The Best Tom Bogan Quotes

Tom: No, no, no.
- No, no, no. Gordy. No.
- Down! Down! You sit!
- No, no, no!
- No, gordy! No, please.
- Stop! No, no, no.

- Wait a minute.
- What happened to we both failed at finding good presents?
- Here you go, gordy. Happy birthday!
- {gasps} Oh, beautiful, Haley!
Tom: No, no! Get down!
Mary: No. Stop!
[Trainer] Stop that!

[first lines, over opening logos, all spoken in character]
Tom: And of course, I set it to Icelandic time because we share a love of the Aurora Borealis, Gordy... and you have no idea how to tell time.
[audience laughter]
Young: Great gift, Dad. Way to think things through.
Phyllis: Somehow, you'd think that a man who can send a rocket into space would be able to manage a halfway decent birthday present. Nope!
[audience laughter]
Young: You know, Gordy, all things considered, maybe my gift isn't so bad after all.
[audience "Aw"s]
Mary: [heard entering through a door] Hey, Gordy! Surprise!
Phyllis: Wow! Now there's a gift!
[audience laughter]
Mary: Here you go, Gordy! Happy birthday!
Phyllis: [Gordy, a chimpanzee, grunts happily]
Phyllis: Oh, beautiful, Haley.
[audience applauds, then A BALLOON POPS, then silence]