Top 20 Quotes From Riggan

Riggan: Just find me an actor. A good actor. Give me Woody Harrelson.
Jake: He's doing the next Hunger Games.
Riggan: Michael Fassbender?
Jake: He's doing the prequel to the X-Men prequel.
Riggan: How about Jeremy Renner?
Jake: Who?
Riggan: Jeremy Renner. He was nominated. He was the Hurt Locker guy.
Jake: Oh, okay. He's an Avenger.
Riggan: Fuck, they put him in a cape too?

Riggan: She does look like she licked a homeless guy's ass.

Gabriel: Are you at all afraid that people will say you're doing this play to battle the impression that you're a washed up superhero...?
Riggan: No, absolutely not. Absolutely not. That's why 20 years ago I said no to Birdman 4.

Annie: The sunbed is here.
Riggan: What does that mean?
Annie: That means there is a sunbed out there being delivered to in here.

Riggan: [to Birdman] Bye-bye. And fuck you.

Lesley: Mike's available.
Riggan: I thought he was doing the thing...?
Lesley: He was. He quit... or got fired.
Riggan: Which is it, quit or fired?
Lesley: Well, with Mike it's usually both.

Riggan: I wasn't even present in my own life, and now I don't have it, and I'm never going to have it.

Lady: [sees Riggan on the roof] Hey, is this for real, or are you shooting a film?
Riggan: A film!
Lady: You people are full of shit!

Riggan: That's you Mike. You're Mr. Natural. Mr. "Fuck the scene, just stare at my massive hard-on," right? That's the truth of the moment.
Mike: Do you think it was massive?

Tabitha: It doesn't matter. I'm gonna destroy your play.
Riggan: But, you didn't even... see it. Um, you know, did I do something to offend you? I... I am feeling sorry...
Tabitha: [interrupting] As a matter of fact, you did. You took-up space in a theater which *otherwise* might have been used on something worthwhile.
Riggan: Okay... well. I mean, you don't even know if it's any good or not... I didn't...
Tabitha: That's true; I haven't read a word of it or even seen a preview. But after the opening tomorrow, I'm gonna turn in the worst review anyone has ever read and I'm gonna close your play. Would you like to know why? Because I hate you and everyone you represent. Entitled, selfish, spoiled children. Blissfully untrained, unversed and unprepared to even attempt real art. Handing each other awards for cartoons and pornography. Measuring your worth in weekends? Well this is the theater and you don't get to come in here and pretend you can write, direct and act in your own propaganda piece without coming through me first. So break a leg.
Riggan: Wow. You know... What has to happen in a person's life to become a critic anyway? What are you writing, another review? Huh? Is that any good? Is it? Is it bad? Did you even see this? Let me read it.
Tabitha: I will call the police!
Riggan: No, you won't call the police... let's read your fuckin' review. "Callow." Callow is a *label*. It's just... "Lackluster." That's just a labels. Margin... marginalia. Are you kidding me? Sounds like you need penicillin to clear that up. That's a label too. These are all just labels. You just label everything. That's so fuckin' lazy... You just... You're a lazy fucker. You're a lazy... You know what this is? You even know what that is? You don't, You know why? Because you can't see this thing if you don't have to label it. You mistake all those little noises in your head for true knowledge.
Tabitha: Are you finished?
Riggan: No, I'm not finished! There's nothing here about technique! There's nothing in here about structure! There's nothing in here about intentions! It's just a bunch of crappy opinions, backed up by even crappier comparisons... You write a couple of paragraphs and you know what? None of this cost you fuckin' anything! The Fuck! You risk nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I'm a fucking actor!
[breathes deeply]
Riggan: This play cost me everything... So I tell you what, you take this fucking malicious, cowardly, shittyly written review and you shove that right the *fuck* up your wrinkly tight ass.
Tabitha: You're no actor, you're a celebrity. Let's be clear on that.
[picks up her notepad and started to turn. But then picks up the flower from table and put it in Riggan's fist]
Tabitha: I'm gonna kill your play.

Riggan: [as Birdman] Shave off that pathetic goatee. Get some surgery. Sixty's the new thirty, motherfucker!

Young: You are lame, Riggan, rolling around with that poncy theater fuck in an 800-seat shithole like this. Oh, you really fucked up this time. You destroy a genius book with that infantile adaptation. Now you're about to destroy what's left of your career. It's pathetic.
Riggan: [trying to meditate] Breathing in, I am calm...
Young: Let's get the hell out of here while we can.
Riggan: [trying to meditate] ... I ignore this mental formation. This is a mental formation.
Young: Stop that shit! I'm not a mental formation. I'm you, asshole.
Riggan: Leave me alone.
Young: You were a movie star, remember? Pretentious, but happy.
Riggan: I wasn't happy.
Young: Ignorant, but charming. Now, you're just a tiny, bitter cocksucker.
Riggan: I was fucking miserable.
Young: Yeah, but fake miserable. Hollywood miserable. What are you trying to prove? You're an artist? You're not.
Riggan: Fuck you!
Young: No, fuck you, you coward. We grossed billions! You're ashamed of that? Billions!
Riggan: And billions of flies eat shit every day! So what? Does that make it good? I don't know if you noticed, but that was 1992!
Young: You could jump right back into that suit if you wanted to.
Riggan: [rips open his shirt] Oh, look at me! Look at this! Look, look, look! I look like a turkey with leukemia! I'm fucking disappearing. This is what's left! I'm the answer to a fucking Trivial Pursuit question!
Young: You're an impostor here. Eventually they will figure you out.
Riggan: What part of this don't you get? You're dead.
Young: We are not dead.
Riggan: Oh, please, just stay dead.
Young: We are not dead.
Riggan: Stop saying "we"! There is no "we"! I'm not fucking you! I'm Riggan fucking Thomson!
Young: No, you're Birdman. Because without me, all that's left is you, a sad, selfish, mediocre actor, grasping at the last vestiges of his career.
[Riggan uses telekinesis to grab his poster and slam it into the wall]
Young: What the hell did you do that for? I liked that poster. It's always "we", brother.
Riggan: Fuck you! Shut the fuck up! Leave me alone! You're fucking, so fucking annoying! Shut up!
[notices Jake enter the room and immediately calms down]
Riggan: Hey. What's up?

Mike: Give me a cue again.
Riggan: Okay. "Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I don't actually know the man, I've heard his name mentioned in passing. I don't know, you'd have to know the particulars. I think what you're saying..."
Mike: Hey, can I make a suggestion, do you mind?
Riggan: Yeah, yeah sure, no not at all.
Mike: Okay, just stay with me. "I'm the wrong person to ask," he says, but what is that, what is the intention in that? Is he fed up with the subject so he's changing it, is he deflecting guilt over the marriage? And here's the thing, you've got four lines after that that all say the same thing. "I didn't even know the man, I only heard his name mentioned in passing, I wouldn't know, you'd have to know the particulars..." The point is, you don't know the guy, we f - king get it. Make it work with one line: "I didn't even know the man." Right?
Riggan: Right. Yeah. You know my lines too, huh?
Mike: Can we not get hung up on knowing lines?

Sam: Do you really think you'll be ready for opening tomorrow?
Riggan: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, previews were pretty much a train-wreck. We can't seem to get through without a raging fire or a raging hard-on. I'm broke. I'm not sleeping like, you know, at all. And um, this play is kinda starting to feel like a major deformed version of myself that just keeps following me around, hitting me in the balls with a tiny little hammer. I'm sorry, what was the question?
Sam: Never mind.

Clara: Now, is it true that you've been injecting yourself with semen from baby pigs?
Riggan: I'm sorry, what?
Clara: As a method of facial rejuvenation.
Riggan: Where did you read that?
Clara: It was tweeted by @prostatewhispers.
Riggan: No, that's not true.
Clara: I know, but did you do it?
Riggan: No, I didn't do it.
Clara: Okay, then I'll just write that you're denying it.
Riggan: No, don't write anything! Why would you write anything? I didn't... don't write what she said.

Riggan: [as Birdman] People, they love blood. They love action. Not this talky, depressing, philosophical bullshit.

Riggan: Listen to me. I'm trying to do something important.
Sam: This is not important.
Riggan: It's important to me! Alright? Maybe not to you, or your cynical friends whose only ambition is to go viral. But to me... To me... this is - God. This is my career, this is my chance to do some work that actually means something.
Sam: Means something to who? You had a career before the third comic book movie, before people began to forget who was inside the bird costume. You're doing a play based on a book that was written 60 years ago, for a thousand rich old white people whose only real concern is gonna be where they go to have their cake and coffee when it's over. And let's face it, Dad, it's not for the sake of art. It's because you want to feel relevant again. Well, there's a whole world out there where people fight to be relevant every day. And you act like it doesn't even exist! Things are happening in a place that you willfully ignore, a place that has already forgotten you. I mean, who the fuck are you? You hate bloggers. You make fun of Twitter. You don't even have a Facebook page. You're the one who doesn't exist. You're doing this because you're scared to death, like the rest of us, that you don't matter. And you know what? You're right. You don't. It's not important. You're not important. Get used to it.
Sam: Dad...

Riggan: I'm the answer to a fucking Trivial Pursuit question

Riggan: I'm nothing. I'm not even here.

Riggan: That guy is the worst actor I've ever seen in my life. The blood coming out of his ear was the most honest thing he's done so far.
Jake: It's not that bad.
[pause]
Jake: Okay, it was fucking terrible.