The Best Bob Parr Quotes

Helen: Dash, do have something you want to tell your father about school?
Dash: [nervously] Oh, uh... Well, we dissected a frog...
Helen: Dash got sent to the office again.
Bob: [distracted] Good, good.
Helen: No, Bob. That's bad.
Bob: What?
Helen: Dash got sent to the office again.
Bob: What? What for?
Dash: Nothing!
Helen: He put a tack on the teacher's chair. *During* class.
Dash: Nobody saw me. You could barely see it on the tape.
Bob: They caught you on tape and you still got away with it? Whoa! You must have been booking! How fast do you think you were going?
Helen: Bob, we are not encouraging this!

Edna: This is a horrible suit, darling. You can't be seen in this. I won't allow it. Fifteen years ago, maybe, but now? Feh!
Bob: Wait, what do you mean? *You* designed it.
Edna: I never look back, darling! It distracts from the now.

Gilbert: Look at me when I'm talking to you, Parr!
Bob: [looking out the window] That man out there, he needs help!
Gilbert: Do not change the subject, Bob! We're discussing your attitude!
Bob: *He* is getting *mugged*!
Gilbert: Well let's hope we don't cover him!
Bob: [leaving] I'll be right back.
Gilbert: Stop right now, or you're fired!
[Bob stops]
Gilbert: Close the door.
[Bob closes door]
Gilbert: Get over here now.
[Bob lets go of the doorknob, which has been crushed by his grip; he walks over to Huph]
Gilbert: I'm not happy, Bob. Not happy.
Bob: [glancing out the window] He got away.
Gilbert: Good thing, too. You were this close to losing your jo...
[Bob grabs Huph by the throat and throws him through the wall; he goes through several walls, to the shock of the other workers]
Bob: Uh-oh.

Bob: E, I just need a patch job. For... sentimental reasons.
Edna: Fine. I will also fix the hobo suit.
Bob: You're the best of the best, E
Edna: [Walking up stairs] Yes, I know, dahling.

Bob: Weren't you in the news? Some show in, Prayge... Prague?
Edna: Milan, darling. Milan. Supermodels. Heh! Nothing super about them... spoiled, stupid little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves. Feh! I used to design for *gods*!

Dash: [answers door] Hey, Lucius!
Lucius: Hey, Speedo, Helen, Vi, Jack-Jack.
Bob: Hey, hey! ICE of you to drop by.
Lucius: Ha!
[unenthusiastically]
Lucius: Never heard that one before.

[Bob is explaining an insurance policy loophole to a Mrs. Hogenson]
Bob: [whispering] Alright, listen closely. I'd "like" to help you, but I can't.
[hands her a pen and pad]
Bob: I'd "like" to tell you to take a copy of your policy to Norma Wilcox on...
[Mrs. Hogenson looks at him in confusion; he taps on the pad]
Bob: Norma Wilcox, W-I-L-C-O-X... on the third floor, but I can't.
[getting the idea, Mrs. Hogenson writes everything he says down]
Bob: I also "do not" advise you to fill out and file a WS2475 form with our legal department on the second floor. I would "not" expect someone to get back to you quickly to resolve the matter. I'd "like" to help.
[stands up, smiling]
Bob: But there's nothing I can do.
Mrs. Hogenson: Oh, thank you, young man!
Bob: [panicked] Shh, shh, shh!
[pokes his head over the top of his cubical]
Bob: I'M SORRY, MA'AM! I KNOW YOU'RE UPSET!
[whispering]
Bob: Pretend to be upset.
[playing along, Mrs. Hogenson leaves the cubical blubbering as Bob smiles victoriously]

Lucius: [Bob and Lucius are sitting in a parked car, reminiscing] So now I'm in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I'm an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover and what does Baron von Ruthless do?
Bob: [laughing] He starts monologuing.
Lucius: He starts monologuing! He starts like, this prepared speech about how *feeble* I am compared to him, how *inevitable* my defeat is, how *the world* *will soon* *be his*, yadda yadda yadda.
Bob: Yammering.
Lucius: Yammering! I mean, the guy has me on a platter and he won't shut up!

Edna: You need a new suit, that much is certain.
Bob: A new suit? Well, where the heck am I gonna get a new suit?
Edna: You can't! It's impossible! I'm far too busy, so ask me now before I can become sane.
Bob: Wait? You want to make me a suit?
Edna: You push too hard, darling! But I accept!

Gilbert: I'm not happy, Bob. Not happy. Ask me why.
Bob: Okay. Why?
Gilbert: Why what? Be specific, Bob.
Bob: Why are you unhappy?
Gilbert: Your customers make me unhappy.
Bob: Why? Have you gotten complaints?
Gilbert: Complaints I can handle. What I can't handle is your customers' inexplicable knowledge of Insuricare's inner workings. They're experts! Experts, Bob! Exploiting every loophole! Dodging every obstacle! They're penetrating the bureaucracy!

Edna: It will be bold! Dramatic!
Bob: Yeah!
Edna: Heroic!
Bob: Yeah. Something classic, like, like Dynaguy. Oh, he had a great look! Oh, the cape and the boots...
Edna: [throws a wadded ball of paper at Bob's head] No capes!
Bob: Isn't that my decision?
Edna: Do you remember Thunderhead? Tall, storm powers? Nice man, good with kids.
Bob: Listen, E...
Edna: November 15th of '58! All was well, another day saved, when... his cape snagged on a missile fin!
Bob: Thunderhead was not the brightest bulb...
Edna: Stratogale! April 23rd, '57! Cape caught in a jet turbine!
Bob: E, you can't generalize about these things...
Edna: Metaman, express elevator! Dynaguy, snagged on takeoff! Splashdown, sucked into a vortex!
[shouts]
Edna: No capes!

[Bob notices the little boy on the tricycle staring at him for the second day in a row]
Bob: Well, what are *you* waiting for?
Little: I don't know. Something amazing, I guess.
Bob: [sighs] Me too, kid.