The Best Lifeguard Quotes

[SpongeBob washes ashore after wiping out]
Lifeguard: Hey, look. A cardboard box washed up on the beach.
[Looks through spyglass]
Lifeguard: Holy fish paste! It's a guy!
[Runs over]
Lifeguard: Why? Why? *Why?*
Sandy: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I need... I need...
Lifeguard: What do you need, son?
SpongeBob: A tailor. Because I ripped my pants!
[Everyone leaves, disgusted]
Sandy: That wasn't funny, SpongeBob! Y'all had me worried sick!

Francis: He kept us waiting for a bubble?
Larry the Lobster: That's nothing! He called us fat!
Pearl: [crying] He washed my flipper.
Mr. Krabs: He owes me money!
Squidward: He made me provide excellent service.
Scooter: [appears with a halo and angel clothing on] Dudes, he made me experience high tide.
[floats up towards the surface while laughing]
Tom: He poisoned our water supply, burned our crops and delivered a plague unto our houses!
Protesters: He did?
Tom: No, but are we just gonna wait around until he does?

Mr. Krabs: I say we tip something over!
Protesters: Yeah!
[they knock over a lifeguard stand]
Fish: Now what?
Protesters: Get the lifeguard!

Lifeguard: There's Sandy, hanging ten! Fingers, that is!