The Best Roxie Quotes

[Jonathan is explaining to Roxie about the first time Emmy came to life]
Roxie: You could have decided to tell me that you wanted to stand me up. Instead, you come here to me lying with this ridiculous story!
Jonathan: No, I'm not lying, I'm insane.
Roxie: Armand, let's just get out of here.

[Mr. Richards and Felix have been arrested for their greedy actions]
Jonathan: Mrs. Timkin, those video cameras. Did they pick up everything last night?
Claire: [smiles coyly] I only saw what I needed to see.
Roxie: [to Emmy] Just where do you come from?
Jonathan: Roxie, you would never understand.
[Jonathan and Emmy leave the store room before Roxie]
Hollywood: [snaps his fingers to B.J. in a justified manner] Mm-hmm.

[Roxie just caught Jonathan making love to Emmy as she assumes mannequin form]
Roxie: [to herself] I really should have listened when he asked me for help.
Armand: When you making love to him, did you ever scream 'Don't stop, Woody!'?
[Roxie pushes Armand down the escalator]
Roxie: [hearing something break, alarmed] Oh, my camera!

[Roxie notices Jonathan and Emmy, as a mannequin, leaving Prince and Company]
Roxie: [suddenly surprised] Jonathan, you're riding around town with a mannequin on the back of your motorcycle! What is wrong with this picture?

Jonathan: [serious] This job at Illustra is destroying your sense of humor. You gotta quit.
Roxie: I'm not the one who can't deal with reality.
Jonathan: Reality is very disappointing.

Roxie: I think you should see a professional.
Jonathan: A professional? What do you mean, a hooker?
Roxie: No, I mean a psychiatrist.
Jonathan: I can't afford a psychiatrist.
Roxie: Then call one of those shrinks on the radio.
Jonathan: A radio shrink? They're only good for people with problems that fit between the commercials.
Roxie: Good night, Jonathan.

Roxie: [seeing Jonathan and Emmy leaving] He's out of his mind! B.J. was right. When I get that dummy, I'm gonna just tear her hair out!
Armand: Roxie! You know what you need to do right now? You need to put him and this whole nasty affair out of your mind. Now, how is the best way to do that, huh? By having a night of distastable sex with someone you care absolutely nothing about! And proudly, I would like to be that person.
Roxie: Fine, let's just go to your place.
Armand: [suddenly surprised] Really?
Roxie: Drive fast before I have second thoughts!
Armand: Armand is the wind!

Roxie: Jonathan, I wanna give you one last chance. Now, come to Illustra!
Jonathan: What is in this for you, Roxie? An office with a view? I don't need Illustra or you. I have friends here, people who care. And someone who makes me feel good about myself. Goodbye, Roxie.
[Jonathan and Emmy leave Prince and Company on his motorcycle]
Roxie: [shouts after him] You'll be sorry! You're making a serious mistake!