The Best David Brent Quotes

[Extended Version of the episode. David Brent interviews for Jim, Gabe, and Toby via webcam as he monologues]
David: Name: David Brent. Occupation: Inspirer. Status: None of your business. Young, free, and single, though. Thanks for asking. Hear you're looking for a new boss, yeah? Someone to tell a bunch of discontented, under-encouraged drones what to do every day. Is that it? Oh. Our out-of-touch powers that be. Want me to fire them? They don't see things your way? Then I ain't that dude. Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye. Get some other corporate suit to lay down the law. What? You've changed your mind? You're now looking for a leader of men? Ipso facto. Women, too. When do I start? Huh?

David: Oh, sorry, mate.
Michael: [English accent] Oh, sorry, mate. Excuse me. Mate.
David: [laughing] What you doing?
Michael: English?
David: You picked on the wrong person, I can tell you that.
Michael: Oh no no, I'm not picking on you at all. You're English, correct?
David: Yeah big time, yeah.
Michael: I'm working on an English character. Would you mind gi... It's called Reginald Pooftah.
David: Ooh! David Brent, my liege. How are you?
Michael: Michael Scott.
David: Oh, there you go. I do characters as well. I got a Chinese fella. He's called Ho Li
[bleep]
David: . That's what it sounds like.
[Michael laughs]
David: Herrow! Herrow!
Michael: I do Ping. Herrow. I Ping!
David: You can't do that these days. You can't.
Michael: No, no, no. And people don't understand that is has nothing to do with making fun of a different nationality.
David: No, no. No, comedy is a place where the mind goes to tickle itself. That's what she said.
[laughs]
David: .
[Michael hugs David]
David: Ohh.
Michael: That's good. Pleasure to meet you.
David: Where are you working?
Michael: Dunder Mifflin.
David: Any jobs now?
Michael: No, not right now.
David: Just let me know.
Michael: All right. See you around.
David: Alright.
Michael: Bye-bye. What a nice guy.