The Best Jeremy Dawson Quotes

Beaver's: We don't like you and we hate your dad. Now grab some of that mud, chew it in your mouth, and swallow it.
Ash: I'm not gonna eat mud!
Beaver's: Cuss yeah you are.
[he picks up a large glob of mud and shoves it in Ash's face. Ash makes a gagging sound but does not react further]
Kristofferson: [takes off his shoes] Don't do that.
Beaver's: Why'd you take your shoes off?
Kristofferson: So I don't break your nose when I kick it.
[he proceeds to take Beaver's son out with some precision karate moves, ending with a throwdown in the mud. Beaver's son walks away quietly sobbing]
Ash: I can fight my own fights.
Kristofferson: [turns to Ash] No you can't...

Beaver's: [lays down a box of supplies during a Science lab class] Why's your cousin such a wet sandwich?
Kristofferson: I beg your pardon?
Beaver's: What's that mean?
Kristofferson: That means that I don't understand what you just said. A wet sandwich?
Beaver's: Yeah! A wet sandwich. He's too short, he dresses like a girl, he's
[makes a motion with his hands]
Beaver's: different.
Kristofferson: Are you a bully? You're starting to sound like a bully.
Beaver's: Watch this.
[he takes a spoonful of yellow powder and drops it into the bubbling liquid over a Bunsen burner; it explodes and covers both of them in the yellow substance]
Kristofferson: That's... you just destroyed the whole experiment. We'd better extinguish this magnesium.
[they raise their safety goggles]
Kristofferson: Stand back.
[Kris sprays the fire with an extinguisher]
Agnes: [watching from a few feet away] Wow.
Kristofferson: [whistles] Whew!
Agnes: [to Kris] Hmm. I like your ears.
[gestures to her own]
Kristofferson: M... Mine?
Agnes: Mmhmm.
Kristofferson: Thank you! I like your... spots.
Agnes: Really? I used to cover them up, but, you know...
Ash: Ugh.
[scoffs]
Agnes: Hmm?
Ash: You're supposed to be *my* lab partner.
Agnes: I am!
Ash: No you're not. You're disloyal.