The Best Major Richard Sharpe Quotes

Sharpe: [when Reilly is feigning fatigue] What's the matter with him?
Rifleman Robinson: [lying for his friend] Fatigue, sir?
Sharpe: Hm. Looks more like fever to me.
Rifleman Robinson: How can you tell the difference?
Sharpe: It's simple, Robinson. Just take a big long needle, and stick it in his eyeball. If it's fever, he won't feel a thing!
Rifleman Reilly: [jumps up at once, but tries to keep up the act of sudden 'recovery'] Where am I?
Sharpe: You're in a war, Reilly! On one side is you, and on the other side is me! - So you and Robinson are on guard duty tonight. And tomorrow night. And the night after. And when you finish, Reilly, you'll know the difference between fever and fatigue! - Now get in line!
[the riflemen fall in and continue marching]
Rifleman Reilly: [Turns to Robinson when Sharpe is out of earshot] Do you think, would Sharpe have stuck a needle in my eye?
Rifleman Robinson: A *needle*? He ain't got a needle. He'd use a blood *bayonet*!

[Anticipating battle, Harper hands Sharpe a cup of tea]
Sharpe: Thanks, Pat.
Harper: I was thinking. Things could be an awful lot worse, you know.
Sharpe: How the bloody hell could things get worse, Pat?
Harper: We could be without the cup of tea.

Sharpe: What happens when you burn oyster shells?
Capt. William Frederickson: You get ash I suppose.
Capt. Neil Palmer: I was born in a fishing village sir. The fishermen used to burn oyster shells all the time.
Sharpe: Why?
Capt. Neil Palmer: To whitewash their houses sir. When you burn oyster shells, you get lime. Get that in the eyes you go blind.

Catherine: If I were a soldier, I would have sworn an oath of loyalty to my Emperor!
Sharpe: I understand.
Catherine: But I am not a soldier.

Harper: [Referring to a specific soldier] Sir, he's got the...
[whispers 'pox' in Sharpe's ear]
Sharpe: Pox! What are you whispering for Harper? I think I've seen plenty of pox in my time!

Catherine: [trying to seduce Sharpe, sitting down on his bed] I can't sleep.
Sharpe: I can't sleep, either.
Catherine: Why, because of the battle
[tomorrow]
Catherine: ?
Sharpe: No. Because you're sitting on my bed!

Colonel: ...and so, having made every provision for the comfort of the wounded, I made my way back through the British lines as quickly as possible.
Lord: And how did Colonel Maquerre conduct himself?
Colonel: I cannot speak too highly of the Count's conduct, Sir. Despite my pleading with him to return with me, he insisted on staying behind to raise rebellion.
Lord: And Major Sharpe?
Colonel: I'm afraid Major Sharpe was away at the time, plundering a French convoy. However, I have been reliably informed by the Mayor of Arcon that he was ambushed and overpowered. I can only assume that he's either been killed or surrendered to the French.
Lord: [looks outside his tent] Well, I suppose we could ask him.
Colonel: How do you mean, sir?
[Bampfylde looks outside the tent and is horrified to see Sharpe and a limping Palmer leading the Chosen Men and the remains of the garrison into the camp. Palmer limps into Wellington's tent on a crutch, followed by Sharpe]
Major: My Lord.
Capt. Neil Palmer: Sir, under the provisions of the Army Act, I wish to charge Colonel Bampfylde with cowardice in the face of the enemy, abandoning his position, abandoning the wounded, conspiring with the Compte De Maquerre - a spy in the service of Bonaparte - to desert his position and throw the blame on Major Sharpe. I further wish to report, sir, that Major Sharpe tended the wounded, successfully repulsed an attack by General Calvet's brigade and brought us all safely back home here, sir.
Lord: Is that all, Captain Palmer?
Capt. Neil Palmer: Almost all, sir.
[With difficulty, Palmer turns to his right, brings up his good leg and kicks Colonel Bampfylde in the groin]
Colonel: [strained] Field Marshall Wellington... Captain Palmer assaulted me. He struck a superior officer!
Lord: You're no longer a superior officer, Bamfylde. Get out!

Sharpe: You make your bed, Marquerre, and then you lie in it.Without complaining.Trouble with you is you wanted it every way.You wanted to be a spy for years, then you want to come back home, want everybody to gather round and say what a big hero you've been.The world's not like that, Marquerre.You made your bed with Bonaparte. Well, maybe he'll give you a medal.Maybe not.Me-next time you're in my sights and outside a flag of parlay, I'll shoot you.

Major: [after Sharpe just saved his life by shooting two French troopers and threatening the third with his rifle] Good shooting, Sharpe! How the devil did you reload in time to take on that
[last]
Major: fellow?
Sharpe: I was bluffing, sir!
[indicating his rifle]
Sharpe: It was empty.
Major: I'm deeply touched you came after me, dear boy!
Sharpe: I had no choice, sir. I'm getting married tomorrow, and you're giving away the bride!

Catherine: The cellar. It is full of oyster shells. Burn them.
[walks away]
Sharpe: Oyster shells?