Top 300 Quotes From Ksenia Solo

Fitzpatrick: It would be best if only the noble families stayed.
Kenzi: Hey, I could have noble blood. No, like if some Duke boned my great-great-grandmother. I am sure she was a real hot wench.

Fitzpatrick: Are you sure this spirit was Bo?
Kenzi: It communicated with Lauren and me. And trust me, I know about this stuff, Trick. I know a familiar ghost when I see one. Well not see, but, you get it.

Kenzi: Don't go all Children of the Corn on me, Dougie.
Dougie: It's Doug! Dougie's dead. And if we wanna get rid of Lady Polly we're gonna have to give her a sacrifice.
Kenzi: I nominate Dougie. He's dead anyways.

Kenzi: So not only does this "ass-wang" have a very unfortunate name but it also eats dead people? And nobody thought to mention this to me? Like, "hey, Kenzi, watch out for random body parts" or, you know, "by the way, foot soup"!

Traso: Name?
Kenzi: [Southern accent] Kenzi Von Clare. I'm Bo's honeybee, and I'm here for some sugar.
Traso: But... you're human!
Kenzi: Trust me: the shorter the lifespan, the deeper the quicksand!

Jessica: From the time Beth popped those boobs, all the guys had their eyes on her. I was a late bloomer; but I'm over it.
Kenzi: You sure are.

Dyson: It's a pack thing, babe.
Kenzi: Oh, my god.

William: It's not like we choose our local government every day, so it's kind of a big deal. Lots of rituals, big-ass feast, and a stag hunt.
Kenzi: Ooh. Will there be wenches, and mead?
William: You crash the party, there'll definitely be a wench.

Bo: This is camp?
Kenzi: I'm thinking this one begins with the letters P, O, W.

Kenzi: Why are they trying to trip each other?
Bo: It's Double Dutch.
Kenzi: You're shitting me! I thought that was only on Wii!

Kenzi: Hey, hun-buns, where are you off to?
Bo: Africa!
Kenzi: *Africa*? As in the dark continent? With your sword? Is there something you want to tell me?
Bo: Kenzi, I can't really talk right now, okay?
Kenzi: ...Well, are you gonna be home for dinner?

Lauren: What do you see? What's happening?
Kenzi: [At Alaria Tech] Well, we're basically in a yogurt commercial.

Nina: It's sad.
Veronica: What's sad?
Nina: Beth's such a beautiful dancer.
Galina: Yeah, so is my grandmother.

Teen: Cheezie?
Bo: No. I'm good, I already ate. Dyson and I just-...
Kenzi: Oh! Not in front of the B-A-B-Y V-A-L-K... E? Or is it, "Y"?
Teen: I'm not a baby! I'm almost two weeks old.

Kenzi: Shhhh. It took like five Avril Lavigne songs to get Baby Tam-Tam a ticket to play-time land. You wake her Sk8er Boi, you are dealing with her.
William: You know the words to five Avril Lavigne songs?

Kenzi: [about Trick] He really is hiding something, isn't he?
Tamsin: Certainly looks that way.
Kenzi: Well, there's only one thing left to do.
Tamsin: Take a dump on his bed.
Kenzi: No! I was gonna say... Ew!

Kenzi: Is this agent coming?
Nate: Well, why would Ryan lie about that?
Kenzi: I don't know, because he likes messing with people? He got us to eat cow from the inside out!

Kenzi: Touch me with that thing and you'll need a new nose.
Lauren: It's a tongue depressor.
Kenzi: My tongue is perfectly pressed. I've gotten major compliments about it.

Detective: Everything okay?
Kenzi: Are you kidding me? It's better than Call of Duty 3.

Kenzi: [Waking up] Trick?
The: I prefer treats, actually.

Kenzi: Tammy, this may be the single most irresponsible, frightening thing we've ever done.
Tamsin: More irresponsible than the time we snuck into the Fae Veterans Hospital; switched charts because you were having period cramps-...
Kenzi: Shh! We said we would never talk of that again.

Heathcliff: I returned to Cadaques one night, and I could see the lights weren't on.
Kenzi: In my Castillo.
Heathcliff: That's not like my Kenzi, I said to myself. And I was right. I found my poor girl tied to a chair-...
Kenzi: Seconds from untying myself, before he walked in. They only roughed me up a bit but they searched my Castillo for hours.
Heathcliff: That's her word of the week.
Tamsin: It means castle.
Bo: Got it.

Earl: [Playing chess] Actually, you're not allowed to do that.
Kenzi: Why not?
Earl: Bishops don't go that way.
Kenzi: 'Cause of their religion?

Kenzi: Oh, my god. Guys, this just in. You're a police man, who's also his own police dog! How did I not see this before? Seriously, dude!

Bo: I think my father is trying to get me back. I need to find the Pyrippus.
Lou: The Pyrippus?
Kenzi: Hell Horse? Evil Steed? Devil's Pony?

Kenzi: Y'all got some secret Fae alphabet we don't know about?
Fitzpatrick: You should see our Fae Sesame Street.
Kenzi: Don't tease; that would be awesome.

Kenzi: LP came to the party early!
Dougie: [Running] Come on! We can lose her in the field!
Kenzi: Oh, great! Nothing bad ever happens in the field!

Bo: If Jack created the Pyrippus, he needs it.
Kenzi: Uh huh.
Bo: I need to go to him.
Kenzi: *What*? You said we can't just go in there-...
Bo: If he is trying to break my spirit like I'm some kind of wild horse, then I have to help him with the next step.
Kenzi: Which is?
Bo: I surrender.

Tamsin: This can't be.
Kenzi: What?
Tamsin: It's a Tametebako.
Kenzi: A tomato-bacon?

Jeffrey: You call this a Yule party? No fruit? No offerings to Vanir? No wassailing. And this... this has no business here
[Pulls a reindeer decoration off the wall]
Kenzi: Oh now we gettin' all up in each other's business?
Jeffrey: This mangy cur is not Eikpyrnir, the stag. It's Rudolph!
Kenzi: I knew it! Trick has got to hear this.

Fitzpatrick: Where was Dyson born?
Ciara: [as Hale] What's Dyson's favorite food?
Detective: [as Ciara] What's Dyson's favorite position?
Kenzi: [as Dyson] Ciara...
Lauren: Honestly, lady-...
Detective: Not sure? Well, why don't we ask Bo.

Kenzi: So, which love triangle candidate are we calling up on these days? D-man? L-bomb?

Hale: The Amazons won't listen to me.
Kenzi: Because of your stupid penis?
Hale: I prefer 'untested leadership'.

Kenzi: I can never tell with those two if they're on or off.
William: I put money on them fighting again In two weeks and back to square one.
Kenzi: I pick the 14th for them hittin' the skids. Closest one t the date wins 20 bucks.
William: In the event of a tie we go down to the hour and the minute.

Anna: It is time for the feast.
Kenzi: I'm hungry and everything, but a feast? Here? This is insane.
Anna: This meal is not for us. We make do with slop.
Kenzi: [Hopeful] Delicious slop?

Saskia: [At Bo] I'm new in town, And I really wasn't planning on a turf war right out of the gate, so if this is your place, it was just plain rude of you not to mark your territory.
Kenzi: What, like, pee on it?

Kenzi: Concierge said they're in the Hummingbird Room. Don't panic, she also said there was a wedding dress involved.
Fitzpatrick: Oh, no.
Kenzi: Yeah! I just think they should get a quickie divorce with their quickie wedding.
Fitzpatrick: Fae don't believe in divorce. Not for the first thousand years.
Kenzi: *What*?
Fitzpatrick: What, like it's so wrong to expect people to give it a real shot?

Kenzi: No one's here, Dyson. Stop sniffing.
Dyson: Just you, me and the, uh, thongs, huh?
Kenzi: Ha.
Dyson: That's a whole lot of thongs, by the way.
Kenzi: Well, I will have you know, that these are all business thongs.
Dyson: ...I don't even wanna know what that means.

Kenzi: Fine, I'll pose as your honey. Temporarily. No smooching, no groping, and no magical Fae impregnations.

Bo: Anything upstairs?
Kenzi: Uh, just a fancy gitch collection. I'd say milady was single and ready to crotch mingle.
Bo: Oh, Kenzi. You have the soul of a poet.
Kenzi: I know this.
Bo: I guess Allison was a little bit more sentimental.
[Looks at the bookshelf]
Bo: I mean, check out these titles. "The Gigantic Romantic". "Don't Let Love Go, or Love Will Let Go of You". Actually, I bought this one, too.

Lauren: An Edimmu. I wanted it so badly to be Bo.
Kenzi: You had sex with it!
Lauren: It kissed my neck!

Kenzi: Safety test!
Bo: Mother's name?
Kenzi: Birth: Aife. Adoptive: Mary Dennis. Dream: Tina Turner. Wing sauce?
Bo: Half extra hot. Half honey garlic. All blue cheese dipped. Middle name?
Kenzi: Trick question! You don't have one. Favorite alias?
Bo: That is too hard! You have too many!
Kenzi: Oh, come on. You got this,
Bo: Toni, with an I, Soprano.

Kenzi: Hey guys, how would I know if the dude was inside me?
Detective: Been awhile?

Kenzi: You're gonna cook?
Bo: I'm pretty sure I can crack an egg, Kenzi. How hard can it be?
[Goes to the kitchen]
Kenzi: This is not the Bo that I recall.
[Turns to Lauren]
Kenzi: So, what d'ya say, Doc? Body swap? Morrigan parasite? Last night's sushi, which I totally might've gotten at the dollar store...

Dyson: You know, I understand you hate me right now, but you put a curse on me? What are you? Fourteen?
Bo: Again, it wasn't me! It was Baba Yaga! Via Kenzi!
Dyson: Who does whatever she thinks you want her to do!
Kenzi: Hey! Not fair, man.

Kenzi: My head is pounding harder than a sailor on shore leave.

Bruce: I'm not letting you meet him alone.
Kenzi: Well, it's a long walk.
Bruce: Who's walking?
[leads her to a parked sports car]
Bruce: The Morrigan's new toy. And you get to drive.
Kenzi: I love you.
Bruce: I love you too, Kenzi.
Kenzi: I was talking to the car.

Kenzi: Gina's not just ignoring her mom. No action on her debit or credit. Ditto on her data and cell plan since Monday.
Bo: So no shopping, no texting, no *talking*; in 48 hours.
Kenzi: Which makes her either dead or over 40.

Kenzi: D, did you actually murder someone?
Dyson: It's a long story. Believe it or not, it starts with a pair of shoes.
Kenzi: Sounds like my kind of story

Darren: Look, I'm not safe here. Dominique is close. Please help me. Take me to Diana.
Kenzi: How can I trust you? I am standing in a room full of man gams!

Kenzi: What you're saying is somebody's been in here extracting our memories?
Dr. Snook: Mm-hmm.
Dyson: This is very disturbing
Kenzi: Yeah, you're telling me. I could be famous.
[Gasps]
Kenzi: I could be a Kardashian!

Kenzi: I've come up with a fool-proof plan, okay? I'm gonna do surveillance on the Glaive for a few days, check out her habits, her route to work, then for a measly hundred bucks, my cousin Dima and his capos are gonna-...
Bo: Dima has capos?
Kenzi: ...He believes Don Corleone is his real father.
Bo: He does know that Don Corleone is a fictional character, right?
Kenzi: I've never had the heart to tell him.

Dyson: And you.
Kenzi: Yes?
Dyson: You are weak, pathetic, and you need glasses.
Kenzi: Oh, wow. That's... That's kind of mean.
Dyson: It's a miracle you've survived this long, Kenz. You might just be the strongest person I have ever met.

Fitzpatrick: Bo isn't herself, she's not going to have her own wits or skills. She might not even know she's a Succubus.
Kenzi: Uh oh. If she gets hungry she could kill a whole NBA team. With a WNBA team for dessert!

The: Feel free to bring your human pet.
Kenzi: I'm *not* a pet. I will never be anyone's pet, nor will any human.
The: See? Already getting the hang of being Dark.
Kenzi: [Smiles] Really?
[Catches herself]
Kenzi: I mean, shut up.

Kenzi: I don't get it, why would you hire us if you thought your own brother did it?
Diana: I thought he was trying to get rid of me. So I hired you to play detective to get rid of him.
Kenzi: For a species without assholes, you sure act like ones!

Bo: [after burning Baga Yaga in the oven] I can't believe you're up for more drinking.
Kenzi: I always drink after a barbecue.

Kenzi: Slow your roll, Slytherin.
Engelram: I merely want to look inside so I may grant your unspoken wish.
Kenzi: No need, I'll speak it. I want the Ricardo Montalban... Ricky Martin... Uh, the, the Compass thing-y.
Engelram: That's it?
Kenzi: Well I'll take your unicorn too, if you're looking to downsize.

Ciara: Man. Where am I?
Lauren: Who am I?
Kenzi: Why are my pants so tight?
Dyson: What the hell is on my face?
Detective: Oh dear. Have we... Have we switched bodies?

Bo: How's it going?
Kenzi: So far I've figured out that the broken dog bone is a "T". Or an "L", or both.

Kenzi: It just got Sailor Moon out there.
Lauren: Why, whats happening?
Kenzi: Bo's giving the best HJ of her life!

Kenzi: Are you adequately juiced?
Bo: Those Una Mens assholes pack quite a wallop. And with Dyson out of town, I gotta find some way to recharge the double Ds.
[Kenzi gives her a look]
Bo: The batteries. My batteries.

William: You don't think you're overreacting just a little bit?
Kenzi: Hey. It's called being prepared. Last time Dyson dumped Bo's ass, a car got smashed, three furies died, and a dude's HEAD was cut off.

Bo: If that's his BFF, how come we've never heard of him before?
Kenzi: It is a riddle cloaked in a mystery wrapped in layers of hot, hot manliness.

Bo: Are you the Pyrippus? But I always thought you were bad.
The: You were bad until you found your way. The Pyrippus is the same.
[Holds up horseshoe]
The: You possess the key. The power's in the one who holds the reigns. Go home, Bo. Find the Pyrippus.
Bo: Trick's gone. And I can't fight my father without him. I don't have the answers.
The: The answers will come.
Bo: When? When will they come?
The: ...You must find them yourself.

The: Sweetie, if it's Vex you want, come to my Dark Ceilidh this aft.
Kenzi: Dark "kale-y"? What is that, code for vegetable enema?
The: A Dark Ceilidh is like a Light Fae party except with more - everything!

Fitzpatrick: I know a way of tracking the coin - a ceremony. But it requires a human female to complete it.
Kenzi: Is this some kind of sex thing?
Fitzpatrick: What? No, no.
Kenzi: Or, like, a virgin sacrifice? 'cause I don't think I can help you with that one.

Kenzi: Yesterday it was the two-headed thingie that looked like Regis. Then before that it was that hotdog vendor that turned out to be a fire- breathing...
Bo: I wanna say, frog?
Kenzi: Jellyfish?

Tamsin: It's another old book that is... blank.
Kenzi: What did you say?
Tamsin: What about the books? Or the more old books?
Kenzi: About the blank.
Tamsin: Yeah. This one here. Empty. Nothing doing.
[Passes book over]
Kenzi: Oh my god. This is it.
Tamsin: What?
Kenzi: This is what we have to do.
Tamsin: Oh like, you mean draw weird dicks in there?

Bo: We need to find my midwife. So where is she?
Evony: Fine, she plays with my ponies.
Kenzi: Bo's midwife is a brony?
Evony: I locked her up at my ranch. Turns out she was great with the horses, so I figured what the hell, let her take care of them. I needed someone to shovel the shit.

Fitzpatrick: It's a symbol of the Una Mens. They're descending on our little 'colony' because things have gotten real messy in the past few years.
Kenzi: I blame Bieber Fever.

Dimitri: We come to see you. Uh, 69 Camaro. Yellow. Yours?
Kenzi: Uh no, my roommate's.
Dimitri: [Into his phone] Uh, call it off.

Tamsin: What's up motherfae-ers?
Dyson: Your doubt overcame Hades.
Lauren: Well, she is carrying his child.
Kenzi: [Hugs Tamsin] You're doubting for two!

Kenzi: How much fun would this be, huh? Feasting, and hunting stags! And kilts! and bangers! And mash and Mary Poppins!

Bo: What's wrong?
Kenzi: Cruddy broom totally bit me!
Bo: Really? The big talker who survived basilisk poisoning gets TKO'd by a broom?
Kenzi: Oh, like you've never been suckered by a big shaft of wood.

Kenzi: You have a son? It is Vex?
Evony: As if I'd let him wear that too-old-to-be-goth shit if he was.

Kenzi: Bobes. Bobo. Boom boom-Bo. It's me. It's Kenzi. K-star. Clog-the-drain-with-a-hair-ball-Malikov. Look, we've been through all this before, right? Djieiene spiders. Kitsunes. Even Tamsin went Jack Nicholson evil. But we always come back. Because we've got back. And this Kenzi-conda don't want none unless you got buns. Hun.
[Breathes]
Kenzi: Look, I left, I know, and I'm sorry. But you were with me every second that I was away, and that is never gonna change. Because you're my sister from another mister. Until the end. So please, please come back to me.
[Bo's eyes change to her Succubus blue]
Kenzi: So what, your eyes are glowing a shade of hell. I know that it's not you. It's him. So, please come back to fight him with us. 'Cause, we need you. I need you.

Bo: Would you give me some space Saturday night? Dyson agreed to come over and talk.
Kenzi: Ah. Gotcha. Operation "Woo" begins. And what is your plan of attack?
Bo: Cleavage. That's about as far as I've gotten.

Kenzi: [Talking to herself while organizing Bo's room] You got champagne, chocolate; both lube and actual chocolate. And I got a lead on some Victoria Secret models. And I'm not talking catalogue, hon. I'm talkin' runway.

The: You have failed to abide by the sacred rules of the Fae.
[to Dyson]
The: If you have any last words speak them now.
Kenzi: Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!
The: The human has spoken for you then.
Kenzi: I just stole your last words? Oh my God, I suck!

Galina: Your cousin's just try to help.
Kenzi: Well last time he tried to help, someone stole my identity. Remember?
Dimitri: A total misunderstanding! By the way, if police call about a string of bad checks... best just to leave town.

Kenzi: Dudes, all I did was grab this stupid shillelagh and all of a sudden I'm Darth Vader!
Lauren: Let me see that-...
Kenzi: [Tries to drop it] Yeah, about that... the shaft is kinda Fae-zy Glued to my hand.
Vex: Yeah, that happened to me once. Painful.

Bo: It's true. Her name is not Lauren. It's Karen. Karen Beattie.
Kenzi: Okay, not the sexiest moniker. Kinda get why she might have changed it.

Vex: Oi, cupcakes, eh, toothpaste?
Kenzi: Footlocker.
Bo: And take off my kimono!

Kenzi: This drawing. Gates closing over flames. People cheering. What is this?
Tamsin: A sale at Ikea?

Bo: Oh my - -You are scared of this Baba Gaga.
Kenzi: [Whispers] Baba Yaga, and yeah she's horrible! Horrible... But she'll occasionally help chicks get revenge on a dude who's wronged them.
Bo: Okay, I'm listening.
Kenzi: You get a mirror, say her name three times, tell her the name of the dude you want cursed...
Bo: Bye bye wolf junk?
Kenzi: Perhaps we're concentrating too much on Dyson's genital region.

Bo: How do we make you stop sparking?
Kenzi: Ugh, it kinda just runs out. You know, like sunscreen. Reapply after swimming.
[sighs]
Kenzi: I guess I can take a shower, but I I really don't want to get my hair wet. It's such an ordeal.
Bo: I hear ya.
Kenzi: You know what though, it's been a week. I probably should wash it. Is Lauren's conditioner the worst?
Bo: It's the worst.
Kenzi: Does it contain disinfectants? I mean God knows what that woman is putting in her hair. She can not be trusted. I don't know about you I need a little peach in my shampoo...
[Bo dumps a bucket of water over her head]
Kenzi: Ahh! Refreshing.
Bo: Atta girl.

Sgt: Your rap sheet. Or the rap sheet for some of you. Kenzi Williams, Kenzi McAdams, Kenzi Rogers. Also, Rhino Levine, Ninotchka Alexandrovich and... Tony Soprano.
Kenzi: Oh yeah, that last one was a boondoggle!
[Officer gives her a look]
Kenzi: But it wasn't my fault. Big mix-up at the passport office.

Vex: You really think we can take down an entire facility? I mean, just the six of us?
Val: [Enters] You mean seven.
Detective: Val?
Kenzi: Baba Yaga wasn't available?

Lauren: Kenzi?
Kenzi: Wha... What happened? Did I get roofied again?

Kenzi: A little, ya know, first-time-with-a-Fae-box from Bo.
[Pulls out a pack of condoms]
William: Okay... Oh wow. That's prepared.
Kenzi: We've got edible, non-edible, fat-free, firm, fire-proof, fig flavoured...

William: Kenzi, you have to be smart about this. And responsible.
Kenzi: Dude! Those two words are, like, both my middle names. And I'm not even drinking this month. I'm on a cleanse.

Kenzi: [after Bo blows her off] This really puts the "suck" in "succubus".

Nelson: Anyone else think that these deaths might be some sort of freaky animal attack?
Trudy: Like a wolf?
Dyson: [Enters] A wolf wouldn't leave the body intact.
Kenzi: Yeah, not to mention, they're really lame.
Dyson: Oh, really?
Kenzi: Yeah, and surprisingly girly.

Fitzpatrick: I wonder maybe I should go with you. I knew Roman long ago and if there's trouble at the club, I might be able to talk to him.
Kenzi: You wanna get kinky at a sex club with your granddaughter?
Fitzpatrick: That is in no way what I said.

Kenzi: [to Tamsin] God, are you my something old? I mean, not that you look it. You just are. Fact. All the lives.

Bo: This whole Taft thing still baffles me. I mean, Lauren is smart. I mean, maybe she wasn't tricked. Maybe she wanted to work for him, you know, get something from him?
Kenzi: Like a pension?

Bo: I am so sorry about earlier. I didn't realize you guys were coming.
Kenzi: I didn't know you were either.

Tamsin: Do you really think I'm going to let a little human get in the way of my true potential?
Kenzi: Your true potential used to be eating a box of Vector in one sitting!

Fitzpatrick: Have you considered that it could be something else?
Kenzi: Ghost Dad? Ghost Swayze?

Fitzpatrick: Yule is a sacred celebration of contrition, not some Franken-holiday concocted to sell melon ballers.
Kenzi: You have Rudolph on your sweater.
Fitzpatrick: It's Eikpyrnir, the stag!
Kenzi: He has a Red Nose! It's Rudolph.

Bo: What do you know about art?
Kenzi: Only everything. I mean there's Banksy. And, also... Banksy.

[giving Shay a tour of her lab]
Cosima: Chill zone, over here. Um, protein modelling server, over there, as I'm sure you're aware. Uh, fumigation hood, for
[motions smoking a joint]
Cosima: a little of that.
[Scott enters]
Cosima: Oh, and Scott.
Scott: Hi.
Shay: Hi, Scott.
Cosima: He... he loves lesbians.
Shay: Oh, he does?
Scott: [stammering] Well, I... Can I sequence your genome?

Kenzi: [Freaking out after Tori passes out] I *killed* the Glaive's daughter!
William: Dyson trusted me, he depended on me... this poor girl!
Kenzi: Who doesn't drink coffee? I mean, it's just - It's just coffee! You have with for breakfast, or when you're sitting in a cafe pretending to write a novel - it's not a drink! It's a hug!
William: She was in my care...
Kenzi: I'm gonna be Fae food - Oh my god, they're gonna lock me up with a crazy beast and watch as he eats me for breakfast!
[Sudden thought]
Kenzi: Maybe *with* a coffee!

Bo: Just a snack
Kenzi: Bo that's enough, Bo stop you're killing her, Bo stop! Bo stop its me.
Bo: I'm sorry, thanks for the cock block
Kenzi: Yeah, maybe next time I'll do it from a distance.

Kenzi: Bruce? Bruce, I thought you were in Bora Bora!
Bruce: I really didn't want you to see me like this.
Kenzi: My god! You are living sushi table? You're Brushi!

Kenzi: [Waiting to be executed by the Una Mens] I always imagined I'd go motel pool-side. You know Twizzler in one hand. Liam Neeson in the other.

Dougie: After the séance, all you guys coupled off and you left me alone. I knew I could connect with the paranormal.
Kenzi: Para-normal? Don't you mean para-weird?
Dougie: I had my occult book and my candles and I burnt a copy of Antichrist Superstar as an offering.
Kenzi: You sacrificed "Superstar"? Dude, Marilyn Manson is a god!

Kenzi: Well alright, while you go all nineties, I'll just be here with a stick of Big Red.
Bo: So we can heist a little longer?
Kenzi: Should I call Catherine Zeta Jones?
Bo: Oh please. Other than a thinly veiled Welsh accent, that chick's got nothing on me.
Kenzi: Ninety-nine problems coming at you from all directions in your life, and here you are, still standing. That's my girl.
Bo: Ninety nine problems.
[Looks at the laser grid]
Bo: Let's hope balance ain't one.

Whicher: She will be delivered by the Una Mens.
Kenzi: And you need to be delivered to a dentist, buddy. Your breath smells like the anus of a Yeti.

Kenzi: [about the horses they're riding] What're their names?
Lou: Bo is riding Llamrei. She was once owned by King Arthur.
[Pats her horse]
Lou: And this is Bucephalus, He led Alexander the Fae to victory.
Kenzi: Who did my guy lead to victory?
Lou: That's Otis, he never had a master. But he's definitely one of a kind.
Kenzi: [Otis lets of a stream of extremely loud flatulence] Of course I get the farty pony.

Bo: I'm looking for a fresh start, actually We both are. My sister Kenzi here just left rehab.
Kenzi: Anti-depressants. Turns out there is such a thing as "too perky".
Susan: And you?
Bo: Well, my partner Laur - -ence and I we're taking a break.
Kenzi: He left her at the altar. For our other sister. I can't even...
Susan: Oh, sweetie, you'll be better off for it. I learned that after my second divorce.

Dyson: [Looking at a photo of Bo] This woman is beautiful.
Kenzi: Yeah, if you're into, like, faces and bodies.

Bo: [about Allison] Looks like that's something we had in common - Looking for love in all the wrong places.
Kenzi: Is that your way of saying "anal"?

Fitzpatrick: My bartender is late and I have no one else to help me.
Kenzi: No. You mean you have no other *humans* to help you. You know, I think I'm going to start a union for claimed humans. Bring in some change of my own!
Fitzpatrick: You know, the last human to try that didn't fare so well. Jimmy Hoffa ring any bells?

Kenzi: Once upon a time there was this superhero. Named... Superkenz.
Ethan: Why was he a superhero?
Kenzi: She, dumbass. I dunno. Because she was awesome.
Ethan: What were her powers?
Kenzi: If you're gonna back seat drive this thing I'm not even gonna bother.

Bo: How do you find someone who could be anywhere?
Detective: Ah - Sounds like you need to see The Eye.
Kenzi: The Eye? Any relation to The Schnoz?

Kenzi: What a cute name. Who names a killer "Duppy"?

Kenzi: You'd be surprised how many of my transactions involve power tools.

Bruce: You're tough, Kenzi. But you're human.
Kenzi: Not for long.
Bruce: What?
Kenzi: I met someone who said he could make me Fae. I think I'm going to take him up on it.
Bruce: Bad idea
Kenzi: Yeah, I'll probably owe Massimo for the rest of my life, but-...
Bruce: Massimo, the Druid? Really bad idea.
Kenzi: Yeah, well, my friends need me, Bruce. They need me to nut up. Do the rescuing, for once. And I can't. I can't when I'm... this.

Dyson: Hey. Did you guys get anything yet?
Bo: A lecture from the vice principal and 27 invitations to the dance. One delivered in soliloquy.
Kenzi: How nice!
Bo: You?
Dyson: A fist bump. Kenz, you?
Kenzi: Well I was attacked by rabid Muffys, manhandled by Coach 'Bitchy Butch' and I got detention.
Bo: We are not getting far are we?
Kenzi: Teen angst. Our greatest foe.

Dyson: [about Tamsin] Her memories, they will come back eventually right?
Fitzpatrick: Valkyries deal in the souls of the dead. They see so much carnage in one lifetime that sometimes they repress those memories in the next.
Dyson: Shit.
Kenzi: Language.

Dyson: Lauren? What happened here?
Kenzi: I don't know.
Evony: [Enters] First of all, I goosed her sweet berries. Right where you're sitting.
Kenzi: Ew.
[Moves]
Kenzi: Graphic and confusing.

Kenzi: One time, this evil creature called a Kitsune kidnapped her and put her in a cave
Ethan: This is getting scary.
Kenzi: But Superkenz, she was really smart too. She whooped that ginger bitch's ass, escaped the cave. And succubus-ed a whole frat house on the way home, just for kicks.
Ethan: You just said the "b" word, the "a" word and ginger! I wanna be like Superkenz.

Lily: Oh, soloists?
[Nina nods]
Lily: Great! I fuckin' missed my stop. Had to hoof it all the way from 79th.
Veronica: [whispering] Who's that?
Galina: It's that girl from San Francisco.
Lily: [nervously chuckles] Hey?

Kenzi: I need to try something new. Something for me. Something human? And for the first time in I don't even remember I'm okay with that. I need to go.
Bo: Kenzi...
Kenzi: Hale left me some Santiago land off the coast of Spain.
Bo: Wow. You've never been out of the country.
Kenzi: Never even had a legitimate passport. It seems like a sign.
Bo: [Walks her to the door] We're sisters. We're in each other's lives for good.
Kenzi: Hell, I couldn't even keep you out of my afterlife.

Lauren: Maybe I don't need it to resume human form to get its blood.
Kenzi: So you're gonna get it directly from the moth?
Lauren: It always stores it's victim's blood in a sack. All I have to do is locate the sack.
Kenzi: Remind me to make a sack joke once we save Bo.

Bo: You look like hell.
Kenzi: I look like college.
[sighs]
Kenzi: For preppies, those girls can hang. Turns out "girls' night" was code for "drink until your lips fall off and you start over-sharing". I think I touched a boob.

Kenzi: [about Lauren] She is bossy, territorial, and controlling.
Bo: She thinks you're immature, irresponsible and clingy.
Kenzi: [Offended] She does?
Bo: Oh, you've said those things about yourself.
Kenzi: Yeah, but when *I* say it, it is adorable.

Kenzi: Why do you look like you're not at all sharing this monster hangover?
Bo: What can I say? For me, sexual healing is a literal thing.
Kenzi: I hate you.

Kenzi: Learn to enjoy your shit already, you can frickin' control people by touch, and not in a creepy hand job way. That is awesome.

Fitzpatrick: If you want spending money, I'll hire you on for some shifts.
Kenzi: Work for a living? Do I look like a chump?
Fitzpatrick: Do I?
Kenzi: ...If I say yes, do I still get that beer?

Kenzi: In Russian, we have a saying: "Dodna!" To the bottom. Of the glass, yes - But also you can fight, Bo. Fight for Dyson. Fight for Lauren. Fight for what makes you happy.
Bo: [Lifts her glass] To the bottom.

Lou: How are you doing back there? Unicorns are known to be a bit gassy.
Kenzi: Hold up. Otis is a *unicorn*?
Lou: He's a rescue from Scotland, his horn was cut off by poachers. He's the last one of his kind.
Kenzi: [Squeals] I can't believe I'm riding a freaking unicorn!

Kenzi: Trickster! Tell me you got some magical booze that can erase the last fifteen minutes of my life, please?
Fitzpatrick: Yup. Tequila.

Kenzi: How you feeling? Is anyone buying Lauren's lame cover as a Doctor?
Bo: Lauren *is* a Doctor, Kenzi.
Kenzi: Sure.

Bo: [to Trick] Your candy jar's is being put to good use. Finally.
Kenzi: [to Bo] Usually it's your "candy jar" to the rescue.
Fitzpatrick: Can we please, for once, not talk about my granddaughter's "candy" in front of me?
Kenzi: Ew.
Bo: Trick!
Fitzpatrick: Oh now I'm crossing the line?

Kenzi: You know what? Screw club house arrest. Let's go out.
Bo: What about Cheezie breath over here?
Kenzi: Hey, Lil' T. Do you wanna come out with us? Totally boring, not fun. Or do you want to stay in safety rim zone and watch the X-Files again?
Teen: X-Files!

The: No, you wouldn't dare.
Kenzi: Oh yes, I would. I'm human remember? We drive SUV's, and we dump raw sewage into pretty lakes, and we will burn this planet to the ground if it means just one more cheeseburger.

Lauren: So starting tomorrow, unless we're working, all humans are to be locked in their living quarters. Compliments of The new Ash.
Kenzi: Well, here you are. Running amok.
[Bo gives her a look]
Kenzi: I mean, what an Ash-hole.

Dyson: How's the heat monitor working?
Kenzi: Um, looks like I'm the hottest one around. I like this gadget!

Kenzi: What language is this? It's like a cross between hieroglyphics and a doctor's prescription pad.
[Takes out a piece of paper]
Kenzi: Okay, I am gonna make a list of marks and then look for patterns. So we got a sideways house, a pair of broken glasses, and a skinny guy lifting weights at the beach.

Kenzi: Let me check my very packed social calendar, uh, nope. Not scheduled to take any of your guff. No matter how chouette your shoes are.
Evony: Thanks, I use them to crush rodents.
Kenzi: And just so you know, I am not that afraid of death.
[Looks nervously at Bruce]
Kenzi: Although I am open to other alternatives.

Bo: I thought we agreed no stealing on jobs.
Kenzi: Technically, you can't steal from a dead guy. Seriously, it's a thing. Ask museums.

Inari: Bon appetit.
Kenzi: Are you serious?
Inari: Ungrateful-much?
Kenzi: An earring isn't food! I'm starving!
Inari: You ate three days ago.
Kenzi: Exactly!
Inari: Okay, call me crazy but eating every day is a bit much, don't you think?

Mary: To think that you'd finally come back and I didn't have a crumb of fresh pie for you and your new friend.
Kenzi: [Whispers] Yeah. Your moms. What a bitch.
Bo: She used to be!

Cosima: So, you from around here, or...
Shay: This is how we do this, okay? Prairie girl. Hated the winters. Two siblings. Parents split when I was six. Pescatarian. Blue. Barcelona.
Cosima: Barcelona's your favorite city?

Aife: I need to speak with the talented private investigator. My name is Aife.
Kenzi: I remember you, lady. You made Ash who talks like Batman, go boom.

Tryst: There's a very special lady in my life. She's in a world of pain right now.
Kenzi: Oh, you got some poor girl knocked up? Holy spit, I send my condolences.
Tryst: I'm talkin' about my Gran-gran. Who knocks up their Gran-gran?
Kenzi: Ugh. So not where I meant to go.

Woods: Reynard's poisoned the kegs. Anyone who's had some beer tonight, has ingested the Gorgon blood.
[Kenzi spits her drink out]
Detective: Could be worse. Could have ingested Trick's Creme de Squid.
Kenzi: That is *not* a thing.
Lauren: So... all of us.
Fitzpatrick: Except for me. I wouldn't be caught dead drinking that swill.
[Everyone looks at him]
Fitzpatrick: Sorry - Barkeep humor.

Bo: You know, I don't get it. Dyson is the one that gave me the green light to see other people, and then Lauren shows up, and he gets all testy.
Kenzi: Uh, because he *has* testes.

Kenzi: I owe him! Massimo. A lot. Okay, and I've been stealing to pay him.
Bo: Kenz.
Kenzi: From Trick!
Bo: Kenzi!
Kenzi: And from Hale. I gave him the Twig of Zamora.
Bo: Are you crazy? Wait, I don't know what that is.

Kenzi: Holy Portia DeGeneres, Shakira, David Lee Roth!

Bo: Are you okay?
Kenzi: I'm fantastic, yeah. Worst-case scenario I just ate toxic soup. Best-case scenario I am a a toe-sucking cannibal!
Bo: Kenzi, we're gonna figure this out, okay? It's gonna be fine.
Kenzi: I'm always putting my foot in my mouth, but at least it's always my foot!

Kenzi: Can we just forget about your Fae-self for like a nanosecond, and talk about something that's really important?
Vex: Doubtful.
Kenzi: Mascara.
Vex: ...You have my attention.

Fitzpatrick: Kenzie, you need to get out of here. An Alkonost's song can hurt humans.
Kenzi: After nearly four years of your nerve-shredding fiddle-dee-pluck-me-holy-cloveers -shoot-me-in-face music; I think I can handle it.

Kenzi: [Tamsin is in labour] Remember when we took yoga at the Y? Pranayama that shit, okay.

Dougie: [about Lady Polly] I've been trying to get rid of her for almost ten years. I invoked her during a teenage Goth stage.
Kenzi: You were Goth? *Here*?
Dougie: I had to go two towns over to get my favorite guy-liner.

Kenzi: Your stupid ass plan means my best friend's tits deep in enemy territory with nobody to protect her except *Lauren*.
Hale: Dr. Lewis is smart and resourceful.
Kenzi: Oh, yeah? When shit gets real, what is she gonna do? "Science" people to death?
Fitzpatrick: When it comes to crisis, Lauren is no slouch.
Kenzi: [Sits up] Crisis? There's already a crisis at the prison?

Detective: You want some pancakes with that syrup?
Kenzi: One more word. One more word, and I'll be having siren with my syrup.
Detective: You're getting nasty in your old age.

Bo: There's a stack of maps and paper in the lair.
Kenzi: I got a D in geography, babe.

Dyson: We're too late. Aife's got her.
Kenzi: Are you sure it was Aife?
Dyson: Unfortunately, I know her scent.
Kenzi: Dude, gross.

Tamsin: These people don't seem so bad. What's the difference between Light and Dark anyway?
Kenzi: Well, the Light are assholes. And The Dark are... assholes... who have fun.

Kenzi: I've been gone for five minutes and Dyson turns daddy, Bo's Daddy got the welcome Magneto cell, and Dyson has a hunky, yummy, hold-no-pecs son.
Bo: You said that already.
Kenzi: It bears repeating.

Kenzi: Look, I get it, okay? You love having Lauren around. But I just hope whatever it is you're feeling isn't going to stop you from dealing with this little situation we're in!
Bo: I liked it better when I was the mom.
Kenzi: Oh, honey, you were *never* the "mom".

Russell: That box - Balinese.
Kenzi: I love Balinesia!

Kenzi: [after Bo and Tamsin leave without moving the dead Revenant] Guys, unbelievable. Seriously, would I leave a dead body on the floor if her boyfriend was coming over?

The: [Kenzi and Bo are shocked to see the Morrigan again] Surprise!... and color me shocked. Imagine the unaligned succubus finally yanking her head from between her shapely legs and coming over to the only side that matters.
Bo: Well it wasn't by choice, lady and I'm having it annulled as soon as you give me Vex.
The: Vex? Since when is that pervert capable of anything above the belt?
Kenzi: He imprisoned your brassy beaver.
[the Morrigan and Bo both look at Kenzi]
Kenzi: Right, Vex... Vex bad. Vex Messmer... poop.

Lachlan: I do hope Bo keeps you on a very tight leash. Humans have a tendency to run wild and make a such a mess of the place. Some are so out of control they need to be put down.
Kenzi: Well, there are more than a few Fae I would like to see put down myself.
[One of the Ash's guards picks her up by her throat]
Kenzi: Except this one. He's awesome.

Kenzi: [Pretending to be a guide, stops in front of a blue and yellow painting] Umm, clearly what we have here is the Swedish flag.
Astrid: I beg to differ. No cross, no blue divided into quarters.
Kenzi: Exactly the intention of the famed, underground Swedish painter Sven... Svenssonsson. Who depicts here a country divided.
Astrid: By what?
Kenzi: ...Music. For this is a country reigned by the sequin encrusted jumpsuits and catchy disco tunes of ABBA. Or, is it a reign of terror.

Bo: What do you think?
Kenzi: Well, if it's suicide, I think he seriously should have rethought his last outfit.

Aife: I need help, finding my daughter. Her name is Bo.
Dyson: [Thoughtful] Bo...
Kenzi: Kind of a dude's name, am I right?

Dyson: Bo, we're all one hundred percent by you.
Detective: [Cheering] Bo's the best!
Kenzi: It's okay.
Detective: ...Blood seems to be working.

Kenzi: I told Nate the truth about us.
Bo: Oh - Kenzi.
Kenzi: Except! I totally lied!
Bo: Oh, Kenzi.
Kenzi: I don't know, it just came pouring out of me, that you and I were spies. That we were in the witness protection program. That we were this close to getting our own cooking show.
Bo: Oh, that one, that's when he knew you were lying.

Kenzi: You know, of all the creepy fetishes, how is this your weirdest, hmm?
Vex: I'll have you know that's German Weimar porcelain. I've got a life outside of you people.

Kenzi: You dug?
Lauren: I did, with a shovel. Dyson on the other hand...
[Kenzi mimes pawing]
Lauren: Took me back. I used to have this schnauzer...

Shay: [to Delphine] Where is Cosima? This is why she was acting so weird this morning. You've gone all "Single White Female" on her!

Bo: Tours every hour on the hour. All we need is an inside man.
Kenzi: Or an inside Kenzi. That came out wrong.

Fitzpatrick: I have ears in many places.
Kenzi: Uh, when you're Fae, you should probably use a different expression.

Bo: [after Bo enamors the pizza guy, Kenzi gives her a dirty look] What?
Kenzi: I was getting my flirt on.
Bo: With the delivery dude?
Kenzi: He is an *actor*.

Oscar: This guy named Ferraro, he runs these human fights out of his gym. Totally secret. Invite only for the live Fae audience.
Kenzi: There's a *dead* audience too?

Police: We pledge our sevice to Hades the Dark Lord. Surrender. Or be terminated.
Dyson: This is how he planned to bring hell on earth. Not by raising souls from Tartarus but-...
Lauren: By raising them here. But first, he needed to drain them.
Kenzi: Enter Bo's Chi suck.
Vex: How 'bout we talk about this over tea, when we're not being shot at, eh?

Tenabrae: Do you feel the connection between us? Both of us stuck in our fleshy prisons. We could leave here and spend an evening of dark delights back at my inner sanctum.
Kenzi: What makes me think your inner sanctum Is your mom's basement?
Tenabrae: ...I like to think of it as the dark core of the home.

Diana: Dominique, you are so small pond. Darren and I worked hard for our legs!
Dominique: Let's just all go back home. You promised me that you would come back. You forgot about me!
Darren: Dominique. You stay here with us. It's perfect you get the doctor's. Diana gets the squirmy one's. And I upgrade to wolf legs.
Kenzi: Dominique, don't listen. You have to help us.
Dominique: No. I like his idea!

Kenzi: I didn't call you for cuddles Vex. I need to get revenge.
Vex: Oh. Absolutely. Revenge is my middle name. Well, second middle actually. After Chauncey. It's a family thing, don't judge.

Kenzi: Um - It tastes like something crawled in the food and died.
Ryan: [Excited] That's because it did! It's tripe! Cow stomach lining!
Kenzi: Stomach lining?
[Spits it out]

William: The parties are insane, ladies. One word: hot tubs.
Kenzi: That's two words, dinkus.
William: Okay okay okay. Hot tubs... filled with Cristal.
Bo: Those are five really good words.

Bo: Kenzi, I know what you're thinking, but this is purely platonic-...
Kenzi: Earth to Bo! I don't care if it's platonic. I don't even care if it's "slut-onic".

Bo: Don't freak out!
Kenzi: I'm freaking out.
Bo: What did I just say?

Shay: I focus on nutrition, body work, spiritual counseling. You're either in balance or not. And if not, I try to help you get there.
[brief cut showing Cosima and Shay from an unknown camera's POV]
Shay: Plus I can... I can see inside your soul.

Fitzpatrick: Hale's gonna make a real change.
Kenzi: Oh, yeah? Is he not gonna be such a dick anymore?

Tamsin: I should be out there fighting. I'm a warrior.
Lauren: Hey, you listen to me, what you are about to do is brave Tamsin, possibly the bravest.
Kenzi: This, this right here, is what it means to be a warrior, okay? You got this girl.

Kenzi: [Watching the Clubhouse burn] Goodbye crack shack. Bo, this better be the greatest plan ever.

Dyson: Is Tamsin with you?
Bo: No, I've been stuck at Lauren's. With Kenzi. What happened?
Dyson: I don't know, I guess I snapped at her. She took off.
Kenzi: What? She's just a baby, she doesn't even know how to twerk yet!

Kenzi: When you coming home, Bo- bo? I have to cut the crusts off my own sandwiches and Vex thinks my SpongeBob impression is "weak".

Kenzi: If you hurt my best friend again, one day, in the future, anthropologists will find your skeleton in an unmarked grave with a massive, massive, life ending blow to your head, by a totally awesome chick that rhymes with frenzy.

Kenzi: You know how many emojis I've been wanting to text you about this place? Any Ben and Jerry's flave I want. Including the discontinued oatmeal cookie chunk.
Bo: Shut up.
Kenzi: Oh my God, and look what I have.
[Pulls out DVDs]
Kenzi: Clueless Two. Sister Act Three: Rosary's Baby's Got Back. A prequel to Goonies. And they're all super watchable!

Kenzi: I just need - I just need a little wee recap just to make sure I got everything right, okay? Um, Saskia is really Aife. Aife is really your mother. And last night Dyson really, really banged your Mom.
Bo: Well, I think technically she banged him, but yeah.

Kenzi: This is nature? Discovery Channel led me to believe there'd be more green.

Fitzpatrick: The black haired woman you splashed earlier, where is she?
Brother: How should I know? She ran and didn't return, before I had a chance to wash out her filthy mouth, and put her in a modest blouse.
Kenzi: A *blouse*? You monster!

Kenzi: Wait, there's a Fae black market? Somebody has *got* to get me a Cherry Coke!
[Everyone looks at her]
Kenzi: What? They're, like, really hard to find.

Tamsin: In fifth century Japan a fisherman, Urashima Taro, met a turtle-...
Kenzi: I've "met" turtles.
Tamsin: No. This turtle was the cursed daughter of the Emperor. She gave the fisherman a magical box if I'm not mistaken; it is *this* magical box.
Kenzi: Like, make a wish, magical box? Or just like have a late period, magical box?

William: You might remember Kenzi?
Clive: We got our heads bashed in together.
Kenzi: We're practically engaged.
Clive: But I thought you were "Kimmy"?
Kenzi: ...That's my middle name.
William: She's got a few of those.

Bo: That unbelievable dick-wad Lachlan somehow tricked Lauren into recommitting herself to the Light Fae.
Kenzi: *What*?
Bo: I'm gonna choke the lucky charms right out of his purple little heart.

Dyson: I guess you bring out the worst in me.
Kenzi: We gotta get back the best of you.

Kenzi: A woman's legs went missing, dudes! Like mi-ssing. Okay? She was swimming in her company pool, and then bam. Legless in Pool-attle.
Lauren: What's the company called?
Kenzi: Alaria Tech. Biometrics. Like "I, Robot" shit. So we need to get to the bottom of this. And, get that bottom half... back.

Monk: Convertimini ad níhilum.
[Swallows poison to avoid interrogation]
William: Loyal little shit.
Kenzi: Latin *is* a dead language

Kenzi: I know I'd like to get out of here before you swallow me whole, so thank you.
[pauses]
Kenzi: You called me human.
Engelram: I should have realized it sooner. There was something so vulnerable about your tango-...
Kenzi: Oh, Cobra Commander.
Engelram: I granted your wish, now I *am* going to swallow you whole. Isn't that a fair trade?

Shay: [moving a toy car over Cosima's body] Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom! I claim this belly in the name of Spain!
Cosima: Mmm. You do love your bug, don't you?
Shay: Oh, yeah. And you love borrowing it. Everybody wins.

Kenzi: [Ominous whispering] Do you hear that?
Bo: What?
Kenzi: I don't know. It sounds like like whispering kids or giggling elves. Did you bring home elves last night? I'm not judging. I just want to know.

Bo: It's like she doesn't even remember.
Kenzi: So, remind her.
Bo: And break her heart again?
Kenzi: Two minutes ago you wanted to break her face.

Kenzi: Well, Bo-Bo, why don't we go-go have a chat-chat with your Mom-mom.
Jessica: God, you are so weird.
Kenzi: Thank you!
Jessica: Reminds me of that girl, who used to sniff glue in chem class.
Bo: Jessica; that was you.

Kenzi: Now, you're sure that this gated community isn't built on an ancient burial ground? Portal to hell?
Lisa: Something happened to Tim Parker.
Kenzi: Did you accidentally sacrifice a virgin?
Bo: Kenzi...
Kenzi: What? It happens.

Fitzpatrick: Exposing corruption at Hecuba is the perfect opportunity for Hale to make a name for himself.
Kenzi: Yeah, I can think of some choice names for you both right now.

Fitzpatrick: This is a huge responsibility you've taken on.
Kenzi: I just picked up a frikkin' stick!
Fitzpatrick: That's how destiny works. One day you're you, and the next day-...
Kenzi: I'm a superhero.
[sighs]
Kenzi: Pro I could be awesome, forever.
Fitzpatrick: Yup.
Kenzi: Okay... Con I would have to learn how to do everything with my left hand and I mean *everything*.

Kenzi: Trickster, why are you PMS'ing over that gorgeous, smoky, crowy, ass-face, hot, jerk?

[Cosima wakes to her mobile ringing]
Shay: Fourth time this morning. You slept through the others.
Cosima: Oh, god. I'm sorry. My coworker's very excitable.
Shay: Yeah,
[plants kisses on her shoulder while she speaks]
Shay: this very mysterious lab you work at studying... what is it? Wait, I forgot. Hold on, black holes?
Cosima: Black holes?
Shay: Right.
Cosima: Exactly.

Evony: I have some very specific questions about the Sucu-slut's lineage.
Kenzi: You want to talk about Bo?
Evony: Oh. I've tried bribery, the Mesmer, a parasite...
Kenzi: You could try not being such a bitch.

Kenzi: I need a beat on a local Fae that can cause amnesia.
Fitzpatrick: Amnesia?
Kenzi: Mm-hmm.
Fitzpatrick: [Looks through index cards] Uh huh, Dr. Snook. He's an ortenax; fish Fae; feeds off memories. Moonlights as an eye doc.
Kenzi: Trout-tometrist, got it.

Bo: We always talk about me. I wanna hear about Kenzi's latest adventures.
Kenzi: Oh, my god. Where do I start? Okay, first, he will deny it, but Trick totally tried to virgin sacrifice me.

Kenzi: Look, I need you to, um, to full-up, deathbed-promise me something.
Dyson: Kenzi...
Kenzi: I see more than anyone thinks, and that's because no one's watching me. Everyone's always watching Bo. And what I see is you helping her, even though it hurts you.
Dyson: So?
Kenzi: So how can you protect her if being with her makes you weak?
Dyson: I'm working on that.
Kenzi: Look what I'm asking is, if I'm not here someday, can I count on you to have her back; even if it means cutting her loose?

Kenzi: I lost Bo! Well, she ran away. Her bodacious brain just went kerblooie!
Fitzpatrick: Okay, from the beginning, and as much English as you can manage.

Bo: The last time we went after the Garuda, he manipulated us into fighting with each other.
Kenzi: Dude was like a Fae Jerry Springer.

Kenzi: Oh, my God! Total 9-1-1! Goblins have stormed our kitchen, and they are eating our sugar pops!

Kenzi: Here's one: the Festering Hex. We cast this on Dyson we can make "it" fall off.
Bo: To his wang! May it rest in piece.
Kenzi: We hit him with the old Bob Barker special then hit his waitress with...
[Flicks through book]
Kenzi: A bad case of "Toadstool-itis".
Bo: That can't be a real thing.
Kenzi: It is, and it might be tricky. How much Eye of Newt would you say we're packing?

Fitzpatrick: A memory spell of this magnitude, you'd need to find and shatter the Recuerdo compass.
Kenzi: Wicked, vault it to me.
[Trick gives her a look]
Kenzi: Ebay? Fae-jiji?

Kenzi: SuperKenz wasn't just any human. Not only did she have killer personal style, but she had a smorgasbord of powers. Her sense of smell was a strong as a wolf's. And when she sang, she could knock people out just like a Siren.
Ethan: What's a Siren?
Kenzi: A douchebag who wears stupid hats.

Kenzi: What, did the Norn also take your cojones? Huh?
Dyson: Actually, uhh...
Kenzi: What? When? Oh. You made a joke.

Kenzi: Thanks for not removing my liver. Like, for science.
Lauren: Science couldn't take the hangover.

Kenzi: [scrubbing her mouth vigorously after ingesting human corpse-based soup] Anybody got a breath mint?

Kenzi: Okay, A: Chickie-poo Elemental seems a little ele-*mental*. B: She could take the card and bone us big. And C: Her skin is suspiciously flawless and I hate her so much.

Bo: This is the third alley we've been in. I was really hoping we would have found Jason by now so I could go home and-...
Kenzi: Be "platonic" with Lauren.

Kenzi: You have to eat something, Ethan.
Ethan: No!
Kenzi: Do you know what they do to little kids who don't eat their dinner? They come after them in the middle of the night, from closets and under the bed.
Ethan: What does?
Kenzi: Goblins! To eat *you* for dinner.
[Sudden realization]
Kenzi: Oh, my God, I sound like my mother.

Kenzi: Looks like somebody had an overnight guest, hmm? A gentleman caller, if you will.
Bo: Will you just relax? You know he was just here to heal me.
Kenzi: Apparently he healed you *all* night long.
Bo: Can you just try to grow up for a second here, okay, And not make such a big deal out of this?
Kenzi: Totally. But if I was gonna make a big deal, Like, how big are we talkin'? Just-just ballpark me. Are we talking - -
[Bo slaps her]
Kenzi: What? He's fae. I'm just asking for science.

Dyson: Kenzi, you need to get out.
Kenzi: But we haven't solved it yet!
Dyson: Doesn't matter, get out. Do you copy?
Lauren: What is it Dyson? A flesh eater?
Kenzi: Sharknado?
Dyson: Worse. Mermaids.

Dyson: [as Kenzi] Uh, Bobo, I got the wolf junk, babe.
Kenzi: [as Dyson] Don't touch it. Don't touch anything.

Kenzi: Whatever Woods put around the building must be blocking all the signals.
Woods: [as Bo] And I can't find a way of removing it. Though, I did start a fire on Trick's rug.
Fitzpatrick: My eighth century Persian rug?
Woods: I'm sure those things are made to last.

Kenzi: So, Val, is that, um, short for Valerie? Or cause you're a Valkyrie?
Val: I'm a Pombero, I can steal voices and seriously -
[Turns]
Val: Hale, a human in our house!
William: Shut it, Val.
Val: You shut it.
[Steals his voice]
Fletcher: Children, that's enough. Sweetie, give your brother back his voice.
William: [At Val] Harpie.
Val: Human hugger.

Kenzi: I'm gonna go check up on Tamsin. See if Preggo wants some eggo.

Kenzi: [Watching Dyson flirt with a waitress] "Oh my God Dyson. I love your pelt."
Bo: Maybe she'll turn him into a coat.
Kenzi: Maybe he'll give her rabies.

Lauren: It seems to be an energy bond.
Kenzi: So un-bond it!
Lauren: I can't. The wood is melded to your flesh.
Kenzi: Worst hand job ever.

Kenzi: Thanks for another mind-blowing day.
Bo: You're welcome. Swamp freaks, headless guys, people eaters. You can't say I haven't introduced you to some intresting people.
Kenzi: No, ma'am. Here.
[Kenzi gives Bo an ice pack]
Kenzi: I hate this job. The pay is shit. It's dangerous as hell, but life with you, my dear, is never boring.
Bo: Right back at you.

Fitzpatrick: There's a few things you should know about our tender-hearted friend the Morrigan. She's a Leanan Sidhe.
Kenzi: The Country singer?
Fitzpatrick: A Fae seductress. She inspires artists and makes them great and feeds off their genius. An evil muse if you will.
Bo: Convenient skill for an agent.
Fitzpatrick: But, she eventually drives the artist mad and into an early grave.
Kenzi: Any self-destructive rock stars we know and love happen to have dated one of those Leanan Sidhes?
Fitzpatrick: No comment.

Kenzi: If you're Dark, does that mean I'm Dark too? Cuz I'm gonna need like, a serious image upgrade. We should talk clothing allowance.

Kenzi: Where have you been? Where did you go when you moved away and why didn't you call me?
Nate: Uh, Seattle, Reno and you were six.
Kenzi: Dude, for the longest time I had myself convinced it was an alien abduction.
Nate: Close. It was my mom.

Kenzi: Oh my God mermaids! I love mermaids! But like *love* them.
Dyson: They are the psychopaths of the sea Kenz. "The seas have eyes" is their cultural motto.
Kenzi: I have lied awake at night my entire life thinking of the marvelous mer-day when I would meet a fin-flapping, seashell-bra wearing Daryl Hannah. Oh my God!
Lauren: They are a rare and fascinating species.
Kenzi: Yeah. They comb their hair with forks!
Dyson: Yeah. Right after they stab you in the face with them. Just before they blow up your ship that's on route to the new world.
Kenzi: Yeah, but then they sing duets with crabs.
Dyson: No, they don't, Kenzi.

Bo: I see you and Hale worked things out.
Kenzi: Oh sister please, I never kiss and tell... within earshot. Or do-everything-and-tell; and trust me we did *everything*.

Bo: [Gets dizzy] It's all that driving...
Kenzi: Okay, uh, go splash some water on your face.
Dougie: Cleanest pissers in Grimley county!
Kenzi: Yeah, Bo, you don't wanna miss the pissers.

Earl: Knight's don't move diagonally.
Kenzi: What's next? No body checking?

Kenzi: [At Trick's place] Did I just wake up in Narnia? Or is that the fever talking?

Dyson: When do we get out of here, I think it's time I start training you.
Kenzi: For what?
Dyson: To be a Shadow Thief.
Kenzi: A Shadow-wha?
Dyson: Interested?
Kenzi: Yeah! It sounds like a freakin' Xbox game.

Kenzi: What if Bo hitched a ride outta town and is dancing in a topless bar despite rival girls trying to bring her down?
Fitzpatrick: She's not living in "Showgirls"!
Kenzi: My go-to worst case scenario.

Bo: Now we know, anyone could be Fae.
Kenzi: My bets on wiener dude.

Bo: I need these kids to respect me.
Kenzi: You need them to trust me. And after taking down The Man, I am like a folk hero to these delinks. I am like their Che Guevara.
Bo: Do you even know who that is?
Kenzi: Dude in the beret. Designs t-shirts for angry youth.

Bo: It's kind of tough growing up thinking you might have a shot at being prom queen, and then to find out that you're part of some ageless secret race that feeds on humans.
Kenzi: I hate it when that happens.

William: Where's Dyson?
Bo: Una Mens still have him. Security is full throttle, no one's getting in.
Kenzi: I took a punch to the neck. By a *monk*.

Kenzi: [During speed-dating] Oh, my favorite literary quote about regret. Wow. Fun. Um, well, I think it was the great poet, uh, Ludacris who said, "regret is for suckaz, for suckaz, for suckaz. Regret is for suckaz... bitch".

Lauren: It's the Co2 bubbles. Gives the dough its light, airy texture. You add just the right amount of baking powder, and then measure the fat content to retain the gas bubbles, and then throw in eggs as a binding element.
Kenzi: ...Wow. She just totally took the fun out of yummy.

Bo: I have a doctor's appointment tonight.
Kenzi: In a push-up bra and sexy boots, at this hour? Um, news flash I don't think they're a real doctor.

Dyson: How about Kenzi and I take the field? I've been training her.
Kenzi: As a shadow thief. Check your panties.
[Holds up a purple thong]
Kenzi: Anyone missing any panties?
Lauren: You have got to stop doing that!
Dyson: I did not teach her to do *that*.

Bo: What happened?
Kenzi: The chic click didn't appreciate my accessorization skills. Especially when I tried to pierce Heather number one's nose with a pen!

Kenzi: Great, just what every girl needs. A matching set of dead guys.

Tamsin: What would those people want with Hale's painting?
Kenzi: Nothing good. And they mentioned a Succubus who slayed the Una Mens. And really, how many of those are there? I'm gonna say less than fifty.

Kenzi: You know not to get all cheese-dog or anything, but guys! The gang's is all back together!
Bo: Someone, somewhere tied a Red String of Fate around all of us.
Kenzi: Amen.
Lauren: Bo, according to legend, that's only intended for two people.
Bo: I don't care. It makes me feel fuzzy inside.

Kenzi: Why isn't there an app for navigating shipyards? There's an app for turning people into Zombies.

Bo: I'm the Pyrippus. The Pyrippus is me.
Kenzi: I'm trying, I'm struggling. I've known you for what? Five years, and yes, you do have a lustrous mane of hair. But you don't have a horse face. It's more oval.

Kenzi: Now truth, Ianka's death note, did it hurt you?
William: No.
Kenzi: Hey, you lie to the Russian stink eye, and bad things will happen to your junk. Which would now be a particular bummer for me.

Fitzpatrick: Definitely not a tattoo. Definitely mystical.
Bo: My face would love to hear your theories once you're done consulting my butt.
Fitzpatrick: No need to feel self-conscious. Just think of me as a doctor.
Kenzi: A centuries old, bar-tending butt-doctor?

Lisa: So, I kill people? And I'm *dead*?
Kenzi: On the bright side, "killer dead babysitter"; the TV movie writes itself!

Kenzi: [Walking in on Bo in bed] Drop everything! I found this total amaze-balls case for us!
Bo: Maybe a topic for conversation at a more non-naked time, Kenzi.

Bo: I'm sorry that I couldn't save Hale. And I'm sorry that I wasn't there to save you.
Kenzi: It was my turn to do the saving. Can you give a girl that?
Bo: How many times have you saved me?
Kenzi: ...A few?
Bo: Since we first met. You saved me every single day, in ways that you could never understand. In ways that I can barely understand. You just did.

Kenzi: For over two thousand years, they didn't even call it Euclidean geometry, just geometry. 'Cause there was no other kind, kind of like Italian food in Italy...

Kenzi: I know Bo's got a lot of stuff going on, but Kenzi's got a lot of stuff too! Kenzi's got butt-loads of stuff.
[Breathes]
Kenzi: Hale, I gotta unload 'cause I might've done something that's coming back at me in a big, yucky way.
[He's not listening]
Kenzi: Hale!
William: Sorry, what do you gotta unload out of your butt?

Fitzpatrick: Where is Lauren?
Kenzi: Upstairs, washing dirt out of places she didn't even know she had. And she's a doctor, she knows all her places.

Dyson: The inner sanctum. And all this time I thought you slept in the bathtub.
Kenzi: No, only after All-You-Can- Eat-Rib-Tuesdays.

Lauren: What succubus are you so afraid of facing?
Bo: It doesn't matter. I just need to learn how to protect myself from her. How do succubi fight one another?
Kenzi: Slow-motion pillow fights? Crotch lasers?

Fitzpatrick: The Ash swears to protect the good of the land and in return, the land is good to his people.
Dyson: Used to mean better crops, and less disease. Now it's longer lasting infrastructure more wealth, less crime.
Fitzpatrick: But, only if the marriage ceremony is consummated.
Bo: Define "consummated".
Fitzpatrick: Well, without getting into the grander, more mind bending metaphysics of it, the soul of the land takes on corporeal form, with which The Ash will mate.
Kenzi: Talk about laying some turf.
William: Pounding some ground?
Fitzpatrick: [Rolls eyes] You done?

Tad: I'm the most efficient person at Alaria. And in the spirit of efficiency, let's make this quick.
Kenzi: Right. Does your disability ever affect your work?
Tad: Does your leave-in shampoo seep into your scalp and affect yours?

Dyson: [as Kenzi] Check me out! Kickin' it in the wolf man! Yeah!
Kenzi: [as Dyson] Kenzi, sit down before you break something.

Kenzi: I gotta jet. Thanks for the Oolong.
Fitzpatrick: Aren't you forgetting something?
Kenzi: We are *all* forgetting something.

Bo: Is that my vest? Did you steal my vest?
Kenzi: It's not stealing if I haven't left the house yet.

[first lines]
Helena: [sees the scorpion] Pupok.
scorpion: [referring to Parsons] You killed their lab rat. What did you expect, cheesecake?

Olivia: I have a problem. I hear you have special skills that might be for hire.
Kenzi: They are. Let's talk rates.
[Olivia gives her a look]
Bo: Whatever you have to say, you can say in front of Kenzi. So what's the job?
Olivia: I want you to kill someone.
Kenzi: ...And that's gonna cost extra.

Kenzi: I'm being stalked like a celebrity at a Whole Foods parking lot.
Lauren: You need to get into that vent system to track that mail before we lose heat.
Kenzi: Okay, I'm gonna distract the guard. I'll record myself on a camera that cousin Dimitri provided that also doubles as a projector. I'll install a screen in front of my desk-...
Dyson: Yeah, I don't think we should be trusting Gypsy technology.
Kenzi: Just give me 20.
[Dyson knocks out the guard]
Kenzi: Or we could just do that.

Kenzi: We got to go all interrogation on her. Find out who she is for real.
Dyson: We don't want to frighten her. She might lash out.
Kenzi: And if she is Tamsin, she *did* try to kill you.
Dyson: There is that.
Kenzi: Yeah.
Dyson: But she might not be Tamsin.
Baby: Peace out, losers. I'ma go play.
[Throws knife]
Baby: Later.
Dyson: It's Tamsin.

Kenzi: B, we have been working *so* hard.
Bo: You got up at noon and then took a two o'clock nap!

Bo: [after Kenzi realizes Bo's not human] Don't freak out.
Kenzi: [shouting] I'm freaking out!
Bo: [rhetorically] What did I just say?

Kenzi: Yeah, someone should really tell B. Y. These things come in frozen french fry form!
Elena: What good Russian girl doesn't know how to peel a potato?
Kenzi: If I was 'good', I wouldn't be here.

Kenzi: [Holding a knife at his junk] Excuse me, Vex, dude. Look, I know you're all powerful and you could probably take me down too, but if you do, your boys are coming with me.

Fitzpatrick: What was Tesso looking for in those books he ate?
Elder: An incantation. In order for their leader, Zael, to get enough juice for the, uh - The "Fastening" ritual...
Kenzi: Yeah, yeah the magical boinking.

Lauren: Who could possibly need that much caffeine?
Kenzi: Us! We! We're taking a case. Can I get a 'wha' wha'.
Lauren: What?
Dyson: What?
Kenzi: Okay, not what I had in mind.

Kenzi: I was thinking-...
Bo: We find it first.
Kenzi: Bingo. Or as they say in Spain
Kenzi: Bingo.

Kenzi: So what now?
Bo: All we have to do is find a girl dressed in black In the middle of a goth club.
Kenzi: Oh. Rapid calculation... That is about everybody, including me, In a "pigeonhole me and die" sort of way.

William: I have taken the liberty of writing out all the times that I have bailed you out.
Kenzi: Seriously?
William: [Reads] One, erased all your parking tickets from the police database. Two, rescued you from that Minotaur.
Kenzi: He was only a little drunk.
William: Three, nodded knowingly when you told Bo her shoes were stolen by cobbler elves...

Kenzi: You're our Trickipedia! You gotta know something. You're freakin' Yoda. Force must use to problem answer find! Yes?

Kenzi: I know that you're gonna get through this. And I'm gonna be on the other side with mojitos. Because horns or not, we gettin' drunk when this is done.
Bo: What if I'm drooling and have back hair?
Kenzi: We will get you waxed! You'll always be my girl, Bo. Even if you do come outta there with a dong.
[Bo punches her arm]
Kenzi: Ow! No dong.
Bo: No dong.

Kenzi: Bo! Oh, thank god There was this reptile guy and he took Aussie, Albino, Pee
Bo: Wait. What? Who peed? Who's Aussie?
Vex: [Nods knowingly] It's short for Australia.

Bo: As far as Dyson and Lauren go, it's not like it was ever perfect. Dyson gave his love away and then he became an a-hole for like forever.
Kenzi: We called him "Mopey Dick".

Stacey: Tamsin, on your last life, are you sure you want to pick mortals over your Valkyrie sisters?
Tamsin: Oh Stacey, do you really consider those girls your sisters? Maybe you should ask them who coined the term "Brace Face Stace" in high school.
Kenzi: Are they having...?
Lauren: A Valkyrie on Valkyrie Doubt off.
Stacey: I'm just trying to be a good friend here, but I think you should know they call you the "doormat at Valhalla's gates". Don't you think you should stand up for yourself?
Tamsin: And I want to be an equally good friend and tell you you should look in a mirror because "the Rachel" is so last century. Plus your roots are showing.
Stacey: [Breaks down] You know the rules! A Valkyrie's hair is off limits!
[Runs off]

Kenzi: "Robbers", my fine Russian ass. This is probably payback because you and Dyson cheated on your Fae Finals.
Bo: Hey, I did not cheat!
Kenzi: And now they've sent some revenge Fae for our skin! Or our tonsils.