The Best Truvy Jones Quotes

Clairee: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.
Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Truvy: Louie brought his new girlfriend over, and the nicest thing I can say about her is all her tattoos are spelled correctly.

Truvy: Smile! It increases your face value.

Truvy: Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion.

Truvy: Oh, Sammy's so confused he don't know whether to scratch his watch or wind his butt.

M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
[screaming]
M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone]
M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[continues sobbing]
Clairee: Here!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
Clairee: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
Ouiser: [taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?
Clairee: Hit her!
Ouiser: Are you *high*, Clairee?
Truvy: [in a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?
Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!
Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enough!
Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
Ouiser: [snatches away] Let go o' me!
Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!

Truvy: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14.
Clairee: You were brought up right.

Truvy: What are your colors, Shelby?
Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful."
M'Lynn: Her colors are "pink" and pink."
Shelby: My colors are "blush" and "bashful" Mama!
M'Lynn: How precious is this weddin' gonna get, I ask you?

Truvy: Oh sweetheart don't. Please don't cry or I will too. I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence.

Truvy: In a good shoe, I wear a size six, but a seven feels so good, I buy a size eight.

Truvy: Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin' across your face.

Shelby: Was she prayin?
Truvy: Yes.
Shelby: Why.
Truvy: Got me, maybe she was praying for Marshall and Drew and Bell. My she was praying for us cause we was gossipin. Maybe she was praying because the elastic is shot in her pantyhose. Who knows she prays at the drop of a hat these days.

Truvy: I'm just screamin' at my husband; I can do that any time!

Truvy: You are playin' hard to get!
Clairee: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.

Truvy: There's so much static electricity in this room, I pick up everything but boys and money.