The Best John Ashton Quotes

Sergeant: [to Biddle] Putz.
Harold: Did you say something, Taggart?
Biddle: He called you "Putz", sir.
Sergeant: I didn't call him a putz, I called you a putz.
Harold: He's right, Putz.
[Biddle's face drops]

Sergeant: [after being ordered to Lutz's office to explain Rosewood's call to the FBI] Can't keep God waiting.
Capt.: I don't want to hear that kind of talk, Sergeant.
Sergeant: Oh come on, Andy! He's fired every cop who used to work for the old chief! The three of us is all that's left!
Capt.: [curtly] He's still head of this department, Sergeant.
Sergeant: [softly] Yes, sir.

Axel: We gotta talk!
[about Rosewood's affinity for weapons]

Karla: Goodbye, Mr. Foley.
[Gunshot]
Sergeant: Women.

[outside the Playboy Mansion]
Billy: Sarge? You old bloodhound!
Sergeant: Billy, isn't this uh...?
Billy: Yeah!
[pause]
Sergeant: No!

[last lines]
Sergeant: Anything we can do for you?
Axel: [handing Taggart house keys] Yeah. Why don't you take care of my uncle's house till he gets back?
Billy: Hey, Axel, that's not really your uncle's house, is it?
Axel: Oh, yeah. Trust me.
[as Axel starts to drive off, the real homeowners walk up to Taggart and Billy]
Mr. Anderson: All right, what the hell is going on here? Who are you guys? Who's that black guy?
[Taggart and Billy look at Axel. Axel stops and looks back, grinning]

Harold: [Lutz and Mayor Egan arrive on scene after Taggart, Rosewood, and Axel have apprehended everyone involved in the Alphabet arms deal after the warehouse shootout] What the hell have you done here? Looks like a goddamn war zone! What have you done here, Taggart? Tell me!
Billy: We solved the Alphabet Crime!
Harold: You shut up! Who the hell is talkin' to you? I personally sewed up the Alphabet Case in a body bag over an hour ago!
[to Axel]
Harold: And you! I don't give a goddamn what federal agency you say you're working for! You're in jail, buddy!
Billy: Chief, wait a minute...
Harold: SHUT UP! What the hell do you think you're doing here, bringing down a firefight in the middle of my city! You're out of the cop business FOR GOOD! FOREVER!
Billy: Will you just listen a minute?
Harold: SHUT UP! You shut your mouth once and for all!
Billy: No, goddamn it, YOU shut up!
[Taggart and Foley smile, impressed]
Billy: This is what the Alphabet Crimes are all about, GUNS!
Harold: [shocked] Guns?
Billy: [pointing to a detained Thomopolis as he's being loaded into a police car] That guy sold 'em, and Dent bought 'em with stolen money from Adriano's and his own race track! He was on his way to Central America! And, if you'd bother to TAKE YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, you'd see we solved the WHOLE GODDAMN THING!
Harold: You watch yourself!
Mayor: [a uniformed officer hands Egan a passport, he thumbs through it, confirming Rosewood's story] Just a minute, Lutz. Why didn't I know about this?
Sergeant: [stepping forward] Because Chief Lutz doesn't have to guts to hear the truth from REAL cops. That's why we had to go undercover with Detective Foley to solve this case.
Harold: That cuts it, Taggart! You're fired.
Sergeant: Yeah? KISS MY ASS!
Harold: [Alex smiles proudly at Taggart] KISS MINE!
[turns to Foley]
Harold: YOU'RE fired too!
Mayor: Lutz...
Harold: Isn't that right?
Mayor: I think I've just about had it with your abusive attitude.
Harold: I'm sorry, I get carried away, I'm sorry...
Mayor: YOU'RE fired. Do you understand that?
Harold: Don't overreact, Ted! Please!
Mayor: YOU'RE FIRED. I want you out of here now. GET OUT OF HERE! FIRED!
Harold: [whimpering] You'll regret this, Ted!
Mayor: I regret it now, I've regretted it for the last two months!
Harold: You'll regret this!
Mayor: [to Biddle] You're fired, too. You're out of here! Get out of here!

Billy: Sarge, will you just relax and trust me?
Sergeant: Trust you? You drive worse than Maureen!
Billy: [appalled] No way!

Sergeant: Fuck Rambo!

Sergeant: Do I really look like Gerald Ford?
Axel: Y'all both look like Gerald Ford!

[Taggart sees Rosewood take two shotguns and an overcoat out of his trunk]
Sergeant: Billy, what are you doing?
Billy: I've been wanting to wear this for a while, Sarge.
Sergeant: What are you, nuts? Jesus Christ, Billy! We gotta talk! What the hell is this?
Billy: You can never have too much firepower.

Axel: Oh, you mean the construction that's going on. Yes, I'm very embarrassed about that. What I'm trying to do, though, is just confine myself to the other five bedrooms. I'm used to compromising my lifestyle.
Sergeant: Bullshit! You've stolen this house!
Axel: How the fuck can you steal a house? This...my uncle's house!

[During the climatic shootout, Billy Rosewood takes out a bazooka cannon while Axel and Taggart continue to hold off the bad guys. As he takes the cannon out of its case, Billy talks to himself as though reading a manual]
Billy: Pull Pin...
Sergeant: BILLY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
Billy: Extend...
Sergeant: [over gunfire] BILLY?
Billy: Pull to open and...
[He pops the cannon out of the case; amazed]
Billy: Wow!
Sergeant: [screams] BILLY!
Billy: [as the gang's truck is fleeing the scene] Release safety.
[He releases the safety lever]
Sergeant: BILLY!
Billy: [He aims the bazooka cannon] Aim through here... and push this.
[He pushes the trigger. The cannon fires a bazooka at the fleeing truck, bursting it into flames. Much to the amazement of Taggart, Axel and Billy, who drops the cannon in disbelief]
Axel: [chuckling; impressed] Huh, ha! ha!
Sergeant: [floored] F*** Rambo.

Mayor: Wait a minute, Lutz, why didn't I know about this?
Sergeant: Because Lutz doesn't have the guts to hear the truth from real cops! That's why we had to go undercover with Foley to SOLVE this case!
Harold: That cuts it, Taggart! You're fired!
Sergeant: Yeah? KISS MY ASS!
Harold: KISS MINE!
[to Rosewood]
Harold: You're fired, too!
Mayor: Lutz...
Harold: Isn't that right?
Mayor: I've just about had it with your abusive attitude!
Harold: I'm sorry, I get carried away, sorry...
Mayor: You're fired! Do you understand that?
Harold: Don't overreact, Ted, please!
Mayor: You're fired! I want you out of here, now... GET OUT OF HERE! FIRED!
Harold: You'll regret this, Ted!
Mayor: I regret it now, I've regretted it for the last two months!
[to Biddle]
Mayor: You're fired, too! You're out of here!
Biddle: Aw, I didn't do anything...
Mayor: You get out, get out!

[Rosewood runs a red light]
Sergeant: It's red!
Billy: It's green!
[He hits another car]
Billy: Oh, yeah, it was red. Okay.
Axel: It was yellow!