The Best Mike Quotes

Mike: You've been hanging around here trying to make yourself invisible behind this fragile little fuck-up routine but you can't. You're anything but invisible. You're big. You're kind of a great mess. It's like a candle burning at both ends, but it's beautiful. No amount of booze or weed or attitude is going to hide that.

Mike: Give me a cue again.
Riggan: Okay. "Hey, I'm the wrong person to ask. I don't actually know the man, I've heard his name mentioned in passing. I don't know, you'd have to know the particulars. I think what you're saying..."
Mike: Hey, can I make a suggestion, do you mind?
Riggan: Yeah, yeah sure, no not at all.
Mike: Okay, just stay with me. "I'm the wrong person to ask," he says, but what is that, what is the intention in that? Is he fed up with the subject so he's changing it, is he deflecting guilt over the marriage? And here's the thing, you've got four lines after that that all say the same thing. "I didn't even know the man, I only heard his name mentioned in passing, I wouldn't know, you'd have to know the particulars..." The point is, you don't know the guy, we f - king get it. Make it work with one line: "I didn't even know the man." Right?
Riggan: Right. Yeah. You know my lines too, huh?
Mike: Can we not get hung up on knowing lines?

Mike: Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige.

Sam: Truth or dare?
Mike: Truth.
Sam: That's boring.
Mike: Truth is always more interesting.

Mike: [showing a fried chicken to Riggan] That's a nice bird, man!

Lady: You headed to Hollywood, Mike?
Mike: No. Hollywood's heading here, Tabby.

Mike: Lesley, play with my balls.

Mike: Is this water? Did you replace my gin with water, man?
Riggan: Mike. Come on.
Mike: No. Come on, what?
Riggan: Come on, you're drunk.
Mike: I'm drunk? Yes, I'm drunk! I'm supposed to be drunk! Why aren't you drunk? This is Carver. He left a piece of his liver on the table every time he wrote a fucking page. If I need to be drinking gin, who the fuck are you to touch my gin, man? Listen, you fucked with the period, you fucked with the plot so you could have the best lines, you leave me the fucking tools that I need! Oh, come on people, don't be so pathetic. Stop looking at the world through your cellphone screens. Have a real experience! Does anybody give a shit about truth other than me? I mean the set is fake, the bananas are fake, there's fucking nothing in this milk carton, your performance is fake. The only thing that is real on this stage is this chicken. So, I'm gonna work with the chicken.

Riggan: That's you Mike. You're Mr. Natural. Mr. "Fuck the scene, just stare at my massive hard-on," right? That's the truth of the moment.
Mike: Do you think it was massive?

Mike: Riggan, your gun is ridiculous. I can see the red plug in the barrel, so you look like a kid with a plastic toy when you point it at me. I don't feel threatened at all. Get a better one. Have some self respect, please.

Sam: I want to ask another question.
Mike: You already did.
Sam: One more.
Mike: Go ahead.
Sam: If you weren't afraid, what would you want to do to me?
Mike: I'd pull your eyes out of your head...
Sam: That's sweet.
Mike: ...and put them in my own skull, and look around, so I could see the street the way I used to when I was your age.

Mike: A man becomes a critic when he cannot be an artist, the same way that a man becomes an informer when he cannot be a soldier.

Mike: Lesley?
Lesley: What?
Mike: I think I'm hard.
Lesley: No, you're not. It's just that sometimes you don't consider other people's feelings, that's all.
Mike: No, no, no. I'm getting hard. Feel that.

Mike: [to Riggan] Don't tell me how to do my job. This is my town, and to be honest, most people don't give a shit about you here.
Lady: Hey, you're Riggan Thompson, right? Would you mind having a picture with us here?
[hands phone to Mike]
Lady: Would you mind?
Mike: What?
Lady: The button's on the bottom.

Sam: Why do you act like a dick all the time? Do you just do it to antagonize people?
Mike: Maybe.
Sam: You really don't give a shit if people like you or not?
Mike: Not really.
Sam: That's cool.
Mike: Is it? I don't know.

Mike: Does she speak?
Sam: She does. Yeah, she can sit, stay, and roll over if you have any treats.