Why not?
Ralph: Cause if you don't pay me back, I ain't gonna be able to hurt ya.

Ralph: Look kid I'm trying real hard here and I know I'm the guy who's dating your mom,
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Dating?
Ralph: Don't get fuckin' filthy about it.

Ralph: [Referring to the joke he made about Ginny's weight] it had to be Paulie that told Johnny
Eugene: You think so?
Ralph: He hates my success. I've been thinking about that birthday dinner, who was there when I told the Ginny Sack joke?
Vito: Not Paulie, I remember Albert say he didn't get a gift
Ralph: It was little Paulie, the witless fuckin nephew, he told Paulie, Paulie tells Johnny fuckin telephone games like fuckin high school girls. Want to play phone games? That party was the only time I mentioned Shamu's fat ass
Ralph: [to the operator over the phone] hello, Green Grove retirement home or something, just connect me
Eugene: The fuck you doing?
Ralph: Hello, I'd like to talk to a Nucci" Gualtieri, she's a resident there
Nucci: [after being woken up] hello?
Ralph: Mrs. Nucci Gualtieri?
Nucci: Yes
Ralph: [Prank calling Paulie's mother] Hi, this is detective Mike Hunt Pennsylvania Police Department you have a son Peter Paul?
Nucci: Oh my God what happened?
Ralph: His alright ma'am but I'm afraid his in a little trouble. We found him in a men's room in Lafayette Park, I don't know how to put this delicately, he was sucking a cub scout's dick
Nucci: What? No, it's a mistake
Ralph: Ma'am, I wish that was all but I'm afraid we had to have emergency surgery performed upon arrival at headquarters after discovering a small rodent in the rectal passage
Nucci: Oh my God
Ralph: A gerbil ma'am. The county does not cover procedures deemed caused by sexual activity section four, paragraph fifteen, we'll need an insurance number

Ralph: You wanted to see me?
Tony: Sit down. I'm making you a captain
Ralph: [Surprised, excited] you are? That's great. That's fuckin great. Anthony, you're not going to be sorry. Thank you
Tony: [after noticing Ralphie paused for a few seconds] what?
Ralph: I need to hear it was merit and not just because someone was constipated and "blew a gasket."
Tony: You're going to be making a lot more money so don't question it. You want to be a captain? You're a captain
Ralph: Thank you Tony, your right. I wanted this so fuckin long
Tony: Well you know what they say: "Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it"
Ralph: [Before Tony takes a shot of liquor by himself, stands up and leaves] so are we going to have a drink together or what?

Johnny: Yeah?
Ralph: John, it's me
Johnny: And?
Ralph: And I'm calling to tell you how appalled I am. I just got back. I talked to Tony. I love Ginny, I would never say anything like that
Johnny: That's not what I heard
Ralph: From who John?
Johnny: I don't betray confidences, you denying you said it?
Ralph: Fuck yes, I'm denying I said it
Johnny: I don't believe you
Ralph: Just tell me who said this. I'll put a bullet in their fuckin eye
Johnny: You're a real weasel you know that?
Ralph: John please, look, last year when Tony and I had our "thing", that misunderstanding, you were "the voice of reason". You were the one that told me to apologize
Johnny: So, you're apologizing?
Ralph: If that's what it takes
Johnny: Why would you apologize? I thought you didn't say it?
Ralph: I didn't say it
Johnny: [Before hanging up] you know something Ralph? Not only are you a thief, you're a lying fuckin prick. I should've let Tony chop your head off a year ago

Paulie: [before a sit down requested by Paulie, referring to Ralph not arriving on time] I got here first? Cocksucker
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: sit down, relax, have a coffee, he'll be here
Paulie: I think I got ma situated
Silvio: the Brother Joe home?
Paulie: [referring to the odor] nah, fuck that, we went there, almost gagged. Nah, we're gonna go with Greene Grove, based on your recommendation, Tone
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I never recommended it
Paulie: yeah, you did, when your ma there. By the way, did she have the Silver Bird package?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [uninterested] I don't know
Paulie: you know, Sil, it's the most expensive nursing home in the state
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's a retirement community
Paulie: the level of care they have, ma was crying
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: eight grand a month?
Paulie: who gives a fuck? You see a seeing eye dog over here? Cup full of pencils?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm not trying to insult you, I'm just saying
Paulie: It'll be tough but I'll figure it out: worth every fucking penny, I'm the hero now
Paulie: [to Ralph when he arrives] you're late
Ralph: [before Paulie tries to lunge at him for the insult] well, tomorrow I can be on time, but you'll be stupid forever
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Paulie while holding him back] hey, sit down
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralph] sit the fuck down and shut up
Silvio: so, who wants to talk first?
Paulie: what's to fucking talk about? I'm owed that fifty g's
Ralph: [raises his voice] fucking alarm code? Fifty g's? Five tops, maybe? As a finder's fee?
Paulie: Freaking heist fell in your lap: you spend your days fucking those fat pigs in the outer office at the carpenters union
Ralph: three mill a year from construction this family sees
Silvio: alright, five is the negotiating platform, take it easy
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Ralph's crew] It's not five we all know that: these guys did the heavy lifting
Paulie: Little Paulie was good to go, fucking car never came. They left him waiting outside his house like an asshole in fucking eleven-degree weather
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after thinking it over] Ralph, give him 12k
Paulie: I can't believe this
Ralph: why not? Last year you believed that flying saucers were over East Rutherford
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralph, irritated from his insults] I'm not gonna tell you again
Paulie: T, I'm asking you to reconsider this
Silvio: [replying for Tony] Paulie, you requested a sit down, he heard you out

Jake: [checks his wallet] Niente. Kids must've cleaned him out.
Mama: Sure, right before they ate him!
Francis: Stupid.

Ralph: [referring to the amount of money he robbed from a safe] nice haul, crackin that strong box, almost a 100k
Paulie: where's my half? Fuckin week now
Ralph: well, let's see, after you kick upstairs, you'll net...
Paulie: [interrupts him] what're you, my accountant?
Ralph: I'm better at numbers than nine tenths of your accountants
Paulie: kind of in our ears in the respect department, aren't you?
Ralph: fuck you talkin about?
Silvio: [referring to Jackie Jr., then Christopher and Furio] your future step son, robbed your card game, he pissed on your leg, killed your dealer, shot at two made guys
Paulie: [points to Paulie and Silvio] A, you're talking shit that's none of your business and B, I'm gonna give that little fuck a beating he'll never forget, as soon as we locate him
Silvio: his in the housing project in fuckin Boonton
Ralph: [ignores Sil, to Paulie] so, this fifty, g's, you think you deserve it?
Paulie: deserve? It's my territory

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: John, you more laborers on the job site than we got carpenters, what's the problem?
Johnny: The problem is the carpenters are carrying sheet rocking materials, so we ain't getting what we're expecting
Ralph: Let Massarone hire more laborers off the books
Johnny: [Raising his voice to Ralph] nobody's talking to you
Ralph: Alright, Jesus
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Proposing the percentage of the profits in the Soprano's favor, before they all toast to agree] Sixty-five thirty-five
Carmine: Johnny, can you explain the other "thing" we want to talk about?
Johnny: Sure, Tony, it's come to our attention you bought property around Freeland Heisen Avenue, and turned it in a week
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So?
Johnny: You did it with inside knowledge from Ron Zellman
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Got your attention from where?
Johnny: That property is hot because of the Esplanade. We share the Esplanade and we share Zellman. If the Soprano family is going to benefit from it, Carmine feels we should too
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Ok we'll work something out

Bob: Wait Ritchie, look. I understand about friendship... but I'm being honest here. Not everyone in the world gets a shot at the "brass ring". You're gonna have to ask yourself what's more important, your friends... or your music.
Ritchie: [walks back to the table] My family...

Silvio: [to Patsy] I understand we have some business to discuss? The floor is yours
Patsy: [to Little Paulie] Go on, tell them
Little: I drove out to Youngstown to see uncle Paulie and he was hoping you can settle this shit with Ralph and those no-show carpenter jobs?
Ralph: Ok, for the record, I had my guy go over the books: we can maybe do two carpenter jobs, one no show, one no work
Patsy: two jobs? On a three hundred-million-dollar project?
Silvio: [to Ralph] Come on, what's the real number?
Ralph: [amused] What am I speaking in tongues here? Two, maybe I can do three?
Little: My uncle's looking for at least ten
Patsy: [to Little Paulie after slapping him on the chest] I'm talkin here
Patsy: [to everybody, referring to Paulie] The guy's in the can, you think you want to keep him happy maybe?
Silvio: [before pointing upwards, implying these orders came from Tony] alright, here it is, and this comes from... for the duration, you will give Paulie five carpenter jobs: two no-shows and three no work. One of the no-shows our friend in Youngstown keeps and one he gives to Chrissy here. The others, the no work jobs, that's for Paulie, how he wants to distribute them
Ralph: It is so decreed, now if there isn't anything else?
Silvio: There is something else. With Paulie in the can, there's a new acting capo of his crew: it's Chrissy, that's the way certain people want it, we trust there will be no ill will

Ralphie: Now that you've moved back home, are you gonna be humping Tony Soprano's little girl on our couch?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Fuck her! And Tony, too, with his stay-in-school bullshit. He could have reached out to somebody at Rutgers.
Ralphie: [mocking] He should break the dean's legs, 'cause you're too lazy to read a fuckin' book.

Ralphie: What are you being like this for?
Tracee: Fuck you. Three days you don't call, not even to see how I am.
Ralphie: Baby, I'm busy. I gotta work! How else am I gonna take care of you when you're nine months pregnant?
Tracee: Serious?
Ralphie: Of course I'm serious!
Tracee: Ralphie, I love you.
Ralphie: I love you too, baby. Hey, if it's a boy, we'll name him after me. If it's a girl, we'll name it Tracee after you... that way she could grow up to be a cocksuckin' slob just like her mother. Are you out of your fucking mind?
Tracee: Guinea motherfuckin' piece of shit!
Ralphie: Yeah, that's right. Get it out! Get it out you little whore!

Ralph: I oughta stick a shiskabbab up your ass!

Ralph: I gotta give your father credit for this. He had balls as big as an Irish broad's ass. There was this old "mustache": Feech La Manna and he was "made" on the other side so you know he was an "Original"
Dino: He was an "O.G."
Ralph: Well, he had this Saturday night card game, your father sees this as our big chance to step up to the A league. Connected or not, him, me, and Tony are going to rob it. We thought your father lost a marble but he said "fuck it."
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Referring to his father and admiring him] Balls
Dino: What happened?
Ralph: They took it down and walked away with like twenty large
Dino: Jesus Christ
Jackie Aprile Jr.: What'd you mean "they"? You didn't go?
Ralph: Oh please, I'm still sick over it. I caught the clap from a hippie broad I was fuckin. My dick was dripping like a busted pipe. Anyways the rest is history: your father and Tony were on the fast track to being "made" and I was still a little "shit heel" like the two of you
Dino: Did they get away with it?
Ralph: There was a sit-down and the right people got some of their money back. The point was made: your father and Tony were rising stars and had to be respected

Guido: Listen to me.
Joel: No, no. You listen to ME!
[Guido hangs up]
Joel: Shit!

Guido: Let me give you a little advice so you know. In times of economic uncertainty, never ever fuck with another man's livelihood. Go have fun, now? You know fun, time of your life? Maybe if you follow that, I won't have to come back here.

Jackie Aprile Jr.: I need a favor
Ralph: What?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I need a "piece." I mean don't "need" one but you know
Ralph: Anything you want to tell me?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, it's just time you know
Ralph: What're you looking to get?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I don't know, what'd you suggest?
Ralph: [while retrieving a .38 pistol revolver from his jacket] me? I'd like to know the mother fucker is going to work. Now a thirty eight will never jam on you plus it's small but if your looking to make a point, you might want to go with something bigger
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, it's not really for intimidation, just in case
Ralph: Yeah I'd go with a thirty eight. You can have this one. I got another one under the bed
Jackie Aprile Jr.: How much I owe you for it?
Ralph: Get out here, your money's no good

Assemblyman Zellman: [while in the sauna room] summer of sixty-seven we're both home on break. I was interning at the state legislature, what were you doing?
Maurice: East Newark Co-op
Assemblyman Zellman: Right but come July
Tony: The Newark riots
Ralph: What a fuckin summer that was
Assemblyman Zellman: Later that year Maurice and I have to organize one of the first all black voting drives
Tony: Maurice, were you around for Anthony Imperiale? The "white knight"?
Maurice: Around? Who do you think he was fighting against?
Assemblyman Zellman: Italian pride "keep Newark white"
Maurice: Spying Klansman: some of those boys
Ralph: So, this group you got now, the Urban Housing League, what's the story there?
Maurice: Like many non-profits, we've fallen on hard times. Republican administration plus proliferation of new charities post 9/11
Tony: Sounds like you three got a lot to talk about. I'm going to hit the showers. Maurice: nice meeting ya
Maurice: Same here
Assemblyman Zellman: I took the liberty of filling in Maurice on the broad strokes
Ralph: Ok we got a guy Dr. Fried, his an Urologist. We're going to give him half a million of our money, have him grab these four houses on Garside Street for a hundred and twenty-five a piece
Maurice: The old first ward
Ralph: Once we own the houses we got an appraiser who'll "play ball" and his going to appraise them in the three hundred thousand dollar range. What you do Maurice is you take the phony appraisals to HUD tell them the Urban Housing League will buy these shit holes and convert them into low cost housing for working families
Ralph: Once HUD guarantees the mortgage app you take it to the bank, they cut a check and we work it up nice
Maurice: At which I assume my organization fails to make the mortgage payments
Assemblyman Zellman: Unforeseen construction delays and repeated vandalism forced the project into disillusion. We all walk away from the houses
Ralph: Your cut will be in the ten percent of the profit range
Assemblyman Zellman: My office will write a letter in strong support of your application
Maurice: Sounds about right

Ralph: [to Pie-o-My's trainer] And tell that midget not to be shy with the whip.
Hesh: [about Ralph] If only his mother had taken that advice.

Captain: Look at all this carnage!
Mike: Aw come on Cap, I didn't do all this shit. They did this to each other.
Captain: Wait, wait. You didn't shoot anybody?
Mike: Well, come on Cap, you know I shot somebody.

Ralphie: I hate to do it, Artie. But I think I'm gonna pass. Sorry.
Artie: Why not?
Ralphie: 'Cause if you don't pay me back, I ain't gonna be able to hurt ya.

Richard: Hey I've got a great idea you guys! Slick shoes!
Mikey,101711: [together] Slick shoes? ARE YOU CRAZY?
Andy: DATA!
Francis: [Jake tries to push Francis over the log] DON'T PUSH JAKE!
Jake: I'm not pushing Francis now hurry up!
[Francis slips and falls on his crotch]
Mama: Francis sweetheart are you okay?
Francis: [High pitched voice] NOOOOOOO!

Captain: It's a war on the goddamn law!

Tony: Twenty years I've been friends with John. Now he's gotta go.
Christopher: All over a stupid joke.
Ralph: [to Silvo, Christopher and Tony] I was fuckin' around for chrissakes! You never made a joke about Ginny Sack?
Tony: Of course not.
Silvio: No, never.
Christopher: Not like that.
Ralph: Yeah, well fuck him and his highfalutin bullshit. Who does he think he is, Sir Walter Raleigh?
Tony: That's enough of you and your stupid fucking remarks! Go back to Miami and play volleyball, or whatever the fuck it is you do down there, while we clean up your fucking mess! Maybe, even keep your ass alive.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: All right, obviously you told the cops you don't know who did this.
Vito: I'm upset, but please. I know how to keep my mouth shut.
Ralph: Unless of course there's a salami sandwich around.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Meeting privately in Tony's back yard] alright who gave the order to torch one of Albert's trucks?
Albert: [to Ralphie with disdain] "One of the trucks"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Albert] be quiet
Ralph: [to Tony, referring to Albert] talk to him, he lit two of my dumpsters
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralphie and Albert] what's the matter with you? Both of you? With the newspapers every fuckin week with this shit
Ralph: My "crew" is in line for the Raritan Township contract ok? This guy other there keeps whispering Albert
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Surprised, hold his left hand to his left ear] your what? What did you say? Who's crew?
Ralph: You're the boss, you get to put anyone you want over the crew
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're a captain when I say your a captain
Ralph: And I'm going to turn up my hearing aids so I don't miss it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Oh, you're going to get cute with me? With my mother lying dead?
Ralph: Raritan Township's recycling manager Joe Zachary says he knows who's in line for that contract but he keeps playing footsie with Albert. Next minute his threatening to go to the EPA to bust us all
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: He said that?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Ralphie and Albert after they both nod] alright fix it. No more fires

Ralphie: ...and I know I'm the guy who's dating your mom,
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Dating?
Ralphie: Don't get fuckin' filthy about it.