The Best Sarah Vowell Quotes

[Helen emerges from the restroom after changing into her superhero costume, and tosses her bag onto an apparantley empty seat]
Violet: Ow!
Elastigirl: Violet!
Violet: [becomes visible] It's not my fault! Dash ran away and I knew I'd get blamed for it...
Dash: [pops up] THAT'S NOT TRUE!
Elastigirl: Dash!
Violet: [over him] And I thought he'd try to sneak on the plane so I came in...
Dash: [over her] You said, "Something's up with Mom, we have to find out what!"
Violet: ...And then you closed the doors before I could find him...
Dash: ...It was YOUR idea, YOUR idea-!
Violet: ...AND IT'S NOT MY FAULT!
Dash: ...100 percent, all yours, all the time IDEA!
Elastigirl: Wait a minute, wait a minute! You left Jack-Jack ALONE?
Violet: Yes Mom, I'm completely stupid - OF COURSE we got a sitter...
Dash: [over her] No, we got someone, Mom! Somebody great! We wouldn't do that!
Violet: [over him] Do you think I'm totally irresponsible? Thanks a lot!

[Helen hands the kids two masks]
Elastigirl: Put these on. Your identity is your most valuable possession. Protect it. And if anything goes wrong, use your powers.
Violet: But you said never to use...
Elastigirl: [snaps at her] I know what I said!
[sighing]
Elastigirl: Remember the bad guys on the shows you used to watch on Saturday mornings? Well, these guys aren't like those guys. They won't exercise restraint because you are children. They *will* kill you if they get the chance. Do *not* give them that chance.

Helen: Now it's perfectly normal...
Violet: [interrupting] Normal? What do *you* know about normal? What does *anyone* in *this* family know about normal?
Helen: Now wait a minute, young lady...
Violet: We act normal, mom! I want to *be* normal! The only normal one is Jack-Jack, and he's not even toilet trained!
[Jack-Jack blows a raspberry and bursts out laughing]
Dash: Lucky...
[Violet and Helen look askance at him]
Dash: Uh, I meant about being normal.

[Helen's plane is targeted by Syndrome's missiles]
Elastigirl: India-Golf-Niner-Niner transmitting in the blind guard, disengage, repeat, *disengage*.
[she releases anti-missile devices, begins evasive maneuvers]
Elastigirl: Disengage, repeat, *disengage*!
Mr. Incredible: No! Call off the missiles, I'll do anything!
Syndrome: Too late! Fifteen years too late...
Elastigirl: Friendlies, at two-zero miles south-southwest of your position, angels ten, track east, disengage, over! Vi! You have to put a force field around the plane!
Violet: But you said we weren't supposed to use our powers!
Elastigirl: I know what I said! Listen to what I'm saying *now*! Disengage, repeat, *disengage*!
[missiles close in]
Dash: [frightened] Mom?
Elastigirl: *Violet*! Mayday, mayday, India-Golf-Niner-Niner is buddy spiked! Abort, abort, there are children aboard, say again, there are children aboard this plane!
Mr. Incredible: NO!
Elastigirl: [shouts] Put a field around us, *now*!
Violet: [frightened] But I've never done one that big before...!
Elastigirl: Violet, do it NOW! Abort, abort, abort!
[the missiles close in, Violet tries to create a force field but can't]
Elastigirl: Abort abort abort!
[the missiles hit; Helen envelopes the children as the plane explodes around them]

Elastigirl: I think your father is in trouble.
Violet: If you haven't noticed, Mom, we're not doin' so hot either.

Elastigirl: This is the right hangar, but I don't see any jets.
Mr. Incredible: A jet's not fast enough.
Elastigirl: What's faster than a jet?
Dash: Hey, how about a rocket?
Elastigirl: Great. I can't fly a rocket.
Violet: You don't have to. Use the coordinates from the last launch.
Mr. Incredible: Oh, wait. I bet Syndrome's changed the password by now. How do I get into the computer?
Mirage: [Over PA system] Say please.