The Best The Vicar's Wife Quotes

the Vicar's wife: [coming outside] Ah, I thought I heard a car!
Elizabeth: Two volunteers to lend a hand.
the Vicar's wife: That's most kind of you, Liz and Emmet.
Emmet: Absolutely no problem. Sometimes it's nice to get out of the house. Now, you tell us what you'd like us to do, and we'll...
[sees Hyacinth approaching]
Emmet: ... leave immediately!
Elizabeth: We can't leave now!
Hyacinth: Oh, it's Liz and Emmet! We thought you might be the Drummonds. The Drummonds from the Grange, you know. They're coming. Perhaps I ought to wait out here to meet them.
the Vicar's wife: What a good idea!
Emmet: Yes! Excellent! Why don't you stay out here to meet them.
Hyacinth: Well, I think I ought.
Elizabeth: [whispers] You can't leave her standing out there.
Emmet: Yes I can!

the Vicar: [Practicing his sermon] The point about 'love thy neighbor' is the question it immediately gives rise to. Namely, who is my neighbor? My neighbor is everyone. We can exclude no one. The exclusion of a single person brings the whole concept tumbling down.
[His wife comes in]
the Vicar: Hello!
The: Guess who's on the list of volunteers for church cleaning today.
the Vicar: The Bucket Woman? Oh no! Well, just keep her out of my way!
The: You can't stay in hiding.
the Vicar: I don't know why not! As far as the Bucket Woman's concerned, I'd climb the tower if I had to!
The: What if she asks about you?
the Vicar: Tell her I'm rehearsing my sermon. Just don't tell her where.
The: I don't see why I should have to face her. Why me?
the Vicar: Don't look at me as if I get all the fun jobs - I have to bury people!
The: I'll bury the next one and you can deal with Hyacinth Bucket!
[Leaves in a huff]
the Vicar: [Back to his notes] Love thy neighbor... no. I think I'll do the water into wine.

[first lines]
The: A bit more this way. A little higher. And straighter. Yes, that'll do. Let's have the drawing pins.
The: You said bring the poster. You didn't say anything about drawing pins.
The: Well, I'll hold it and you can fetch them.
The: Oh, that's very charitable!
The: My profession.

the Vicar's wife: Liz, will you and your jewelry stall be happy over there by the fire extinguisher?
Elizabeth: Yes, that would be fine.
the Vicar's wife: I'm putting Mrs. Bucket - Bouquet - over there.
[points to furthest corner of the room from the fire extinguisher]
Elizabeth: Ah! Thank you.
the Vicar's wife: She should have enough space there for a White Elephant.
Emmet: Is Richard here, then?

[the vicar steps outside, sees Hyacinth and comes back into the vicarage]
The: Oh, that was quick.
The: You said keep away from the ladies.
The: [she looks outside] Oh, I see. I meant keep away from all of them, not just that one.
The: Tell her I've been called away.
The: Where to?
The: Vladivostok.

[last lines]
[Rose has fallen from a ladder into the vicar's arms]
The: Michael! Oh, really!
Hyacinth: May I show you my holiday brochures?

The: [driving, and sees Hyacinth and Richard standing on the side of the road because Onslow's car has broken down] Oh damn, it's the Bucket woman!
The: Should you be saying 'damn' like that?
The: Not normally, no.
The: What are you doing?
The: I'm turning around.
The: You can't turn round; you have to help those people.
The: Oh, I suppose you're right.
The: [sees Rose next to Hyacinth] Damn, it's the vampire sister! Turn round, turn round, turn round!

Michael the Vicar: [Hiding from Hyacinth] Pssst! Where is she?
the Vicar's wife: I sent her outside to wait for Mrs. Drummond.
Michael the Vicar: What's Mrs. Drummond ever done to you?

[last lines]
The: [discovers Rose lying on top of the vicar] Well!
Rose: It's all right; I'm going to be a nun.

His: [talking to Hyacinth on the phone, trying to get out of going to have pre-luncheon cocktails] Of course we'd love to come... But the Vicar will be heavily engaged tomorrow. He's visiting a very old, sick parishioner... No, I don't think we could do that. I don't think we could bring her and leave her outside.

The: I liked it better when you were chaplain of a prison.
The: I didn't! I was beginning to talk out the side of my mouth.