The Best Priest Quotes

Priest: Wouldn't you say punching a policeman is a sin?
Colm: Ah here. If punching a policeman is a sin, we may as well just pack up and go home.

Priest: Do you think God gives a damn about miniature donkeys, Colm?
Colm: I fear he doesn't. And I fear that's where it's all gone wrong.

Priest: How's the despair?

Priest: It's an island, Colm. Word gets around.

Priest: I do not have impure thoughts about men. And how dare you say that about a man of the cloth?

Priest: It isn't him you have the impure thoughts about, is it?
Colm: Are you joking me? I mean, are you fecking joking me?
Priest: People do have impure thoughts about men, too.
Colm: Do you have impure thoughts about men, Father?
Priest: I do not have impure thoughts about men. And how dare you say that about a man of the cloth?
Colm: Well, you started it.
Priest: Well, you can get out of my confessional right now, so you can. And I'm not forgiving you any of these things until the next time, so I'm not!
Colm: Well, I better not be dying in the meantime then, eh, Father? I'll be pure fecked!
Priest: You will be pure fecked! Yes, you will be pure fecked!