Top 20 Quotes From Olympia Dukakis

Clairee: [quoting her gay nephew] All gay men have track lightin'. And all gay men are named Mark, Rick, or Steve.

Clairee: Well, you know what they say: if you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!

Ouiser: I should have never said that in front of Shelby.
Clairee: Ouiser no one pays any attention to you.

Truvy: Well, these thighs haven't gone out of the house without lycra on them sice I was 14.
Clairee: You were brought up right.

Ouiser: You are evil, and you must be destroyed.
Clairee: Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

Ouiser: Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.
Annelle: I suspected this all along!
Ouiser: Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!
Annelle: Not on your first visit!
Clairee: Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

Clairee: I've just been to the dedication of the new children's park.
Truvy: Yeah, how did that go?
Clairee: Janice Van Meter got hit with a baseball. It was fabulous.
Truvy: Was she hurt?
Clairee: I doubt it. She got hit in the head.

Clairee: The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.

Clairee: You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.
Ouiser: I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.

Clairee: And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week...
Ouiser: There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!

Clairee: Ouiser, you sound almost chipper. What happened today - you run over a small child or something?

Truvy: You are playin' hard to get!
Clairee: At her age, she should be playin' beat the clock.

Clairee: [after Shelby said she almost called off the wedding] Shelby, you scared us. That wasn't a nice thing to do to your mama. Never say that to a woman who's marinating 50 pounds of crab claws.

Annelle: We are in the house of the Lord!
Clairee: Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.
Ouiser: Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

M'Lynn: [crying] I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.
[screaming]
M'Lynn: I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!
[in a firm tone]
M'Lynn: No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!
[continues sobbing]
Clairee: Here!
[grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn]
Clairee: Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!
Ouiser: [taken aback and confused] Are you crazy?
Clairee: Hit her!
Ouiser: Are you *high*, Clairee?
Truvy: [in a frightened tone] Clairee, have you lost your mind?
Clairee: We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!
Annelle: [in a scared tone] Ms. Clairee, enough!
Clairee: Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!
Ouiser: [snatches away] Let go o' me!
Clairee: M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!

Clairee: Ouiser, I'd recognize this penmanship anywhere. You have the handwritin' of a serial killer.

Clairee: I love ya more than my luggage.

Zelda: Hi. I'm Zelda. I put the "ass" in assisted living.

Clairee: Ouiser could never stay mad at me; she worships the quicksand I walk on.

Clairee: [trying to do "color commentary" by discussing the color of the football uniforms] ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?
Ouiser: SHUT UP!
Clairee: What?
Ouiser: You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee.
Clairee: I am not.
Ouiser: This is football. All the people wanna hear about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn 'bout that grape shit.