The Best Jake Palmer Quotes

Edward R. Meow: [Michael and the employees' kids are watching the young Michael on an old puppet show] So, tell me, what do you wanna be when you grow up?
Young: I wanna be married and have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends, and no one can say no to being my friend.
Edward R. Meow: [Long pause] Uh... oh, okay. Well, nice talking with you, Michael. Back to you, Miss Trudy.
Melissa: [after Michael turns off the clip] Did you get married?
Michael: Uh, no.
Abby: Why not?
Michael: Uh, it just never happened.
Sasha: So, do you have any kids?
Michael: Uh, nope.
Jake: Do you have a girlfriend?
Michael: I do okay.
Melissa: Was Chet Montgomery cool back then?
Jake: Even I have a girlfriend.
Michael: Okay. All right. Okay.
Sasha: So, you didn't get to be what you wanted to be.
Michael: [pause] I guess not.

Jake: You're ugly.
Dwight: Well, at least I'm not a horrible little latchkey kid who got suspended from school. So...
Jake: Meredith!
Dwight: [mockingly] Meredith.

Jake: Even I have a girlfriend. Okay. All right. Okay.
- So, you didn't get to be what you wanted to be?
- I guess not.
- You know,
- I have a load of work to do.
- So, I am going to grab a slice of this delish pizza and I'm gonna go do my work.