The Best Greg Quotes

Susie: [Greg has just given her a pillow sham with a swastika stitched on it] What the... What? Where did you learn about this symbol?
Greg: Larry taught me how to make a swastika.
[Larry shakes his head in horror]
Greg: He wrote it on a piece of paper.
Larry: [nervously] Greg... No, I...
Greg: He was drawing, like, this evil man who hated Jews. What was his name again, Larry?
Larry: [panicking] Hitler?
Greg: [brightly] Hitler! Yeah, Hitler.
Susie: Larry taught you how to make this?
Larry: No, I was...
Jennifer: [to Larry] You taught him how to make a swastika?
Larry: No, I was doodling...
Susie: [enraged] What the hell are you thinking?
Larry: [backs away, desperately trying to defend himself] I was doodling! I was just doodling!
Susie: On a PILLOW SHAM? You think this is an appropriate symbol to be petty-pointing on a pillow?
[inadvertently walks right into the path of an approaching biker]
Jeff: SUSIE, LOOK OUT!
[shoves the screaming Susie out of the way, and the biker accidentally crashes into Jeff. Greg screams]

Larry: [explaining to his girlfriend's seven-year-old son, Greg, who Adolf Hitler was] He didn't - he didn't really care for Jews. He thought they were a bit much.
Greg: [gasps] I would kick his butt.
Larry: Would you!
Greg: Yes.
Larry: Good for you.
[pointing to the next room]
Larry: What's that - what are you watching in there?
Greg: "Project Runway." Good show.
Larry: And what do you like about it?
Greg: [very flamboyantly] The fashion! It's, like, the best show ever!
Larry: You like fashion?
Greg: Yes. I do.
Larry: [processing this] Hmm.
Greg: [pointing to a swastika Larry doodled] Ooh! What's that right there?
Larry: Oh, that's called a, uh, swastika.
Greg: [illustrating with arm motions] I like how the lines just go straight and then up and then down and then straight and then up and then down. It's *beautiful.* My birthday's coming up in a week, so - can you get me one?
Larry: A swastika?
Greg: Yeah.
Larry: I - I don't know, Greg, I'll have to think about that.
Greg: They should start selling them in every gift shop in New York City.
Larry: Yeah, I don't think Jews would like that.
Greg: [cheerfully] Get a life, Jews!