The Best Lesley Quotes

Jake: Ask me if he sells tickets.
Riggan: Does he sell tickets?
Jake: A shitload of tickets! Now ask me if the critics like him?
Riggan: Do they like him?
Jake: They want to spooge on him.
Riggan: [Indicating there's a lady in the room] Hey.
Jake: Lesley...
Lesley: Right on his face.

Lesley: I'm pathetic. You know, I've dreamt of being a Broadway actress since I was a little kid. And now I'm here. And I'm not a Broadway actress. I'm still just a little kid. And I keep waiting for someone to tell me I made it.
Laura: [Sincerely] Hey. You made it.
Lesley: I did?
Laura: Sadly it was with Mike Shiner, on a fake motel bed.

Mike: Lesley?
Lesley: What?
Mike: I think I'm hard.
Lesley: No, you're not. It's just that sometimes you don't consider other people's feelings, that's all.
Mike: No, no, no. I'm getting hard. Feel that.

Lesley: Mike's available.
Riggan: I thought he was doing the thing...?
Lesley: He was. He quit... or got fired.
Riggan: Which is it, quit or fired?
Lesley: Well, with Mike it's usually both.

Lesley: Why don't I have any self respect?
Laura: You're an actress, honey.

Jake: Oh my gosh! How do you know Mike Shiner?
Lesley: We share a vagina.