The Best Kyle Quotes

E.L.: Well, there are these rules that guys have, an understanding as to what exactly constitutes cheating. Take your situation for example: it's not cheating. It's never cheating when you're in a different area code, not to mention a different state.
Kyle: That makes no sense.
E.L.: Hey, don't look at me Kyle, OK, I didn't make up the rules.
Rubin: No no, this is legit, I- I've actually read an article about this. There's a whole bunch of them, it's like- they're like loopholes. Right, for argument's sake, let's say that you were sleeping with two girls at the same time, it- it wouldn't be cheating because they would cancel each other out.
E.L.: Exactly. Or if, uh, you're too wasted to remember- it is not cheating. Because if you can't really remember it, it never really took place.

Frat: [Holding up a white hood] Are you in the Ku Klux Klan?
Josh: Whoa whoa, that isn't ours.
Kyle: That's not mine!
Josh: OK, hold on, th-there's obviously some explanation.
Frat: There is. See your boy here's an evil bigot, and now he's gonna die.
Kyle: [faints]

Earl: Oh, bullcrap! This is ridiculous! Why didn't you tell us where you were?
Kyle: Because I knew you'd get mad! See, look how mad you are.
Earl: [angrily] I'M NOT MAD!

Kyle: It's not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off.
[Josh, Rubin and E.L. are understandably repulsed]
Kyle: Because it's your dog.
Rubin: Jesus Christ!
Kyle: You know, because it's YOUR dog, get it?
Rubin: Yeah, we've got it.