30 Best Don West Quotes

Don: I'm pretty sure whatever defense system your parents are working on can be powered by two.
Penny: "Pretty sure"?
Don: Mostly sure. Look, if we do nothing, then just roll out the red carpet, because it's the premiere of 'SAR Kills Everybody' starring our corpses.

Don: [about John and Maureen exchanging looks] Whatever you two just psychically communicated to each other, I'm in.

John: [Scarecrow lays out its plan with rocks] You want us to handle ten, and you take two?
Don: Clearly a misunderstanding. Maybe they don't count rocks like we do.

Ava: There'd be a lot more of us stuck in here if it wasn't for you.
Don: Well, if you want the job done at 70%, you call Don West.

Don: Danger's my middle name. That's not true. It's Cornelius.

Penny: Will always gets the smart jobs, and Judy always gets the tough jobs, then I get the jobs that literally anybody else could do.
Don: You're looking at this all wrong, Penny. Flying under the radar is a good thing. It's actually one of my core principles. It's right up there with "Never raise your hand", "Always sit in the back", and "Never ever be too good at anything".
Penny: And that works for you?
Don: Perfectly. Until I met you people. Bunch of over-achievers.

Don: Listen, there's something I've learned is that relationships are a lot like smuggling. First, you got to find out what the person wants and then you have to decide if you know how to get it for them.

Don: [explaining the risks] When the charges blow it's going to get very cold, very fast. You'll start shivering. Your hands and feet are gonna go numb. Then you'll start breathing fast. You might get a warm, tingly feeling, but, then it's gonna start shaking even more. Then you'll stop thinking straight. Then the shaking will stop, and then...
Penny: And then what?
Don: Then you'll see me waiting there with a warm blanket.

Penny: Is it just me or does it feel like Mom always gives me the dummy jobs?
Don: Just so I understand the question, helping me is the dummy job?

Judy: How do you have the code to the dam?
Don: I do not. But I do have the code to this really, really big wine cellar.
Penny: So you store booze in a dam?
Don: That's right. And if we survive today and I catch you and your underage friends trying to break in and party, I'll whoop your ass.

Judy: [about Don's miraculous survival] But you were... How did...
Don: 'Cause I'm a badass, princess!
Judy: [chuckling now] You're "a badass princess."
Don: What? No, no, no. There's a comma. You know, I'm a badass - comma, prince...
Judy: Yeah. Yeah, whatever you say...

Don: It's not a present.
[chicken clucking]
Judy: Mmm, I don't want your chicken.
Don: And I don't wanna hurl through space in a "thermos," but here we are.

Don: Any chicken that saves my life deserves a name.

Don: What was the point of giving yourself hope for a future you're never gonna have?

Judy: Wow. Nice suit. Okay, I leave for a year, and you're management?
Don: Please. Captain Robinson? Or is it Dr. Robinson still? Do I call you Captain Dr. Robinson? Dr. Captain Robinson?
Judy: Just Judy.
Don: I can do that.

Don: He did this weird thing with his claws, like - like, scanning me with a red light. As if he was trying to guess my price at a supermarket. And by the way, if anyone's curious, sexy astronaut mechanics, on sale for 2.99.

Don: [explosions suddenly start happening around their vehicle] What the hell was that?
Aiko: Must be gas trapped below the surface.
Don: What, like a space fart?

Don: I'll let you in on a trade secret. The answer to the question "Can you fix this?"is always "Yes."
Dr. Smith: Even if you can't?
Don: Especially if you can't. Then you just add that you gotta find the right tool.
Dr. Smith: So you're gonna bullshit our way to safety.
Don: Yep.

Don: [to John] Only your son would name something that was trying to kill him.

Don: You see, I'm not just a mechanic. I'm a machine whisperer.

Dr. Smith: You should have told me you found this, Don.
Don: What's the point of telling you something you already know?
Dr. Smith: We're supposed to be partners.
Don: We're not partners. We're just two people with a mutually beneficial pact to stay out of each other's way.
Dr. Smith: Is holding incriminating evidence staying out of my way? I ruin people for a living, Don, and I make a very good living. Are we clear?

Don: It's like the planet declared war on machines. As a mechanic, I take that personally.

Don: Okay, I signed up to help, but I fee like I should know what it is I signed up for, because I'm pretty sure I need to write a report about all this. So, if you guys want me to make you look good...
John: You'd rather stay on a ring of Jupiter's with a resting temperature of 106 degrees?
Don: John Robinson, one demerit. Problem with authority.

[first lines]
Judy: Unbelievable. I should have known.
Don: She played *me* even before we crashed here. I fell for it like a sucker. I blame my innate sense of compassion.
Judy: You tried to profit off of our survival.
Don: Nothing illegal about that.
Judy: You also smuggle booze!

Maureen: Everyone died in these accidents and you know what they all have in common? A mechanic cleared them for launch.
Don: You know what else they have in common? Don West wasn't born yet.

Maureen: What are you doing?
John: You said we needed a robot.
Don: To be fair, she says a lot of crazy things.

Don: I've got sand in places where it's not supposed to be, without my permission.

Dr. Smith: Be careful how tight you hold that bird, Don. You don't wanna choke your chicken.
Don: [to Debbie] Relax, she's makin' a joke. We don't listen to the crazy lady.

Don: Nobody likes me.
Maureen: Nobody liked me, either.

John: There was a time all I ever thought about was the things I never did. Birthday card I forgot to mail. Birthday card I forgot to buy. Birthdays just came and went. But then, I came to realize it was all the days in between I was really missing out on. Breakfast before school, driving carpool to soccer practice, skinned knees I was never there to put band-aids on... Regular days. Yeah. That's what really mattered. I had three great kids that I'd thought I'd lost forever. But you know what? Crashing on this planet is the best thing that ever happened to me because it helped me find them again. I love Penny 'cause she gives me lip, but she tries harder than anyone will ever give her credit for. I love Will 'cause he sees things I can't see. Anyway he's smarter than I am. I love Judy 'cause even though I'm not her biological dad she's exactly like me. I mean she's strong, fearless. Maybe I just wish I was more like her. Hey?
Don: ...I wish I'd had a father like you.