The Best Snowball Quotes

Gunnery: Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
Private: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery: Well, well, Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!
Private: Sir, the private said "no, sir," sir!
Gunnery: Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit!
[slaps Joker]
Gunnery: You Goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you DO love the Virgin Mary, don't ya?
Private: Sir, NEGATIVE, sir!
Gunnery: Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?
Private: Sir, NEGATIVE, sir! Sir, the private believes any answer he gives will be wrong and the Senior Drill Instructor will only beat him harder if he reverses himself, SIR!
Gunnery: Who's your squad leader, scumbag?
Private: Sir, the squad leader is Private Snowball, sir!
Gunnery: Private Snowball!
Private: Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery: Private Snowball, you're fired. Private Joker's promoted to squad leader.
Private: Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Gunnery: Disappear, scumbag!
Private: Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Gunnery: Private Pyle!
Private: Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery: Private Pyle, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything, he'll teach you how to pee!
Private: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery: Private Joker is silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts, and guts is enough in my beloved Corps! Now, you ladies carry on.
Private: [together] Sir, aye-aye, sir!

Gunnery: Do any of you people know who Charles Whitman was? None of you dumbasses knows? Private Cowboy?
Private: Sir, he was that guy who shot all those people from that tower in Austin, Texas, sir!
Gunnery: That's affirmative. Charles Whitman killed twelve people from a twenty-eight-story observation tower at the University of Texas from distances up to four hundred yards. Anybody know who Lee Harvey Oswald was? Private Snowball?
Private: Sir, he shot Kennedy, sir!
Gunnery: That's right, and do you know how far away he was?
Private: Sir, it was pretty far! From that book suppository building, sir!
Gunnery: All right, knock it off! Two hundred and fifty feet! He was two hundred and fifty feet away and shooting at a moving target. Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a head shot! Do any of you people know where these individuals learned to shoot? Private Joker?
Private: Sir, in the Marines, sir!
Gunnery: In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will be able to do the same thing!

Gunnery: What's your name, scumbag?
Private: Sir, Private Brown, sir!
Gunnery: Bullshit! From now on you're Private Snowball. Do you like that name?
Private: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery: Well there's one thing that you won't like, Private Snowball: they don't serve fried chicken and watermelon on a daily basis in my mess hall.
Private: Sir, yes, sir!