The Best Jackie Aprile Jr. Quotes

Ralphie: ...and I know I'm the guy who's dating your mom,
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Dating?
Ralphie: Don't get fuckin' filthy about it.

Jackie Aprile Jr.: [crying over the telephone] Tony, please. I'm sorry. Please don't hang up. For my dad, if not for me.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, he's been dead two years. As a matter of fact, the expiration date was last week, and on all your bullshit with that.

Meadow: [to Jackie after getting out of Ambujam's car when seeing him leave his apartment with Rita] I can't believe you did this to me
Jackie Aprile Jr.: what're you doing here?
Meadow: I loved you
Rita: [to Meadow] who the hell are you?
Ambujam: [to Rita] fuck you bitch
Rita: [to Ambujam] what'd you say?
Meadow: [to Jackie] don't ever call me again
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [to Meadow as she gets back into Ambujam's car] wait
Rita: [to Ambujam while they drive away] yeah, you better leave, bitch
Jackie Aprile Jr.: the fuck's the matter with you? That's Tony Soprano's daughter
Rita: oh, what do I care, asshole?

Tony: [Meeting to discuss which garbage routes belong to whom] so that's it: Albert splits Nutley with Delesio Brothers and Barone here keeps everything north of Patterson, what else do we have to talk about?
Dick: Fairfield Township is taking bids next week
Richie: What's there to talk about? Fairfield's mine
Tony: Was yours. I don't give bids to the "handicapped", your fuckin deaf because I told you ten times then I find out your still dealing blow on those garbage routes
Richie: [Confused] For that I'm losing a fuckin bid?
Tony: Next time you'll find yourself in the back of one of your trucks
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Those are my father's garbage routes
Albert: Actually fellas, my cousin Larry wants the Fairfield contract, since he was family and what not, while his in jail awaiting trial
Tony: See? This is why we have a fixed bid club because everybody has a story on why they should move to the front of the line
Richie: I've been in line for ten fuckin years
Jackie Aprile Jr.: My uncle is just asking for what my father would've given him if he was boss when Richie was getting out of prison and it had nothing to do with that they were brothers: you respecting my father you should respect Richie
Tony: Those who want respect, give respect
Richie: [to Jackie Jr] See? He just told you to shut the fuck up and he told me to go fuck myself

Jackie Aprile Jr.: Eugene Pontecorvo's got a card game: we can take it down
Dino: what're you fuckin crazy? His with Ralph, so for all intents and purposes, that's Ralph's game
Jackie Aprile Jr.: that's even better. Fuck him and his washing dishes bullshit, you know what? I think he's a fuckin secret fag
Dino: [referring to committing the robbery] I don't know
Jackie Aprile Jr.: maybe we'd take Carlo too? His got a shotgun: we wear masks, we go in, we're out in like two minutes
Dino: what if they find out it's us?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: we want them to but not right away. It's like what Ralph said, even when they do, you know it's gonna get "squashed." My old man's Jackie Aprile. The worse that'll happen is we have to give some of it back. We pull this off, we'll be like free agents, we dictate the terms: not them

Jackie Aprile Jr.: What happened?
Carlo: [Referring to Matush] he was at the Crazy Horse, some "zip" told my man here "new management, new rules", so I asked around. I heard about a guy Moltisanti..something, some "made" guy in the Soprano family is running things down there
Dino: Christopher Moltisanti
Carlo: Yeah, that's the name
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I know Chris, what was your name again?
Matush: Matush
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Normally, I would never get involved with a stranger but if Carlo is vouching for you I'm willing to make an exception and take care of it
Matush: Thank you
Carlo: What'd I tell you about my man Jackie?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Do you know who my father was?
Matush: The golfer at US open?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Chris and me associates, you got nothing to worry about. I'll call Carlo in a few days

Tony: [while visiting Bryan Spatafore in the hospital, after greeting everybody] how's he doing?
Gigi: I talked to him before. I think he squeezed my hand
Vito: His going to be a vegetable Tony, a fuckin retard
Tony: No, his going to be fine
Ralph: [after no one found his joke amusing] well look at the bright side, he wasn't that smart to begin with. Come on it's a tense situation a little levity huh?
Tony: [to Jackie Jr] What're you doing here?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I can't visit my cousin?
Vito: [Referring to Mustang Sally] I want this cocksucker to bleed from his ass skipper
Gigi: You got it
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Just say the word: my fuckin pleasure
Tony: [to Jackie Jr] Why don't you grab us some coffee?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Come on, are you kidding?
Paulie: [after pulling his chair away from the hospital bed] better yet: Go to the ears, nose, and throat department: get your hearing checked
Tony: All right, obviously you told the cops you don't know who did this?
Vito: I'm upset, but please... I know how to keep my mouth shut.
Ralph: Unless of course there's a salami sandwich around.
Gigi: [Turns round to confront Ralphie] what the fuck is wrong with you? We're trying to have a meeting here
Ralph: Oh, two minutes in charge, he thinks his Lee Iacocca
Tony: [while tapping his right shoulder, implying they shouldn't start a confrontation inside the hospital] come on, not here
Tony: [to Vito] there's no beef between your brother and Mustang Sally?
Paulie: Didn't owe him any money? Nothing like that?
Vito: No, nothing
Ralph: [Referring to Mustang Sally] this kid's a whack job: Meadowlands last year remember? Threw a hot dog vendor off the second mezzanine, too many fuckin onions or some shit
Tony: [to Gigi] you get him under control?
Gigi: With extreme fuckin prejudice
Tony: [to Paulie, after nodding to Gigi meaning his giving his approval to have Mustang Sally killed] we gotta to go

Jackie Aprile Jr.: [while sitting at the bar inside the Bada Bing strip club] congrats on the club. I only have admiration for your progress since you got your "button."
Christopher: Thanks
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I wanted to have a little sit-down with you about a friend of mine who was doing some business at your club
Christopher: And when did you want to do this?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Now if it's ok?
Christopher: Now's ok for a "chat", not a sit-down
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Ok, this friend of mine was moving some ex at the club before you took over and the other night he got thrown out on his ass
Christopher: And?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I was wanted to ask you as a favor to me, let him keep a little "action" going on. You get a "piece" of whatever he does
Christopher: Ex is federal territory now, they got a task force with dogs and shit. I don't want it at my club
Jackie Aprile Jr.: It would mean a lot to me
Christopher: You got a lot of balls, you hear what I said?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Yeah
Christopher: What'd I say?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No
Christopher: End of chat
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Ok thanks

Tony: so, I hear your taking Meadow out tonight?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: yeah
Tony: where?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: a place in the city called "Shea Josephine", they have live piano music. Harry Connick Jr. used to play there before he became famous: friend of mine's brother is a bartender there
Tony: don't you two have class tomorrow?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: she has it at two o'clock and I'm off
Tony: how many days they give you off at Rutgers?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I got class three days a week
Tony: listen, I think you're a good kid: you show respect at my house and you come from a good family
Jackie Aprile Jr.: thanks
Tony: as far as my daughter goes, you know I only want the best for her and I'm gonna be very protective over her, you can understand that right?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: of course
Tony: so, if you want to spend time with her, I want the best from you. If you're in school, you gotta give it everything you got
Jackie Aprile Jr.: yeah, right, I know it...
Tony: [interrupts him] shut up. Listen to me, I know I've been saying this to you all along but now it's "different", you understand what I'm saying to you?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I just got an A on my LIT paper
Tony: you did?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Edgar Allan Poe: good writer, what a fuckin nutjob
Tony: he's the guy that did all the Vincent Price shit right?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: the guy smoked opium and married his cousin: he was from The Bronx, you believe that?
Tony: you got an A huh?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm doing good Tone
Tony: just keep it that way: keep your father in mind
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [nods] I will
Tony: [stands up and hands him money] have some desert on me
Jackie Aprile Jr.: no, it's ok
Tony: take it, just don't keep her out too late

Artie: Any word from your Ivy Leaguer? And how's Carmella with the "empty nest"?
Tony: What "empty"? every five minutes Meadow's home with a laundry bag but she's hauling food out, why'd she talk about Berkeley when she could barely make it over the George Washington Bridge?
Artie: We created too nice of a home life for them, they don't want to go out to the world. But hey, they're closer to us than we were with our parents, that's not such a bad thing
Tony: [to Jackie Jr. implying that his late] what time is it?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm here aren't I? Out of respect to my father
Furio: [Sensing Tony wants to talk to Jackie Jr. in private and leaves the table] I have to make a phone call
Tony: [Gestures to an empty seat] sit down
Tony: You want something to eat?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Not hungry
Tony: [Jokingly] that's too bad. I said "lunch meat"
Tony: Want a drink?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Shakes his head]
Tony: Lose the glasses
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Moves the sunglasses to the top of his head]
Tony: Now I'm going to say a few things: I'm going to say some bad words, and your just going to have to deal with it. Now I know what your thinking. Your thinking I clipped your uncle. On the one hand you'd be a shit head to believe me if I told you I didn't do it. But I didn't. I got some news for you. Your uncle was a rat
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Suddenly stands up in anger] no fuckin way
Tony: Sit down, sit the fuck down
Tony: Your uncle was a rat and now his in the witness protection program
Jackie Aprile Jr.: That's my father's brother your talking about
Tony: Jackie, I'm a member of your family almost, you think I'm the only one that knows this about Richie? You ask anybody. This hurt all of us
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Beginning to be convinced by Tony] Jesus Christ
Tony: Your dad and me, you know how close we were? He never wanted this for you. He wanted you to be a doctor
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Give me a fuckin break
Tony: Let me tell you something: besides the money which is a shit load of, a doctor is a very powerful position
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm no doctor. Do you know how hard you have to work to get your MD? How many years it takes? I was even thinking maybe Osteopathy, but I don't think I have the grades for that even
Tony: But your not going to drop out of Rutgers are you?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, but those fuckin Pre-med courses almost killed me. I only did it because my dad was sick
Tony: But you should know he never wanted this life for you. And I'll tell you something: I don't want it for my son either

Jackie Aprile Jr.: [shows him a pornographic magazine] well, right arm's still good, no?
Matush: [while in the hospital with his left arm broken] you think that's funny?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: sorry, tell me what happened?
Matush: I did like you said, I stayed outside
Jackie Aprile Jr.: you must've disrespected them or something?
Matush: I didn't do shit
Jackie Aprile Jr.: did you mention my name? That I sat down with Chris?
Matush: they didn't give a shit, I don't think they like you. I gotta pee
Matush: [referring to the bedpan] can you give me the thing?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [disgusted] you should get the nurse to help you, it's what they get paid to do, maybe it'll give you a cheap thrill?

Ralphie: Now that you've moved back home, are you gonna be humping Tony Soprano's little girl on our couch?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Fuck her! And Tony, too, with his stay-in-school bullshit. He could have reached out to somebody at Rutgers.
Ralphie: [mocking] He should break the dean's legs, 'cause you're too lazy to read a fuckin' book.

Jackie Aprile Jr.: I need a favor
Ralph: What?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I need a "piece." I mean don't "need" one but you know
Ralph: Anything you want to tell me?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, it's just time you know
Ralph: What're you looking to get?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I don't know, what'd you suggest?
Ralph: [while retrieving a .38 pistol revolver from his jacket] me? I'd like to know the mother fucker is going to work. Now a thirty eight will never jam on you plus it's small but if your looking to make a point, you might want to go with something bigger
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, it's not really for intimidation, just in case
Ralph: Yeah I'd go with a thirty eight. You can have this one. I got another one under the bed
Jackie Aprile Jr.: How much I owe you for it?
Ralph: Get out here, your money's no good

Jackie Aprile Jr.: [to a trio of latinos] Go find a fuckin' Taco Bell, before I pop a cap in your asses!

Ralph: I gotta give your father credit for this. He had balls as big as an Irish broad's ass. There was this old "mustache": Feech La Manna and he was "made" on the other side so you know he was an "Original"
Dino: He was an "O.G."
Ralph: Well, he had this Saturday night card game, your father sees this as our big chance to step up to the A league. Connected or not, him, me, and Tony are going to rob it. We thought your father lost a marble but he said "fuck it."
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Referring to his father and admiring him] Balls
Dino: What happened?
Ralph: They took it down and walked away with like twenty large
Dino: Jesus Christ
Jackie Aprile Jr.: What'd you mean "they"? You didn't go?
Ralph: Oh please, I'm still sick over it. I caught the clap from a hippie broad I was fuckin. My dick was dripping like a busted pipe. Anyways the rest is history: your father and Tony were on the fast track to being "made" and I was still a little "shit heel" like the two of you
Dino: Did they get away with it?
Ralph: There was a sit-down and the right people got some of their money back. The point was made: your father and Tony were rising stars and had to be respected

Ralph: Look kid I'm trying real hard here and I know I'm the guy who's dating your mom,
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Dating?
Ralph: Don't get fuckin' filthy about it.

Ralph: [referring to the amount of money Dino and Jackie gave him] not bad
Dino: since we're "kicking up", we were "hoping", you could, you know, "watch our back?"
Ralph: three fifty buys you "hello", "watching your back" is going to require a little more "initiative" on your part
Ralph: [after he sees Jackie rolls his eyes and shake his head] oh, look at the face, what's he got to be frowning about?
Ralph: [to Jackie] tell me Romeo, now that you've moved back home, are you gonna be humping Tony Soprano's little girl on our couch?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: fuck her and Tony, too, with his "staying in school" bullshit. He could have reached out to somebody at Rutgers
Ralph: he should break the dean's legs, because you're too lazy to read a fuckin book. Now go ahead, I gotta make some calls: you did good, keep coming by

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was wondering who's Z24 was sitting in the driveway, what? You get a new car?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: yeah
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You want anything? A coke?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, I'm set. I heard about Ralph Cifaretto... that he got passed over
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [surprised] you heard about what? Who?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm just saying Ralph, it's probably a smart move. I mean the more I get to know him, his kind of a cool guy but...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] it's none of your fuckin concern, you told me you were gonna go to college then I gotta hear Christopher's shit about you?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [realizes Christopher told Tony that Jackie Jr. drove the getaway car for the robbery on his college campus] oh, you talked to Chris, oh shit
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's right. I promised your dad: don't make this hard on me. I already got him once to bust my balls
Meadow: [after arriving home carrying her laundry bag] hey Jackie, what're you doing here?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: waiting for you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What? I don't get a hello?
Meadow: I need two hundred dollars for November to put in my student account
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] You don't talk to me for weeks but my money's still green
Meadow: [sarcastically] I'm looking forward to total independence, believe me. African Americans go to Columbia dad, some of them are my friends
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Noah Tannenbaum] friend, my ass, under a blanket, on my couch, watching television with his shoes off, with you