The Best Felix Quotes

Felix: [handing Mr. Richards a container of shoe polish] Here, Mr. Richards. You had better put some camouflage on sir.
Mr. Richards: I am not going to put shoe polish on my face, thank you. Now, could we please get into the store, Felix?
Felix: [seeing Jonathan and Emmy leaving] It's him! It's her! Ooh, that little prevert! He's stealing her before we can!
Mr. Richards: Okay, let's not do anything rash! We'll follow them quietly and look for just the right moment to grab them.
Felix: Don't worry, Mr. Richards. I'm an expert at surveillance. Hang on!
[They begin chasing Jonathan and Emmy]

Felix: [after Emmy, as a mannequin, has flipped off him and Mr. Richards] Enough of this surveillance crap! Captain Felix Maxwell takes this from no *mannequin*!

Jonathan: [coming out of the elevator] Easy, Felix! I don't think she's armed!
Felix: You can fool Rambo, but it won't work with me, Switcher! My brain is quicker than...
[before he can finish his sentence, the elevator doors close on him]

Felix: Just what is your assignment here tonight, boy?
Jonathan: I'm helping Hollywood with the window.
Felix: Oh, the little Mary has an assistant now? Where do you people come from?
Jonathan: Ohio.
Felix: [surprised] Ohio? You mean they got 'em in Ohio?

Mr. Richards: Listen, that new stock boy, Switcher, has been promoted. He'll be doing windows at night. I just want you to keep an eye on him for me.
Felix: Do you suspect pilferage, sir? I'd be happy to strip-search him.
Mr. Richards: You people that work at night scare me. I want you to just watch him, let me know what he's up to, how he works.

[Felix just caught Jonathan making love to Emmy as she assumes mannequin form]
Felix: [to Jonathan] Switcher, you are one... sick... puppy!
Jonathan: No, this is how I get my inspiration. I create. And I can tell by looking at you, you're not the artistic type.
Felix: [cracks his fingers] You know, Mr. Richards told me to keep an eye on you. But I think I'm gonna handle things my own way.