30 Best R. Lee Ermey Quotes

Mayor: You know what, Anderson? You're starting to get so far up my nose, I'm beginning to feel your boots on my chin!

Sergeant: [Three of Andy's army men are preparing to jump out the window with parachutes] We've done our duty. Andy's grown up.
Army: Let's face it. When the trash bags come out, we army guys are the first to go.
Buzz: Trash bags?
Woody: Who said anything about trash bags?
Sergeant: It has been an honor serving with you. Good luck, folks.
Army: You're gonna need it!
[they jump out]

Gunnery: How tall are you, private?
Private: Sir, five-foot-nine, sir.
Gunnery: Five-foot-nine, I didn't know they stacked shit that high!

Gunnery: [after discovering Private Pyle's unlocked footlocker] Jesus H Christ. Private Pyle, why is your footlocker unlocked?
Private: Sir, I don't know, sir.
Gunnery: Private Pyle, if there is one thing in this world that I hate, it is an unlocked footlocker! You know that don't you?
Private: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery: If it wasn't for dickheads like you, there wouldn't be any thievery in this world, would there?
Private: Sir, no, sir.
Gunnery: GET DOWN!

Sergeant: [about the second present Andy opens] It's... it's bedsheets!
Mr. Potato Head: Who invited that kid?

[when Private Pyle is on the obstacle course]
Gunnery: Get your fat ass up there! I'll bet if there was some pussy up there you would get up there, wouldn't you?
Private: Sir, yes sir!

[Marching Song]
Gunnery: I don't know but I been told...
Marines: I don't know but I been told...
Gunnery: Eskimo pussy is mighty cold.
Marines: Eskimo pussy is mighty cold.
Gunnery: MMM, good...
Marines: MMM, good...
Gunnery: Tastes good...
Marines: Tastes Good...
Gunnery: Feels Good.
Marines: Feels good.

Warden: Welcome to Inferno Island
Spongebob: Yay!
Warden: What in the seven seas just assaulted my eardrums? Could that have been an unrequested sound-off? Well, it must have been my imagination! And you can all thank your lucky stars that I have a very active imagination! Because it just so happens that it is my sworn duty to think of fun things to do with the trash that society has thrown away!
Spongebob: [whispering to Patrick] I always prefer to re-cycle.
Warden: Holy fish paste! We've got ourselves a couple of rabble-rousers here! What's your name, son?
Spongebob: Spongebob Squarepants.
Warden: And are you a rabble-rouser?
Warden: Funny you should mention that. See, this one time...
Warden: Well, I hope you aren't! Cause you sure look mighty tasty! And it's too soon after breakfast for me to want to chew somebody's head off!

Gunnery: Tonight, you pukes will sleep with your rifles. You will give your rifle a girl's name because this is the only pussy you people are going to get. Your days of finger-banging ol' Mary-Jane Rottencrotch through her pretty pink panties are over! You're married to this piece. This weapon of iron and wood. And you will be faithful. Port, hut!
[Recruits grabs their rifles]
Gunnery: Prepare to mount!
[Recruits step back towards their bunks]
Gunnery: Mount!
[Recruits quickly hop onto their bunks]
Gunnery: Port, hut!
[Recruits grabs their rifles and holds them up]
Gunnery: Pray!
Recruits: [chanting] This is my rifle. There are many others like it, but this one is mine. My rifle is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my rifle is useless. Without my rifle, I am useless. I must fire my rifle true. I must shoot straighter than my enemy, who is trying to kill me. I must shoot him before he shoots me. I will. Before God I swear this creed: my rifle and myself are defenders of my country, we are the masters of our enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen.
Gunnery: Order, hut!
[Recruits puts the guns at their sides]
Gunnery: At ease! Good night, ladies.
Recruits: Good night, sir!
Gunnery: [to the watchman] Hit it, sweetheart.

Gunnery: [calling out to platoon] Left shoulder, hut!
[Pyle accidentally puts his rifle on his right shoulder, then corrects quickly, but not before Hartman sees it. He walks up on him]
Gunnery: Private Pyle, what are you trying to do to my beloved Corps?
Private: Sir, I don't know, sir!
Gunnery: You are dumb, Private Pyle, but do you expect me to believe that you don't know left from right?
Private: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery: Then you did that on purpose! You wanna be different!
Private: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery: [slaps Pyle hard on the left hand side of his face] What side was that, Private Pyle?
Private: Sir, left side, sir!
Gunnery: [shouts] Are you sure, Private Pyle?
Private: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery: [slaps him hard again, this time on right side of his face, knocking his hat off; shouts] What side was that, Private Pyle?
Private: [nearly in tears] Sir, right side, sir!
Gunnery: Don't fuck with me again, Pyle! Pick up your fuckin' cover!
Private: Sir, yes, sir!

Mayor: Do you like baseball, do you, Anderson?
Anderson: Yeah, I do. You know, it's the only time when a black man can wave a stick at a white man and not start a riot.

Police: [answering phone that interrupted his conversation] This is not even my desk!
[hangs up]

Gunnery: I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you.

Gunnery: Private Pyle, your ass looks like about a hundred and fifty pounds of chewed bubblegum!

Gunnery: What is this Mickey Mouse shit? What in the name of Jesus H. Christ are you animals doing in my head? Why is Private Pyle out of his bunk after lights-out? Why is Private Pyle holding that weapon? Why aren't you stomping Private Pyle's guts out?
Private: Sir, it is the private's duty to inform the senior drill instructor that Private Pyle has a full magazine that is locked and loaded, Sir!
[pause]
Gunnery: [slowly and strictly] Now, you listen to me, Private Pyle. And you listen good. I want that weapon, and I want it now. You will place that rifle on the deck at your feet, and step back away from it.
[Private Pyle grins and aims the rifle at Hartman]
Gunnery: [raising his voice] What is your major malfunction, numbnuts? Didn't Mommy and Daddy show you enough attention when you were a child?
[Private Pyle shoots Hartman, killing him]

Gunnery: Do you think I'm cute, Private Pyle? Do you think I'm funny?
Private: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery: Then wipe that disgusting grin off your face.
Private: Sir, yes, sir.
[tries to stop smiling]
Gunnery: Well, any fucking time, sweetheart!
Private: Sir, I'm trying, sir.
Gunnery: Private Pyle I'm gonna give you three seconds; exactly three-fucking-seconds to wipe that stupid looking grin off your face or I will gouge out your eyeballs and skull-fuck you! ONE! TWO! THREE!
Private: Sir, I can't help it, sir.
Gunnery: Bullshit! Get on your knees scumbag!
[Pyle drops down to his knees]
Gunnery: Now choke yourself.
[Pyle wraps his own hands around his throat]
Gunnery: Goddamn it, with MY hand, numb-nuts!
[Pyle reaches for Hartman's hand]
Gunnery: Don't pull my fucking hand over there! I said choke yourself; now lean forward and choke yourself!
[Pyle does so]
Gunnery: Are you through grinning?
Private: [gagging] Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery: Bullshit, I can't hear you!
Private: [louder] Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery: Bullshit, I STILL can't hear you! Sound off like you've got a pair!
Private: SIR, YES, SIR!
Gunnery: That's enough! Get on your feet. Private Pyle you had best square your ass away and start shitting me Tiffany cufflinks or I will definitely fuck you up!
Private: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery: Where the hell are you from anyway, private?
Private: Sir, Texas, sir.
Gunnery: Holy dog shit! Texas? Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down. Do you suck dicks?
Private: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery: Are you a peter puffer?
Private: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery: I bet you're the kind of guy who would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around. I'll be watching you!

[referring to Lee Harvey Oswald and mass murderer Charles Whitman]
Gunnery: Do any of you people know where these individuals learned how to shoot?... Private Joker.
Private: Sir. In the Marines, Sir.
Gunnery: In the Marines. Outstanding. Those individuals showed what one motivated Marine and his rifle can do. And before you ladies leave my Island, you will all be able to do the same thing.

Gunnery: Private Joker, do you believe in the Virgin Mary?
Private: Sir, no, sir!
Gunnery: Well, well, Private Joker, I don't believe I heard you correctly!
Private: Sir, the private said "no, sir," sir!
Gunnery: Why you little maggot, you make me want to vomit!
[slaps Joker]
Gunnery: You Goddamn communist heathen, you had best sound off that you love the Virgin Mary, or I'm gonna stomp your guts out! Now you DO love the Virgin Mary, don't ya?
Private: Sir, NEGATIVE, sir!
Gunnery: Private Joker, are you trying to offend me?
Private: Sir, NEGATIVE, sir! Sir, the private believes any answer he gives will be wrong and the Senior Drill Instructor will only beat him harder if he reverses himself, SIR!
Gunnery: Who's your squad leader, scumbag?
Private: Sir, the squad leader is Private Snowball, sir!
Gunnery: Private Snowball!
Private: Sir, Private Snowball reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery: Private Snowball, you're fired. Private Joker's promoted to squad leader.
Private: Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Gunnery: Disappear, scumbag!
Private: Sir, aye-aye, sir!
Gunnery: Private Pyle!
Private: Private Pyle reporting as ordered, sir!
Gunnery: Private Pyle, Private Joker is your new squad leader, and you will bunk with him! He'll teach you everything, he'll teach you how to pee!
Private: Sir, yes, sir!
Gunnery: Private Joker is silly and he's ignorant, but he's got guts, and guts is enough in my beloved Corps! Now, you ladies carry on.
Private: [together] Sir, aye-aye, sir!

Gunnery: What's your excuse?
Private: Sir, excuse for what, sir?
Gunnery: I'm asking the fucking questions here, private! Do you understand?
Private: Sir, yes, sir.
Gunnery: Well, thank you very much! Can I be in charge for a while?
Private: Sir, yes, sir.

Gunnery: Today... is Christmas! There will be a magic show at zero-nine-thirty! Chaplain Charlie will tell you about how the free world will conquer Communism with the aid of God and a few Marines! God has a hard-on for Marines because we kill everything we see! He plays His games, we play ours! To show our appreciation for so much power, we keep heaven packed with fresh souls! God was here before the Marine Corps! So you can give your heart to Jesus, but your ass belongs to the Corps! Do you ladies understand?

Mayor: Fact is, we got two cultures down here: a white culture, and a colored culture. Now, that's the way it always has been, and that's the way it always will be.
Anderson: Rest of America don't see it that way, Mr. Mayor.
Sheriff: Rest of America don't mean jack shit. You in Mississippi now.

Gunnery: Do any of you people know who Charles Whitman was? None of you dumbasses knows? Private Cowboy?
Private: Sir, he was that guy who shot all those people from that tower in Austin, Texas, sir!
Gunnery: That's affirmative. Charles Whitman killed twelve people from a twenty-eight-story observation tower at the University of Texas from distances up to four hundred yards. Anybody know who Lee Harvey Oswald was? Private Snowball?
Private: Sir, he shot Kennedy, sir!
Gunnery: That's right, and do you know how far away he was?
Private: Sir, it was pretty far! From that book suppository building, sir!
Gunnery: All right, knock it off! Two hundred and fifty feet! He was two hundred and fifty feet away and shooting at a moving target. Oswald got off three rounds with an old Italian bolt action rifle in only six seconds and scored two hits, including a head shot! Do any of you people know where these individuals learned to shoot? Private Joker?
Private: Sir, in the Marines, sir!
Gunnery: In the Marines! Outstanding! Those individuals showed what one motivated marine and his rifle can do! And before you ladies leave my island, you will be able to do the same thing!

[first lines]
Gunnery: I am Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, your senior drill instructor. From now on you will speak only when spoken to, and the first and last words out of your filthy sewers will be "Sir". Do you maggots understand that?
Recruits: [In unison in a normal speaking tone] Sir, yes Sir.
Gunnery: Bullshit, I can't hear you. Sound off like you got a pair!
Recruits: [In unison, much louder] SIR, YES SIR!
Gunnery: If you ladies leave my island, if you survive recruit training, you will be a weapon. You will be a minister of death praying for war. But until that day, you are pukes. You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grab-asstic pieces of amphibian shit! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?

Gunnery: [as Joker checks and then holds up his rifle for inspection, Hartman takes the rifle and proceeds to inspect it] What's your sixth general order?
Private: Sir! The private's sixth general order is to receive and to obey -- and to pass on to the sentry who relieves me -- all orders from the CO, from the OD, from any and all other officers, and from NCOs of the guard! Sir!
Gunnery: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] What's this weapon's name, Private Joker?
Private: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] Sir! The private's weapon's name is the Bitch, sir!
[Hartman angrily passes back the rifle]
Gunnery: [CUTTING-ROOM FLOOR-LINE] You slimy piece of shit, that's no way to talk to your rifle! Now get on your face and give me 25!
Private: Twenty-five! Yes, sir!
[while Joker executes the push-ups, Hartman approaches Pyle who holds up his own rifle]
Gunnery: How many counts in that movement you just executed?
Private: [hard and firm tone] Sir! Four counts, sir!
Gunnery: What's the idea of looking down in the chamber?
Private: Sir! That is to guarantee that the private is not giving the inspecting officer a loaded weapon, sir!
Gunnery: What's your fifth general order?
Private: Sir! The private's fifth general order is to quit my post only when properly relieved, sir!
Gunnery: What's this weapon's name, Private Pyle?
Private: Sir! The private's weapon's name is Charlene, sir!
Gunnery: Private Pyle, you are definitely born again hard! Hell, I may even allow you to serve as a rifleman in my beloved Corps.
Private: Sir! Yes, sir!

Mayor: [talking to a reporter] If the entire Secret Service couldn't protect the President of the United States, how the HELL are *we* supposed to protect a few negroes! It is nothing more than some poor white trash drinking too much cheap alcohol. More likely paint thinner and snake juice because this state's as dry as a martini, and we've got the alcoholics to prove it.

Gunnery: The deadliest weapon in the world is a Marine and his rifle. It is your killer instinct which must be harnessed if you expect to survive in combat. Your rifle is only a tool. It is a hard heart that kills. If your killer instincts are not clean and strong you will hesitate at the moment of truth. You will not kill. You will become dead marines and then you will be in a world of shit because marines are not allowed to die without permission. Do you maggots understand?

Gunnery: Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o' shit, Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?

Gunnery: Are you shook up? Are you nervous?
Private: Sir, I am, sir.
Gunnery: Do I make you nervous?
Private: Sir?
Gunnery: "Sir" what? Were you about to call me an asshole?

Gunnery: You best unfuck yourself or I will unscrew your head and shit down your NECK!