The Best Mark Bringelson Quotes

Officer: [arriving on crime scene] So, what's the deal?
Officer: Suicide. Double suicide. They shot each other!
Officer: Hey, that's Kurt Kelly!
Officer: And the line backer, Ram Sweeney.
Officer: My God, suicide. Why?
Officer: [holds up bottle of mineral water found next to one of the bodies] Does *this* answer your question?
Officer: [appalled] Oh man! They were fags?
Officer: [grimly] Listen up:
[reading from forged suicide letter]
Officer: "We realized we could never reveal our forbidden love to an uncaring and un-understanding world."
Officer: [disgusted] Jesus H. Christ!
Officer: The quarterback, buggering the linebacker...
[shaking head]
Officer: What a waste!
Officer: Oh, the humanity!