The Best Janice Soprano Quotes

Tony: Did you ever know anybody that ever committed suicide?
Janice: Uhmm, plenty. I used to live in Seattle, Tony.

Carmela: [to Janice] how was the guest bed? Did you sleep alright?
Janice: [Nods] great, usually I bring my own pillow: ergonomic, I got ripped off at the bus stop in Rapid City
Tony: [after coming down from upstairs] what? Those pillows aren't good enough for pillows aren't to sleep on anymore?
Tony: [Before they hug each other] come here
Janice: Oh, look who decided to join us? My little brother
Tony: How you doing Jan...?
A.J. Soprano: [Reminding Tony Janice's surname] Parvati
Tony: [Pats him on the side of the head] I'm her brother, I get a pass
Tony: You look good, you look like... a teenager
Janice: [to everybody] my therapist says I'm "regressing"
Tony: Oh, your therapist? Who pays for that?
Janice: The State of Washington: total disability
Tony: Oh yeah, the Epstein-Barr
Janice: [Correcting him of the previous illness she had] "was", chronic Carpal Tunnel from my last job: the steamed milk machine
Janice: [Walking over to Tony at the kitchen bar counter] hey, I stayed up waiting for you, when did you get in?
Tony: Late, you know?
Tony: [Irritated] what the fuck is that smell?
Janice: Miso soup, its seaweed
A.J. Soprano: [to Tony, referring to Janice] she's been telling us all about Seattle
Tony: If I see those grunge pants on you, you'll be looking on the ground looking up
Meadow: [Jokingly] dad, how do you stay so hip?
Janice: [to AJ and Meadow] I'll be back in a sec, don't let your father near my soup: he makes fun of it but he'll eat anything before noon, that's not locked away
Carmela: You don't see your sister for years and right away, you're already starting on her diet?
Tony: Hey, believe me, she gets as good as she gets

Dr. Harry Winer: It could've been another TIA, it's hard to tell, was any of this accompanied by a lapse in memory?
Janice: [after Janice and Tony shrug] I don't know
Dr. Harry Winer: [to Tony and Janice, referring to Junior] Had you brought him in right away, I'd might have more answers
Junior: That medicine stopped working, I took more and didn't do shit, I feel like the walking dead
Dr. Harry Winer: Medication sometimes is like cooking: we need to adjust the ingredients
Junior: Who gives a shit? I'm so fuckin blue
Tony: Well, what'd you expect? All you do is go to funerals all the time
Junior: I'm trapped, what's the point? God damn house arrest: my life is only death, I'm living in a grave. I beat prison and for what? I have no children, will somebody please explain this to me?

Carmela: [During family dinner] what? Did everybody take a "vow of silence" or something? Nobody's got nothing to report?
A.J. Soprano: I've got to write a report on DNA for biology
Carmela: Isn't that interesting? I just saw on Inside Edition how there will be no more "unknown soldiers" because of DNA now: they will be able to identify every single casualty of combat
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Meadow] pass me some of the macaroni and cheese?
Janice: You know Tony, I know you don't like to talk about her but that woman is impossible: she's a complete narcissist, I mean she's always "me, me, me". Really kudos, you are a saint
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You were right the first time, I don't want to talk about it
Meadow: [to Tony and Janice] you were talking about grandma?
Janice: When she pushes those buttons, she's a big baby you know?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Janice, irritated] this is my house, how many times I do have to say it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically to Meadow after she makes an insulting comment] you got something to say? The little girl's about to get her license might want to drive one of those cars in the driveway in the next hundred years
Janice: It's my fault Meadow, I was "insensitive" to his feelings
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Janice] thank you
Carmela: [to Janice and Tony, referring to them peacefully resolving an argument] you see that? You see how easy that was?
Janice: [Sarcastically to Tony] so Mr. "delegated Power of Attorney", have you given it any thought? Can my girlfriend have the listing? You know? The house?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to their mother's home] as long as it gets sold, I don't give a fuck who lists it
A.J. Soprano: [Making a joke] hey, what did one prick say to the other prick?
Carmela: [to Tony] you see that? See what happens with you cursing at the dinner table?

Bobby: [when she checks on him] I'm alright
Janice: The kids are fed
Bobby: thank you
Janice: What did you do with the cake today?
Bobby: cake?
Janice: Your daughter said she saw it in the back of your car: she told me about it when I picked her up from practice
Bobby: [sighs] I took it to Karen's grave... I buried it: today was our anniversary, fourteen years
Janice: I wish you would've told me about it before I picked up the steaks from Outback, how often do you go to the grave?
Bobby: Every day, that's what I miss the most: talking to her
Janice: Believe me I know, I lost both my parents. It's very easy for people to give advice suck it up and move on, etc. I'm not gonna tell you that: grieving is a process. Sometimes courage isn't of value

Tony: [while in the backyard, referring to her cigarette] let me get a "hit" off that
Janice: [Sarcastically, implying his scared of Carmella because his sneaking outside to smoke] oh, look who's in charge here
Tony: You look sensational, really, I was out of line
Janice: Two beautiful kids: you must be proud
Tony: Yeah, how about that huh? Even with our genes
Tony: [Referring to her lover] so you still with that "Adolf?"
Janice: [Correcting him] Ralph, no Ralph went back to Andorra. You seem good, "wood"-wise
Tony: Yeah, things are good these days
Janice: So how are things really with Ma?
Tony: She's dead to me
Janice: I don't want to get in your way here. You're the one who stayed: took the "brunt", Barb and I are never gonna forget that
Tony: Well, you forgot about it for about it for... twenty years, at least Barb pitched in
Janice: I know I made my share of mistakes but Ma can't stay in the hospital forever
Tony: Let me tell about the "stroke" of hers and I got this from a doctor: it's called a "conversion reaction", it's a big fuckin "opry" brought on by repressed rage: it's bullshit, there was no "infarct", whatever the fuck
Janice: Yeah but they also the symptoms are similar to a stroke so the results are the same: she cannot take care of herself
Tony: She's "on the lamb" in that hospital from me
Janice: Who did what to who is not my business. All I know is that mom is bewildered by all of this, I mention you and her eyes fill up with tears
Tony: [Amused] oh boy
Janice: Look, I'm not asking you to step in here... it's my turn now, that's why I came
Tony: She's a "streg", she's the devil
Janice: She was, now she's just a confused old woman. So look, all I need is a couple bucks to fix her car so I can back and forth to the hospital, then I'll take her home to Seattle, maybe stay at her house here "temporarily"
Tony: Oh, I doubt that, I just put her house on the market
Janice: Oh
Tony: [Before giving her money] look, I'm glad you're here ok? You want to play Florence Nightingale? That's your choice, only this is the last time we mention her in this house

Janice: [referring to Richie] What'd you do with him?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically] We buried him. On a hill. Overlooking a little river. With pine cones all around.
Janice: [surprised] you did?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: oh Jesus, what the fuck?, What'd you care what we did we him?
Janice: I loved him so much
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Sarcastically] all in all, I'd say it wasn't a bad visit.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while in his driveway] hey, I want to talk to you. The fuck you were doing with that real estate sign?
Janice: Oh yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I'm selling Ma's house, do you understand? I want that fuckin sign in the fuckin ground and that's it: end of discussion, period!
Janice: You're so "left brained". Whether the sign's there or not, the house is still for sale. The real estate agent still has the listing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah? Then what was the sign doing in the back of your car? And don't try to deny it
Janice: Because I'm trying to save a little money, is that alright? Do you remember Kathy Fiaola? She was in my class at Sacred Heart? With the birthmark?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Not remembering, irritated] what about her?
Janice: She's in real estate now: she said she would only charge three percent commission, that's half alright? Thousands of dollars, I mean it may not seem like a lot of money to you but maybe Ma could use it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah? Fuck her? And next time you disappear for a week take that piece of shit and park it in the street: this isn't a fuckin hotel

Janice: Have you seen what she did?
Tony: Who?
Janice: Meadow: that house is fucked
Tony: I thought you didn't swear?
Carmela: [Entering the room] what are you talking about?
Janice: I am outraged. No, I am beyond outraged, talk about disgrace, disrespect for other people's property. That place looks like a shooting gallery, it smells of urine, there's puke all over the beautiful hardwood floors...
Tony: [Interrupts her, sarcastically] sounds like your apartment in Venice
Carmela: Don't worry about it: she's been punished
Janice: [Sarcastically] oh my God, three weeks without a credit card, that's some heavy shit there
Janice: You know if that was my child...
Tony: [Angrily interrupts her, slaps his bowl of cereal on the floor] you know what? Fuck this, you got a lot of fuckin balls, you know that?
Janice: Don't talk to me like that
Tony: No, let's "clear the air" here. You ride into town like the "mission come lately", trying to play the "concerned daughter" who the fuck are you kidding? Your just here to pick the friggin bones
Janice: [Sternly] there's a lot I could say that I'm not gonna say
Tony: [Before walking away, referring to her demeanor] a lot of balls
Janice: Temper tantrums: he hasn't changed one iota since we lived in Newark, not one iota
Carmela: You are passing judgment on him: on us as parents. I told you once already, how we discipline our children is none of anybody's business
Janice: You let that girl ride rough shot over you, some day your gonna regret it
Carmela: Mother of God, are all of you Sopranos the same? I asked you nicely to stay out of it, you pretend you don't hear me, well maybe you'll hear this? Mind your fucking business, keep your mouth shut when it comes to my kids alright?
Janice: [Feeling guilty] maybe I've stayed here too long?

Janice: Why Didnt you call 911?
Corrado: With what, my fucking toes?

Janice: [after seeing him upset] What's the matter?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jackie Aprile is man who loved knowledge, when he was dying of the cancer, he was praying his son would go to medical school. If he knew he dropped out of college... it'll break his heart
Janice: It didn't hurt the Beatles, Bill Gates: his uncle Richie is looking out for him
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Richie's son pursuing a career path as a ballroom dancer] He should deal with his own son
Janice: Hey, don't do that. You know his taking AJ to the dirt bike championship at Giants Stadium?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: AJ can't go: he got a C in Algebra
Janice: does Carmela know about this?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Alright, you really wanna know? I don't want him around my kids
Janice: Who? Richie?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [nods] You heard me
Janice: The fuck are you talking about?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Ask Gia Gaeta
Janice: Richie told me all about that, the transmission slipped out of gear. Richie's lucky he didn't crushed by the car too and for your information, Beansie Gaeta owed him major dollars for ten years and Richie wasn't asking for the interest
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Why not?
Janice: And if we're so awful, why are you throwing us an engagement party?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Because you're my sister and I try to do what's right. Anyway, it's my wife's thing
Janice: Does right include planking that little Russian girl of yours on the side?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] You know what? Being that I am, be a fuckin codependent to a fuckin shitbag, what the fuck do I care?
Janice: You know, you just can't stand to see me happy, can you? You motherfucker

Janice: I've been meaning to get down to the court to show my solidarity but this "thing" with Bobby: he needs help with those kids
Junior: he needs help? I'm on trial for my life here
Janice: his gonna get through this
Junior: when? I'm waiting like patience on a monument
Janice: you really depend on him, don't you?
Junior: [referring to Murf] this one, drives like a little old lady: gas, break, gas, break
Janice: you know, I remember dad saying "Someday Bobby would be your linch pin"
Junior: my brother said that? Bobby was still a head waiter when Johnny died
Janice: Bobby's doing better: we had a very "healing" day yesterday, I helped him go through Karen's things, "psychologically," that's enormous
Junior: yesterday? Bobby was home?
Janice: [nods] why?
Junior: he was supposed to take care of "something" for me, that's why

Janice: [while talking about planning their wedding and cooking in the kitchen] oh, the planner checked the almanac and said there's sixty-five historical chance of rain on the twelfth so he wanted to book the tenth as a back up so what'd you think?
Richie: I can't decide on this shit right now
Richie: [Seeing her disappointed] Janice, come on
Janice: Ok but when you start bitching when you see the bill: don't
Richie: My kid "hit" me up five grand to go to England for these dance contests
Janice: Yeah but "little Rick" is still coming to the wedding right?
Richie: [Correcting her, irritated] Rick? Richard, how many fuckin times I've got to tell you? It was "little Ricky" when he was twelve years old.
Janice: Jesus alright. His still coming right?
Richie: He wouldn't miss an opportunity to fox trot and tango in front of everybody
Janice: Ballroom dancing is a legitimate art form
Richie: [Eventually referring to Jackie April Jr] Carries my name: Richard. His a fuckin disgrace. Why wouldn't he be like Jackie? Why couldn't I have a son like that?
Janice: [Referring to her mother] you know, you came home with a fuckin attitude today. You know I've been in this house cooking your fuckin dinner and taking care of that "black hole" up stairs all day
Richie: Keep your voice down, she hears everything
Janice: Not tonight, I gave her two Nembutals because I thought we might want to have sex? But not likely
Richie: Put my fuckin dinner on the table and keep your mouth shut
Janice: Oh you shut up, just because his a ball room dancer, you think your son is gay? What if he was gay? What difference does it make?
Richie: [after punching her for insulting his values] what're you looking at? Are you going to cry now?
Richie: [after Janice leaves and returns with a gun pointing at him, before she shoots her a first time, assuming Janice is playing a joke] get the fuck out of here! I'm in no mood for your...

Janice: [referring to Bobby] he just lost his wife and he had so much sadness: so much love for her, such complete and pure emotion. I felt unworthy to be in his presence, I was so moved by him and then I look at Ralphie
Dr. Sandy Shaw: you saw in this man the "things" that you want in your life: truth, love
Janice: yes. "Somehow", I have to find a way to move from the "darkness" and towards the "light"
Dr. Sandy Shaw: what does this man do?
Janice: he works with my brother but his not like the others
Dr. Sandy Shaw: Janice...
Janice: his different, believe me
Dr. Sandy Shaw: ok... but back to Ralph, you've got to sit him down and "level" with him, speak the "truth" but with the compassion and respect that your famous for and say good bye for his sake as well as yours
Janice: [before crying] your right... it's not his fault

Janice: Svetlana. I've been wanting to talk to you.
Svetlana: I bring nurse, I don't come to see you.
Janice: I should never have taken your prosthesis, but it did bring me to the Lord.
Svetlana: Uch, you are boring woman!

Bill: [after seeing Janice come through the door] Svetlana, get out here
Janice: [while noticing the boxes his carrying, cheerfully] Oh, hi, you must be the famous Bill, moving day huh?
Svetlana: Oh, I didn't think you had the nerve to show your face to me
Janice: Why? What happened? What's wrong?
Svetlana: [disgusted] Oh, don't give me bullshit. Where is my leg?
Janice: Your leg? Oh, yeah. Where's your...
Svetlana: [interrupts her] I know you took it
Janice: That's preposterous. I mean what possible use could I have for your leg?
Svetlana: Because you think that will make me give the records back but you are wrong
Janice: [sarcastically] If you see some karmic connection between your taking my mother's records and the disappearance of your leg, the records returned to the rightful owner and so will your leg, I can see how you got there
Bill: I don't know how you can live with yourself
Svetlana: Bill, don't waste your breath, this cunt is gonna be sorry she ever fuck with me

Carmela: [Referring to Meadow] Alright, let's get her down here.
Tony: I guess, where is the bride of Frankenstein?
Carmela: She's still sleeping.
Tony: You're right, go wake her up.
Carmela: I wake her up?
Tony: Yeah, I want to get this shit out of the way before I go out.
Janice: Let her sleep, you guys are making too much of this.
Carmela: I don't think we're making enough, she was drunk.
Janice: It's her choice. There's a Zuni saying "For every twenty wrongs a child does, ignore nineteen."
Tony: There's an old Italian saying "You fuck up once, you lose two teeth."
Janice: See? That's what this is all about, ego and control.
Carmela: I beg your pardon?
Tony: No, please don't try and make sense with her.
Carmela: No, I want to understand this. Go ahead, tell me.
Janice: You want to hold onto control over a young woman whose entire biological determinism is to achieve independent thought and behavior. Because she's "exercised" her independence, you want to penalize her because you don't agree with her choices.
Carmela: [to Meadow while she walks into the kitchen] Well?
Carmela: Good morning, I'm sorry, is it afternoon?
Meadow: Mom, please.
Carmela: Please, what? You better have some answers, young lady.
Tony: Yeah, that's right.
Carmela: [after she remains silent] OK, fine, you're punished.
Meadow: For what? I didn't do anything.
Tony: Oh, you call what you did to grandma's house "nothing"?
Meadow: [Raising her voice] It wasn't my fault.
Carmela: It's never your fault, Meadow.
Meadow: It was just supposed to be me, Hunter, and the Mackalalooso twins and Steve shows up with his asshole friend Adam and a bunch of people from Bolton.
Tony: Oh, so Steve's walking around trying doorknobs until he hits the jackpot.
Meadow: No, Hunter goes and tells him.
Carmela: [Referring to Meadow constantly shifting blame to her friend Hunter] Oh, now with the "Hunter".
Tony: She's over at her house blaming it all on Meadow, it's an old game.
Meadow: We're under a lot of pressure, you try studying day and night to get into college. We deserved a night.
Tony: [Noticing she's becoming emotional] OK, take it easy, take it easy.
Carmela: I'm sorry you're under a lot of pressure but it's still no excuse.
Tony: So, who was this "ecstasy" guy?
Meadow: I just told you, Adam, I don't even know him. He just showed up with Steve.
Carmela: Is this the same Steve I know? The school newspaper kid you're always with?
Meadow: He's a "flake", why do you think I stopped hanging out with him?
Carmela: That's news to me you stopped hanging out with Steve.
Meadow: It's painful to talk about, OK?
Tony: Well, you're going to get punished.

[during sex]
Janice: How much money did you make today, slut?
Ralph: Three hundred.
Janice: That's all, bitch? I'm gonna put you back on the street, ho.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony storms into Janice and Bobby's home after he saw a news report that showed Janice was arrested for fighting with a parent during a children's soccer game] Where is she?
Janice: It wasn't my fault.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: My name was all over the TV because of your bullshit!
Bobby: It's not simple, apparently that woman's kid was picking on Sophia.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Bobby and Janice] Why didn't they collar her then?
Janice: I am suing the township for "wrongful arrest."
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No you're not! What you're going to do is, you're going to call my lawyer, plea it down, pay the fine and not turn this into one of your cause célèbres.
Janice: You'd take anybody's side but mine, that bitch is lucky I didn't kill her.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: we know that
Bobby: [Confused] What?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [To Janice] You and your temper
Janice: [to Tony] Get out!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [to Bobby] This is the end of it.
Janice: [yelling louder] Get out!
Bobby: [Tony goes outside and Bobby follows him] I know this looks bad, but on the other hand, she called Sophia her daughter.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't give a fuck., OK I do give a fuck. How many times do I have to tell you? Get control of your wife!

Tony: I got a phone call from some young kid Drew, he wanted to know when you were coming home?
Janice: How'd he sound?
Tony: He sounded like he was about fifteen years old... wait, is that your so called fiancée?
Janice: His nineteen actually and he can go all night
Tony: [not wanting to talk about her sex life] So, when you are you going back to Seattle?
Janice: It depends how long it takes to settle ma's estate
Tony: you know how much we love you and you know how much we love having you around, but there's a whole big house over there and I know you want maximum value. So maybe for security reasons so it don't fall into disrepair, you could stay there?
Janice: I've been thinking the same thing, I just don't want to push Svetlana out
Tony: Yeah, well, I talked to her, she's gonna be moving out tomorrow maybe the next day
Janice: Really?
Tony: Yeah
Janice: Great, I better go pack

Janice: [as she's talking with Tony while sucking marrow out of a soup bone] God, I love marrow, just like Ma. Remember Ma with a bone? It sounded like half-price day at a liposuction clinic.

Sophia: [referring to Janice fighting with another soccer mom during Sophia's game] I'm so embarrassed, I don't wanna see any of my friends again
Janice: well, when you're a parent, you'll see, you'll defend your children like a lion with her cubs
Sophia: you're not my 'parent'
Janice: what did you say? I'm here and I try to care very much. Now get to sleep
Sophia: your gonna punch me?

Janice: You have every right to be mad at me... and I apologize, I know it's bad for the family, for business but I'm working on it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, I know, Bobby told me. So, how's that going?
Janice: Anger management? It's the best thing that ever happened to me: it's such a relief to let go of all that shit. I never realized how much of an angry person I was and how it "fed" itself
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, they got you on tranquilizers?
Janice: No. Basically, it's taking responsibility for your anger and you learn to recognize your "feelings" and that their just "feelings", you don't have to "act" on "them"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's just what people want so they can walk all over you
Janice: A lot of anger is "self-importance"
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [confused] Self-importance?
Janice: Problems with authority

Janice: [Tony has just stormed out on a Sunday dinner] Uncle Jun, was that really necessary?
Junior: He's a goddammned hothouse flower, that's his problem.

Carmela: Do you remember Angie Bonpensiero?
Janice: Angie Belfiore, married Sal Bonpensiero.
Carmela: Right, she's thinking of divorcing him.
Janice: Halle-fucking-lujah.
Carmela: Do you know them?
Janice: No, I don't know them, but to be married to a man like that...
Carmela: A man like what?
Janice: The 'tude, and the fucking medieval outlook.
Carmela: He is such an adoring father, though. Three beautiful kids they raised, who are now from a broken home.
Janice: No sons, I hope. Three more of his ilk, we don't need.
Carmela: He is very macho.
Janice: Macho? No. Try swaggering mama's boy, fucking hypocrites, shall we?
Carmela: Is that how you see how your brother?
Janice: I thought we were talking about Angie.
[pregnant pause]
Janice: I mean these OC pricks, especially with their goomahs, and their prostitues. Emotional cripples, and they expect their wives to live like the fucking nuns at Mt. Carmel College.
Carmela: It's not that simple.
Janice: Of course not. Madonna/whore is a full equation, I believe. Clothes, appliances, houses...
Carmela: [taken aback] You are talking about me. About us.
Janice: Carmela, no. I don't know. It's just, a woman of your intelligence, is content to ask so little from life, and from herself.
Carmela: Marriage is a holy sacrament.
Janice: [realizing she went too far] Okay.
Carmela: Family is a sacred institution.
Janice: Roger.
Carmela: And you? Trying to fan the flames with Richie Aprile, of all people? Talk about old school.
Janice: Richie, because of his life experience in prison, has a sensitivity to the plight of women.
Carmela: [amused] Oh, my God! I am not even gonna touch that one, but you had me going there for a while. You really did. Oh Janice, honey, I gotta love ya. Really.
[walks off laughing]

Janice: I'm sorry Tony but the hospital's going to need a decision on this. If you're going to have Power of Attorney, you're going to have to act like one
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who gives a fuck, DNR or no DNR?
Janice: Yeah ok, great, so what happens when she goes into a coma and they have to keep her alive with tubes and machines because you won't sign the DNR?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [raises his voice] what? When she becomes a vegetable, she's not going to give a fuck about anything
Janice: To deprive her a place to live: to deprive me of my chance to make peace with my mother
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You know what? Take her, you can have her. The two of you in that house, you deserve each other. It'll be worth it just to watch, it'll be like what happened to baby Janice over there. I'll give you your fuckin DNR

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after entering their mother's home] When'd you change the locks?
Janice: [referring to Svetlana] The minute the Ukrainian dye job was out the door
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't mess with the Russians: it's all I'm gonna say
Janice: She can have her leg back when she returns ma's record collection and don't say you wouldn't have done the same thing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] I'm getting calls at my house from her cousin, I can't have it, don't fuck with me on this: give back the leg
Janice: Those records are yours too. It's sad you don't care: those records, their a window into ma's soul. In fact, I'm making a documentary The World War Two generation and their music exemplified by ma
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who the fuck are you kidding? Your gonna sell them on the internet
Janice: I have work to do
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while making the hand gesture for male masturbation, implying he doesn't believe her] yeah right, cleaning up the cellar. Good luck finding the lost dutchman goldmine, you'd make more money working a real job
Janice: Right, like the minute I'm out of here, you're not gonna have contractors downstairs tearing apart the walls