Top 50 Quotes From Mycroft Holmes

[last lines]
Anthea: Sir, shall we go?
Mycroft: Interesting, that soldier fellow. He could be the making of my brother... or make him worse than ever. Either way, we'd better upgrade their surveillance status. Grade 3 Active.
Anthea: Sorry, sir. Whose status?
Mycroft: Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson.

Sherlock: I'll need some equipment, of course.
Mycroft: Anything you require, I'll have it sent over.
Sherlock: [to the Equrry] Can I have a box of matches?
The: I'm sorry?
Sherlock: Or your cigarette lighter, either will do.
The: I don't smoke.
Sherlock: No, I know *you* don't, but your employer does.
The: [hesitates, then hands over the lighter] We have kept a lot of people successfully in the dark about this little fact, Mr. Holmes.
The: I'm not the Commonwealth.
Dr. John Watson: And that's as modest as he gets. Pleasure to meet you.

Mycroft: [to Sherlock] So, who loves you? I'm assuming it's not a long list.

Mycroft: Heaven may be a fantasy for the credulous and the afraid, but I can give you a map reference for Hell.

Sherlock: And what about John Watson?
Mycroft: John?
Sherlock: Mm. Have you seen him?
Mycroft: [sarcastically] Oh, yes, we meet up every Friday for fish and chips.

Mycroft: What was directly behind you when you were murdered?
Little: Not been murdered yet.
Mycroft: Balance of probability, little brother.

Mycroft: Is that sentiment talking?
Sherlock: No. It's me.
Mycroft: Difficult to tell the difference these days.

Sherlock: I didn't know you spoke Serbian.
Mycroft: I didn't. But the language has a Slavic root. Frequent Turkish and German loan-words. Took me a couple of hours.
Sherlock: Hmm, you're slipping.

Mycroft: [analyzing a hat] This is a Chullo. The classic headgear of the Andes, it's made of Alpaca.
Sherlock: Nope.
Mycroft: No?
Sherlock: Icelandic sheep wool. Similar but very distinctive, if you know what you're looking for. I've written a blog on the varying tensile strengths of different natural fibers.
Mrs. Hudson: I'm sure there's a crying need for that.

Mycroft: Sherrinford is more than just a prison or an asylum. Heaven may be a fantasy for the credulous and the afraid, but I can give you a map reference for hell.

Mycroft: We are in Buckingham Palace, at the very heart of the British nation. Sherlock Holmes, put your trousers on!

Mycroft: I have access to the top level of the MI5 archive.
Mary: [already looking at that archive via her phone] Yep, that's where I'm looking.
Mycroft: What do you think of MI5 security?
Mary: I think it would be a good idea.

Mycroft: Sherlock, listen to me...
Sherlock: No, it only encourages you.
Mycroft: I'm not angry with you.
Sherlock: Oh, that's a relief, I was really worried. No... hold on, I really wasn't.
Mycroft: I was there for you before. I'll be there for you again. I'll always be there for you. This was my fault.
Sherlock: It was nothing to do with you.
Mycroft: A week in a prison cell, I should have realised.
Sherlock: Realised what?
Mycroft: That, in your case, solitary confinement is locking you up with your worst enemy.

Sherlock: Dominatrix...
Mycroft: Don't be alarmed. It's to do with sex.
Sherlock: Sex doesn't alarm me.
Mycroft: How would you know?

Mrs. Hudson: It's a disgrace, sending your little brother into danger like that. Family is all we have in the end, Mycroft Holmes.
Mycroft: Oh, shut up, Mrs. Hudson!
Sherlock: [furious] Mycroft!
Dr. John Watson: Hey!
Mycroft: [long pause] Apologies.
Mrs. Hudson: Thank you.
Sherlock: Though do, in fact, shut up.

Mycroft: Doctor Watson, why would he do that to me? That was insane.
Dr. John Watson: Uh, yes. Well someone convinced him that you wouldn't tell the truth unless you were actually wetting yourself.
Mycroft: Someone?
Dr. John Watson: Probably me.

Mycroft: Looks very... fully functioning.
Sherlock: Is that really the best you can do?
Mycroft: Sorry, I've never been very good with them.
Sherlock: Babies?
Mycroft: Humans.

Mycroft: [concerning his therapist's belief that Watson's hand tremor is PTSD] Fire her. She's got it the wrong way around. You're under stress right now, and your hand is perfectly steady. You're not haunted by the war, Dr Watson... You miss it.

Eurus: Countdown starting.
Mycroft: How long?
Eurus: No, no, no. The countdown is for me. Withholding the precise deadline, I'm gonna apply the emotional pressure more evenly where possible. Please give me an explicit verbal indication of your anxiety levels. I can't always read them from your behavior.

Torturer: [speaking in Serbian] You broke in here for a reason. Just tell us why and you can sleep. Remember sleep? Huh?... What?
[the captive whispers in his ear]
Mycroft: [In disguise] Well? What did he say?
Torturer: He said that I used to work in the Navy, where I had an unhappy love affair.
Mycroft: What?
Torturer: That the electricity isn't working in my bathroom... and that my wife is sleeping with our next door neighbor. The coffin maker... and... if I go home now, I'll catch them at it. I knew it! I knew there was something going on!
[Runs out of the interrogation room]

Mum: Are you two smoking?
Mycroft: No!
Sherlock: It was Mycroft!

Sherlock: How's Sarah, John? How was the Lilo?
Mycroft: Sofa, Sherlock. It was the sofa.
Sherlock: [glancing back at John] Oh, yes, of course.
Dr. John Watson: How...? Oh, nevermind.

Mycroft: We're not actually going to discuss this, are we? I'm sorry, Doctor Watson. You are a fine man in many respects. Make your goodbyes and shoot him. Shoot him!
Dr. John Watson: What?
Mycroft: Shoot Doctor Watson. There's no question who has to continue from here. It's us. You and me. Whatever lies ahead requires brain power, Sherlock, not sentiment. Don't prolong his agony. Shoot him.
Dr. John Watson: Do I get a say in this?
Mycroft: Today we are soldiers. Soldiers die for their country. I regret, Doctor Watson, that privilege is now yours.
Dr. John Watson: Shit. He's right. He is, in fact, right.
Mycroft: Make it swift. No need to prolong his agony. Get it over with, and we can get to work. God! I should have expected this. Pathetic. You always were the slow one. The idiot. That's why I've always despised you. You shame us all. You shame the family name. Now, for once for your life, do the right thing. Put this stupid little man out of all our misery. Shoot him.
Sherlock: Stop it.
Mycroft: Look at him. What is he? Nothing more than a distraction, a little scrap of ordinariness for you to impress, to dazzle with your cleverness. You'll find another.
Sherlock: Please, for God's sake, just stop it.
Mycroft: Why?
Sherlock: Because, on balance, even your Lady Bracknell was more convincing. Ignore everything he just said. He's being kind. He's trying to make it easy for me to kill him, which is why this is going to be so much harder.
Mycroft: You said you liked my Lady Bracknell.
Dr. John Watson: Sherlock, don't.
Mycroft: It's not your decision, Doctor Watson. Not in the face, though. Please. I promised my brain to the Royal Society.
Sherlock: Where would you suggest?
Mycroft: Well, I suppose there is a heart somewhere inside me. I don't imagine it's much of a target, but... why don't we try for that?
Dr. John Watson: I won't allow this.
Mycroft: This is my fault. Moriarty.
Sherlock: Moriarty?
Mycroft: Her Christmas treat. Five minutes' conversation with Jim Moriarty five years ago.
Sherlock: What did they discuss?
Mycroft: Five minutes' conversation... unsupervised.
[Sherlock sighs]
Mycroft: Goodbye, brother mine... No flowers... By request.

[discussing Irene Adler]
Sherlock: There's nothing you can do and nothing she will do, as far as I can see.
Mycroft: I can put maximum surveillance on her.
Sherlock: Why bother? You can follow her on Twitter. I believe her user name is "The Whip Hand".

Sherlock: I think... I'll surprise John. He'll be delighted.
Mycroft: You think so?
Sherlock: Hmm, pop into Baker Street, who knows, jump out of a cake.
Mycroft: Baker Street? He isn't there anymore.
[Sherlock turns to face Mycroft with a puzzled look]
Mycroft: Why would he be? It's been two years. He's got on with his life.
Sherlock: What life? I've been away.

Mycroft: [pouring tea] I'll be mother.
Sherlock: And there is a whole childhood in a nutshell.

Mycroft: Well done, Doctor Watson! How useful you are. Do you have a suspicion we're being made to compete?
Dr. John Watson: No, we're not competing. There's a plane in the air that's gonna crash. So what we're doing is actually trying to save a little girl. Today we have to be soldiers, Mycroft. Soldiers. And that means to *hell* with what happens to us.
Mycroft: Your priorities do you credit.
Dr. John Watson: No, my priorities just got a woman killed.

Mycroft: My brother has the brain of a scientist or a philosopher, yet he elects to be a detective. What might we deduce about his heart?
Dr. John Watson: I don't know.
Mycroft: Neither do I. But initially, he wanted to be a pirate.

Sherlock: But you've missed his isolation.
Mycroft: I don't see it.
Sherlock: Plain as day.
Mycroft: Where?
Sherlock: There for all to see.
Mycroft: Tell me.
Sherlock: Plain as the nose...
Mycroft: Tell me!
Sherlock: Well, anybody who wears a hat as stupid as this isn't in the habit of hanging around other people, is he?

Dr. John Watson: There's a place for people like you, the desperate, the terrified, the ones with nowhere else to run.
Mycroft: What place?
Dr. John Watson: 221B Baker Street.

Mycroft: [on Magnussen] I'm just curious, though. It's hardly your usual kind of puzzle. Why do you hate him?
Sherlock: Because he attacks people who are different and preys on their secrets. Why don't you?

Mycroft: All lives end; all hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock.

Dr: He's your brother?
Sherlock: Of course he's my brother.
Dr: So he's not...
Sherlock: Not what?
Dr: I don't know... criminal mastermind?
Sherlock: Close enough.
Mycroft: For goodness sake, I occupy a minor position in the British government.
Sherlock: He *is* the British government when he's not too busy being the British Secret Service or the CIA on a free-lance basis. Good evening, Mycroft. Try not to start a war before I get home. You know what it does for the traffic.

Mycroft: We can't fool them now. We've lost everything. One fragment of one e-mail and months and years of planning, finished.
Sherlock: Your M.O.D. man.
Mycroft: That's all it takes. One lonely, naive man, desperate to show off, and a woman clever enough to make him feel special.
Sherlock: You should screen your defense people more carefully.
Mycroft: I'm not talking about the M.O.D. man, Sherlock, I'm talking about you! A damsel in distress. In the end, are you really so obvious? Because this was textbook. The promise of love, the pain of loss, the joy of redemption. Then give him a puzzle and watch him dance.

Mycroft: If you seem slow to me, Sherlock, can you imagine what real people are like? I'm living in a world of goldfish.
Sherlock: Yes, but I've been away for two years.
Mycroft: So?
Sherlock: Oh, I don't know. I thought, perhaps, you might have found yourself a... goldfish.

Mrs. Hudson: Would you like a cup of tea?
Mycroft: Thank you.
Mrs. Hudson: The kettle's over there.

Mycroft: Bravery is by far the kindest word for stupidity, don't you think? What is your connection to Sherlock Holmes?
Dr: I don't have one. I barely know him. I met him... yesterday.
Mycroft: Mmm, and since yesterday, you've moved in with him and now you're solving crimes together. Might we expect a happy announcement by the end of the week?
Dr: Who are you?
Mycroft: An interested party.
Dr: Interested in Sherlock? Why? I'm guessing you're not friends.
Mycroft: You've met him. How many friends do you imagine he has? I'm the closest thing to a friend that Sherlock Holmes is capable of having.
Dr: And what's that?
Mycroft: An enemy.
Dr: An enemy?
Mycroft: In his mind, certainly. If you were to ask him, he'd probably say an archenemy. He does love to be dramatic.
Dr: Well, thank God you're above all that.

Dr. John Watson: [to Mycroft, regarding his eating habits] Well, now that you mention it, this level of consumption is incredibly injurious to your health, your heart...
Sherlock: No need to worry on that score, Watson.
Dr. John Watson: No?
Sherlock: There's only a large cavity where that organ should reside.
Mycroft: It's a family trait.
Sherlock: Oh, I wasn't being critical.

Mum: Behave, Myke.
Mycroft: Mycroft is the name you gave me if you can possibly struggle your way to the end.

Mycroft: I hope I won't have to threaten you as well.
Dr. John Watson: Well, I think we'd both find that embarrassing.

Mycroft: But remember this, brother mine. Agents like Mary tend not to reach retirement age. They *get* retired, in a pretty permanent sort of way.
Sherlock: Not on my watch.

[discussing the break-in that occurred at the home of a dominatrix]
Sherlock: I take it you stood down the police investigation into the shooting at her house?
Mycroft: How can we do anything while she has the photographs? Our hands are tied!
Sherlock: She'd applaud your choice of words.

Mycroft: This is a private matter.
Sherlock: John stays.
Mycroft: [whispers] This is family.
Sherlock: [loudly] THAT'S WHY HE STAYS!

[first lines]
Mycroft: What you're about to see is classified beyond top secret. Is that quite clear? Don't minute any of this. Once beyond these walls, you must never speak of it. A D-notice has been slapped on the entire incident. Only those within this room, code-names Antarctica, Langdale, Porlock and Love, will ever know the whole truth. As far as everyone else is concerned, going to the Prime Minister and way beyond, Charles Augustus...
[to Sherlock]
Mycroft: Are you tweeting?

Sherlock: Smoking indoors. Isn't there one of those... one of those law things?
Mycroft: We're in a morgue. There's only so much damage you can do.

Mycroft: I met her once.
Sherlock: Thatcher?
Mycroft: Rather arrogant, I thought.
Sherlock: *You* thought that?
Mycroft: [laughs] I know.

Sherlock: There you are, brother. I hope the contents make up for any inconvenience I may have caused you tonight.
Mycroft: I'm certain they will.
Sherlock: If feeling kind, lock her up, otherwise let her go. I doubt she'll survive long without her protection.
Irene: Are you expecting me to beg?
Sherlock: Yes.
Irene: Please. You're right, I won't even last six months.
Sherlock: I'm sorry about dinner.

Mycroft: We have solid information, an attack is coming.
Sherlock: Solid information, a secret terrorist organization is planning an attack. That's what secret terrorist organizations do, isn't it? It's their version of golf.
Mycroft: An agent gave his life to tell us that.
Sherlock: Oh, well, perhaps he shouldn't have done. He was obviously just trying to show off.

Mycroft: Why are we doing this? We never do this.
Mum: We are here because Sherlock is home from hospital, and we are all very happy.
Mycroft: Am I happy, too? I haven't checked.

Sherlock: Look at them. They all care so much. Do you ever wonder if there's something wrong with us?
Mycroft: All lives end... all hearts are broken... Caring is not an advantage... Sherlock.
Sherlock: [smoking one of Irene's cigarettes] This is low tar.
Mycroft: Well, you barely knew her.