The Best Richie Aprile Quotes

Richie: If there's ever anything you can do for me, let me know.

Tony: What'd you wanna talk about?
Richie: Fuckin' Dick Barone!
Tony: Well, as long as the two of you are happy!

Richie: [while in a mall] thanks for meeting me
Tony: no problem, I went over to Brookstone and got myself a scale, what'd you want to talk to me about?
Richie: fuckin Dick Barone
Tony: as long as the two of you are happy
Richie: I'm in no mood... freakin garbage business, I found out that bow tie wearing mother fucker is charging me twice as much as everybody else to tip my trucks at his place
Tony: so, you repair the tonnage and charge the townships a little extra for the pickups, that's all
Richie: I got the smallest amount of routes than anybody in the association
Tony: you're like the old woman who's got a Virginia ham under her arm and she goes around crying because she's got no bread
Tony: [after Richie looks confused] never mind, the point is your brother Jackie never concentrated on sanitation so what do you want Dick to do?
Richie: [sternly] I want a rate
Tony: alright, I'll see what he says
Richie: yeah, you see since you own part of the company

Tony: [angered, meeting inside a mall] I thought I told you to back the fuck off Beansie!
Richie: I did, then I put it in drive.
Tony: Oh, you think this is funny? That guy may never walk again, did you know that? And for what? 'Cause he didn't duke you enough? 'Cause he didn't visit you in the can? When was the last time you visited anybody in the can Richie? When was the last time you gave a fuck about anybody but Richie Aprile?
Tony: Well, you remember one thing, this you'd better hear! You want a talk of this old school bullshit about the rules? Well, here's a rule you might remember. I'm the motherfuckin' fuckin' one who calls the shots! And you better pay me the respect that I gave your brother. Or we're gonna have a problem... a bad one.
Tony: Now get the fuck out of here!
Richie: Alright Tone.
Tony: Yeah! Alright!

Junior: and did my nephew say where I'm "allowed" to move the coke?
Richie: he don't give a shit about nobody but himself: this country is going through "boom times", there's more fuckin garbage than there ever was and he wouldn't let me eat
Junior: you want to cry money problems? I'm facing twenty years, I could die in there
Bobby: your gonna beat it Skip
Junior: [raises his voice to Bobby] you don't fuckin know that
Junior: [to Richie] that coke is my lifeline right now
Richie: break it down: what choice does he leave us?
Junior: [referring to killing Tony] you need allies to do what you're thinking about
Richie: Albert Barese didn't like what he was hearing and by extension, Larry Barese: the biggest fuckin crew in the family
Junior: that doesn't surprise me: Larry has had just as much time as me to think about why his under indictment and some other people "ain't"
Richie: what do you want me to do?
Junior: go talk to Ally boy "feel" him out but his a "slippery" fuck... don't " commit"
Richie: [to Bobby and Junior before leaving] I'll see ya

Tony: [to Christopher as he walks up to their table in front of Satriale's, referring to their predetermined time to meet] Hey, I said four o'clock.
Christopher: The fuck? I leave before the stock market closes, you yell at me for not watching the phone guys.
Tony: [to Christopher as he gestures to Richie] Meet Richie Aprile.
Christopher: [to Richie] Jesus Christ, how're you doing? Your brother was like a fucking god, great leader! I also heard a lot about you.
Richie: Yeah, and I heard a lot about you. That's why I'm here.
Christopher: What do you mean?
Richie: [referring to Tony] Out of respect for our "friend" here, I'm gonna talk nice. You ever raise your hand to my niece again, next time you won't see my face. You understand?
Christopher: Who told you I put my hand on her?
Richie: [to Tony] is this kid getting jerky with me?
Tony: [Tony Soprano shakes his head]
Richie: Look kid, I shouldn't have to explain myself. I'm from the "old-school". You wanna raise your hand, you give her your last name. Then it's none of my fuckin' business. Until then, keep your hands in your pockets. We understand each other? Now get outta here, I wanna talk to Tony.
Tony: [to Christopher, after Christopher and Richie shake hands] Go ahead.

Janice: [while talking about planning their wedding and cooking in the kitchen] oh, the planner checked the almanac and said there's sixty-five historical chance of rain on the twelfth so he wanted to book the tenth as a back up so what'd you think?
Richie: I can't decide on this shit right now
Richie: [Seeing her disappointed] Janice, come on
Janice: Ok but when you start bitching when you see the bill: don't
Richie: My kid "hit" me up five grand to go to England for these dance contests
Janice: Yeah but "little Rick" is still coming to the wedding right?
Richie: [Correcting her, irritated] Rick? Richard, how many fuckin times I've got to tell you? It was "little Ricky" when he was twelve years old.
Janice: Jesus alright. His still coming right?
Richie: He wouldn't miss an opportunity to fox trot and tango in front of everybody
Janice: Ballroom dancing is a legitimate art form
Richie: [Eventually referring to Jackie April Jr] Carries my name: Richard. His a fuckin disgrace. Why wouldn't he be like Jackie? Why couldn't I have a son like that?
Janice: [Referring to her mother] you know, you came home with a fuckin attitude today. You know I've been in this house cooking your fuckin dinner and taking care of that "black hole" up stairs all day
Richie: Keep your voice down, she hears everything
Janice: Not tonight, I gave her two Nembutals because I thought we might want to have sex? But not likely
Richie: Put my fuckin dinner on the table and keep your mouth shut
Janice: Oh you shut up, just because his a ball room dancer, you think your son is gay? What if he was gay? What difference does it make?
Richie: [after punching her for insulting his values] what're you looking at? Are you going to cry now?
Richie: [after Janice leaves and returns with a gun pointing at him, before she shoots her a first time, assuming Janice is playing a joke] get the fuck out of here! I'm in no mood for your...

Richie: [to Janice after he punched her] Oh what, you gonna cry now?

Richie: This country's going through boom times, there's more fucking garbage than there ever was.

Corrado: [after he hands him an envelope, referring to the envelope short of money] It's "light"
Richie: You got your nephew to thank for that
Corrado: What'd you mean?
Richie: I ran into him the other day, at the garbageman's ball, whatever the fuck it is: he says we can't sell coke on the route anymore
Corrado: What?
Richie: It's what he said, I guess nobody should eat but him. You should see him in the golf outfit, he looked like Wallace Beery
Corrado: [angrily] Where does he get the... fuckin balls?
Richie: He's the boss
Corrado: And this shit is ok with you?
Richie: I know you how much you love him, I don't want to say anything disparaging

Tony: [Surprised to see Richie answering the door at Tony's mother's house early in the morning] the fuck you doing here? Where's my sister?
Richie: Store, I'm making breakfast, want some eggs?
Tony: Do I want some eggs? Why don't you put your fuckin pants on?
Richie: Let's have some coffee
Tony: So what the fuck? The mattress in the shelter a little too lumpy?
Richie: [Referring to Janice] We're adults, and we got history together
Tony: Yeah: Israel and fuckin Palestine
Richie: People change. I was away a long time, I thought a lot about her
Tony: Ten years, you thought about Janice? There are men in the can better looking than my sister. I hope you're not thinking about moving in here
Richie: It's late, I slept over. We're taking it slow ok? Picking up where we left off
Tony: High school: grabbing blowjobs on my mother's couch
Richie: You crossed the line on me once, I held my tongue, she may be your sister, back the fuck off... all due respect
Tony: [Sternly] respect? What the fuck do you know about respect? I put you back in business you cocksucker

Tony: [Meeting to discuss which garbage routes belong to whom] so that's it: Albert splits Nutley with Delesio Brothers and Barone here keeps everything north of Patterson, what else do we have to talk about?
Dick: Fairfield Township is taking bids next week
Richie: What's there to talk about? Fairfield's mine
Tony: Was yours. I don't give bids to the "handicapped", your fuckin deaf because I told you ten times then I find out your still dealing blow on those garbage routes
Richie: [Confused] For that I'm losing a fuckin bid?
Tony: Next time you'll find yourself in the back of one of your trucks
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Those are my father's garbage routes
Albert: Actually fellas, my cousin Larry wants the Fairfield contract, since he was family and what not, while his in jail awaiting trial
Tony: See? This is why we have a fixed bid club because everybody has a story on why they should move to the front of the line
Richie: I've been in line for ten fuckin years
Jackie Aprile Jr.: My uncle is just asking for what my father would've given him if he was boss when Richie was getting out of prison and it had nothing to do with that they were brothers: you respecting my father you should respect Richie
Tony: Those who want respect, give respect
Richie: [to Jackie Jr] See? He just told you to shut the fuck up and he told me to go fuck myself

Richie: [to Paulie and Silvio when they arrive to see him] Sit down for Christ's sake
Paulie: I wanna talk to you about Beansie Gaeta
Silvio: You know he may never walk again
Paulie: [to Silvio] Never say never
Richie: [to both of them] No, say never. He's a shopping cart from here on out
Paulie: He gets home from rehab soon, poor motherfucker: you should help him out
Richie: [confused] Help him out?
Paulie: You should build him a ramp on his house: for the wheelchair
Silvio: You can make the place Whatchamacallit... handicapped assessable?
Richie: Maybe when I'm over there, I can fuck his wife?
Silvio: Come on Richie, you're a fuckin captain now. So, you assert a little pressure, call that nephew of yours Vito and the other one. They're in the building trades, aren't they?
Richie: Wait, are you fuckin serious?
Paulie: Richie, it's a gesture. The man has a lot of friends
Richie: You're out of your fuckin minds
Silvio: Don't take that attitude Richie
Paulie: [sternly] Hey, your gonna build Beansie a ramp
Richie: I'll build a ramp up to your ass

Tony: Got any blow?
Richie: [Surprised] what?
Tony: Blow, coke, you don't keep it on you? I've got to go to the deli in Nutley?
Richie: Tony...
Tony: [Interrupts him] you don't sell that shit along those routes you understand me?
Richie: I'm working with Junior on this
Tony: I don't give a shit if you're working with Wal-Mart, knock it the fuck off
Richie: I'm trying to earn here, we're saving for a house
Tony: You got enough on your plate just picking up garbage
Richie: Not if you and that cock sucker Borone won't let me "expand"
Tony: Are you stupid? Or what? After five years the cops are finally leaving garbage alone. A drug bust on one of those routes is a different story, you got the FBI, you got the DEA, and all those fuckin pricks are going to breathing down our necks again
Richie: It's a little coke, what is the big deal?
Tony: You and my uncle, you want to deal drugs? That's your business. You do it on association garbage routes it's my business. It stops today, you got it?
Richie: [Remains silent, while staring]
Tony: [Telling him to stop staring] don't give me your fuckin Manson lamps. Just fucking stop. Another thing: don't tip our truck on a problem customer. You know I fuckin hate how you make me fuckin ride you. Now get the fuck out of here

Richie: [giving a toast at his engagement party to Janice] everybody, I want to thank my future in-laws for throwing me this party and I want to thank you all for coming and celebrating this historical union: the Apriles and the Sopranos. They say "It's never too late" and "All those good comes to those who wait", their right on both counts

Tony: I don't talk business with anybody: don't take it personally. A guy in my position is a government target, why do you think we're meeting in a fuckin mall?
Richie: I'm the guy who saved you from the "hit parade"
Tony: When? When did you ever step in for me?
Richie: You forget? When you and my kid brother stuck up "Feech" La Manna's card game, Feech was "made" before the electric light. If it wasn't for me, you two kids would've caught a vicious beating to say the least
Tony: You know I love you, you're like my big brother and your gonna be taken care of: what was "yours" before you went away will be "yours" again, you just gotta give it some time
Richie: You're gonna do that for me?
Tony: Hey fuck you
Richie: What's "mine" is not "yours" to give me
Tony: Hey prick, you reached out to me
Richie: I said what I wanted to say

Richie: [Referring to David Scatino, while they walk outside the motel to talk privately] I shut him the fuck down, he comes here and sticks it up my ass?
Tony: What's that got to do with you disrespecting my game?
Richie: Like you wouldn't do anything different
Tony: Your fuckin right
Richie: You know I'm getting sick of this "holier than now" act and I'm not the only one
Tony: Oh really? Well, if anybody wants to make a move
Richie: don't get so fuckin dramatic all, I'm saying is sometimes you act like your in a different business, now send that little prick out so I can talk to him
Tony: No
Richie: [Referring to the amount of money David owes Richie] you realize this mother-less fuck is into me for over eight large? His got money to play here? Let him me pay me my money. Send him out
Tony: You go home Richie, this isn't going to happen to one of my players

Tony: [Increasing Scatino's sporting goods store's debt by buying products, selling them, and not paying back the vendors] a lot of fuckin work to move some picnic coolers
Richie: Coolers are scissors, everybody wants one but have nobody has a fuckin idea how much they cost. You have a Nigerian sell these on the streets for two or three bucks a piece, who's not going to say "fuck it, give me one"
Tony: Davey, how we doing with the books of airline tickets?
David: You want to raise a red flag with the travel agency? A sporting goods store that charges airline tickets in bulk?
Tony: You say it's a promotional device" you know "customer of the year", "salesman on the month", that kind of thing, don't worry about it. You put it all on different lines of credit
David: Yeah but all of sudden I'm ordering all this weird shit. Picnic coolers, Ramosa water. When is one of these vendors realizes I'm never going to pay them and call the cops?
Richie: When your fuckin credit runs out "Diamond Jim", until then get on the fuckin horn and order unless your ready to pay the principle you owe us?

[about Christopher]
Richie: The attitude on that camel-nose fuck. He ever lays his hand on my niece again I'm gonna tear him apart piece by piece.
Matthew: Camel nose! You can't make that shit up.
Richie: What the fuck are you talking about? I just did. Did you ever notice he's the only motherfucker who can smoke a cigarette in the rain with his hands tied behind his back? That nose is like a natural canopy.

Richie: [about Janice] We're adults, Tony. And we got history together.
Tony: Yeah. Israel and fuckin' Palestine.
Richie: People change. I was away a long time. I thought a lot about her.
Tony: Ten years, you thought about Janice? There are men in the can better looking than my sister.

Beansie: [after greeting him] so when did you get out? How come nobody told me?
Richie: It's funny, Paulie 'Walnuts' told me he ran into you this morning
Beansie: Hey, honest to fuckin God, nobody said a word
Richie: Just shut the fuck up
Richie: [after Beansie sits down] I did a lot of meditation in the can on this
Beansie: On what?
Richie: I can't believe how crazy things get, do you ever meditate?
Beansie: [Amused] me? Meditate? Are you crazy?
Richie: Not as crazy as I used to be, still crazy enough to take out an eye out
Beansie: What's going on here?
Richie: Ten years: not even a pleasant "go fuck yourself" from you I get
Beansie: You know, I always asked how you were doing
Richie: The other two stores doing as good as this?
Beansie: Come on, you know? It's "a grind"
Richie: [Sternly] that doesn't answer my question
Beansie: Hey look, I know you're a "made guy" so I lose either way but I always respected you and your brother Jackie. I'm no "victim" here, I'm not some "grease ball" store owner. I'm sorry, I will not be "shaken down"
Richie: Suckin up to Tony Soprano has done wonders for you. I go away, I come back... you're a tough guy
Beansie: Don't do this
Richie: Don't do what? Take what's owed to me?
Beansie: What's owed to you?
Richie: I put you "in action." You got bad memory, veal parmesan sandwich... fuck you. I'll be back every Saturday partner
Beansie: You know I don't fuckin believe what I'm hearing here, I'm being shaken down for what? What did I do? Tell me what did I do? This is not right, I'm not gonna fuckin lay down. I'll step up