The Best Neil Maskell Quotes

Churchill: You speak beautifully in the House.
Thomas: Thank you.
Churchill: And believe not a word of what you are saying.
Thomas: Conviction introduces emotion, which is the enemy of oratory.
Churchill: You read Greek literature.
Thomas: I have trouble sleeping. Is there a reason for your visit, Mr. Churchill?
Churchill: You are forming an alliance with a fascist. So, I made some inquiries amongst the worst people in Whitehall, and I found out that you are not forming an alliance with him at all. You are spying on him.
Thomas: Yes.
Churchill: Why?
Thomas: The honest answer is... I'm no longer sure.
Churchill: Do you dig your own garden, Mr. Shelby?
Thomas: I have a gardener. In fact, I have three gardeners. Three generations of men with no ambition, who are happier than I will ever be.
Churchill: Well, if you ask them, they will tell you that there are certain species of weed. No matter how much you tug at them, poison them, they continue to grow back. In the end, the only solution is to plough up the topsoil, create a field of mud, and blow up and burn the exposed taproots. That's what you and I did in France. But when I hear that man Mosley speak, I see the green shoots of another war growing up around his feet. And you see exactly the same thing I do. That's why you oppose him. Yeah. Your mystery, solved. What is your strategy?
Thomas: I won't burden you with it.
Churchill: You're going to break the law.
Thomas: [sighs] I need to sleep.
Churchill: You said you don't sleep.
Thomas: I said I have trouble sleeping.
Churchill: As do I... as do I. Mr. Shelby, I have no doubts that there was once a time in Flanders, when you were under the ground and I was above it, both working to the same end. We are in the same exact situation here in Westminster. Do what you have to do, Mr. Shelby. And if you need anything, call me.
Thomas: There are some times, some nights... when I don't see the point of carrying on with any of it.
Churchill: Hmm. That old dance routine. I put out a cigar, and an hour later, I want another. Sometimes the bridge between hours is as fragile as that. But use it anyway. A tent, then a boat, then a house, now a mansion. It's something, isn't it?
Thomas: Yeah. It is something.

Churchill: By the way, was it you who killed that Ulsterman intelligence officer? I forget his name.
Thomas: Major Campbell.
Churchill: Yes. Campbell.
Thomas: No. It was me aunt.
Churchill: I really must come up to Birmingham someday and spend an evening with your family. They sound interesting.
Thomas: Yes. We'd like that.

DS: I'm an analog man in a digital world.

Churchill: You prefer Irish to Scotch?
Thomas: Yes, Mr. Churchill.
Churchill: Irish over Scotch. Cigarettes over Havana cigars. And your mother was probably born in a tent.
Thomas: Grandmother in a tent. Me mother on a narrowboat.
Churchill: And always happy to give smart answers to men born better than you.
Thomas: A man needs to prove he is better than me, rather than show me his birth certificate. See, I don't have one, so they mean very little to me.

Jay: Difficult for a man to know where he stands these
Gal: You should've had a crack at the Mick, mate. A tour of duty in Belfast would've done you the world of good.
Fiona: I never understood the whole Irish thing. Cos, I mean, it's all the same religion, so...
Gal: Not really, love.
Fiona: They're all Christian.
Shel: That's true.
Gal: It's debatable
Jay: What do I get? Fucking Iraq!
Shel: Iraq's over. What about now, eh?
Jay: Yeah? I've finished.
[Turn his plate upside down over the table]
Jay: [Drags the tablecloth off the table causing the dinner to fall onto the floor] Abracadabra!

Arby: Don't put the gas away yet.

[repeated line]
Arby: Where is Jessica Hyde?

Jay: They are bad people. They should suffer.

Jay: You're giving me indigestion.
Justin: Oh, sorry.
Jay: Apology accepted.
Justin: Sometimes God's love can be hard to swallow.
Jay: Not as hard as a dinner plate.
Justin: God loves you.
Jay: Does he? Well, tell God from me if you're the kind of people he hangs about with, stay out of my way. No more guitar, mate. Not in restaurants. There is a time and a place. And your time and place is in a very isolated location, where no-one is likely to be for about a fucking hundred years. Ok? Because Jimmy Hendrix you ain't.
Gal: Very sorry about my friend, please accept my most humble apologies. And if you are speaking to the big man, put a word in for us, will you? Get them all a drink, love. Double orange juices all around.

Jay: It's a cat, it can't take the piss.