Top 30 Quotes From John Smith

John: [after Jane told him she never cooked a day in her life] Web of lies!

John: [after throwing her across the dining room table and onto the floor, standing up behind her, welcoming her by gesturing with his fingers] Come to Daddy.
Jane: [she stands up bashes him with a teapot wrapped in a white cloth and headbutts him] Who's your Daddy now?

John: [while dancing, after Jane asked what had happened to their marriage] I have a theory, newly developed.
Jane: I'm breathless to hear it.
John: I think you killed us.
Jane: Provocative.
John: Why do you care? I was just a cover
Jane: Who says you were just a cover?
John: [pauses] Wasn't I?

Jane: [driving a stolen minivan] My parents died when I was five. I'm an orphan.
John: Who was that kind fellow who gave you away at our wedding?
Jane: Paid actor.
John: I said, I said I saw your dad on "Fantasy Island"!

John: I realise you witnessed the Mrs. and I working through a few domestic issues. That's regrettable but don't take that to be a sign of weakness, that would be a mistake on your part.
[Jane is drumming her fingers impatiently]
John: Honey!
Jane: Wrap it up.
John: Maybe it's not such a good idea to undermine me in front of the hostage - sends a mixed message.
Jane: Sorry.
John: Girls. Where was I?
Benjamin: Mistake on your part.
John: Shut up.

John: [after Jane accidentally throws a knife that punctures his leg] We'll talk about this later.

Eddie: Did you get a look at him?
John: Little thing. Buck ten, buck fifteen tops.
Eddie: Maybe he was Filipino!
John: I'm not even sure it was a him.
Eddie: You saying you had your ass handed to you by some girl?
John: I think so. A pro.

John: [to Jane, while pursued by hit men in three black BMW'S] It's called evasive driving, sweetheart!

Jane: [lying down in the hallway of their home] That vacation in Aspen, you left early, why?
John: Jean-Luc Gespar.
Jane: Damn, I wanted him.
John: I got it.

[both have discovered that they were on the desert and one tried to kill the other]
John: I missed you.
Jane: I missed you too.

John: [just before running over an assassin with the minivan] These fuckers get younger every year.

John: [they stop dancing, after his wife checks his crotch for a weapon] That's all John, sweetheart.

John: Hiya, stranger.
Jane: Hiya back.

John: [over the Bluetooth headset phone] The first time we met, what was your first thought?
Jane: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] You tell me.
John: I thought... I thought you looked like Christmas morning, I don't know how else to say it.
Jane: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] And why are you telling me this now?
John: I guess in the end you start thinking about the beginning... so there it is, I thought you should know.

Jane: [dancing with John, he's just finished searching her for weapons] Satisfied?
John: Not for years.

John: I can't believe I brought my real parents to our wedding.

John: [while driving, pursued by hit men in three black BMW'S] I never told you, but I was married once before.
Jane: [slams on the brakes]
John: What's wrong with you?
Jane: [slapping John's arms and legs] You're what's wrong with me John.
John: It was just a drunken Vegas thing.
Jane: Oh, that's better. That's *much* better.
[pause]
Jane: What's her name and social security number?
John: No, you're not gonna kill her.

John: Careful, Jane. I can push the button any time I like.
Jane: Baby, you couldn't find the button with both hands and a map.

John: [to Benjamin Danz] Option A: You talk, we listen, no pain. Option B: You don't talk, I remove your thumbs with my pliers, it will hurt. Option C: I like to vary the details a bit but the punchline is... you die.

John: [takes her hand and starts walking towards the dance floor in a fancy restaurant] Dance with me.
Jane: You don't dance.
John: It was just my cover, sweetheart.
Jane: Was sloth your cover, too?

John: What's new?
Eddie: Same old. People need killing.

John: We have an unusual problem here, Jane. You obviously want me dead, and I'm less and less concerned for your well-being.

John: [after Jane escapes on a high wire, stand the ledge of the ledge of the floor in her building] Chicken shit!
Jane: [shouting from a broken window] Pussy!

John: [over the Bluetooth headset phone, trying to beat Jane home] That's the second time you've tried to kill me today.
Jane: [over her speakerphone, trying to beat John home] Oh, come on, it was just a little bomb.

[John has just returned from shooting Lucky at the bar]
Jane: Hey baby. I didn't hear you downstairs.
John: I went down to the sports bar. Put a little money on the game.
Jane: How'd you do?
John: I got "Lucky".

[last lines]
John: [at marriage counseling] Ask us the sex question.
Jane: [whispers] John.
John: [excitingly, stretches out all ten fingers] Ten.

Marriage: [during a marriage counseling session] On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate the happiness of your marriage?
Jane: 8
John: Wait Could you clarify? Is 10 the highest? 10 being perfectly happy and 1 being totally miserable or...
Marriage: Just respond instinctively.
John: Ok. Ready?
Jane: 8.

Jane: [after John hands her a small revolver] Wait, why do I get the girl gun?
John: Are you kidding me?

John: [after having accidentally shot at his wife, Mr. Smith is on the roof of her car while she's trying to throw him off] Come on, let's talk about this! You don't want to go to bed angry!

John: [hitman from the BMW opens the van's left door. John opens the other van door and yanks the hitman through] These doors are handy.