The Best Bartok Quotes

Bartok: Just wishing I could do the job for you, sir. I'd give her a HA! And a HI-YA! And then a OOH-WAH! And I'd kick her, sir.

Bartok: Master! You're alive?
Rasputin: In a matter of speaking!
[Rasputin's eyeball pops out, Bartok catches it]
Bartok: Whoa, that fell right out there, sir!

Rasputin: Bartok, get me a comb, find some cologne. I want to look my best!
Bartok: That might take some work, sir.
Rasputin: We're going to a party!
Bartok: A party? Ooh, I could teach you the latest dance step. It starts with, like, a "whoa." And then you get really crazy with the hips, sir. It's fun!
Rasputin: We'll let the Grand Duchess Anastasia have her moment.
Bartok: [dancing] Aah, who cares?
Rasputin: And then we'll kill her!
Bartok: Right. Kill... kill her? Sir, what happened to the party idea?
Rasputin: That's where I will kill her.
[laughs and tears up newspaper]
Rasputin: Crush her at the height of her glory.
Bartok: And we're back to the crushing. Sir, I'm begging you, please, please forget the girl and get a life!
Rasputin: Oh, I'll get a life, Bartok. Hers!

Bartok: You're on your own, sir! This can only end in tears!

Rasputin: Something is happening, Bartok. I could feel the dark forces stirring.
Bartok: I'm not surprised, sir. It's Anastasia. I saw her.
Rasputin: Anastasia, alive?
[His mouth falls out]
Bartok: Ah, sir? Your lips, they're...
Rasputin: That Romanov brat!
Bartok: Ain't that a kick in the head. I guess a curse isn't what it used to be.

Rasputin: See that you remember, you incompetent rodent!
[Throws Bartok across the room]
Bartok: Oh sure, blame the bat. What the heck? We're easy targets.

Bartok: You know, you really should watch your blood pressure. My nephew Izzy just keeled over mid-mango. Stress, it's a killer, sir. And he was a fruit bat. No meat. No blood even.

Dimitri: [after making a deal with Anya] May I present... Her Royal Highness, the Grand Duchess Anastasia.
Anastasia: Pooka, we are going to Paris!
Dimitri: Uh, the dog stays.
Anastasia: I'm talking about the dog goes.
Dimitri: No, the dog is not going.
Anastasia: I say he's going.
Dimitri: I'm allergic to dogs.
Bartok: [after hearing Dimitri and Anya argue] Anastasia? Yeah, just one problem there, fella. Anastasia's dead. All the Romanovs are dead. They're dead. Dead, dead, dead. Am I right, my friend?
[to the "relic"]
Bartok: I mean, how could that be Ana...!
[screaming, clinging to the "relic", whimpers and hanging upside down]
Bartok: Oh, come on. Am I supposed to believe that thing woke up after all these years, just because some guy claims she's a Romanov? OK, OK, I get the message! Enough already with the glowing and the smoke people!
[sighs]
Bartok: If that thing's come back to life, that must mean... Anastasia's alive.
Dimitri: Just leave the dog.
Anastasia: I am not leaving the dog!
Bartok: And that's her!

Bartok: [seeing a female bat flirt with him] Wow! I tell you what, wow!