The Best Jonjo Devine Quotes

Colm: If you don't stop talkin' to me, and if you don't stop botherin' me, or sendin' your sister or your priest to bother me...
Pádraic: I didn't send me sister to bother you, did I? She has her own mind. Although, I did send the priest though, you have me there.
Colm: What I've decided to do is this. I have a set of shears at home. And each time you bother me from this day on, I'll take those shears and I'll take one of me fingers off with them. And I'll give that finger to ya. A finger from me left hand. Me fiddle hand. And each day you bother me more, another I'll take off and I'll give ya until you see sense enough to stop. Or until I have no fingers left. Does this make things clearer to ya?
Pádraic: Not really, no.
Colm: Because I don't want to hurt your feelings, Padraic. I don't, like. But it feels like the drastic is the only option left open to me.
Pádraic: You've loads of options left open to ya. How's fingers the first port of call?
Colm: Please, don't talk to me no more, Padraic. Please. I'm begging you.
Pádraic: But...
Jonjo: Shush, like, Padraic. Just, you know, shush, like.
Gerry: Yeah, I'd shush, like.
Pádraic: I will shush. Except me and me sister were thinking, you might just be a bit depressed, Colm. And I tell you this much, fingers just confirms it. Don't you think, Colm?
Colm: Starting from now.

Pádraic: I think.
Jonjo: Ah, you don't, Padraic.
Gerry: You don't, Padraic.
Jonjo: Your sister does.
Gerry: Your sister does, aye. Siobhan does.
Jonjo: You're more of a...
Gerry: You're more of a... What is he?
Jonjo: You're more one of life's good guys.
Gerry: You're more one of life's good guys, aye. Apart from when you're drunk.
Jonjo: Apart from when you're drunk, aye.
Pádraic: I used to think that'd be a nice thing to be. One of life's good guys. And now, it sounds like the worst thing I ever heard.
Jonjo: Ah, don't take it like that, Padraic.
Gerry: Don't take it like that, Padraic. We're on your side.

Gerry: Are you rowing?
Pádraic: I didn't think we were rowing.
Gerry: Well, you are rowing.
Jonjo: Well, you are rowing. He's sitting outside on his own like a whatchamacallit.
Pádraic: It does look like we're rowing.

Jonjo: I don't think you're dull. And jeez, if I was to cut something off meself for every dull person that came in here, I'd only have me head left.