The Best Kevin Smith Quotes

Wil: You come face to face with a massive monster with a gaping maw full of teeth, three huge legs, and flailing tentacles. What do you do?
William: Fellas, it looks like we're facing a, an otyugh. Here's the plan...
Kareem: Hold on there, Bill.
William: Now what, Kareem?
Kareem: How do we know it's not a neo-otyugh?
William: Same way I know the difference between an owlbear and a bugbear. Does that answer your question?
Kareem: No.
Joe: Look, there's only one way to settle this. We chop it up and look at the pieces.
Kevin: Oh, come on. Why do you always gotta attack everything? Why can't we just try talking to it?
Joe: Big surprise, Podcast here wants to talk.
Kareem: What do you think, Leonard?
Leonard: I think this is the greatest day of my entire life.
William: It's all right, buddy. One day, you'll meet a girl.

Penny: What is the harm if I audition?
Leonard: Well, what if you get it?
Penny: I don't know, I make a movie, we could become rich and famous, win an Oscar, a Golden Globe and live an incredibly wonderful life.
Leonard: From a Kevin Smith movie?
Kevin: Oh, I'm hanging up now.
Wil: Don't you listen to him, buddy. You're awesome! You're one of the greatest directors of our time.
Kevin: I don't have a part for you, Wheaton.
Wil: [Hangs up on Kevin] And that was Kevin Smith

Sheldon: [knocking on Wil's door] Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.
[peeking inside, then ringing the doorbell]
Sheldon: Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton. Wil Wheaton.
Wil: Now's not a good time, Sheldon.
Sheldon: For what?
Wil: You.
Sheldon: I need to apologize.
Wil: Apology accepted.
Joe: [off screen] Wil, come on! I cast Fireball, and you need to roll your Dexterity Save.
Wil: I'll be right there.
Sheldon: Are you playing Dungeons & Dragons?
Wil: No.
Kevin: Would you hurry up, man? The map says this dungeon's full of dragons.
Wil: [seeing Sheldon's look] Still no.
Sheldon: Who are you playing with?
Wil: Uh... it's just some friends. You don't know them.
William: Wheaton, get back here. Hobgoblins are at the gate, and you're at the door buying Girl Scout cookies.
Sheldon: Is that William Shat...
Wil: [shutting the door] Nope.

Kevin: Hey man, yo, is everything okay, Wil? 'Cause it's been, like two minutes and you haven't even brought up Stand by Me.

Kevin: [to Homer after Homer burns the building down] Aw, man, Dad, what did you do?