The Best Mr. Pfeiffer Quotes

Dorothy: We're interested in arranging a funeral.
Mr. Pfeiffer: Isn't that lovely, you're planning ahead for Mother.
Sophia: [mocking Pfeiffer's name which has a non-silent P] Hey, Pfeiffer, how would you like a punch in your pface?

Lady: Today is a day of great sadness, not only for me, but also for the many people whose lives have been touched by the warmth and the kindness of this woman who is lying here. I wish I knew how many charities and hospitals and orphanages have benefited from her generosity. But now, no-one will ever know! Because she preferred to all of her good work anonymously. I'm sure that a lot of people never even knew that she worked for 15 years in a leper colony. Yes, Celia Rubinstein loved all mankind. She was...
Dorothy: Who?
Lady: Celia Rubinstein.
Blanche: This funeral isn't for Celia Rubinstein. It's for Frieda Claxton!
Mr. Pfeiffer: The Rubinstein funeral is down the hall.
Lady: Oh, I'm so sorry for the intrusion! Uh... Frieda Claxton? Wasn't she the woman who owned that old house on Richmond Street?
Rose: Yes!
[Lady turns around and kicks the casket]

Dorothy: We're here to pay for a funeral.
Mr. Pfeiffer: Oh, isn't that nice, the three of you planning ahead for mother.
Sophia: [walks a little bit closer] Hey Puh-feiffer, how would you like a punch in your puh-face?