50 Best Mary Millar Quotes

Onslow: [Daddy is missing again] It's no good going off half-cocked in these little emergencies. Somebody's got to keep a cool head and do the planning.
Rose: [Runs in] There's nobody seen him in the street. Her at the shop hasn't seen him, and she never misses a thing.
Onslow: If you're gonna track him down, the first thing to do is find out what he's wearing.
Daisy,210715: Right!
[Both run out to look]
Onslow: See what I mean about planning? A cool head.
Daisy: [Returns] All his street clothes are there! He's not wearing any of them!
Onslow: So now we know what we're looking for - an old man in pajamas.
Rose: [Returns, holding Daddy's pajamas] Wrong!
Onslow: Oh, nice...

Rose: Onslow, father's on the roof again!
Onslow: Ask him if he's got my bottle opener!

Rose: [into phone] You're a louse! You've always been a louse! And what's more, you've got hairy toes! You're the first man I've ever known with hairy toes, Ted Butterfield, and it looks like a bad sign.
Hyacinth: [grabs the phone and scowls at Rose, covering the receiver] Rose, you cannot speak like that to a Butterfield! Good gracious, girl, think of the bright future ahead.
Rose: Bright future? Well, do you know the Butterfields?
Hyacinth: Of course we know the Butterfields. We've just been there.
[into phone]
Hyacinth: My sister won't keep you a moment, Mr Butterfield.
[covers receiver]
Hyacinth: We call regularly at their place of business.
Rose: What place of business?
Hyacinth: [into phone] My sister's standing here in the grip of a very powerful emotion. You mustn't take any notice of her harsh words. It's just a crust that she's had to develop to cover her purity and simplicity. We're like that as a family; the highest standards prevail; my son wears pure silk pyjamas.
[Rose is trying to grab the receiver]
Hyacinth: Rose, pull yourself together. You'll have to learn to behave if you're going to maintain a relationship with one of the town's leading commercial families!
Rose: What commercial family?
Hyacinth: The executive motor showroom and garage. Their forecourt service is unparalleled.
Rose: He's not that Butterfield! This one's a total dreck without a penny to his name.
Hyacinth: Hnh?
[into phone, shouting in a low voice]
Hyacinth: And furthermore, will you kindly stop bothering my sister!
[slams down receiver]
Rose: [cries] What have you done that for! I love him!
Hyacinth: How can you love him? The man has hairy toes.

Daisy,210715: [lost in the dark corridors of the church hall, collide with one another] Aaah!
Daisy: Where's Father?
Rose: I thought he was with you.
Daisy: I thought he was with YOU!
Rose: Maybe he's with Onslow.
Daisy: I'M supposed to be with Onslow! Where's Onslow?
Rose: He went to look for Richard.
Daisy: Where's Richard?
Rose: [panicked] I don't know!

Onslow: Is she really writing her memoirs?
Onslow: Looks like it.
Rose: [walks in] How do you spell 'virgin'? Is it 'e-r' or 'i-r'?
Onslow: [shocked] Is she going back that far?

Hyacinth: [She and Richard are struggling, and failing, to keep a staggering Rose upright] Try to stay on your feet!
Rose: [Drunkenly] Knees! If I'm going to be a nun, I should be on me knees!
Richard: It's ME who'll be on my knees!
Rose: Oh! Richard wants to be a nun, too!

Daisy: Daddy's nowhere round the block!
Rose: Nobody's seen him!
Daisy: Did our Hyacinth ring?
Onslow: No.
Rose: Did Mr. Bickerstaff ring?
Onslow: Nobody rang.
Daisy: I ASKED her to ring! Onslow, you'll have to get the car out, love. We'll have to go and tell her.
Rose: What if Mr. Bickerstaff rings?
Daisy: You can phone Mr. Bickerstaff at our Hyacinth's!
Onslow: On her white, slimline, push-button telephone.

Rose: I'm off men. That's it. Finished. There isn't one worth shaving your legs for!
Daisy: Do you think I should shave mine?
Rose: For Onslow? Oh, I shouldn't bother, Love.

Rose: Why is Father standing in a bucket?
Daisy: Is he standing in a bucket?
Rose: Just standing there with both feet in the bucket.
Onslow: Is he quiet?
Rose: Yes.
Onslow: So leave him alone. Get yourself another bucket.
Rose: But I don't want a bucket!
Daisy: So why do you care if Father is standing in a bucket?
Rose: [Looks around in frustration] I wish I'd never asked!

Hyacinth: Rose! Have you been drinking?
Rose: I haven't been drinking. I took a pill. And it seems to have gone straight to me knees.
Hyacinth: I wish you could say the same about your skirt.

Rose: [on the telephone]
[giggles]
Rose: Oh, Roger! I'm not that kind of girl.
Onslow: How long is your Rose going to be lying on that telephone?
Daisy: How should I know?
Rose: Oh, that's a wicked thing to say, Roger, to a woman of my inexperience.
Onslow: I hope he knows what he's letting himself in for, this poor prat.
Daisy: You shouldn't listen in to other people's conversations.
Onslow: She'll Rose him to death. It's inhuman.

Rose: How can you put up with him?
Daisy: I suppose it's love!
Onslow: Forget it. I've got headache.

Daisy: [talking about life after death] Do you think we'll be slimmer?
Onslow: I expect so. I don't suppose they'll do as many chips.
Daisy: Maybe they'll let us send down for some chips.
Onslow: I could just fancy some chips...
Rose: [comes in] Hyacinth doesn't think it's a good idea for me to talk to the vicar.
Onslow: I'll bet the vicar's wife doesn't think it's a good idea, either!
Daisy: You only want to talk to him because he's a 'dishy' vicar.
Rose: Listen, if I'm going to go religious, I may as well go first class!
Onslow: Hey Rose, do you think you're feeling Christian enough to do us all a few chips?

[repeated line]
Rose: Bog off, Onslow!

Rose: Don't be a swine, Onslow.
Onslow: I don't see why I should start changing the habits of a lifetime.

[last lines]
Rose: Can I give you a hand, Vicar?

Rose: Father thinks he's back in the war. He's started talking to his old Colonel again.
Daisy: Colonel Dawlish?
Onslow: He's been dead 30 years!
Daisy: Go and see him, Onslow, before he starts digging trenches again.
Rose: The state that garden's in, somebody ought to dig it.
Daisy: Not four foot deep!

Daisy: [Daisy thinks Onslow has another woman] I wonder what she's like, his other woman.
Rose: Short sighted.
Daisy: I bet she's cheap and common! Have you noticed how they all go for cheap and common?
Rose: Don't knock it! I've had some of my best moments being cheap and common.

Rose: Why is Onslow reading the Financial Times?
Onslow: I like to keep an eye on the economy. A bloke in my position has to wonder how long the country can afford him. If we don't get the economy right, people like me are gonna be in trouble! It's the duty of all of us to be concerned about the shrinking pound.
Daisy: And when I married him, I thought he was just a sex symbol.

Onslow: I don't remember tearing your dress off. Are you sure you were with me?
Daisy: Do you mind?
Onslow: I don't usually tear your dress off.
Daisy: I've noticed.
Onslow: You've usually got it off before I get through the door. Heh heh heh!
Daisy: It was one of Rose's engagement parties! Yeah.
Onslow: Well that doesn't narrow it down much. Your Rose has had more engagement parties than I've had bags of crisps.
Rose: I heard that!

Rose: [Daisy is awake in bed reading but Onslow is still asleep, with the covers pulled over his head] How does Onslow breathe under there?
Daisy: [Not too worried about it] Beats me.
Rose: Do you sometimes find him turning blue?
Daisy: Only his language, occasionally.
Rose: Are you sure it IS Onslow? It could be a total stranger.
Daisy: Never has been yet.
Rose: [Onslow wakes up and sits up] Oh no. It is Onslow. You've lost again!

Rose: [Yelling into the phone] I'm hurt! You're TRAMPLING on me, Edgar!
Onslow: [shouts] COULD HE TRAMPLE A BIT QUIETER?

Daisy: You're in early, Our Rose; I thought you had a date.
Rose: Oh, I've had a date. But Mr Ripley has to be in early.
Daisy: Why, when he's on a date?
Rose: Oh, it's not his idea!
Daisy: Whose idea is it?
Rose: Mrs Ripley's.

[last lines]
The: [discovers Rose lying on top of the vicar] Well!
Rose: It's all right; I'm going to be a nun.

Rose: He's been on guard outside the house, all morning.
Hyacinth: What a sense of duty Daddy has.
Daisy: He shot fifteen people with me yard brush!
Hyacinth: Well I doubt if YOU were planning to use it.

Onslow: Here it is. Plan A. I'll stay here in case he comes home. You two go and look for him.
Rose: I can't go! I'm expecting a phone call from Mr. Bickerstaff.
Daisy: Who's Mr. Bickerstaff?
Rose: Who's Mr. Bickerstaff? He's only the best thing that ever happened to me. A chance to start again, to build on the security of someone who cares for me!
Daisy: I thought that was Mr. Crabtree!
Rose: Don't speak to me about that swine...

Daisy: Are we going to get up?
Onslow: You don't have to go to pieces just because it's a beautiful day!
Daisy: [Rose comes in, wearing the negligee she was sleeping in, and Daisy is aghast] Will you put something on, our Rose? You'll be upsetting Onslow!
Onslow: [Is trying to go back to sleep] No she won't, not this time of the morning.
Rose: Dad's gone again, he left a note this time!
[Reads the note]
Rose: "Condition Red. Enemy aircraft approaching. Don't get up, I'll handle it. Have you seen my ration book?" - Dad
Daisy: NOW we'll have to get up!
Onslow: I'll kill your father...

Rose: [Yelling into the phone] You swine, Edgar! You promised me you'd finished with her! You said you couldn't STAND her! And the way she looks, I found that entirely believable! I BELIEVED YOU, EDGAR!
Onslow: [to Daisy] Can you turn your Rose down a bit? I can't hear the telly!

Onslow: Did you shuffle these cards?
Daisy: I'm a good shuffler.
Onslow: That's in bed.
Daisy: How would you know? You're never awake.
Rose: That's what I miss: a little companionship in my lonely bed.
Onslow: No wonder yours is a lonely bed; you're always in somebody else's.

Onslow: How come he doesn't want to marry her? He usually wants to marry everybody.
Daisy: Mrs Braddock's horrible.
Onslow: Everybody he's ever been involved with has been horrible!
Daisy: Maybe he likes horrible.
Rose: It's amazing how many do. You should see what some of my gentlemen friends have to go home to.
Daisy: I could never settle for horrible. It always has to be stylish.
Onslow: That was alright when I was young, Daise, but it can be a heck of a strain; the constant battle to remain attractive.

Rose: [in response to Daisy's remark] Well, I'll get a longer skirt. I'll get a skirt that goes straight down to the floor.
Onslow: I bet that one you're wearing's been right down to the floor a few times.

Hyacinth: [Rose & Daisy turn up at Hyacinth's unannounced wearing mini-skirts] Rose... Daisy... Mini!
Rose: Mini?
Hyacinth: Skirts!

Rose: [On the phone] Boris, you swine! You said you'd ring me!
[waits]
Rose: You were waiting for some magic words?
[laughs]
Rose: You old softie. Go on. Tell me the words you want to hear.
[waits]
Rose: Reverse the charges? You cheeky swine!
[Slams the phone down]

Rose: I didn't know what love was, until along came Mr. Bickerstaff. I can't go anywhere until I get his phone call; he'll panic if I'm not here to tell him I love him!
Onslow: You go with Daisy. If a Bickerstaff rings, I'LL tell him you love him!

Onslow: Did you bring any beer?
Rose: No, I didn't.
Onslow: I'm sitting here completely surrounded by no beer!

Rose: I've finished with men.
Hyacinth: I wish you meant it.
Rose: Oh, I do mean it; they're nothing but heartache and trouble!
Hyacinth: I know what you mean. I can never get Richard to fold his pyjamas!

Rose: I sometimes wonder if I ought to get married again. But it puts such a dampener on your love life.

Hyacinth: [the doorbell rings] Richard, our guests have arrived!
Rose: You expecting company?
Hyacinth: Oh, it's just Elizabeth from next door and her brother Emmet.
Rose: Oh, I didn't know she had a brother.
Hyacinth: Yes, he's recovering from rather a bad divorce.
Rose: Oh, divorced, is he?
[Elizabeth enters with Emmet]
Elizabeth: How are you, Hyacinth?
Hyacinth: Oh, I, em. Ah...
Rose: Oh, I can see he's suffered.
[cuddles up to Emmet]
Rose: Some women can be *bitches*.
[Hyacinth bristles]

Rose: I'm taking the veil - I'm going to be a nun.
Daisy: Your skirt's too short!

Rose: [Drunkenly, as Hyacinth tries to restrain her] I want to be a nun! Put me down; I want to be a nun!
Hyacinth: Richard, give me a hand!
Richard: Funny how you mishear things. I could have sworn she said she wanted to be a nun!
Rose: I do! I DO!

Rose: I think it's so beautiful...
Daisy: Father's run off, and you think it's beautiful?
Rose: Well it's so romantic that he should run away at his age, all for the love of Mrs. Clayton!
Onslow: She seems to have that effect on people. Didn't Mr. Clayton leg it away as fast as he could go?

Daisy: [Onslow just woke up and she's trying to have a sensible conversation with him but failing] Onslow, where do go to join the Legion?
Onslow: Cooper Street.
Daisy: Not the British Legion! The French Foreign Legion!
Onslow: They'll never take you - it's only for fellas!
Rose: Sounds like it might be worth a try...
Daisy: It's not for ME, you fool! It's for FATHER! He's gone to join the French Foreign Legion!
Onslow: He'll never get through the medical!

Rose: Hello Hyacinth. You look nice.
Hyacinth: [stares in horror at the hearse Mr Marinopolis has brought]
Rose: He can't help it! His limousine's having a gearbox change!
[Hyacinth walks into the living room full of guests and laughs in a hysterical and nervous manner]
Hyacinth: AH HE HE HE HE HE!

Rose: What I really need is transport. If I had transport, a driver to run me round, I could dramatically increase the range of my earning power.
Onslow: What about one of your boyfriends?
Rose: Ooh, all they want to do is mess about. I'm a working girl; I haven't time for messing about!
Daisy: [Daisy looks romantically at Onslow] I remember when we used to mess about.
Onslow: I'll get the car!

Rose: I am giving up the hurly-burly of the romantic jungle. I'm retiring from an active love life!
Onslow: [corrects her] Overactive.

[at the Church]
Hyacinth: Rose pull your skirt down before we're all excommunicated!
Rose: I've always thought that Vicar was dishy. If I was going to get excommunicated, I'd rather it was because of him.

Onslow: [Six people are piled in his car and it gives a sudden jerk as they drive along] Sorry about that! I think me suspension's gone.
Rose: [Riding on Emmet's lap] It's a good job Emmet's hasn't!

Rose: [to Hyacinth] Can you ask that Vicar if he has a vacancy for an experienced helper of a willing nature?
Daisy: Make that two.
Onslow: May I remind you that you are a married woman?
Daisy: Yes.
[eagerly]
Daisy: Go on, remind me.
[starts pawing Onslow]
Daisy: Remind me!

Rose: He always wears beautiful trousers. The first thing I noticed about him was his trousers.
Onslow: To anyone who knows our Rose, this will come as no surprise.

Daisy: [referring to their father and Mrs Braddock] He can't stand her.
Onslow: Well, why did he promise to marry her?
Daisy: He said he didn't. He said he only offered her a temporary position.
Rose: I know just how she feels!