The Best Ash Quotes

Ash: [Mr. Fox has just lost his tail in the shooting] It'll grow back, won't it?
Kylie: Tails don't grow back.
Ash: Tails don't grow back?
Kylie: Uh-uh. 'Cept for lizards.
Mr. Fox: Tails don't grow back. I'm gonna be tail-less for the rest of my life.
Ash: Well, anyway, it's not half as bad as double pneumonia, right? I mean his dad's got one foot in the grave and three feet on a banana peel. That's a lot worse than just a...
Kristofferson: [ricochets an acorn around the room, which lands in the teacup he is holding] Excuse me, everyone. I'm gonna go meditate for half an hour.
[exits quickly]
Mrs. Fox: [to Ash] You have got twenty-nine minutes to come up with a proper apology.
Ash: Me? ME have an apology? He gets a bandit hat? He just got here, and he gets a bandit hat? Where's MY bandit hat? Why didn't I get shot at? It's because, you... you... you think I'm no good at anything! Well, maybe you're right, thanks.
[stomps away angrily and slams door upon exit]
Kylie: [to Mr. Fox] Told ya not to bring him.

Ash: What's that white stuff around his mouth?
Kylie: I think he eats soap.
Mr. Fox: That's not soap.
Kylie: Wha- why does he have that...
Mr. Fox: He's rabid. With rabies.

Mr. Fox: I spotted a couple of broken burglar bars underneath the back door to Bean's secret cider cellar.
Kylie: We're breaking into Bean's *house*?
Mr. Fox: Cellar.
Kylie: Where he *lives*?
Mr. Fox: Where he keeps the cider.
Ash: [appears behind them] *Below* where he lives.
Mr. Fox: [takes] Where'd you come from? Why don't you go back to the tree and do your homework?
Ash: I want to help you steal some cider.
Mr. Fox: *We're* going to a *book* party, and keep your mouth shut about any cider, because no one ever said that! Now get out of here!
Ash: But, ah...
Mr. Fox: But nothing! You're gonna get me in a lot of trouble! Besides, you're too little and uncoordinated.
[Ash frowns, twitches, and spits]
Mr. Fox: One, two, three!
[Mr. Fox points in the direction of the tree. Ash stomps off, growling]

Ash: Can I ask you a question?
Kristofferson: You may.
Ash: What's the point of sitting on the floor with your legs twisted into a pretzel talking to yourself for an hour and forty-five minutes? It's - it's weird.
Kristofferson: My father and I first started practicing meditation together when I was...
Ash: Yeah? Well, that's great. But I worry more about what that does for your reputation than whether or not you have beagle ticks or not.
Kristofferson: I don't. Nor pelt lice.

Beaver's: We don't like you and we hate your dad. Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it.
Ash: I'm not gonna eat mud!
Beaver's: Cuss yeah you are.
[he picks up a large glob of mud and shoves it in Ash's face. Ash makes a gagging sound but does not react further]
Kristofferson: [takes off his shoes] Don't do that.
Beaver's: Why'd you take your shoes off?
Kristofferson: So I don't break your nose when I kick it.
[he proceeds to take Beaver's son out with some precision karate moves, ending with a throwdown in the mud. Beaver's son walks away quietly sobbing]
Ash: I can fight my own fights.
Kristofferson: [turns to Ash] No you can't...

Kristofferson: Uh, do you mind if I slide my bed roll slightly out from under the train set? It's hard to sleep in that corkscrew position.
Ash: [in the top bunk] There's a lot of attitudes going on around here. Don't let me get one.
Kristofferson: No, it's only just my spinal cord getting...
Ash: Sleep wherever you want, man. Here, take my bed! I'll just uh... I'll crawl under the bookcase! Who cares if I get splinters in my ears?
Kristofferson: Never mind.
Ash: Oh, you gonna pout about it? 'Cuz I've had it up to HERE
[gestures with his hand]
Ash: with the "sad houseguest" routine.
[Ash turns off the light and continues to read his White Cape comic in bed]
Kristofferson: Good night.
[he lies down under the train set and begins to quietly sob; Ash comes down, turns on the train, Kris gets up and they watch it]

Ash: [points to a sign Agnes carries] What's that stand for?
Agnes: Huh? It's for, uh, it's for pep... pep.
Ash: It's a K.
Coach: [runs into frame, grabs a bottle from the cooler; to players] Come on, now! Look alive!
[to score-keeper]
Coach: 'Atta boy.
[runs out of frame]
Agnes: [to Ash, about Kristofferson] We're going steady.
[Ash exclaims angrily]

Ash: You should probably put your bandit hat on now. Personally, I- I don't have one, but I modified this tube sock.
[they put on their 'hats']
Kristofferson: We look good.
Ash: Yeah. We do.

Ash: There's a lot of attitudes going on around here... don't let me get one.

Beaver's: [lays down a box of supplies during a Science lab class] Why's your cousin such a wet sandwich?
Kristofferson: I beg your pardon?
Beaver's: What's that mean?
Kristofferson: That means that I don't understand what you just said. A wet sandwich?
Beaver's: Yeah! A wet sandwich. He's too short, he dresses like a girl, he's
[makes a motion with his hands]
Beaver's: different.
Kristofferson: Are you a bully? You're starting to sound like a bully.
Beaver's: Watch this.
[he takes a spoonful of yellow powder and drops it into the bubbling liquid over a Bunsen burner; it explodes and covers both of them in the yellow substance]
Kristofferson: That's... you just destroyed the whole experiment. We'd better extinguish this magnesium.
[they raise their safety goggles]
Kristofferson: Stand back.
[Kris sprays the fire with an extinguisher]
Agnes: [watching from a few feet away] Wow.
Kristofferson: [whistles] Whew!
Agnes: [to Kris] Hmm. I like your ears.
[gestures to her own]
Kristofferson: M... Mine?
Agnes: Mmhmm.
Kristofferson: Thank you! I like your... spots.
Agnes: Really? I used to cover them up, but, you know...
Ash: Ugh.
[scoffs]
Agnes: Hmm?
Ash: You're supposed to be *my* lab partner.
Agnes: I am!
Ash: No you're not. You're disloyal.

Mr. Fox: Ash, are you mad at me? I understand if you are and I'm sorry; I wouldn't have ever involved your cousin if I had realized you would feel this way. It was only ever just because he's kind of a natural... I mean... I mean look at him dig!
[View changes to Kristofferson, Kylie and Mrs. Fox digging, with Kristofferson leading with athletic determination, then switches back]
Mr. Fox: Anyway, I'm sorry if you feel any...
Ash: [as he shoves dirt in his ears] You know what? I'm just gonna put dirt in my ears. Ow... That's better. I can't hear you now, but keep talking.

Mr. Fox: The whole time I was putting paw over paw with your mother digging beside me, and I thought to myself: I wonder who this little boy...
Ash: Or girl!
Mr. Fox: Right, 'cause at the time we didn't know. I wonder who this little boy or girl is gonna be? Ash, I'm so glad he was you.