The Best Craig McDermott Quotes

Patrick: New card. What do you think?
Craig: Whoa-ho. Very nice. Look at that.
Patrick: Picked them up from the printer's yesterday.
David: Good coloring.
Patrick: That's bone. And the lettering is something called Silian Rail.
David: It's very cool, Bateman, but that's nothing. Look at this.
Timothy: That is really nice.
David: Eggshell with Romalian type. What do you think?
Patrick: Nice.
Timothy: Jesus. That is really super. How'd a nitwit like you get so tasteful?
Patrick: [Thinking] I can't believe that Bryce prefers Van Patten's card to mine.
Timothy: But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet. Raised lettering, pale nimbus. White.
Patrick: Impressive. Very nice.
David: Hmm.
Patrick: Let's see Paul Allen's card.
Patrick: [Thinking] Look at that subtle off-white coloring. The tasteful thickness of it. Oh, my God. It even has a watermark.
Luis: Is something wrong, Patrick? You're sweating.

Patrick: Do you know what Ed Gein said about women?
David: Ed Gein? The maitre 'd at Canal Bar?
Patrick: No, serial killer, Wisconsin, the '50s.
Craig: So what did he say?
Patrick: "When I see a pretty girl walking down the street, I think two things. One part wants me to take her out, talk to her, be real nice and sweet and treat her right."
David: And what did the other part think?
Patrick: "What her head would look like on a stick... "
[laughs]

David: They don't have a good bathroom to do coke in.
Craig: Are you sure that's Paul Allen over there?
Timothy: Yes. McDufus, I am.
Craig: He's handling the Fisher account.
Timothy: Lucky bastard.
Craig: Lucky Jew bastard.
Patrick: Jesus, McDermott, what does that have to do with anything?
Craig: I've seen that bastard sitting in his office, talking on the phone to the CEOs, spinning a fucking menorah.
Patrick: Not a menorah. You spin a dreidel.
Craig: Oh, my God. Bateman, do you want me to fry you up some fucking potato pancakes? Some latkes?
Patrick: No. Just cool it with the anti-Semitic remarks.
Craig: Oh, I forgot. Bateman's dating someone from the ACLU.
Timothy: The voice of reason... the boy next door.
[looks at restaurant bill]
Timothy: Speaking of reasonable, only $570...