Top 30 Quotes From Streebek

[Friday is about to eat a chili dog]
Pep: You know the kinds of things that can fall into an industrial sausage press? Not excluding rodent hairs and... bug excrement?
[Friday gives a disgusted look]
Joe: I hate you, Streebeck.

Joe: "Prepare the virgin"? I don't like the sound of that.
Pep: Let's just hope they're not referring to you.

Pep: [to Friday] Can you swim?
Joe: Red Cross junior lifesaver with clusters, bub!
Pep: Silly me.

Joe: Alright, let's run through it again. You say you're a PAGAN, but we caught you working for Jerry Caeser. That makes you a plant in my book. Why don't you just make it easy on yourself and lead us to the stolen magazines?
Emil: [Giving the finger to Friday] Jump on this and spin, cop! I'm not saying another word until my attorney gets here!
Pep: Say, Joe, wouldn't a couple of danishes go great with this coffee right now?
[opens the drawer he used on Muzz earlier, fixes Muzz with a knowing look, and Muzz looks horrified]

[Joe Friday arrives]
Pep: Thank God, it's Friday!

Pep: [He's sitting in a car being towed in by a wrecker, the door falls completely off and he steps out, dressed like a homeless bum] Sergeant Friday?
Joe: Who want's to know?
Pep: [Shows his badge pinned to the inside of his jacket] I'm Pep Streebek, your new partner.
Joe: Not looking like *that*, you aren't, mister.
Pep: [Scoffs] Oh really? What's that supposed to mean?
Joe: It *means* I don't care what undercover rock you crawled out from, there's a dress code for detectives in Robbery-Homicide. Section 3-605.10, .20, .22, .24, .26, .50, .70, and .80. It specifies: clean shirt, short hair, tie, pressed trousers, sports jacket or suit, and leather shoes, preferably with a high shine on them.

Chemical: Basically, it burns the eyes, lungs and throat, causes vomiting and if continuously inhaled, death.
Pep: [to Friday] Oh, sort of like your aftershave.

Enid: [Friday knocks on her door, she opens] What the hell do you want?
Joe: [as he and Streebek show their badges] Police officers, maam.
Enid: 'Bout time you pencil-dicks showed up. Why couldn't you have gotten here before that big bad stupid-looking piece of sewage breath stole my white wedding dress?
Joe: 'Sewage-breath' is your little nickname for?
Enid: Muzz. Emil Muzz.
Pep: [Looks at Friday] Not much of an improvement.

Friday: [Emil Muzz is in the drivers seat of the limo asleep. They approach showing their badges] Police officers. Emil Muzz?
[He doesn't respond, so Pep reaches in and blows the horn, and he wakes up]
Pep: We need to ask you a few questions, Emil.
Emil: Blow it out your pants, cop.
Friday: Oh, good Muzz. Give yourself a hard time.
[At that, Muzz, without taking his eyes off them, starts the limo, puts it in Drive, then burns rubber away, inadvertently running over Friday's feet]

Pep: This guy knows God personally, I hear they play racquetball together.
Joe: Well, just go ahead and chuckle away, mister. I don't hear God laughing.
Pep: You will, once he sees your haircut.

Pep: And if I may a toast... to Granny Mundy: may you live as long as you want but never want as long as you live.

[Friday's car was stolen]
Friday: With the exception of you and canned cling peaches I'd be hard pressed to find anyone or anything that doesn't know you should never leave your car keys in the ignition.
Pep: It's called a mistake, Friday, but I don't suppose you ever make any of those, do you?
Captain: Friday, Streebeck, we got another one. Chemical train hijack down at the freight yards. Damn Pagans must be living on No-Doz!
Friday: Yessir, Captain. We'll roll as soon as we requisition a new...
Captain: Oh, one more thing. Police and fire departments all over the county have been reporting vehicles stolen. So keep an eye on your car!

[Streebek hands over a broken phone to Friday]
Pep: It's for you. It's the president.

Joe: [looking at a lion who's mane has been shaved into a mohawk] Somebody must have wanted that lion's mane pretty bad to pull a twisted stunt like that.
Pep: Although, as mohawks go it's not that bad. It'll grow back.
Joe: Yeah, and how do you tell that to these kids here who have never seen a lion before and now probably won't have the desire to ever see one again.
Pep: Kids, it'll grow back.
[kids cheer]

Pep: [as they're chasing Muzz, Friday grabs the CB mike] What are you doing?
Friday: Calling for backup!
Pep: Why?
Friday: Because there are specific procedures for high-speed pursuits, Mister, and we're going to follow every last one of them!
Pep: [Takes the mike from him and puts it back] Forget it, Friday! This is *our* collar!
Friday: *Our* collar, huh?
Pep: I think so!
Friday: Well, let me tell you something, Mr. Lone-Wolf, the proud men and women of the Los Angeles Police Department comprise of one big family! From my brother the traffic cop, to my sister the meter-maid! And when one of us makes a collar, we *all* make a collar!
[Goes to call, but Streebek quickly stops him]
Pep: Friday, are you on any kind of medications that, as your partner, I should be aware of?
Friday: [Speaks into mike] 2-King-14! 2-King-14! I am requesting a backup...
[Streebek snatches the mike out of his hand again, and they briefly fight over it]

Pep: [Friday is driving, speeding to the airport to rescue Connie] Be careful. This is a dangerous road.
Joe: When are you worried about my driving, Mr. l-Like-Life-In-The-Fast-Lane?
Pep: You just flew through a stop sign!
Joe: It felt good.
Pep: Look out for that bump! Don't you remember those films they showed us in high school? Red Asphalt. Blood on the Highway.
Joe: You picked two of my favorites.
Pep: [Returning to the driving scene] Come on, Joe. Slow down! What happened to those regulations on high-speed pursuits? I thought you were safety-conscious.
Joe: Close your eyes and think of Christmas.
Pep: Think of Christmas? Good King Wenceslaus looked out on the feast of Stephen. And the snow lay round about, deep and crisp and even. Brightly shone the moon that night, though the frost was cruel. When the poor man came in sight...
Joe: Try Silent Night.

Pep: [while interrogating Muzz and getting no-where] Joe, I could use some coffee
[turns to Muzz]
Pep: You want anything?
Emil: [defiantly] Chewing gum... Snickers bar... and my attorney, badge kisser!
Pep: [Friday leaves Muzz alone with Streebeck] Well... it's just you... and me... *your balls*...
[pulls open a desk drawer]
Pep: and this drawer!
[slams it shut]

Pep: Well, what a pleasant surprise... Grannie Friday...
Friday: Not that it's any of your business, she's my maternal grandmother, her name is Mundy.

Captain: [after waking Capt. Gannon and briefing him in the middle of the night] Friday, do you have any idea what time it is?
Joe: Yes sir.
[looks at his watch]
Pep: Oh, don't ask him that, Captain.
Joe: It's 4:27am, sir.
Pep: He lives for that. It's in his blood.

Joe: [Closing scene, narrating] Monday, January 12, 8:43 a.m. As for Streebek and me, we're back on day watch at Robbery-Homicide, where he still exhibits a blatant disregard for departmental procedure. But I am somehow managing to keep this in its proper perspective.
Lady: [as she drops him off] Goodbye, Pep. Will you be coming over later?
Pep: Yeah, I have to. I'm wearing your underwear.
Pep: [Turning to Friday] Late night last night, partner? I thought the Christian Science Reading Room closed at 10:00.
Joe: Not that it's any of your business, Mr. National Enquirer, but I had the pleasure of spending the evening in the company of Connie Swail.
Pep: Wait a minute. *Connie* Swail? Don't you mean "the virgin Connie Swail?"
[Friday stops, turns his head slowly and fixes Streebek with a knowing look and sly grin. Streebek is startled]

Joe: [reading from notebook during high speed chase] "Reckless endangerment of human life, willful disregard of private property, failure to signal for a... "
Pep: Yeah, he's really raking up the violations, isn't he.
Joe: Not him, you. This is your one way ticket back to civilian life, Mr. I-Like-To-Throw-The-Book-Out-The-Window.
Pep: That's a good idea.
[throws book out the window]

Mrs. Gannon: [In their home, they're watching a movie together on TV. The phone between them rings, she picks up] Hello?
Pep: LA Police! Captain Gannon?
Mrs. Gannon: One second.
[Hands the phone to Captain Gannon]
Mrs. Gannon: It's work, Dear.
Captain: [Taking it] Thank you.
[Into phone]
Captain: Hello?
Pep: [Frantically] Captain Gannon, this is Streebek. I'm up at the Ceas...
Captain: [Suddenly outraged] Streebek?
Pep: Yes! I'm up at the Caeser Mansion and I'm surrounded by PAGANS! You need to send in reinforcements! They have a small ARMY UP HERE!

Joe: There's the limo from the mansion.
Pep: Yeah, and that's Emil Muzz.
Joe: Let's check Enid Bordon's description.
Pep: Well?
[Opens his notebook and reads from it]
Pep: Big, bad, stupid-looking.
Joe: An exact match.

Joe: [about Reverend Jonathan Whirley] And he'd better tell me where Connie is or I'll shove that collar so far down his throat I'll have to take off his shoes to ring his neck!
Pep: Friday, listen to yourself! You're not thinking like a cop any more, you're thinking like a man in love!

Pep: You know, Friday, I think you and the Commissioner would make a cute couple. I like the way you both keep your jaws locked. Plus the two of you do share that same curious affection for hats.
Joe: May I remind you that only this morning Commissioner Kirkpatrick threatened to turn me into a... civilian?
Pep: Yeah, I know. There was was a gleam in her eye, though...

Granny: Do join us, Detective Swayback.
Joe: Streebeck.
Pep: Pep.

Joe: Ma'am, what is the approximate dry weight of the average Madagascan fruit tree bat?
Pep: You mean you don't know?

Pep: [both looking at Connie Swail in Enid Borden's wedding dress] 2 to 1, that's Enid Borden's wedding dress.
Joe: 20 to 1 Enid Borden didn't look that good on her wedding day.

[after bursting into a suspected drug factory with a tank that ruptures all equipment in its path, sticks out tongue to identify liquid spraying in all directions]
Pep: I can't quite place it! It tastes like...
Joe: Milk. Just like the sign said before you obliterated it. Fresh wholesome milk.
Pep: You probably love this stuff.
Joe: Vitamin D, calcium, essential for good strong bones and healthy teeth. But that's all Greek to you, isn't it, Mr. Gingivitis?

Pep: Are you crazy? Silvia Wiss wanted you!
Friday: Now let me tell you something, Streebeck. There are two things that clearly differentiate the human species from animals. One, we use cutlery. Two, we're capable of controlling our sexual urges. Now, you might be an exception, but don't drag me down into your private Hell.
Pep: You've got a lot of repressed feelings, don't you, Friday? Must be what keeps your hair up.